There is a girl that is a friend of my family (her brother and my husband were best friends growing up) and she is on my facebook. Last week, sadly, her grandma died. She posted that they had lost her grandma and that she was sad and would miss her terribly.
Then twice she posted: Anyone who wants to send cards, flowers, or food can send them to...and then she put her name, full address and phone number.
I am so sorry her grandma died, and I know that she will miss her. It's awful to lose someone you love. BUT, do you feel it's acceptable to solicit cards, food, and flowers on your facebook? And what about her dad? Isn't it more appropriate to put his info up there, since that was his mom?
My mom was one of those kind of people that was grateful when people sent stuff when my dad died, but she wouldn't have offered that information if it wasn't asked for, and would have killed me if I did. She was super old fashioned and maybe times have changed. I certainly don't begrudge my friend the symbols of support and love she received.
It's the oddest darn thing Michelle R. I don't use it like a bar, either.
I do believe times have changed, and making a quick post will take care of a lot of phone calls asking for the information. It is probably just much easier, since life become incredibly hectic when a loved one passes away.
She probably has people asking. Social media has changed the rules and the way people interact. It is very likely she has gotten a lot of questions on where to send items, so she just made it public. It can be rough dealing with funeral plans AND directing information one by one over the phone. Births, weddings and deaths are all announced on fb now. That information is likely public on the obituary anyways, she as just making it more accessible. Also, her grandma just died, if it were mine, I wouldn't be too terribly emotional over it, though I would be very sad. But some people would be very shaken up and perhaps not thinking clearly. I would just not give it another thought and send a card to the address provided.
Maybe she had 50,000 people asking for her address....you never know.
GIve her the benefit of the doubt, please. She may know (and you don't) that her dad is too upset and overwhelmed with funeral details to handle answering the door repeatedly to flower delivery drivers and folks with casseroles. He may even have asked her to be the "point person" for contact with those who are friendly but not the closest family and friends. I don't think she was necessarily "soliciting" these things, as you put it -- she didn't say "Please send me these," she said instead, "if you want to, here's how to do it" -- right? People do inevitably, and kindly, want to send these kinds of things,and she is saving her dad and/or grandpa (if he's alive) having to handle questions at this time. I don't see how it's any different from an announcement in, say, a church's Sunday bulletin saying "Jane Smith died on June X, please send condolences or flowers to...." Nobody would call that soliciting. Just informing.
It depends. You don't know everyone on her FB. The majority of mine are close friends and family. So if they were all asking I might send out a message letting them know. Of course I would probably say non of it is necessary though. I do have a few on there that I am not THAT close to, but just to make it easier on me during such a hard time I wouldn't care, lol. Whatever gets that message out there so I don't have to think about it, or keep repeating it.
She also might be the one handling the stuff for the person closest to grandma.
she might have been getting people asking for that info and found it easier just do it in one post for everyone to see instead of replying to it over and over again.
It's very likely that many people were asking her for the information and she decided that instead of answering people indivually she'd answer all at once. I don't think that's any different than what is written in obituaries. Often it will say somethign like " flowers are to be sent to ______________" or " inleu of flowers please make donations to the american heart association" or what have you
Do you know that she was soliciting? Maybe people DID ask where they could send stuff. Maybe she felt more comfortable sharing HER info and not her father's, since , presumably, she knows these people and her father does not. Maybe she didn't want to stress her father out with having to hear from and sort through stuff from a bunch of people, since he just lost his mother. Maybe her friends list consists of ONLY people she actually knows.
You should ask her about this. "Hey, did you have a lot of people asking where they could send stuff?" "Hey, are you comfortable putting your information out there like that?" There's a chance that she may be so grief-stricken and tending to her father that she's not thinking clearly.
What's her age? I think it would be awkward to do that but sometimes kids don't think of how that looks at the time. Sorry this happened. Let it go..it's her FB page...Just offer your condolenses.
