Is This a Chemical Imbalance or My Own Doing?

Good morning, P.. My name is Melissa. In response to your question, I don't think it's a chemical imbalance your experiencing. You shouldn't try to take everything on your shoulders!! You didn't get pregnant by yourself!!! Let your husband take on some of the responsibilities. When your daughter becomes clingy, take that time to lay in the bed with her or just sit with her in a quiet, relaxing enviroment. Close your eyes and hum a lullabye to your daughter, and you will find that it doesn't just calm your little girl, but you will also notice that your anxiety and stress level will be gone!!!!! It only takes 15 to 20 minutes.

Could be hormones....I would also suggest checking your thryoid levels. I had symptoms similar to what you're describing, but knew it wasn't depression because I still loved doing the things I do, but just didn't have the energy, was really irritable, hair falling out, etc. I have no proof but I believe I developed this from pregnancy and the symptoms we so pervasive, it went a couple of years before diagnosis.

Good luck to you!

I would say you're not chemically imbalanced... you have a toddler, are pregnant and in school. My god, don't be so hard on yourself. I always feel better when I relax and just take a minutes to assess my moods. Take a nap or a bath, have sex, eat some chocolate, yell at your husband :).

P.,

I'm going to respond to this as someone who hasn't struggled with depression in my life. So, I absolutely do not know exactly how you are feeling. BUT, I am a Mom. And I have two children. One is 2 1/2 and the other is almost 6 months.

When I was pregnant with my second son, my first became a Mama's Boy. I don't know if he was stressed about the new baby, could sense my stresses or just a phase he was going through. Regardless, even though he wanted "Mama" all the time, I just couldn't be there all the time. I was put on bed rest for some heavy bleeding and I couldn't lift my toddler. He had to depend on Daddy for some comfort. There wasn't another option. I feel that's the same in your case. I think your daughter needs to be able to be comforted by both parents. And, I would start encouraging this now as it will be harder once the baby is born. I think it would be more drastic for her to all of a sudden "lose" her Mom (in her little eyes) to a new baby. If you ease her into it, she will be used to bed time with Dad, baths by Dad or whatever. Does that make sense?

Ok, the stress of #2...oh boy. I wanted a second baby so much in my heart, but in my head I was hesitant...daycare, diapers, taking time away from my older son, another colicky baby (my first was). In all honesty, we decided to try and after a month, I didn't get pregnant. I figured, "That's for the best. We don't need another." Well, I was pregnant the second month. I was shocked. I think I may have even cried. I KNOW I stayed up at night thinking, "How are we going to do this?!" Before having my first son, I suffered two miscarriages. I started to bleed heavily with my second son and I thought FOR SURE I was miscarrying. I was sad, but a part of me was ok with it. I figured it wasn't meant to be and blah blah blah. We'll, when I went to the dr and heard his heartbeat loud and strong, I knew I wanted to do whatever I could to have this baby.

I did, and he's 6 months now. Sure, it's harder with two. Yea, it's more expensive and I'm tired. I work full time so I have that added on my shoulders. But, it is absolutely awesome to have two little guys. To watch them interact and play and laugh at each other. I look at my boys and I can't imagine it any other way. The things I stressed about SO much are nothing. Our family adapted and we couldn't be happier. There were sacrifices, as there are when you decide to become a Mom/Dad. But not as much as a shock as having #1 was! (Like another poster mentioned/)

As for school, take a year off. Seriously. Enjoy being pregnant and being a new Mom (again). Enjoy the moments when your new baby will smile at his/her older sister and enjoy all the hugs and kisses your older one will give the new baby. School can wait...these moments don't.

Good luck. I truly wish you the best. :)

T.

First thing is to mention that you have a tremendous amount on your plate and I would recommend that you drop the classes if possible. Those old comercials of the lady telling you she can bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan (in other words...she can work and come home and take care of that too) was the worst message ever given to women. There isn't a man alive that could do it and neither can we without suffering unnecessarily. We tend to be better multi-taskers, better at handling stress and so on, but PLEASE there are limits for everyone.

