Is My Nine Month Old Daughter "The Devils Child"

hi, 1st i'd like to say, JOIN THE CLUB! from everything i've been told (and experienced w/ my now 1 1/2 yr old girl) terrible two's is just a rounded off number that RARELY happens at 2!!! it either starts around 1, or 3 (depending on the development of the child). my daughter (just like yours) started around the time she could crawl, and start to walk while holding on! it is USUALLY just a faze. yes, there are children that never get out of it, but if you do things right, then you don't have to worry. we tried the "do nice" or "no, you'll hurt yourself, or someone else" and all that did was start more screaming and hitting (tantrums!). sometimes it resulted in her having bloody lips (we'd put her in the crib in fear she would crack her head open on the hard floor or furniture she would slam into) and she would jump up and down and smash her face onto the crib railing. so we padded the railing, and no more bloody lips.
to be honest, we just ignore her now (at least i do!). if i ignore her, and sometimes walk away from her, the fit usually lasts only 1-3 min and she's fine. if not, after a couple minutes, i pick her up, and bring her over to her toys and distract her with something else (usually the fit starts with the BAD WORD NO!) but if she's doing something she should be punished for, she gets put in time-out (unfortunately at this young age, she doesn't really understand, so i have to HOLD HER and talk to her about why it's wrong to do what she's being punished for). the time-out doesn't work all that well....but sometimes it does, and once she's older, it will be better.
as far as the diaper changing goes, once she started fighting that, i got rid of the table (just too dangerous w/ a kid like that). i now either change her on my bed, or on the floor, and when she fights, i actually have to put my legs over her arms to pin her down (i checked with the dr 1st just so it would be noted JUST INCASE she got hurt from it)...a friend of mine told me she did that w/ her son, or the diaper just COULDN'T be changed! while i did that, i just told her sternly, if you didn't fight me, it would be done so much quicker, and there wouldn't be a problem. if i talk to her while i change her, and talk it out step by step...ok, just a little wipe, to clean, clean clean your butt, now a little cream to soften, ok, diaper time, etc....that keeps her calmer...oh and GIVE HER SOMETHING! if you give her a toy, or a bottle, or SOMETHING while you change her, it makes it so much easier (unfortunately, i didn't think of that until after MONTHS of fighting diaper changes!) try that 1st before getting rid of the changing table.
now that my daughter is 1 1/2 (and i've had plenty of time to try out all the different disciplines) i started trying to prevent the tantrums. if she picks up something she shouldn't have i tell her immediately, "if you put that in your mouth, i WILL take it away!". everytime she puts it near her mouth, i repeat that. and IF she puts it in her mouth, surprisingly she doesn't have a fit when i take it away, all i say is "ok, i'm taking it, i warned you, and you did it anyway!" and she just walks away and does something else, SOMETIMES she just drops it after hearing me warn her a couple of times, and i put it out of her reach, or away. sometimes if i have something i know will distract her from what she has, i just say "can mommy have that? it's not for you, here, take this" and she doesn't care, just takes what i give her, and drops (or lets me take) what she originally had. but you HAVE TO HAVE something there to hand her...if not, wait until you have something to give her immediately.
you also have to try and get down on their level. try to sit on the floor with her, or put her on your lap...and try your hardest to get her to look in you in the face while you try to explain why she can't have what she has, why she can't hit, or throw a fit, or whatever the problem may be at that moment. i've also tried to start giving her her own personal "me-time". this seems to work really well. i have a tv sitting ontop of her radio (we have to play lullabies while she sleeps, or she STILL wakes up through the night). and when she gives those signs that she's most likely going to start a tantrum, i just ask her if she wants to watch some cartoons. i keep adding to the collection, but i try to have mostly educational tapes for her to watch. but she still loves her carebears! and i've noticed that after a couple of months of starting this, she will go into her room, stand on tippy-toes and reach for the tapes and want to lay in the crib and watch a lil tv when she starts getting in one of those moods that lead to the tantrum. i know that it's horrible to have the tv be the "babysitter" BUT when it only takes 20 min of tv to calm her down, sometimes that's all you can do. at least i try to make it as educational as possible. and she does learn from it, and it shows. and with all these things i've had to do (and what you have to do changes all the time as they do!) all these things have changed her into a very sweet little girl. she hugs and kisses, and wants to just cuddle, BUT there are still some tantrums (mostly the throwing herself on the floor, kicking her feet and crying...but no more hurting us!).
so GOOD LUCK! i hope that some of this extremely long (sorry for that) suggestion helps some.

find a disciplinary action. use it, stick to it, no matter what. I'm a big fan of 911 Nanny (haha) and that's typically what they do for "wild child's" so to speak. Try a timeout spot, or whatever method you prefer and discipline her with it every time she has these violent out bursts. As long as you're consistent with it, she will get the hint that she can not get away with this and should eventually stop. It will definetly take some patience though. So good luck!

