Just Venting Out: I Must Have Organised the Most Pathetic Birthday Party Ever :(

As long as everyone had fun, that's all the mattered. As a parent, I never expect the hosting family to feed me as well. I wouldn't worry about that.

Sounds great! Weird that parents expect to be fed a a children's party. I wouldn't be concerned about that.

I'll bet you can't find one single kid that has a complaint from that party.
And that is perfectly o.k
Quit beating yourself up.

You do understand, don't you, that if this is the worst problem you ever have, you're doing quite well?

WAIT before venting at anyone else. Your little guests may be saying, "Boy, that was the best party ever!"

Beside, you've pointed fingers at your husband and several other people, and if the party turns out to have been a success in the eyes of the guests, those folks should share in the credit, right?

It's not unusual for a five-year-old to get cranky, by the way, no matter what he has or hasn't eaten. Just the anticipation and excitement will do that job.

Now, put your feet up for a while. Hug your husband - without a word. Hug the rest of your family. In a few days you may be able to see the humor in your post. I certainly do. It could make a great short story.

:^D

People not RSVPing is such a big pet peeve of mine!
I know sometimes you don't know if you can make it or not, but I would rather someone say "It's really up in the air, I'm just not sure if we will be able to attend or not" than to completely ignore the invite. I'm involved in a wedding next month that is a pay-per-person, sit down dinner reception. They still haven't heard back from over 60 people. A lot of people just don't think about how not replying will affect the host!

But it does sound like the kids had a good time! Just don't listen to your husband next time!

You said it yourself: "the kids had a marvelous 1.5 hours of fun". That's all that matters.

You did just fine. You did NOT royally screw up. You did the best you could with the information you were given. As did your husband - why SHOULD he order tons of food "just in case" someone decided to turn up? Your in-laws probably thought your son would eat at his own party and didn't want to fill him up beforehand - they probably didn't realize a meltdown would ensue. Nobody really messed up here.

As a parent, I would NEVER expect to be fed at a party where my child was a guest. Chances are, those other parents didn't either.

Nothing "meager" about pizza and cake and fruit. Why should there be anything more than that? Why the pressure to go overboard at b'day parties?

And, seriously, who are these parents that don't RSVP? I've never thrown a party where people didn't tell me they were coming. It's so rude - and I don't give them the excuse of "nobody RSVPs these days". I'm NOT willing to let THAT go, too. Manners still matter. Ugh.

Your party sounds like it was a fun time and if my child had been invited, you would have gotten an RSVP from me AND my child would have had a BLAST!

I think you are fine! It is ignorant for people to not show up, so rude!!! But, that said, I don't think any parents expect to be fed, so as long as you had enough for the kids it is fine. And I've seen maybe kids that age get tired and cranky so I'm sure no one thought twice about it. Don't beat yourself up about it.

Bouncy house and cake = best party ever and happy kids!

Stop beating yourself up..you are not Martha Stewart and no one expects you to be.

I think your husband did mighty fine!! If I didn't RSVP I wouldn't come expecting pizza or drinks for me and my kid. I would feel red in the face for not RSVP-ing.

If there are water pitchers and cups...you don't have to force drink the party goers. Announce, "Hey everybody..if you are dying of thirst then come get some water. It is over here!!" You don't have to drag a bucket of water to them.

Put up your feet, relax. Part of delegating responsibilities is being grateful for what people did and be happy you didn't have to do it. Don't criticize the efforts of others.

They all went home with cute goody bags that said "Thank You"...that is a gracious gesture and they felt "thanked".

I think it's funny that your title says you organized the most pathetic party but you blamed everyone else involved for actually doing it.

Just wait a couple years and it'll be all a funny story starting with 'remember when'. My thinking on this stuff is as long as no one was hurt or lost and there's no mention of it on the 6 o'clock news or the front page of the paper then you did ok. When you have kids perfect doesn't exist anymore.

I know there were some things you would have liked to go differently but I think it went over pretty well.
Your son is not the only kid in the history of the world to get overwhelmed on his big day.
Parents generally don't expect to be fed (I'm always surprised if I get a bit of cake - I like it, but I wouldn't be upset if it didn't happen) - as long as the kids had enough.

