Just Wanted to See What You Guys Think.........<venting>

I totally agree with you. I find myself falling prey to the guilt that comes from not being SuperMom all the time.

All the time I feel like this. I get up get the kids dressed, fed lunches packed off to school. If I'm not working that day I will spend all day with laundry, grocery store, cleaning. And sometimes I am just too pooped to cook dinner. Even though my husband gets upset when the house isn't clean, with the exception of the dinner dishes he's not good about helping clean. I always try to choose the kids over the housework, even if I'm cleaning the bathroom at 11pm.

You should read this book:
I Was A Really Good Mom before I had Kids reinventing modern motherhood by Ashworth and Nobile.

I know I will never be perfect and my house will never be neat again until my kids go off to college and we can move to a smaller house. :)

Dear K.,
I read your post and all the replies. All I can say is I have a very clean home, my laundry is caught up, and I know we are grilling out steaks tonight. I am currently listening to silence. I sure do miss my kids, now 25 and 22. I miss their voices, their laughs, and all that comes with them.

Enjoy your kids. When the mess gets to you, just remind yourself it's temporary - even if for several years. Do what you can without killing yourself! And RULE #1 - Never, EVER compare yourself to others. There will always be someone else "better" than you at whatever you are lamenting about. Best Wishes!

I feel the same way you do! I am also a SAHM, and I try to get everything done, but our 'job' is very stressful! I have 2 kids, my son will be 6 in june, and my daughter is 8 months. I also have my hands full, and though my husband does his best to help out around here with the cooking, I still am just so tired, and want to watch my shows, or just relax! Us moms don't seem to get enough credit! With the bill paying, cleaning, cooking, shopping, changing diapers, dishes, laundry, making sure everyone is happy!!!! I'm stressed!

Hi K., this is a forwarded email from my inbox, and I think it appropriately sums everything up "perfectly." Celebs don't live in the real world; please don't compare yourself to them...they're not real people. Enjoy the funny email!
-----------------

The next Survivor series will be a little different...

Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and 3 kids each for six weeks.

Each kid will play two sports and either take music or dance classes.

There is no fast food.

Each man must take care of his 3 kids; keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, and complete science projects, cook, do laundry, and pay a list of 'pretend' bills with not enough money.

In addition, each man will have to budget in money for groceries each week.

Each man must remember the birthdays of all their friends and relatives, and send cards out on time.

Each man must a also take each child to a doctor's appointment, a dentist appointment and a haircut appointment.

He must make one unscheduled and inconvenient visit per child to the Urgent Care.

He must also make cookies or cupcakes for a social function.

Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house, planting flowers outside and keeping it presentable at all times.

The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done.

The men must shave their legs, wear makeup daily, adorn himself with jewelry, wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes, keep fingernails polished and eyebrows groomed.

During one of the six weeks, the men will have to endure severe abdominal cramps, back aches, and have extreme, unexplained mood swings but never once complain or slow down from other duties.

They must attend weekly school meetings, church, and find time at least once to spend the afternoon at the park or a similar setting.

They will need to read a book and then pray with the children each night and in the morning, feed them, dress them, brush their teeth and comb their hair by 7:00 am.

A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will be required to know all of the following information: each child's birthday, height, weight, shoe size, clothes size and
doctor's name. Also the child's weight at birth, length, time of birth, and length of labor, each child's favorite color, middle name, favorite snack, favorite song, favorite drink, favorite toy, biggest fear and what they want to be when they grow up.

The kids vote them off the island based on performance. The last man wins only if...he still has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a moment's notice.

If the last man does win, he can play the game over and over and over again for the next 18-25 years eventually earning the right To be called Mother!

After you get done laughing, send this to as many females as you think will get a kick out of it and as many men as you think can handle it. Just don't send it back to me.... I'm going to bed!

