Its Been 20 Days Since I Had My Son and Im Still Cryin

you need to see a doctor. He can tell you yes this is normal or no it is post partum depression. If you lost a family member and that all happened at the same time as the baby then why on earth would it not be some depression? Go see the doctor. I went through that with my 3rd son. Thought I had lost my mind. couldn't sleep, didn't want to eat, hubby didn't understand. the doctor gave me a sleeping pill (very short term) to catch up on some much needed sleep. and an anxiety med. I felt a hundred percent better within a week. the sleep alone was worth the visit to the doctor.

Sweetie, whoever told you that postpartum blues only last for 12 days? Do you remember Brooke Shields? Look her up! She went through this for a year at least. She finally went to the doctor for medication and talked about it with us regular folks. (Tom Cruise badmouthed her because he doesn't agree with meds and got everyone upset with him. He finally apologized - the guy doesn't know his head from a hole in the ground.)

You say you don't think you need to go to the doctor. But what do you think you DO need? You know, you have lots of hormones inside your body going 60 miles an hour. It takes A LONG TIME to get back to normal. Your uterus doesn't even go back to how it was before the pregnancy for at least 6 weeks. Hormones take SO much longer.

Please call the ob/gyn's office on Monday morning and tell them that you think you have postpartum depression and that you need help. Then tell the doctor everything. Ask for help. You need it. Your baby needs it. Your husband needs it. It isn't helping anyone to just suffer through this. This is the time you need to be enjoying your little one and getting over the trauma of pregnancy and birth. It is so much easier to do that if you don't have postpartum depression.

Hugs~ go to the doc this week!!!

Dawn

Irritability and wanting to cry all the time, especially when you know both are irrational, are signs of depression. Take it from someone who has dealt with clinical depression since I was a child, it doesn't always take the form of sadness. You need to go talk to your doctor, tell them everything, like Dawn said, and try a whole-life approach. In other words, make sure you are getting out of the house every day***, that you are eating right, that the stresses in your life are minimized during this time. Take meds for a while if you need them to get through this phase.

Don't worry about your husband, he's doing what he can to help, he just doesn't know what else to do. Do you need more time to yourself? Tell him you need to get out more when he is home, and have him take care of the baby without calling you a million times to ask questions about it***. Go to the doctor and ask THEM how your husband can help more. Better yet, bring him to the appointment and have to doc tell him. Men like to do "concrete" things to help, they aren't always good for a shoulder to cry on, they need to actually DO something and SOLVE the problem. Your husband is confused because this isn't something he can solve.

That all said, you are also still grieving the loss of your father. Read about the five stages of grief by E. Kubler-Ross, and understand that you have to go through all of the stages before you see the other side of it.

Much love to you. You are not crazy, you are depressed. It's ok to ask for help.

***eta
I gave you bad advice in encouraging you to get out more. Kinda slipped past me that you were only 20 days PP. So, instead of getting out of the house, GO REST without the baby, give him to your husband and tell HIM to take the baby out for a bit. Then when you are feeling stronger, get out for regular walks. But for now, you need rest. All the old ladies told me, when I had my first, that I shouldn't even leave the house for 40 days. They had a point. You have a long and winding road ahead of you raising this child. Rest now, you're gonna need it! Really! It's gonna be OK! :)

Well, your husband is doing his best. He's buying things to say, "I love you, you and the baby are special to me, I care very much, and I wish there were a way to help you not to cry." Appreciate him for the intention. Men like to get a problem solved and done with (feeling of accomplishment!), and continuing problems are often a puzzle to them.

But you have a lot on your plate. This is the time to get some help. I don't know if a book can tell you what you need to know. Go back to your doctor and talk about this. Your situation isn't unique (and you aren't unbalanced). Tell him/her about your dad's death, too. Feelings can be ornery critters; they have a way of popping up at the wrong times, and then they need to be managed. You're facing them, which is good; you just need some help with the management part right now.