Nothing caught on fire, no blood was shed, no bones were broken, no one got sick, no one had to call the fire department and/or rescue squad and your house was more or less intact when everyone left.
Ya done good!
Give yourself a pat on the back and give everyone else a high five and don't think about the next birthday for 3 to 6 months!

Sounds like a lot went right! The kids had a great time. The parents did not come to a kids birthday party because they expected great refreshments. They came so their kids could have fun.
Did you get any photos of the kids having fun before your son got too cranky? My inlaws would have let the kid stuff himself with cake and soda. Crackers and nuts sound better!

okay, there's 11 responses. They're all correct in their assessment of the party, your response, & your assumption that you provided a party lacking in amenities.

(sigh) I would like to suggest something: I don't think you've learned from this experience. (sigh)

You are openly venting about your own faults & of your family. Please consider flipping your attitude. How about downsizing your expectations? This does not equal the dumbing down of America! What I'm suggesting is that perhaps a better plan would be:

1. in today's world, RSVP does not exist. Plan for the whole crowd, using elements which can be reused, saved, or returned.
2. food: cake, fruit, drinks. That's it!
3. rejoice in meeting the parents! WooHoo! A victory as far as I'm concerned! & at age 5, of course, the parents want to be present with a bouncy house. Talk about photo ops!
4. see #2. Middle of the day....cake & fruit ONLY. Otherwise you're spoiling dinner for those parents!
5. Nuts & crackers....great! That's protein & a carb. :) In their defense, it was a Party Day....no kid eats as they should. Too much excitement & anticipation! & his meltdown/lack of cooperation is not their fault. He's 5 ...that's what many 5yo do with over-stimulation! As a head's up, boys cry until 10-12 & it's Hell. :)
6. okay, yeah, a crate of water would have been nice. BUT you had a pitcher/glasses you could move....why didn't you? It was available, but again....you had a vision fixed in your mind....when a solution was right there!
7. again, give it up! Your desires don't always equal others' needs. Mid-afternoon party, lots of kids....I'd need a margarita or a beer before food!
8. oh, well....it's not like you weren't busy!

& as for never delegating ever again.....nope! You need to learn to delegate more & trust a whole lot more. Open & full communication with others is how to pull off events without stress/missteps. Once you learn how to do this.....events will be happier for all involved....instead of executing your vision only. Just saying....it's not all about you! Your husband deserves a voice, too. & he also needs to learn how to open up his wallet a little! I think if the kids were happy....then all is a.o.k. :)

You didn't screw it up. A whole bunch of people made a whole bunch of assumptions! Your husband and the grandparents didn't do their job. The parents didn't rsvp and expected you to spend an extra $500 on food just in case they didn't have anything better to do and showed up anyway. It's okay not to have water bottles due to the expense and the environmental/disposal issue. But take the kids out of the bouncy house for a 5 minute water break.

Here's what will work the next time. Stop inviting the whole class! It's too much stimulation, too many gifts (in my book), too much expense, too much left up in the air. Invite only the kids your child is really friendly with, and only those kids whose parents who respond. Only invite people you have contact information for - otherwise they assume it's an "open house" and they can drop in if they feel like it for the price of a small pack of Legos in a gift bag! Put a "reply by" date on the invitation. Stop entertaining parents and feeding them. They need to drop their kids and leave. Put in a "pick up" time and location (such as "the reception desk" or "Door A of the bouncy house place." Have one friend you invite to stay and help you supervise & serve.

Have the party at home or in a controlled venue with a small party room. If someone shows up uninvited, look shocked. If they didn't rsvp but show up anyway, look confused, smile awkwardly and say with a big sincere smile, "Oh what a surprise! I wasn't expecting you! Well, no problem, we'll make room for little Joey. Come on in, Joey. My son will be so surprised and happy to see you." Those people will never fail to rsvp again.

You gave the personal touch with handwritten thank you notes to people who couldn't even email you. You worked so hard on them so people would feel appreciated, but now you are stressing out that you didn't do enough because they were waiting for food! You probably had a lot of extra expense for extra goodie bags, on top of everything else you planned and spent. Next time, concentrate on having your child write a thank you note (even if it's a "fill in the blank" note you prepare on the computer and he does the rest. You can thank people as they leave for coming - they don't need a personal note for that.

