Is This a Bad Idea for a Toddler Who Wont Eat Meals?

I had one that was a snacker, I locked the fridge and pantry and allowed only two snacks a day plus meals. They put me through a week of living hell but I never had a problem with meals after that.

At 2yrs old, she should be sitting to eat meals.... and its not 'if she allows it', its you say it she does it. No food unless she's sitting down at the table. Do not allow her to wander around the house with food or with a cup. Ifshe wants a drink, she has to sit down. IF she wants a snack, she has to sit down.

Yes, she should be eating a breakfast, lunch, and dinner at the table, and snacks in between, but right now she's grazing. She's 2yrs old, she's big enough to sit and eat her meals. She's not going to eat huge portions, she's still a small child, but sitting and eating and if she gets up, then the meal is done, remove the food, the meal is over.

She will get it pretty fast, but be firm. If its close to a meal time, no snacks. She's not going to die if you don't let her snack all day, make the rules and get her going on it. lay it down now or she's going to continue making her own rules and expecting you to follow them!

Of course she's not eating meals, you are letting her graze all day. I know when kids are going through a growth spurt they will eat anything that's not nailed down, painted or moving but.... it needs to stop. She needs to learn to eat 3 meals a day and maybe a snack in between. But the snacks should be healthy snacks such as fruit, carrot sticks, yorgert. Things like chicken strips are part of a meal only. She will probably pitch a fit the first couple of days but soon will realize that Mommy knows best and Mommy said NO.

If they eat all day, it becomes an activity and not a series of meals/snacks. I think kids this age need to eat more frequently than 3 meals a day, but if they can never sit at a table, you create habits that are impossible to break. I would serve meals and snacks at the table if you can, other than popsicles outside on a hot day and that sort of thing, and offer water any time. Filling up with milk can be a problem although it's better for them than juice. You sould like you are offering healthy options which is great. At this age, they can go more than an hour without eating - it just becomes a bad habit and something to do in moments of boredom. She needs to eat a meal, feel satisfied (not necessarily full), and move on to other things. You can set a timer at home, and when it goes of, it's snack time or lunch time. Try to keep to the type of structure she has in daycare. Friends of mine do that on the days at home - arts & crafts time, book time, nap time, snack time, and so on. If your daughter is hungry at meal time, she will eat more. She doesn't need to eat again 30 minutes later. And you don't need to be a short-order cook.

First, it sounds like she wants company.

Here's a schedule of what goes on around our house:

morning/waking: breakfast
10ish: morning snack: fruit and a protein, one or two crackers
11:00-12ish Lunch:simple sandwich, piece of fruit, veggie offered
2-3ish afternoon snack: same as morning
5ish: dinner

I'll briefly explain my philosophy: I have worked with kids for a long time, and this is a daycare-type schedule for toddlers and younger children, even through high school. They NEED snack breaks. I also used this for my preschool group (they were a.m., but still). These time windows are somewhat flexible, and I feed the kids earlier if needed, later if necessary and they are less hungry.

My advice would be to ask your daughter's provider to give you a schedule of their mealtimes and follow it as much as you can.

Here are some other things to do:

Have a designated snack/meal time ritual. She MUST wash her hands and sit down. You can have her get a napkin from a basket and lay it out at the table for her 'place'. Sit down with her, converse with her, eat with her. You are modeling the whole "I'm stopping what I'm doing to sit and eat" for her, and this way, you are offering support. Keep the environment quiet; that is, no tv or radio or computers. You are focused on her.

In regard to milk, I personally offer water first (just a 1/4 cup or so) and then some milk AFTER she's had some solid food. Milk is not FOOD--some people feel it's important, but it just fills her up. I would only offer milk at those times and offer water the rest of the time.

Kids at this age need small snacks, one that can fit into a small bowl. My method is to serve the small bowl at snacktime and then remind them that this is the snack, the meal is later. If they are hungry beyond that, carrot sticks or some other easy veggies are fine (my son loves frozen peas or celery sticks). The point of this is not to let them load up on heavier foods near a mealtime. The snack is merely to tide them over to their larger meal that's coming up soon.