Just keep doing what you are doing....the right thing....no one is perfect. If you are doing the right thing....you can never look back with regret. You are doing just fine with all the love in your heart.
M. in Wichita Falls

K.,
I can't tell you how wonderful it is to hear I am not the only woman thinking this! I am a 31 yo newly SAHM. I have worked the entire time my husband and I have been together. I have two children from a previous marriage and my husband is 6 yrs younger than myself. I quit work in Nov. for personal reasons and my husband told me and everyone else that is what he wanted so some stranger wasn't raising our children. That seems to have changes, now I hear, who would hire you in the next year? Don't get me wrong he is wonderful with my 12 yo daughter and 11 yo son. We are now 27 weeks into our first child together. I have to be honest. Most of my "FRIENDS" haven't had much contact with me since I quit my job. I know their lives are busy but still.... and since I no longer are contributing financially to the household, I no longer have any money for "pick me ups" or even save up for anything unless I ask my husband which is a fight! Our income was dramatically decreased when I quit, so now there is a lot of pressure on him, I understand that, but when you hear well look at so and so, meaning "Angelina Jolie, all these other moms who loose the baby weight two months after giving birth,,,,,,,,,vomit! or other people that work in the oil field with him that tell them how wonderful their wives are, not minding if their husbands come home and take out a six pack with Rock of Love on, or go to a cookout with his buddies while I take the kids to baseball practice. I just want to pinch his head off and tell off everyone givinghim advice. Especially when he has a whole week every other week that he just sits on his butt watching TV and eating everything in sight! Oh and here's my fav.... "I bring home the paycheck and you're suppose to be submissive to me"... I've never been submissive in my life... not even to my parents! I know that is what the Bible says, doesn't it also say to honor your wife and provide for your family before yourself? I feel like I don't do enough around the house, even though I put together a to do list every week with things like,,, mowing the yard, cleaning and organizing the garage, the internal housework gets repeated every other day anything so when he comes home there is something productive to show for my time. I feel like I shouldn't want anything more than what I have and be thankful for what I do, I shouldn't expect anything from my husband, family or friends cause they're too busy and it's not their job to make sure I am content. And just because I am not working, the house should always be clean, organized, no clutter, all dishes done, dinner waiting on the stove{but nothing fancy that cost a lot of money to make}, come up with activities for the family that doesn't cost anything and always be in the mood for sex! "What else do you have to do with all the time you have?" is what I hear! What else am I suppose to be doing? Oh and all my luxuries have been deleted because of our budget, but he still goes to Hooter's with his buddies and makes sure there is always beer, cigarettes and anytime his friends call he finds a way to get out of the house. My family is pretty support, but I still have to really fight myself sometimes not to let these things. I have my good days and my bad, I guess today is a bad. Sorry to unload on you guys! Have a great one and God Bless

My goodness, give yourself a break. You have little kids also. I have never seen that show with 8 kids but I am betting that the older kids take care of the little ones most of the time.

I have a routine every day of the week of things that I need to accomplish so I don't get so far behind. When I do it puts me in a bad mood but I am very flexible in my schedule. Except that Sundays I do not do anything in the house unless absolutely necessary (like some type of emergency) and Wednesdays are library storytime and playdate day. I enjoy spending this time with my children. These two days do not change.

I have this poem on my frig and read it all the time:

Some houses try to hide the fact
That children shelter there;
Ours boasts it quite openly…
The signs are everywhere.

For smears are on the windows,
Little smudges on the door;
I should apologize I guess
For toys strewn on the floor.

But I sat down with my children
And played, laughed and read,
And if the doorbell doesn’t shine,
Their eyes will shine instead.

For when I am forced to choose
The one job or the other
It’s good to be a housewife,
But I’d rather be a Mother.

Yeah I know what you mean.I feel like I am a great mom but there is always someone there to make you feel like it isnt good enough.I quite breast feeding at three months because i was out of milk and frankly tired of doing it.I felt so terrible because everyone makes such a big deal about it.And my mother is visiting right now.(son now 8 months)and today she ask me what are you fixing for dinner I said I dont know and she said well dont you think you should have a hot meal ready when you husband comes home from work.I wanted to scream.I wanted to be like encase you havent noticed I stayed up all night with a sick child got up this morning made breakfast cleaned house took care of my son and the two year old i keep did laundry and payed bills.I didnt even have time to take a shower.then when my husband came home I asked him if he would feed our son he said he would and there goes my mother again.He just spent all day at work dont you think you should do that.I just wanted to tell her you know my day wasnt excatly cake either.People think that stay at home mom hve it so easy but they dont realize we do just as much as a working person not to metion our hours are a lot longer.