And you can try to delegate very specific tasks to grandparents, husband, one or two trusted friends. Spend time making that list instead of personalized goodie bags and you'll probably have a less stressful day.

Try purchasing food that can be returned if not used. Popcorn and pretzels aren't the worst snacks in the world, and the unopened packages can go back to the store. I hate drink boxes, but once a year for a birthday isn't so bad. Same with soda. You can have cake/cupcakes and some drinks and water, and be done with it. You wanted the grandparents to feed your child a big meal and you still had pizza and fruit and drinks at the party. Choose one or the other.

If a 6 year old has 6 friends to his party, that's plenty! We always did the "age" rule (you invite the number of kids that your age will be) until our son was 10 and wanted to take kids to the movies and lunch, which was expensive - so he got to take 3 friends plus his parent, which is how many fit in our car. He had the best time, with quality time, with special friends. We see so many posts on Mamapedia like yours - huge expense, chaos with overcrowded venues full of people who didn't reply and who expect you to entertain their children/siblings/selves. It's time to stop the insanity!

It is a shame your 5 year old was upset at the end of the party but it sounds like his friends had a great time.

I always stayed at the parties held at fun houses and I never expected or wanted any of the food or drinks. Don't beat yourself up over this. The kids having fun was the important part and you achieved that.

First don't worry. Sounds like a great party. No RSVP don't expect to be fed. It seems this is beginning to be an everyday occurrence. Why do parents stay at parties. That is nuts. Next time, rather than leaving things to others, best to do it yourself. Give others the me animal unimportant things to do. I am sure the kids had fun.

If I were in your shoes, I'm sure I would feel the same way. But as an outsider reading this, I think it went fine! Ditto what others said- parents don't usually expect to be fed, I have never gone to a party with my kid and wondered what there was for me (and many times there wasn't anything for parents, no problem!).

RSVP etiquette makes me nuts. So rude of those who didn't rsvp, hopefully they recognize that they are the reason for any food shortage!

Running parties is stressful, but it sounded fine. Over the next couple of days, I was ask your son a few questions that will prove to you that he loved it. Ask who do you think bounced the highest on x bouncy? Who laughed the loudest at your party? Who bounced the longest? Things like that will highlight the positive and dismiss the negative. Hopefully you'll see that he forgot the tears and remembered the fun.

And I have totally learned that my hubby is an awesome guy, but not a party planner. He gets a very specific to-do list for events now. :-)

You are being way to hard on yourself and your husband. Sounds like a normal kids birthday to me.

I just can't believe how many people came to the party without RSVPing! I wouldn't be surprised if there was one rude family that attended and didn't RSVP... but half of the class! If I forget to RSVP, then I don't go to the party.

Before serving the food, I probably would have said something to the group to the extent of "We just have enough pizza for the kids. I'm sorry we don't have enough food for everyone; based on the RSVPs we were expecting fewer people. But we are so glad all of you can join us to celebrate --'s birthday. Thanks for coming!"

Maybe that would clue in some of the clueless parents about their lack of manners.

It sounds fine to me.
You didn't arrange for food for the ones that didn't tell you they were coming. It is their fault, not yours.
Only the kids got pizza. This is okay. Parents know where the closest drive thru is.
Places around here wouldn't have let you bring water bottles in to the bounce area. There is a water fountain, and that is it. Food and drinks are only allowed in the hall or party room.

I don't think you screwed it up at all. The only timing issue may have been the cutting of the cake. Sounds like it was done before the birthday boy got some food into him. That is the only 'mistake' that I can see and/or would have changed.

So it sounds to me like the worst part was that you didn't have enough food for the thoughtless people that DIDN'T RSVP!! How in the world is that YOUR fault?
The kids had fun. It's not your job to provide a huge meal to the parents. In fact, you provided them with a snack and some cake. That's pretty good! I never ever ever ever expect to be fed when I go to a birthday party. Especially if it's just for a couple of hours.
Mom, take a deep breath. The kids enjoyed themselves. 5 year olds usually have break downs at birthday parties.
May I suggest not having "picture time" though. Next time just take a lot of action shots!
L.

I don't see the problem.
You gave a party that the kids had fun. The adults weren't there to be fed a meal. They were there to supervise their kids, and while they hung out they had some healthy snacks.