Maybe she was put in charge of things like that. Maybe there were people on the FB friends list she didn't have addresses to but wanted to make sure anyone who knew the family would know about the arrangements or plans. Maybe she just wanted to make sure all the points were covered in the easiest way possible. While it's a bit impersonal, I might've done it a bit differently, a bit more private like posting a message that if anyone wanted the information they could send a private message but sometimes ppl just don't think quite straight or in the traditional sense when distraught.
Maybe she had multiple request as to where to send, deliver those items and she just posted.
Would I? No...not with my personal information on there even though I am PICKY about who is on my friends list!
Maybe a lot of people were asking and it was getting laborious to constantly give out the same information over and over? That is the only thing I can think of that would make sense. I have never heard of soliciting these things so that is all I can think of that would make sense, otherwise, it is tacky, though I am very sorry for her loss.
I don't think it's inapproprite that she posted where to send cards and so forth but she should know to never post personal information on Facebook. She should have instead posted the name and phone number of the funeral home.
Since we have friends all over the usa and even the world often times, it's kinder to give people an option of sending something than to just sort of expect everyone will show up. I don't think it's wrong to give one address so people will know.
oooh man - nope...wouldn't solicit help or stuff like that on FB...that's something you do PRIVATELY should one ask "I'm sorry for your loss - can I do anything?"
people can do funky things when they are in the process of grieving...
I think what she did on FB was on the tacky side. However, giving her the benefit of the doubt that her state of mind ma not have been at its best.
I think if someone wanted to send a card, etc, they should have private messaged her.
#1, it appears that she is soliciting cards, food, $, etc. Maybe that is not the intent but it is how it is perceived.
#2 I would never post my personal address, phone, etc on FB or any other site.
I agree that it doesn't sound socially appropriate, but you don't know why she posted it. Maybe one of her friends, or several of her friends asked and those posts didn't show up on your page. I would let it go.
I don't know. I certainly wouldn't post my info for the whole facebook world (even if it was my choosing of friends) to see. But, I can't really say it would disturb me if someone else chose to do so. I'm sure there are people asking what they can do. I'm sure her dad is busy making preparations for his mom then to worry how others can contact them.
My boss's mother passed away on 9/15. You would faint if you knew how many people called wanting to know where to send cards, flowers, gifts, charitable donations, and wanting to know the address of the funeral home.
The woman had been very well known in the community and the phones started within hours of her passing, well before the obituary was published.
I was so aware that it was a good thing my boss had a business and employees to field all of the literally hundreds of phone calls.
She has two siblings, but they stayed drunk through the entire process and were no help to her.
It's possible your friend has been asked to handle this end of things.
I'm not going to judge your friend for being "tacky".
I would just be afraid to post such personal information on facebook.
Then again, I don't trust facebook in the first place.
Just my opinion.
Posting personal information on FB!!! NO NO NO!
Not rude, I'm sure she was asked to do it. She's probably helping her dad out.
My grandpa is dying right now....I would not post any such thing on fb...
Perhaps a lot of people were asking and she was tired of repeating the info. That said, she's nuts for putting her personal info on FB!!!!!! Even if you have your account "locked down" to just friends and family, it can be hacked oh so easily. You have no idea! My husband works in IT and won't even let me put pics of our kids up b/c it's so easy to hack! You might want to subtly suggest she remove her personal info.
really odd since she put her info but mayb she has tons of family on there and shes arranging the funeral?
I would not say it is inappropriate. Times HAVE changed. I highly doubt she was asking for anything, more putting the info out there for those that wanted to send something.
My best friend did the same as your friend when her dad died. An old school mate of mine died recently in a motorcycle accident and his wife posted to his page where the funeral was going to be.
Not everyone uses Facebook like a bar (ie to find someonebody to hook-up) I only have people I actually know on my page.
ETA: LOL that was not meant to sound the way it may have. It was meant as a comment on that it just seems to me that most people think social networking sites are used only for hookin up or are something harmful about them in themselves.
