Is Their a Problem or Is This Typical Behavior

See if the school district will evaluate him. It sounds like he may have some challenges. His daddy loves him, but tune daddy into the fact that if son does have issues, helping to fix them will make sons life easier. If he's fine and just quirky, at least you'll know. The gross motor skill and toe walking issues are not normal. You may want to ask the pediatrician about this as well.

i always have to giggle a little when people throw 'consistency' into a large bag of tricks that they've tried.
:)
it's awesome that you are so devoted to this little fellow, and can see both his good traits and his more challenging ones.
i suspect his difficulties in trying to get attention are a direct result of parenting that is NOT consistent. however consistent you try to be, it's not going to have much effect when his mom and dad are on different pages.
that doesn't mean that your efforts are in vain. kids are not stupid, and he will learn over time that YOU can be relied upon to give him known and familiar boundaries. so give him that small gift at least.
being strong-willed, and not articulating all sounds correctly, don't strike me as a big deal. but i do think that at his age, the eating situation and toe-walking are big enough red flags to require further evaluation.
what does his pediatrician say?
khairete
S.

The toe walking is a HUGE red flag. Toe walking past the third birthday strongly correlates to developmental issues. I have read various theories on the relationship between neurological problems. One is that there are physical similarities between parts of the structure of the nerves of the brain and the structure of the nerves of the ankle/foot and whatever physical deficiencies there are in the brain (damage or weakness of the myelin sheath, etc.) also physically affect the foot/ankle, causing those tendons to be tight, etc. Another is that children with developmental/neurological problems physically feel things more intensely than neurotypical children and the toe walking is a way of lessening their contact with the ground, which can be unpleasant.

In any case, I have yet to meet a child who toe walks past the third birthday who doesn't have some kind of problem (two with Asperger's that was diagnosed at age 4 or 5 and one with mild Cerebral Palsy, which was already a known issue). I would get this boy to a developmental pediatrician ASAP. It is highly likely that the toe walking is a sign of something else and that once you know what that "something else" is, you'll all be better equipped to help him adapt.

Just an FYI - toe walking is not always a developmental red flag. I was a toe walker as a child because of a physical issue - my achilles tendon was (still is) too short. At your son's age, it didn't cause me too much trouble, but as I grew, it became painful. Nowadays this is addressed surgically (usually around 10 years old, before the growth spurt that comes with adolescence), but when I was a child (I'm 45) it was addressed through physical therapy. It took close to two years to get my heels to consistently touch the ground when I walked, and to this day, if my heels are flat on the floor, I can barely bend my knees. I still do daily stretching exercises to keep my calf muscles and tissues stretched out.

So do pay attention to the toe-walking, but do not assume that you know what it means. A physician can evaluate the child and tell you more.

The child needs help, that's for sure. But I think it's mostly because of his home life. Without the parents being on the same page and learning how to better parent him, I don't know how much success you can have in getting him help.

You could try talking to social services, but I don't know if it would do any good.

So sorry.
Dawn

Sounds like an emotional delay due to family separation and is probably something that will fix it'self in time on its own. 5 yr olds are kinda goofy but peer pressure in kindergarten usually gets then on track with a little time.

This sounds typical of a kid who has to bounce between two homes, especially if one is dysfunctional. Are there step-siblings? That could magnify any problems he has with "another" mom. Make sure he has the opportunity to talk to a professional and can open up about any anger he has about the whole situation in a neutral and safe place.

It may be a reflection on the different parenting styles. I would encourage you and your DH to get on the same page and be consistent. My daughter will cry when something doesn't go her way, but she wont' do it for an hour. I think that if no other parent expects him to be different, then you have a tough road on your own. I would talk to DH and explain that he needs to help his son with these behaviors or he's setting up his child for a long road. If you and DH worry about his speech, the district probably has a program (ours is called Child Find) to evaluate him. That might be a good start, and they also asked me about behaviors at home. My DD cannot do blends, but she isn't behind. Her speech is not as clear as some 4s but it is still within norms. Some letters aren't even expected til they are 6 or 8. His dad can also bring it up to the pediatrician.

You might also look into books like How to Speak so Your Child Will Listen and 123 Magic and Love and Logic. See if those give you tips. But the biggest thing, IMO, is that Dad needs to clue in about his son's behavior.

Tantrums sound pretty normal but walking on his toes could be a physical problem with the muscles, tendons and ligaments in his legs. He should be evaluated because even if he doesn't have issues he can develop them from walking on his toes all the time, He should also be reevaluated for the speech issues. If he needs physical, speech or any other help the sooner he gets it the better he will be and he can get any and all the services through your local school system.

I suggest that what you're seeing could be the result of him having parents that do not get along and have different parenting strategies. If you don't have him the majority of the time you won't be able to make much progress in teaching him better ways of interacting. Using hands to feed himself could just indicate he isn't required consistently in both homes to use utensils. Being awkward with utensils could just mean he's naturally awkward or that he hasn't yet mastered that skill. He could be acting this way because it's one thing he can control.

I do wonder if you've used any one form of discipline for an extended period of time. For example what works best for screaming and tantruming is to completely ignore it. I also suggest that you could try preventing the extreme reaction by giving him choices and redirecting his attention.

I suggest that you try just accepting him as he is for several months. Stop looking for problems. Give him positive attention. Perhaps stop trying to change the way he eats. He may be acting this way because he needs to show that he has some power too. If you don't engage with the way he acts in matters that aren't important, such as the way he eats, then he'll be more apt to relax and be less willful.

Sounds like he could use an evaluation by a professional such as a pediatrian or developemental psychologist just to be on the safe side. Your DH is right, he is a perfect child. It's just that he might need a little help. School evaluations aren't the as good as they were when I was young, because they don't really have an actual school psychologist anymore. Now the children just get evaluated for certain programs and nothing more. The things you mention aren't bad idividually, but may be a red flag together. For example: My DS didn't eat with silverware either, but there was nothing else that was backwards. He was pretty advanced with everything else. He eat with chopsticks though. Just chalked it up to my DS is just like me...different. Your DS is different too, but might need a little more help. You mention that he growls, (Reminds me of the movie about Helen Keller and Anne Sulivan.) yells, walks on his toes, and throw tantrums. It could be signaling either an adjustment problem to having to live at mom's house then dad's house as if there are no roots. or it could signal being deaf in one ear or partially deaf.