What else is needed?

Was it over the top craziness? No. And you should be glad. I HATE parties that are that over the top. The only thing the kids care about normally, is the entertainment--in your case, the bounce house thing. And sounds like they had a blast with that.

Happy Birthday to your kiddo!

Stop beating yourself up! I'm guessing that the guests had a great time and no one thought twice about food, water, etc. Usually when I have a birthday party outside of the house I plan for food for the adults (pizza, apps, whatever) and they NEVER eat anything.

As a host, I totally understand where you're coming from and would have the same thoughts because I have my vision of what being a good host looks like and I hate when I think I fell short. But as a guest who has been to a million bouncy place parties, I can assure you that you did just fine and no is thinking ill of you, really! The kids had fun playing with each other and that's the only thing that really counts. You had food for the kids, cake, drinks and some fruit - you covered all your bases, really!

Please let yourself off the hook and enjoy the good memories of the day.

aw, sorry, sweetie! sounds like there was more good than bad, and a thump on the head to your 'support team' who kinda let you down.
on the plus side, you know you'll never let it be that eeky again!
khairete
S.

I think that you did fine. Your husband did fine. The other parents did not. I would have had place card or something designating the RSVPers, ensuring that they received the prepared foods. When the others went looking for their names, I would have let their parents know that I wasn't expecting them so would like for them to step aside and wait until everyone else was in place. I know that that sounds mean, but the other parents put their kids in that space, not you. They should take responsibility for it. You can't go around buying up extra stuff just on the off chance that someone will be rude and show up anyway. At least, I wouldn't.

It sounds like it was a great party and all of the kids had a blast.

Aww, don't be too hard on yourself--sounds like you really tried to have a great party. Thanks for sharing your experience. We will be having our first non-family party this winter when my son turns 7 and I will learn from your experience to expect more than who actually RSVP.

Some people do expect their entire family to attend and to be fed even when only the one child's name is on the invitation. I know several who have taken neighbor kids to parties without asking. They are rarely invited back and everyone talks about them being so rude.
I am sure no one looks down on you.

I'm always stressed at the end of big parties because I have an unrealistic expectation.
A more realistic view is the boys and girls saw each other, felt a bond of fun outside of a structured classroom. They enjoyed a moment of celebration and singing. Fun was had.
Good job!

I know what you mean. When it comes to party planning, I have learned that it is totally worth it to quiz my husband multiple times to make sure that his part is up to my standards.

Our son's birthday is in July, and I wanted to borrow my BIL's water slide and have a bounce house in our backyard. My BIL said there was a tear but he could fix it for the party. I told my hubby if it wasn't fixed in time for the invitations to be sent out, never mind, we'll do something else (I needed to put bring your swim suits, etc) My husband told me that if it wasn't fixed we could just put a kiddy pool at the bottom of our slide and the kids would love it! Um, not happening!!!

I agree that the parents do not expect to be fed. If there is something to much on, great. They are there to help supervise and to visit with each other. They are not party guests and do not expect to be fed. If there is enough, great, but they just want to make sure their child is safe and has fun.

Ohhhh my pet peeve also is RSVPs!! Ppl make it so easy, go online!!?!?! Sorry but threw two parties yesterday and whew! Hubby's 30 and baby's 1st bday!!! But dont be hard on yourself or your hubby! Sounds like the kids had fun! Since ppl didnt RSVP to our event, we erred on having enough food but now have a fridge full of containers of Noodles & Company buttered noodles, 60 cake pops, and many many mini cupcakes! Thankfully we will eat leftovers. But what if your man had ordered extea food & pizzas then Murphys law of ppl not showing up, you'd be swimming in pizza. Sigh :)
P

Sounds like an awsome party! Congrats. Every party is going to be followed by a week of stress about what went wrong. It was great. You had lots of guests, the kids had fun, you have memories. It's fine. Ideally people will leave full but hey... They may have just had to leave your place for another eatery. :) All people with kids should understand. Who hasn't been there? Atleast you didn't freak out that too many people showed up. :) My brother-in-law did that once at his daughters 4th birthday party. Berrated the guests that showed up with no RSVP and made the whole thing uncomfortable for everyone.