Baby blues go away in 12 days??? who wrote that!! some man who never had a wife??? Your body was not your own for 9 months, it cannot bounce back in 12 days. Get a lot of rest, tell your hubby you need his time, his attention and his taking care of baby while you go buy your self a new outfit or get your hair done. And yes, see your doctor.
The day I checked out of the hospital five days after having daughter, it took a little longer than we thought it would, I called my son's preschool to tell them I'd be late picking him up, I cried hysterically and they had to figure out what was wrong and what I was trying to say. I'm sure they thought there was more wrong than me being 15 minutes late to pick him up! But in the end they understood, because they were women! Meanwhile my husband stood there and never understood why I wanted him to make the phone call. I dont think men can fully understand something they never go thru. Your hormones are out of whack, and will need more time before you can call it depression or temp ppd.

Well, we know your hubby's love language is gifts! You'll know how to keep him happy, one day, when you're feeling better.

I think you're probably right that dealing with your dad's death may be a factor. Your hormones are still stabilizing and take some time. Don't worry too much about putting a name to what is happening. Sometimes us girls just need a good cry. I had a cry day earlier this week and feel better for it. Is this your first baby? I think it takes a lot of women a long time to adjust to being a mom. I had so many different feelings. I loved it but was scared and overwhelmed by the responsibility I would have the rest of my life. Life finally started coming together right around when the baby was 6 weeks old. Hang in there.

Are you having other thoughts of like hurting yourself or baby? If you are, then you definitely need to go talk to the doctor ASAP. If you're not, try finding a girlfriend to talk to and cry to. Sometimes us girls just wanna be heard! As for your hubby, help show him exactly what you need. Make it clear that while the gifts are nice, what you really need is ________. Men often need things very spelled out for them, especially when they panic when they see a crying woman. They'll respond better if you can take a moment when you're not crying to talk to him about how to help you through this transition. Best of luck dear!

Please talk to your doctor. And don't let him/her write it off as "just baby blues." If it turns out not to be PPD, you'll have peace of mind. If it is PPD, you'll get the care you need.

There is no reason not to seek a doctor's help and advice. You've been through two major, major life changes in a short span of time, and you aren't getting the support you need and deserve from your partner. That can throw anyone into an emotional tailspin.

Best of luck.

Please go to a doctor. My lovely mother was depressed for 12 years before she even knew that there was help out there for her and it made all the difference. You say this isn't normal for you, so please go consult a doctor. You don't have to live or feel this way. Make sure you bring up the fact that your father died recently.

Go to the doctor for 2 things. So she can document this and help guide you through this.

Now that you have your beautiful healthy baby, your body is exhausted, your mind is overwhelmed and your heart is torn in 2 parts. One part ion love with this amazing baby and the other heartbroken that your father is gone and not here to share your joy.

ANYONE would be overwhelmed, but a woman who has just given birth has a body full of hormones, and the reaction you are l have is crying..

Get the help you need, this at this point is beyond your control and NORMAL.

If your depression is linked to something other than your baby - such as the death of your dad, then the "rules" for baby blues do not apply. Please see your doctor. You may need to work out your feelings about losing your dad with your close family or a support group, rather than your husband.

I usually don't read responses first but I did this time... I totally agree with Dawn. You probably have postpartum depression - call your doctor and describe how you're feeling. You'll probably be put on a mild anti-depressant for a little while to get you thru this. There is absolutely no shame in going on medication!!!! I went thru this with my second baby - I felt like I was going crazy!!! Thinking this should have been the happiest time in my life when in fact this could have also been a very dangerous time had I not gotten some help!!! You may not feel like doing anything crazy but you just don't know!! It takes your body a long time to get back to normal....CALL YOUR DOCTOR!!!

Good luck!!!

If you are finally allowing yourself to grieve the loss of your father this really has nothing to do with having a baby. Instead of looking at this as baby blues look into grieving the loss of a loved one. I know when I put off dealing with feelings they hit me in a more extreme way but allowing myself to feel it, deal with it, allows me to work through it.