Sweetheart....yes I am there with you. Two thoughts: have you ever popped into a friend's house and seen what their home 'really' looks like when not prepped for company? And, I call this never ending chaos of duties "Job security"! I do try to do everything with a happy heart...doesn't always work, but I answer to God and only Him. Is it tough to keep that perspective, absolutely, but if I don't focus on what He feels is important, ie the kids, nurturing, positive home environment, then there are long term effects of that. God does not expect us to be perfect, and I am SO thankful I don't have to answer up to my near perfect friends who do 'seem' to have it all together. Relax, determine what is important to you, do what you can....I am trying to find the book "Sink Reflections" that is suppose to help in some of these areas, but truly even if I read this book, it is not the BIG picture of life. Our lil' ones are little for a short while; we will have plenty of time when they don't need us, to keep perfect homes and make homemade bread.

every mom has a bad day. you know, she never quite makes it to the shower or out of her pajamas, nor does her kids, the house looks like a tornado hit it, there's mail piled up to deal with, laundry in piles, and that's when people show up. LOL yep then you sheepishly smile and say "we've been in the backyard having a picnic with teddy bears, would you like to join us?" ahhhhh, that's great stuff. no one faults you for days like that. in fact have more of them. those are the days your kids will remember. a friend of mine has pajama day regularly with her kids or movie day where they just watch movies as a family all day long. we do family fun days every few months and the boys get mini adventures in their own area with mom or dad or both. do you know they still talk about the day we went to the dinosaur park? yeah it was cool, even if we let things slide to get it done.

as for perfect kids, they don't exist. every kid will throw a fit eventually. every parent will lose their temper and make mistakes eventually. it's called being human. just live life to the fullest and let the rest fall where it does.

My idea of a "perfect" mom is one that raises their kids to be respectable, lovable, caring, compassionate, healthy, accountable children and/or people that that put effort in all they do. Alot of times you need to put yourself first and your kids are going to have to understand. They may cry, but that will help to teach them in life you don't always get what you want. That will also help them to learn that it is important to have me-time. Just look at the big picture not what everyone else is doing. I always ask myself, "Will my kids suffer in 5 years because my house wasn't spotless," or insert any ending to that question. As far as my husband, he is an adult and can take care of himself. We both know each other has a tough job. His is wanting to be a SAHM sometimes and mine is wanting to be in the work world, although that one doesn't happen hardly ever and fades quickly!!!!!!
GOOD LUCK!

I agree with you. And, I'm an 'old mom'. My babies are 26 & 21 - and I catch myself wondering what I could have done differently to have been the 'perfect mom' sometimes. My kids are quick to point out that I was a great mom (not perfect) and that I have nothing to wonder about. Those that are out there portraying that everything is always great or fantastic are not letting us into their lives - which is what famous people have to do. Set your own bar - don't try to live up to someone else. You can only do what you can - which is not 'supermom', although most of us would like to be that. You will only succeed in frustrating yourself and all those around you that you love. Be the best you can be - do your best.

By the way, what is SAHM?

You Go Girl!! I loved what you wrote and I am with you 100% You are a Prefect Mom if you are there with your children and raise them to respect you and others and if they grow up loving life and not worry about what everyone else thinks. My mother-in-law always told me when I was trying to work, keep house, cook and raise 4 ( his, hers and ours)that to enjoy the kids because someday I would look back and wish they were there to make messes.She is so right! Now I am a Nana to 17 wonderful children and the best complement I ever received was my daughter telling me that she hopes to raise her 3 just like I did her.So You enjoy those beautiful babies and enjoy the time that God gives you to spend with them They grow up so fast. Take care and Have a great day!

K.,
Ease up on yourself!!! You are simply living reality, not a "reality" TV show. You have the toughest job in the world. We have all made mistakes, ALL of us have the ones we still cringe about, remember that and don't let any one tell you otherwise.
Smile at your kids, but smile at yourself also.
Talk with you later,
Grandpop Bart

I personally don't like to keep up with what all the celebs are doing as far as raising kids and such because everything they do gets blown way out of proportion, whether it's good or bad. All the good things they do as parents are over highlighted to make them look like the perfect parent. But if you think about it, if certain magazines or people got their hands on mom having an emotional breakdown and not being able to cope with the 3 year old tearing the house apart and the 9 month old who refuses to let mom walk more than 1 step from her withou screaming and chasing her down and clinging to her legs so she can't get everything done (what I've been dealing with), it could very well be all over the tabloids, and blown out of proportion as well.
My feeling is that if you are doing the best you can (and that can mean different things on different days) and doing what you feel is best for YOUR children, then you will probably be the "perfect" parent for your children, and they will love you and appreciate you for what you do for them (even if they don't show it till they're 25).