Your child is doing what most one year olds do. Mine got more clingy for several reasons...she sensed another baby was coming, she was at the age where they get a little separation anxiety...and it isn't uncommon for them to only want mommy. We have a strong bond with them. Thank God my hubby didn't get offended and just kept trying. They love their papi but I'm still the queen when they are feeling a little insecure or sick.

You have a bunch going on and you need to consider cutting back...not increasing meds.

I once knew a very nice young lady that went through some hard times and she went on meds for a short time. Well when the doctor seemed to think she had had enough counseling he took her off the meds. Problem is she didn't like the way she felt without them. She had become so desensitized to the feelings of stress, sadness, and every day ups and downs that she couldn't stand those normal everyday feelings anymore. That's the problem with depression meds...they don't teach you to cope...they mask the signals and feelings of depression and thus when you go off them you are even more affected by the feelings of depression than you were before. This friend of mine couldn't handle the smallest amount of stress let alone some of the stresses that come into our lives when say we have a baby.

I think you may benefit more from scaling back on your schedule...spend some down time just taking it easy with your one year old (you will destress and she will have some good bonding time with mom), take time to get things ready for the new baby at a leisurely pace...get some counseling to learn to deal with depression (I know it's real I had it so bad with my first that I thought I was a terrible mommy..she cried all the time...and I would have visions of shooting myself...thank God my husband was laid off and home at the time....but it did ease up and I learned to cope better and better with each week...you haven't learned because you've been medicated and not treating the problem..just the symptoms), and maybe even get someone in to help you organize to de-stress as well...sometimes our disorganized lives causes great amounts of unnecessary stress.

At any rate what you are feeling is real. It is not uncommon. It is normal to feel the weight of the world when you have piled it on yourself. Life hands us enough to deal with...without our own actions piling on more.

Good luck!

You have a lot on your plate right now. Counseling would help and most importantly do you need to be taking classes right now? It sounds like you need a break. I too suffered Post partum and ended up on meds, found a support group, and therapy. I also left my job almost 2 years ago to recover. Not saying you should give up your masters but until you feel better and the baby is born...I think you need to concentrate on you. The stress of a new baby and adjusting again will be alot. My daughter is 2 and my son is 4.5 months so I can speak from experience.

Hi P.,
I really feel for you. I'm also a full-time student, a mom, and pregnant. I know the stress that comes with all of that. Having to deal with depression on top of that, well, that doesn't make it exactly easier on you. I think it's great that you'll contact your dr to see if you can change your prescription. I think your feelings are correct in that your depressive symptoms have become a little worse. You can probably manage with a higher dosage of your meds, or you can consider talk therapy. It's been proven that talk therapy is equally effective in dealing with mild to moderate depression as (upping your) meds. Plus, it will teach you strategies to cope for years to come and is less harmful to the baby. I know it's probably hard for you to schedule yet another hour/week but think of it as an investment in your self and just one hour a week where you can work on your self and feeling better. The benefits will far outweigh the time and $ it costs.
Good luck and hang in there!
M.

P.,
My heart goes out to you. It sounds like you have a lot of good advice here already, but one thing (two actually) that I'd like to throw out to you that I don't already see here...
How about some deep breathing/meditation for you... I am not trying to minimize your situation, but there are alternative ways to deal with depression and getting quiet and centering yourself will be good for you and the baby as well as for your other child and your husband.

The other thing is how about Daddy reading to your daughter. Find some books that she shows interest in and then dad can sit down and look at them with her. He might have to intice her by pretending to look at them with out her. When she see's him with her books, she'll want to join in. Also start talking to her about the sibling in your tummy.
It will help her to prepare.
I wish you and your family the best.
L.

My sister-in-law was on a lower dose of her anti-depressants during her pregnancy, and had to up the dose during the pregnancy for similar reasons. The doctor wasn't at all concerned about upping the dosage.

But, even so, you can be stressed out. Take time to take care of yourself - even if it means letting your toddler have a fit for not being the center of your attention. Take a hot bath or go to a coffee shop for a treat. Get your nails done, etc. Whatever you do that lets you relax. In a couple months it will be a lot harder!!