T.,

She is not the Devil's child! She's just strong willed. She's got preferences and opinions, and she's not afraid to express them. Since she can't do it verbally, she gets frustrated and acts out physically. It is a stage. It will pass. She will stop doing this stuff the very minute she comes up with something else to drive you nuts!

Distraction and redirection are your best tools at this age. A toy on the changing stand is a great idea. A special song you sing while you change diapers is another way to hold her attention while you do the necessary deed.

As far as hitting andall, tell her No! We don't hit. Give her as little reaction as possible. Try to stay away from yelling or saying ouch if she really hurts you, because she's looking for a reaction. Don't give her one. Just tell her no, and direct her into another activity. A key phrase for the next couple of months is "never let them see you sweat". Stay as calm as you can through misbehavior, because you don't want to encourage it as an attention seeking technique.

It gets better. I promise.

Jess

Kids go through lots of stages. At young ages they usually act out when they don't have the vocabulary to communicate their feelings through words and become frustrated. Just keep trying to positively re-enforce good behavior.

A couple of suggestions. Save a toy that she really likes for when you are changing her. Give it to her to occupy her. If she sits up take it from her and explain to her that she can only play with her toy while she is laying down and being a good girl. If she lays back down return the toy to her. If you lay her back down and she attempts to stay there return the toy to her. Eventually she will understand.

With regards to the hitting when asked to do nice when she is in a bad mood, I suggest trying to show a different form of affection at those times. Maybe do snuggles, this way you can hold her for a hug and gently contain her arms while still showing her that you love and miss her.

Best of luck!!

I found that a lot of the "acting up" at that age was about the child's need to communicate. These smart little ones have lots to "say" about what they see around them, yet lack the ability to speak well for MANY more months. Pick up a copy of Baby Signs and take a look. You are a working Mama... maybe she is sad, angry, afraid... all things you can teach her how to "say" with signs. My kids became much more calm when they were able to communicate with me. LOTS of the behaviors associated with the "terrible two's" are about baby's frustration about not being able to communicate... granted, your baby is only 9 months, but this is the perfect time to be using signs with her! Good luck!

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Hi T., Well I responded to a few people today & was just about to sign off (I'm so busy) but I had to respond to you. You are lucky to be so young (24) & blessed to be a new Mom but I can only imagine how difficult it is, especially working full time. There is allot of on-line help these days so you're lucky! When we (I'm 50 this month) were raised it was "hit or miss" .. no "Dr. Phils" advice available! There is allot of info on "what to expect" thru each stage of a childs life. Spend a little time "googling".

FIRST questions that came to my mind were: "Is your boyfriend her Dad"? "How does your daughter respond to OR around him"? "How does HE interact w/her"? "How do YOU interact w/each other AROUND/in front of her"? Key questions to ask yourself. For example: Say he's "only fooling" & wrestles you (lovingly) onto the floor in front of your little girl? she's not old enough to understand you're "only fooling". Remember she's STILL learning HOW to behave.. & guess where she's learning it from? Her surroundings. TV,you!

If you guys "argue".. "yell" she can pick up on that & when SHE doesn't want to do something.. she's reacting via "learned behavior".

If she exhibits behavior at 9mos that happens mostly @ age 2 -- & you said she's "been" advanced since birth, maybe that's it!

After I read your "little about me" I thought: Children do "learn what they live".
"Who is watching your little girl when you work"?

When behavior "changes" we have to first look around us. Children "mimick" their surroundings. That's why when they're older and start to speak, we're told to be careful what we say around them. She's almost a Year Old.. that's old enough to understand her surroundings...but not old enough to TALK about it .. & so she's showing you (maybe) thru the best way she can communicate at this stage.. actions. Pls take a look at that. Why is she angry?

Also IF "pushing her down" didn't work-- try something else until THAT works. Since she is "advanced" .. try talking to her.. or withholding things I've seen results. The WORST thing I've EVER seen parents do? It ruins not just the child, but the Child-Parent relationship on SO many levels; for YEARS .. and its so easy to avoid! What is it? NOT keeping your word! They (pros) strongly suggest you avoid saying things you don't mean. If you're angry.. take a deep breath ..wait.. no matter WHAT you say .. chances are kids aren't going to like the punishment. Avoid, for ex, saying "THATS IT..NOW we're going home"! When you know you're NOT going home! I can't believe how many parents do this. Constantly. My sister one APRIL day we're on the phone, she yelled to her son riding his bike "THATS IT now come in & NO bike for the WHOLE summer". I said "WHAT it's only the Spring". She got angry w/me.. don't question her parenting & all that. But not a week later.. he was out riding his bike again..of course! 'They' (pro's)say chances are if you simply say something you can KEEP for ex: "THATS IT, now get off the bike for 10minutes"... a punishment you CAN keep.. it will have allot more affect.