As I read this I couldn't help but think, wow, I have had those exact same thoughts. I don't think that any of us are "perfect". Even the best of moms get tired, or say or do things sometimes that they wish they hadn't. My own mother is a perpetual optimist and one of those people that is always helping and doing for others gladly, but even she made mistakes. I have tried to be like her, and I have failed miserably!lol I don't jump out of bed every morning singing "The Hills Are Alive With the Sound of Music". I don't always see the silver lining in a less than perfect situation. But I do try very hard to make sure that my babies always know that they and their daddy are the most important people to me, and that they are loved unconditionally. It sounds to me like you do the same. Sometimes you have to let chores slide in order to do things with the family, and vice versa. Sometimes you just have to take 5 minutes for yourself, and that is okay. We are all only human after all, and we will make mistakes.

I have to say that I totally understand where you are coming from! Don't worry, no one is a perfect mother! All we can do is hope that we raise our kids the best we can and give them all the love we can! No one should expect us to do it all! Luckily, I have been blessed with an amazing husband who is very helpful with our seven month old! I hate the fact that the world view is that mothers are supposed to keep a clean house and raise ten children and cook and work a full time job! It just isn't feasible! I know that after working I don't want to do anything! And at night after my husband gets home, all I want to do is unwind and watch a favorite show! Not all of us are fortunate enough to have nannies and chefs and maids to do all the dirty work that we are stuck with at the end of the day that takes us away from our children. Most moms have to devote time to other things and after all that, they just need some time alone. It is very important to make sure that you spend time by yourself. I also don't know how K. does it on Jon and K. plus 8, but I know they have to edit out some stuff. TV isn't always what you see is what you get you know? i just wanted to tell you you weren't alone in your thoughts!

Couldn't agree more!!! When I see celebrity moms, I always have to remind myself that there is a nanny (probably more than one!), a chef, a trainer, a personal assistant, an agent, a stylist, a maid (likely a complete house staff), etc. helping these folks, and they probably STILL have breakdowns (you can't hire someone to weather your hormones, can you???). I also tell myself that if it was MY JOB to look fabulous, I'm sure I would have taken the weight off super fast and be totally toned, tan, and fabulous.

Oh, and there is a name for perfect moms - Stepford wives. And we consider them a bad thing. So see - we shouldn't be perfect. That would be boring. I'm far from perfect, but I think I'm a great mom, and I know my son would agree (if he could talk)! :) His slobbery kisses and constant smiles reassure me every day.

Amen to that!! I feel the same as you do. You are a perfect mom....you love your kids right? That's the most important thing!!! To hell with the dirty dishes once in a while!! I never get caught up no matter how hard I try. I gave up a long time ago. I told all my friends that my house isn't spotless, so if they don't like it, don't come over. You just keep doing what you are doing...it will all work out!

I feel your pain!! I raised 4 girls, the youngest of which is now 24. There is no such thing as a perfect mom in the sense that everything is always done like you think it should be. No one -- and I mean no one -- regardless of what anyone else says, can do everything, be everything to everybody, and still be sane! You must pick your priorities -- which is hard to do unless you just decide to make your decision on what is right for your family -- not on what others think it should be. There are only so many hours in a day and only so much can get done.

I do know that if you make a weekly schedule -- sort of like the old "Monday is wash day, Saturday is cleaning day" thing, you will be able to get more done in a timely manner rather than just trying to work it all in whenever you can.

Don't try to live your life to please others -- your family is what is at stake!

