Just Need Some Advice.

Hi V.,

As a mother of an ADHD son I can tell you that most doctors will not diagnose it until the child is at least 8 years old. Your doctor should first send you to a child psycologist who will run a battery of written and oral tests to make sure there is no other underlying cause. Your child will also probably have some blood tests and hearing/vision tests also (in other words a complete physical)to rule out anything else. If it comes back that the diagonosis is ADAD they will start him on a low dose of something like Adderall or Concerta. These drugs help with the symptoms...good luck

Not an expert, but I think the previous response was right on, I think that they are acting out. I think the 6.5 yr old is trying to keep up with the 9 yr old (and will follow his example of "bad attitude"). I'm glad that your ex is spending time with them but you should discuss with him your concerns and let him know that you'd like him to spend more time with them and help out as a disciplinarian as well. Make your boys accountable to not only you, but him as well. The book suggestions below are AWESOME choices.

As far as the ADHD, I think it is really over-diagnosed. That being said, there are kids with the problem, so it is something that your pediatrician can test for. How have they been at school? Are they acting out in other ways?

Take a deep breath...and research all you can on ADHD to see if you think your 6.5 yr old fits the bill. ALSO, the 9 yr old's attitude needs to get in check before it gets out of hand.

I wish I had a "real" answer for you, but don't. Hope whatever I said helps.

Definately not an expert myself but I do have a son who has ADHD. He is now 6 and in 1st grade. He has always been a very high strung boy and some of his caregivers had difficult times dealing with him in his younger years. Most of that was attitude we thought or aggressiveness. Things like in Pre-K he was the best at helping to clean up (he did a perfect job) however, if you had another child helping him and that child was not doing it just so it drove my boy in sane. At that time I looked and looked for help. I mean I watched everything, read everything and finally was referred to a place called Family Outreach that held classes to help deal with strong children you might say. I was thrilled at first. When the classes started I soon realized most people there were ordered by CPS. They were not happy to be there which made my husband and I very uncomfortable but it didn't take long for me to get over that when people started warming up. I then realized some Grandparents were there because they just took custody of Grandkids for some reason, also some were foster parents and required to take classes. No matter the reason we all needed it. This helped for a while along with moving him to a daycare that had a better trained staff. His aggressiveness was a little easier to deal with so we never followed the advice of people to have him tested. Then in Kinder he started falling behind because he could not concentrate on any of his work. If you could hold his attention he would show you that he knew all the things that they worked on but he just couldn't show it on paper. At this point the teacher, counselor and myself all filled out a checklist to see how many of the ADHD characteristics we each noticed in him which was like 9 out of 10 for all of us. Well I had no insurance and still was against giving him meds so we waited. Soon they tested him to go to the gifted and talented school. Guess what he passed. We all decided to wait and see how he did the next year (maybe he's just bored). Nope, not bored, very smart in deed but still couldn't focus. Finally with insurance I visited with his pediatrician and started him on meds. We tried one with several different doses and now have started a different one. Let me tell you I hope this one stays as good as it is now because he is really showing how smart he is as well as how caring he is. Everyone else is able to see what I have always seen in him and he is so proud of himself. It has been scary to me and not exactly the easiest but I've finally realized that I did my best to go other routes and this works! What's so wrong with helping my son be the person he wants to be. I considered all natural things that were suggested to me but here's the thing about that, if my son turns out having allergic reactions to something is that store clerk going to be able to help me? I bet his Dr will!!!! So I went with a Dr instead of all natural.

My suggestion would be to first really look at his history, does there seem to be an ongoing problem or is it just recent? Something like the classes I took may help if it is not actually ADHD. These classes may help with your older child but not the younger. Do what you can to figure it out and talk to your school counselor they are there for you. But by any means don't let your child suffer longer than they have to because it will affect their self esteem and their relationships as well as school. I did a lot of soul searching and praying and with lots of support my entire support system is backing me and very proud of my sweetheart.

your mom is right, and unfortunately, it's probably just beginning. check out the book "bringing up boys" by dr. james dobson. i have a 3 month old son and already that book has been such a help and encouragement.
as far as the adhd, before you put him on any medication please please please look up www.feingold.org
most kids who are diagnosed as add or adhd are just sensitive to certain foods and/or ingredients in foods. the feingold diet will guide you through finding out if that is the case with your son. good luck. give those boys lots of hugs and kisses and as much as possible make sure their dads are doing the same.

It seems like taking them to their pediatrician would be a good place to start.

By all means have your child tested for the ADHD; however, do your research very thoroughly before putting him on any medication. The Internet can assist you with all the information you could ever hope to have including a physician if you need one.

Yes, the 9 yr. old could be acting out. He may need professional help. Family Services can offer that help at a reduced rate. I have gone there myself and they were wonderful !

No real advice to give, sorry...
They probably are missing their father...so hard.

I've stumbled upon authors Faber & Mazlish. I've really enjoyed their books.

How to Talk so Kids Will Listen, and Listen so Kids will Talk
Liberated Parents, Liberated Children
Siblings Without Rivalry

Help! They're At It Again - by Elizabeth Crary

I've read the first two and am working on the second two. Really like what I'm reading. Of these four I would say Lib Parents could be the last to be read - the others have more practical application.

HTH
K. H, mama to
Catherine, 4yrs
Samuel, 1yr

My 9 Year old has ADHD. I take it that your 6 yr old should be in school? If he is trying to do homework and in the middle of starts talking about things that have nothing to do with the subject, or just can't stay focused on one thing, then he probably does. My daughter would read and in the middle of reading would start talking about things that had nothing to do what she was doing. It was very hard. I waited till the school noticed because usually a doctor will ask if the teachers noticed and sometimes they will want a written form saying that they are in question of him having ADHD. I started her on medicine when her teachers noticed. It has made a lot of difference in her school work and her behavior.
A lot of medicines have side effects and sometimes it takes a while to find one that works without the side effects for your child. And also, ADHD is genetic. If one of the parents have it then your child probably does.

Hi Voilet,

My boys are much the same as yours and did much of the same when their dad split. Getting a handle on them is the best thing you can do. It seems like kids know that the sympathy card will work cause 'mom won't do anything to me cause she feels bad for me cause my daddy left'. Get tough and be constant, they'll respect you for it and feel more stable with the change cause they'll know you aren't changing. As they get older, it is good for the man in your life to step up and help them to become young men and respect their mom. My husband, their step-dad, has done so much to help. We still struggle with attitudes daily, but it does get better. As for your younger son, you can go through your local school system and get some preliminary testing done. It helps when you take their results to the Dr. and gives you peace of mind with your decision. Talk to the diagnostician at your local campus, they should be able to lead you in the right direction. Good luck!!