I guess I am saying stop trying to hold back and figure it out and just feel it and move on. The longer you try to control it the longer it is going to hang on.

One thing that may help is humor. We called the hormone-based moods "horror-mones"... or "horror-moans" as the case may be! So, I could often laugh at myself and situations, chalking them up to "horror-mones."

Also, I have read that much of post-partum depression in some people may actually be due to being nutritionally depleted. I have read research showing that the best cure is prevention... by really loading up nutritionally before and after birth. That may be why women taking the multi-nutrient supplement EMPowerPlus have a greater likelihood of not having postpartum depression, and why the same may hold true for women who now take capsules of their own dessicated afterbirth... replenishing much needed nutrients.

You have been under tremendous stress. Handling stress requires lots of nutrients for energy, not to mention all those brain neurochemicals!

And then, of course, is sleep and rest. So many women are so exhausted by evening and yet there is still more to do. There is dinner to get on the table, sometimes other kids... a husband wanting attention... discussions about bills, jobs, the day... and a baby needing to nurse. Any way to get some TLC? To be able to have a week of kicking back in the evenings and being catered to? Ask for help from family, friends or your religious congregation? All too often, we are too proud to ask for help - we THINK we SHOULD be able to do everything ourselves... and we end up shooting ourselves in the foot, so to speak.

It could be a hormonal imbalance or just a normal grief reaction. Another thing that sometimes happens is your thyroid can get out of whack. There is no way to know without a medical evaluation. The important thing is for you to feel better. Also sleep deprivation can aggravate it.

I've been there and my tears didn't start until about the 2nd or 3rd week. I felt nuts ... had this beautiful baby, a good husband .. I chalked it up to hormones going nuts and would just cry when needed, wipe my tears and rest as much as possible. I was so much better after a few more weeks. Try not to get too stressed over the need to cry. We lost our dad a few years ago and I still miss him. Hope you feel better with the notes of encouragement.

I took Drenamin from Standard Process for this. It's a supplement that supports the adrenals and it made a HUGE difference with my kids and my emotions. My adrenals were in the dumper about 3 days after I had my first baby. Felt like I was slipping into depression, but it was more just a bummed/crying place - not real depression. No thoughts of hurting myself or my kid, just my hormones shifting and my body not going with the flow. LOL Within 12 hours of taking this, I was me again. No side effects, non-addictive and I could decrease or increase it as needed AND it's cheap. I took 10 of them in the am I was so bad. They are not a drug, so you can't pack 1000mg of something into one pill.

Good luck. After 4 kids, I get it. ;)

What's wrong with crying?
It's a common response to being overwhelmed and tired.
And it's only been 3 weeks.
When we had our son, I cried a lot too.
I missed being the pregnant princess.
I was a first time Mom, the baby just cried and cried and cried and I was wondering what the heck I'd done with my life.
I didn't feel like I was doing anything right.
I swear it felt like I didn't sleep for about 8 weeks.
And then things just clicked.
The baby was sleeping better, gaining weight - looking like the little angel he was.
My hormones finally settled down and my stitches and hemorrhoids had healed up.
I didn't need sitz bathes anymore.
I was getting more rest and felt more confident about handling him and mothering him.

I think the best way to make the crying go away is to not fight it.
Let it wash over you, and then feel clean when the storm is over.
Our parents die, our children are born - it's the cycle of life - it has many stages, many reasons to celebrate and to mourn.
PPD is still a possibility, so talk about all these feelings you are having with your doctor at your checkups.
You are going to be fine.
Hang in there!

I think you have been dealt a double whammy. You are suffering the loss of your Dad and u just had a baby. I think I cried for a month after my fourth child. Was not depressed just weepy. I stopped. Remember your hormones are in flunc now. Obviously if it gets worse, talk to your doctor. Cut yourself some slack. You have experienced many changes in your life. Hugs to you.