You can also read her a story at snacktime when you are done eating, find an interesting book to look at together, explore a map or leaf through a travel magazine. National Geographic is fun-- just be sure to paperclip together pages which might be troubling (war, anything bleeding...use discretion). You can make a game of setting the timer for five minutes and sitting at the table for that long. There are also placemats with lots of little 'educational' pictures. We just picked up one which had dinosaurs for my son, who now uses it a lot. You can bring a couple of alphabet blocks to the table and just talk about the letters, numbers and shapes/pictures on them.

I love the vision of your husband coming home and seeing a bunch of little faces at the table, by the way. Cute.:)

My son is the same way with milk. He would drink 2 gallons a day if I let him!! So we have had to really limit it to meals as well. He gets water if he's thirsty at other times. I also don't pour his meal milk until he has eaten atleast several bites of his food, so his stomach doesn't fill up with milk first! Also, I would pour just a tad less milk than usual....half a sippy cup instead of 3/4 full, so he's happy getting milk, but doesn't realize he's not getting quite as much.

I have truly learned with both of my kids that they WILL eat and they WILL eat healthy foods if they are hungry enough....don't starve them, but definitely don't ever be like, "Oh you don't like carrots? Okay, well here's this or that instead." My kids eat what is on their plates because they know it's that or nothing!!

It's a good idea to limit milk to mealtimes for lots of reasons and this is as good as any!

Bigger concern here is that I think you are "over modifying" and "over thinking" the rest of the eating schedule. If she'll eat regular meals on a regular schedule at daycare, she's capable of doing it in your home as well- she just doesn't want to/need to.

If you allow her to snack throughout the day (which they don't do at daycare), she may not be hungry at meal time. I would suggest having a more structured schedule at home. I know that if I let my 3 yr old have a snack too close to a meal time, he isn't hungry for the meal. Unlike adults, kids won't eat if they aren't hungry!

Hazel's suggestions are great! Get a copy of the provider's schedule and try to follow it at home too... including (to the extent possible) the nap routines, hand washing and activities! Children are comforted by routine and predictability, so see what you can carry-over into your home!

You need to take control back of meal time at your house. She should at that age be eating 3 meals a day with 2 small snacks in between (possible third at bedtime) but keep in mind a meal doesn't have to equal big huge deal. breakfast can be yogurt and toast and fruit. lunch can be cheese cubes, rolled up slices of lunch meat, pjb and fruit etc. but stop the running around with food now before it becomes a huge issue. if she is hungry she will eat. if you don't let her grab and run with food all day she will be hungry at meal times. turn the tv's off and make meal time a daily part of the day. let her help put the spoons on teh table and her glass etc. milk should be in her cup at meal times, juice at snacks and water all in between. good luck

Your daughter eats like my son does @ 18 months (a pain, isn't it?!)

Now that my older kids are on summer vacation, I've cracked down on an eating schedule. He is given the same foods to eat as his sisters (HUGE victory today, he ate part of a PB&J!!) and right now, having just started, it's a crazy struggle... but I'm determined to have my son on a 'normal' eating schedule instead of being at his belly's beck and call!!

As long as she's eating and gaining the appropriate amount of weight, she's fine... but if you'd like to regain a little normalcy and sanity, maybe try what I'm doing ;)

She's filling up on too much milk, plain and simple. Serve milk with her meals only. Then NO snacks in between. I'll bet she starts eating at mealtimes. :)

If she's thirsty she needs to drink. Kids get tired of milk after a while and want something else all the time. I let the kids have pretty much whatever they want. I don't keep junk food around, we can't afford it. They can drink milk, chocolate milk, 100% juice (it counts as a serving of fruit by the way), or water. I have a 6 pk. of 20oz. bottles of Dr. Pepper that I usually buy once a month or two.

If she is grazing then she may just be hungry all the time. It could be a growth spurt that is about to show itself.

Having a pleasant meal time is important to me. At my home we sit while eating, I have had 1 too many kids choke on food while up running around. It only happened once and that was enough. We don't force the issue, if they are hungry they eat, if not the don't have to eat.

Forcing the issue and making a battle out of food only gives food power.

My almost 2 yr old is obsessed with milk too. We've had to restrict it to meals only because she'd rather drink milk than eat. Once we started limiting her milk intake (I think I read that they really only need about 2 cups a day at this point), she did much better with meals.