Personally, prayer always helps me put things in perspective. God is so much bigger than us and has everything under control. He knows our struggles, and everything will work out to fit His ultimate plan. No worrying or stressing that I do will change that! I am not in control, so I don't bother trying to be. I pray God will guide me to make the right decisions, and to not be stressed about things I can't control. Then I do my part by trying to maintain my life the way I know I need to without getting stressed if something doesn't get done.

I hope that helps!

Having dealt with postpartum depression and anxiety myself, it sounds like you know what you need to do. Good for you for knowing that you need to contact your doctor. Once you get some help you'll feel better. Perhaps there's an anti-anxiety medication that you can safely take while pregnant.

Good luck, it sounds like you have an awful lot going on.

Some may not like my response to this but take it easy and put something on hold for a little while like school. First is your mental health to be able to take care of yourself and your babies. You have alot on your plate right now. Where is it said that woman have to do it all. Women's lib really kicked us in the butt if you think about it. We would like to think we are supermoms and maybe some really are but when its going to be at the expense of yourself and your kids then that is where you have to draw the line. I think this is both like your question asked. The chemical imbalance but you are contributing to it knowing you also have that. Take the time and enjoy your kids because they grow so fast. You won't be able to really do that the way you are feeling now.

Hi P..
I would suggest getting your thyroid levels tested. A lot of times being depressed, anxious, and over stressed can be due to your thyroids not producing enough Seratonin. I have been through a similar situation and that was my problem. Sometimes if you get on Thyroid medication to regulate your levels, you will feel much better and not have to worry about uping your doses on your anti-depressant.

Bottom line is, you can't change your immediate situation. If you are feeling like this due to the stress of your lifestyle, the only way to really fix that is to go live on an island somewhere for a month. Or, you could just up your meds and get yourself through this as best you can. I was in a very similar situation after my son was born, and I can't imagine trying to do everything that you're doing right now without a little chemical help. Cut yourself some slack and up your dosage. Depression is nothing to mess with. Good luck, and I hope you can breathe a little easier soon.

Hi P. -
It sounds like you have a lot going on and I wanted to offer my support. I am actually a mental health therapist and I have an office in Naperville. Not that therapy is necessarily going to be the answer for you, but I wanted to just throw it out there that I would be happy to talk more with you about it if you think it might help. I've worked with other mamasource moms in the past and I just wanted to reach out to you with an option. I hate to hear about other moms like myself, struggling through stuff on their own.
Take care and feel free to contact me directly if you want to chat about possibly comin in.

I truly feel for you. Like all the other moms, we understand, because we have gone through a version of what you're talking about. It sounds as if you're a high achiever with high standards for yourself. You push yourself more than anyone. Someone else wrote, 'don't be so hard on yourself'. I suggest that you separate yourself from your family on a regular basis. Either your husband takes your little one out, regularly, or you go out. Pack your books, a sandwich and a favorite magazine. Go to a comfortable place to read and study. Treat yourself with 20 minutes of magazine and hot tea time during your study session. Be sure your husband pitches in with dinner ready when you return. He takes your daughter out while you take a bubble bath. I think you get it!! It's not all on you and never should be now or after the baby. Afterall, you're the pregnant one in school full time !! Isn't that enough to worry about. Good luck to you and take your doctor's advice. If he says more meds, consider that. Don't suggest it to him. Let him prescribe and recommend.

You have a known chemical imbalance, so I would definitely not try to take on responsibility for how you're feeling. If you do that, you're going to make yourself feel worse, when it's not your fault.

Being pregnant is hard, and you have the responsibility of that little toddler too. That's so hard. My first was 15months old when I had my second child. The entire pregnancy was extremely difficult. My first was full of energy and constantly exploring and keeping me at full alert and on my feet, and then she woke up atleast a few times a night back then. I was utterly exhausted and just wanted to take naps and get full nights of sleep! If there's someone who could come over for a few hours, or maybe take your daughter for a day or two a week for you, it would make an tremendous difference.

Also, are you sure you don't want to just sit out on this semester at school? It's still early enough that you could get a full refund on your books and tuition maybe. I just think that you've taken on too much. If you've struggled with depression to begin with, and then you add the stresses of being a mother of a toddler, and then add to that the stresses and tiredness of being pregnant, you already have a full plate, and that's not even mentioning those classes you're taking. It's hard when you're in school to take time off because everyone has in their head when they're going to be done, but trust me, once you're out of school, the whole college experience seems like a quick blink of time. It just doesn't matter once you're done. So, take care of yourself first and of course your daughter and husband, and leave school for when you have time to devote to it, time that doesn't add so much to your stress level.