I overplan and that's just as stressful but in a different way. If it makes you feel any better, my dd goes to many b-day parties where absolutely nothing is planned. The kids sit around and watch movies, talk, and mess around. Yours sounds more fun than that....food or not!

The kids had a blast. Don't worry about it.

This was a learning lesson.

From now on, when you want something done, just do it yourself or find the people that will do as you want.

One of my best friends and I found each other because we can work perfectly together. If I am in charge and ask her to do something she does it.. It may be her way, but she gets it done, If I tell her how I want it done she does it. The same from me to her.

This is how we have had successful businesses, we find others to work with us and they also can produce like this, '

Now, If we involve our husbands, Oy Vey! Anything we ask them their first answer is either "no", or, "Here is how this should be done." Even though we know what works best for OUR clients, the most efficient ways of getting things done. They just cannot follow our simple request or second guess us.

We learned that this is the difference between men and women..

Not that there is anything wrong, it is just what we have learned.

And so, in the future, only ask your husband to help if he promises to JUST do it. Think of a nice way. "I really need your help". I cannot lift these 3 cases of water into the car. You are so much stronger, could you help me please? Do not get into a discussion about what they are for, why you need them, just tell him they need to be back there and you know he can so easily heave them in there.

Give him specific lists of what you need or want. Do NOT leave it up to him to make choices. Make an over all plan, insert his name on the things he needs to do and then check on it. Same with inlaws. Tell them what your child needs, the times everything. Again, check up on them..

Your list of the over all event, make notes reminding yourself to check the trunk for the bottled waters. dble check that your child has eaten.

Find a buddy that works like you and help her with her events and she can help you with yours.

The sad part is my friend and partner died. I still miss her awesomeness.

I already completed one event today and am now heading out for the next. I would love to be able to call her and hear her say, "I am already there, presetting up in case your responsibilities are running late.", But I am trying to train new people, It is just not the same.

My husband did harp a bit helping me load up my supplies this morning.. He did not like the way I had packed up items. He wanted to "Help me make them more organized".. I told him not to worry, I was the one that was going to be using the supplies and I knew how it needed to be unloaded.. (I had to bite my tongue)..

Your party was a success because no one died and everyone got home safely!

The parents don't expect food and even cake. If their kids are having fun, that's all that they care about. Trust me. I'm sure it was fine. That's coming from someone who always over-plans too. :) Also, isn't the whole point of having it at a bouncy place to enjoy the party and let them run the show? If they needed you, they should have said so. Not your fault. :)

As long as everyone had fun, that's all that matters! And it sounds like they did. Don't be so hard on yourself.

After having stressed on many a party, I'm a fan of SIMPLE and EASY! Can't tell you how many parties I spent too much money on and in the end the kids just want to play.

You did awesome. Let it go =)

You did just fine! I am disappointed in the parents who didn't RSVP. That can really make or break a party! I hope they learned a lesson in courtesy through this.

It sounds like they had a blast so that means the party was successful to them. Take it easy on yourself. Kids act up and do silly stuff.

BTW, no one RSVP's anymore. They just don't. If mom's want RSVP's only invite personal friends who you talk to every day or so. Then you'll know if they're coming because you talked on the phone and they told you so.

Always plan on everyone coming, that way you have enough with planned overs if some don't come.

Stop beating yourself up!! If anything, you learned for future reference to not delegate tasks really...unless you tell folks beforehand what exactly to do...otherwise they won't know what you truly expected. My experience which is very little mind you...the one party we had at home...we had a bounce house and swimming pool set up, and the kids had fun! Regarding the food though...we just did hot dogs, fruit and veggies, cupcakes and then I did chili for the adults and really...the adults didn't eat anything at all...I don't think adults expect anything! So, on that note...anyone feeling like they got the raw end of the deal food wise is an idiot because they didn't RSVP!

It sounds like you were stressed. No worries. What matters is the kids had fun bouncing and everyone had cake at the end. The rest of it doesn't matter! Don't worry. But next year don't let your husband do the planning! Just delegate tasks to him. I give my husband the job of 1. getting guests drinks, 2. mingling with everyone to make sure no one feels left out, 3. refilling drinks and 4. making the list of gifts and who gave them. Anyway - you didn't royally screw up! Don't beat yourself up about it and next year you can do things more the way you want to do them.