Also, how much are you expecting her to eat at each "meal"? I find that my daughter will normally eat a fair amount for 2 meals, and depending on her snack, she may or may not eat as much for her 3rd meal. I hear that this is pretty common.

Good luck!

If I am understanding you right, you are talking about having her "snack" on foods that you normally serve at meal times (chicken and fruit). What is she snacking on right now? I am notorious in my family for giving my kids peas and carrots for snacks :) I rarely serve crackers or the like even for "snacks". So I think your plan sounds good. Preschoolers can have a hard time settling in and focusing on eating. I have alternated between eliminating snacks completely (I still do this before dinner, NO food or drink besides water for 2 hrs before dinner) and leaving food out so they can graze all day, just depends on what kind of day I have planned or what stage a kid is in. I do limit calorie heavy drinks like milk and juice to meal times, so they aren't filling up by sipping on something all day, so only serving milk with food at set times of the day sounds good too. I also don't hesitate to say no to a "Can I have something to eat?" request if it is within an hour of a meal or snack or appears to be motivated by an "I'm bored" attitude. My kids are the opposite though, if there is someone/thing to distract them then they can't sit still long enough to eat! By and large my kids eat very well (good variety and quantity) and are capable of sitting down with others at the table, but that doesn't mean we don't have days where we graze all day or eat in front of the tv!

OMG. Of all the answers I cannot believe no one has told you your daughter has a huge milk allergy. The fact she will not sit still for a meal is likely due to the fact she is having a behavioral reaction to the milk. Please try to understand that we crave what we are most fragile towards. Alcholics crave alcohol, etc.

I would suggest you get your daughter to someone who can determine what your child needs. Below are a couple of websites. In the meantime, put her on a digestive enzyme.

www.aaem.com
http://www.drellencutler.com/
www.hriptc.org

You can try whatever you think is best. The milk can be filling her up to where she really doesn't want to eat. I was told by my son's pedi that once milk hits the stomach it turns into a solid. In the next breath...my daughter...she was very much like your daughter. She grazed all day long...never eating a real meal. When one was presented to her...she'd eat a couple of bites and be done. She's 13 now, and she pretty much eats the same way these days. The doctor isn't concerned as she is where she should be on the growth chart. Would she let you make her a smoothie so you could get more fruits into her? You could use a bit of milk, yogurt and a fruit and even a tad bit of ice cream if she thinks ice cream is all that. The milk and yogurt are filled with protein....so I wouldn't worry too much about her not eating a lot of protein at this point. When my son was her age...he refused to drink milk...would only drink orange juice....yup 24/7...wouldn't touch anything else. Now the only way he drinks milk (he's 27 now) is if it's flavored with chocolate or strawberry. And, I have to tell you...if my son didn't see eggs in front of him when he was small and into his teen years...he refused to eat breakfast. For many years..age 2.5 to about 6yrs. if he didn't have a tuna sandwich in front of him for lunch...he wouldn't eat. Kids are funny...they really are!

This happened to my girl as well at this age, she's very slight and if it were up to her she'd live on fruit, yogurt, and liquids (so unlike me, haha!). We were very regimented with her liquids because they were filling her up and she was not eating. The schedule we did was similar to what you did, here's how we played it out:
-breakfast served with water
-after breakfast milk
-late morning snack with water or 50/50 juice with water
-lunch with water
-milk after lunch
-afternoon snack (fruit or cheese/crackers) with water or juice/water
-dinner with water
-milk after dinner

Our daughter used to love milk, now at 3.25 she is a big juice fan (big warning from pedi about only 2 juices a day - so beware), we still do 50/50. We have kept her on whole milk because of her weight, even past age 3. We also used to give her smoothies as a snack if she refused other things, which were all fruit/juice, but she fell out of favor with those after a while. If you end up with the whole neighborhood, a blender of smoothies would go a long way!

good luck!

You have to find what works best for your daughter.
When my daughter was about 2 she did the same thing. She would have preferred to drink all her meals. So we limited milk to after she finished her meal. Except for breakfast because she would never eat. Even now she's 4 she still has her carnation instant breakfast for breakfast every morning but eats all other meals well.