I would also advise looking into your diet. Food allergies/sensitivies can also contribute to feelings of depression, etc. I'm not saying it's the JUST the food...but if you have issues with depression, it can be one more place to look.

The most common food allergens are wheat (gluten), pasteurized milk, and soy.

Along with exploring modification with meds, I would really suggest you get tested for food sensitivies/allergies.

Hope you feel better soon! And, it's ok to take a break and while I know that your little one "refuses" to be consoled by your husband...you have to take time for yourself. Even if it means that your husband, mom, or dad (or a trusted friend) has to deal with the crying for a bit. I found that what worked for me is for my husband to take our kids somewhere, as opposed to them seeing me leave. If THEY leave first, they're fine. If they see ME leave...it's a whole other story. If you have an appointment for some pampering time (or just going out by yourself, whatever), have your husband (or whoever is watching your child) leave before you (even if only to go for a walk) and you'll probably notice the crying is much shorter in duration.

Good luck!!

You could definitely have some chemical imbalance going on (that is pretty typical with pregnancy I think) but you also are under a lot of stress. The way you are feeling sound pretty normal to me. If there is anything, even if it is small, that you can eliminate from your schedule that should help a little. I am 8 1/2 months pregnant and have a 2 year old. Like your little one, my daughter became extra clingy and just wanted mommy almost as soon as I found out I was pregnant. I had aweful morning sickness and just couldn't do everything for her. I really needed my husband to help and asked if he could take over putting her to bed. She loves her daddy but she would scream and didn't want him. I decided for my physical and mental health that she was just going to have to get over it and after a few days she did. I know your daughter is younger and maybe harder to reason with but if you are tired/stressed out try to get out or take a nap and let your husband deal with a little crying if need be. In the end that will be better for all of you.

P.-

I feel for you ...I am in almost the exact same situation except my 2nd is due in 2 months and I am not in school...although I was last semester. I work full time and I have depression/anxiety issues as well and I was moved down gradually from a decent does of meds to a small one.

I think it is very natural to be very anxious at this time in your pregnancy...I mean, your life is getting ready to change dramatically. I have been giving myself high blood pressure worrying about everything....working too hard when I am home trying to get everything ready and nesting like mad. But, when I found out my blood pressure is getting high and I am swelling like crazy, I am having to force myself to lay low and rest when I can. As many people have told me, all I need is a bed, some diapers and a few clean outfits ready to go, but when you are the Mom it feels like so much more needs to be done. I think you just have to come to a point where you realize that the anxiety and stress are hurting you and your baby (this is the key for me) and that it is in their best interest to try to relax. I know it is worst on those days when you get 3-4 hours of sleep, very little of it continuous and I try to remember to take myself with a grain of salt on those days.

I wish you the best and sorry you have to go through this. See if you can recruit your husband to do some of the things you need done. I know this is easier said than done, but sometimes it works for me ;-).

I agree too with a previous poster....Is there some way you can not take classes this semester or at the least drop a couple of your classes? Being in school and being THIS pregnant is def going to up your stress dramatically!

I am not an expert but personally I would never up the meds - your issue is truly stress from what I'm hearing. Drop the classes, get some help at home, ask friends, talk to a therapist or close friend, but do NOT increase the meds. They go straight to the baby. They are not proven to do damage but why risk it?! You can always continue your schooling later and just take it easy a bit. Going from one to two is stressful for most moms since we realize what a major change it is but don't worry, its really not. Just different. I have a 6 week old and I felt the same way you do now and it is actually not bad at all. You're already in mommy mode so its not that shock we go through with the 1st. In a lot of ways its actually a lot easier. More of a juggle but its definitely more smooth and the labor is definitely easier for almost all 2nd births. So atleast know that that will be easier for you. Hang in there and just know we've all been through your shoes (if we have more than 1!) and we make it through it alive - congrats and you're gonna love it!