I have to tell you that while I'm sure your Grandmas a sweetheart, I don't agree w/that kind of humor (My Mom was like that) some things are just not joking material, especially from the very people the child LOOKS to for approval, especially NOT the word "devil".. if your little girl hears it .. that will absoultely have an affect; What is expected of me? (they expect me to be devilish) she doesn't UNDERSTAND yet joking from not.. like WE do. If she could speak. .she'd say "Mommy am I the devils child"? And you'd get my point!

The bottom line.. most of the time.. thru all the stages.. children "test" us.. test authority.. The bigger they get... the bigger the test! Before they walk, they touch things (we say "noo don't touch..") When they can walk, they're teens? they test by coming in late, etc. Therefore I strongly believe if we set rules & guidelines EARLY & stick to them.. the child will learn to RESPECT you & the older they get -- your life will be easier. T., our children are NOT perfect little angels we dream of having.. they're human (like us) & make mistakes like us. Little mistakes when they're little.. bigger when they're bigger. Be thankful she has such a strong will.. growing up today she'll need it & will go further then if she were shy. Whatever you decide.. do something now or when she's in daycare they'll be sending her home casue she "can't behave .. hitting the other children". Also if you're walking in the door wondering what to expect.. kids are very perceptive.. she can 'sense'... & that could play a role in her behavior toward you. Be as stern as she is .. & let her know who's in charge! (don't ever hit) She'll respect you going forward. Many times they're simply looking for ATTENTION.. don't OVER-react when she hits.. maybe she's enjoying that CONTROL, remember they "test" us -- a sort of.. dog in a "pack" mentality.. they test each other for the lead spot.

The best advice I can offer & pray you follow .. is don't expect to have your daughter as your friend! It's a looong road & one day .. yes you will be "close" LIKE friends.. but not until she's an adult (adults don't have kids as friends right?) She needs a parent more then a friend.. & you need to ALWAYS play the role you were blessed with.. being a Mom. The more she DOESN'T like you growing up??? The better job you're doing!

If you raise her to respect & listen to you? You'll have that "friendLIKE" relationship. Good luck. Let me now how it goes.. I'm routing for you. You can do it! Take care.

LOL, welcome to motherhood. She is not the devil's child. just a baby. yes, every child/baby (i have 2 kids)goes through stages and most are at different ages. She's testing her assertiveness. even tho she's only 9 months you have to let her know that her behavior is unacceptable. tell her with a mild but stern tone of voice. if she dosen't stop, put her in her crib and let her scream it out but make sure you explain why you are leaving her there. you'll go through a lot of changes over the next 20 years(lmao). there may even be times when she says she hates you. you must be her mother before you can be her best friend. that comes with time, wisdom and respect. good luck.

Hi, I can COMPLETELY understand where you are coming from. My daugher is 10 months today, and about 2 moths ago she started letting her "colors" show. It began with biting, hitting in the face and pulling hair, it evolved to tantrums while getting dressed or undressed and during diaper changes. I think she realizes she can have some say in what goes on, and she is trying to let you know that whatever is happening is not what she wants at that moment. It is an act of strong will, not devil's child..lol I was the same kind of child, from an early age my Mother told me I was trying to direct the activities and let my Mom know what we were doing and when. You are the Mom, you make the rules, stay firm, and don't react, it is slowly passin with my daughter, I notice the less attention I pay the better.. Case in point, she had started the arching of the back thing when she got mad,w hile screaming, everytime she did this I put her on the floor and walked away, she doesn't do it now.. Well not so often.. It will pass, be proud you will have a take charge kinda lady! Good luck.

Hi T.. Knowing you all are joking about your daughter being (The Devil's Child)be careful! Words has power believe it or not. Because she is so advance for her age, she could probably be absorbing negative stuff.Who takes care of her when you are at work? Does she watch TV? What kind of atmosphere she's in on a daily basis?. Yes some kids go through the hitting and yelling and especially the biting stages,but it is also good to help them at an early age to be more calm,like play (kid's CD's)ect.. My daughter grew up dancing to music I play mostly Children's Gospel.We sing and dance a lot and the atmosphere seems to be more calm and peaceful. I think because of this having an impact on her life she is such a loving child she loves to hug and kiss. Try making a few changes if you can and maybe the results may shock you. Wishing you the best G..