Oh my gosh! I was giggling the whole time I read this! I know exactly what you mean. I too love to watch "Jon & K. PLus 8" and she happens to call herself a neat freak--for lack of a better word--and don't forget that tv shows have EDITS so the crappy parts are taken out. I watch THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS everyday and if I miss it at 11 am I watch it at 6 pm on the SOAP network. Sometimes I feel like I could be doing something more productive than watching Victor Newman and his family bicker for an hour--but I grew up watching it and I still do. Don't feel guilty. Moms need to do something for themselves too-even if it is watch a tv show or just sit beside a pile of laundry that needs to be folded BUT NOT TOUCH IT! You are right about celebs. As long as you love your kids and nurture them the best you can, then YOU ARE A PERFECT MOM!! Have a great day!! :) C.

As for John and K. + 8, first I LOVE to watch it. I've got a couple theries on why her house always looks good. ONE she always knowes when "we" are coming over. TWO she has help, 3 differant people help her with her laundry, one folds another puts it away and a third irons. THREE she has day nannys that she calls in for help. FOUR they almost always use paper plates (I would too) FIVE the kids keep each other pretty happy, so she had a tad bit of time.
SO I feel better about not having things as neat as she does.
BUT yes I agree that there is to much pressure on woman/moms to be perfect and that the celeb "OH IT's GREAT" attitude really does make it worse. I have 3 just about the same age as yours oldest two are boys and youngest a girl and 8mos. Boys are 3 and 5 as well, so "I feel ya sista"
Hope your vent helped you feel better. I am off to wash some more clothes (I need a folder and putterawayer and ironer) feed my kids breakfast on napkins (no cereal today) and hopfully unbarie the kitchen sink. OH and maybe if I am lucky I will only have one kid in the shower with me today.

Kudos to you K.! I agree with everything you just said. I too love watching Jon and K. but may I add that they also have alot of outside help. She has a lady come in once a week to fold ALL of their laundry and another lady that comes in once a week to iron clothes and put ALL the clean clothes away. She also has a husband that doesn't hesitate to pitch in whenever and wherever he's needed. Heck, sometimes it seems to me that he actually does more than her! Anyway, don't stress the little stuff. I'd rather have a sink full of dirty dishes, a mountain of laundry, and a huge smile on my kids faces while I play with them than to have a perfect life in a perfect house.

BOY do I ever, I feel that way all the time. So far this year, my house has been "Perfect" 3 times and for about 3-4 hours (only). I do have some tricks. (1) I only have 2 kids and they are 14 and 7. (2) I bake dinner, even in the summer, I'll put some boneless skinless chicken it foil (of course with garlic salt and pepper) and cooking for 30 mins. while doing other stuff and let it get cold then chop it up and make a salad for dinner. (3) I let dishes soak in hot water all day or night then do them. (4) I make the rest of my family feel guilty about making messes and they chip in and we clean all day until the house is "Perfect" and then go out to eat. Take everyday one day at a time. If all the cleaning machines in your house are working then so are you, LOL. Oh.. also the more you organize the better it gets. And THROW away everything that is not a complete set, or if you haven't used it in 2 years. Not buying anything new and using what you have to make any project (even school projects) helps.

The dishes will wait. Your kids will grow up. Enjoy the time, don't compare, don't let yourself be bullied into a guilt trip by our ever-so-helpful media and keep learning.
I raised my 22 yr old alone, so that I could now cope with my 82 year old mother. I understand that now. Do something once a week for yourself.
Pay no attention to what "the experts" say, and listen to your heart. Pray. Life is short. There is no such thing as perfect - in this world, anyway. If you're not making mistakes, then you must not be breathing. Good luck. You're doing just fine. :)

Oh Honey! I am a 32 year old mother of 3 boys ages 15, 11, and 9 and 2 step daughters age 7 and 5. I work full time, come home cook dinner clean the house, make sure home work is done, do laundry, etc..etc.. but RARELY ever is there a smile on my face while doing it. I agree there is no such thing as perfect. My kids dont always get to do everything that they want, I cant indulge there every whim because there just ISNT TIME for it.
I used to go to bed crying everynight about all the things that I didnt get done. I felt guilty because I could not squeeze in soccer or ballet on top of my already stressed schedule. But then I decided that as long as they were fed, clothed, happy, and content, then I had to be doing ok...
To be a good mom all you have to be is a real mom, not the fairy tale TV mom, not the Trendy Celebrity mom, but a real mom that lives a real life with their children... Leave perfection for the movies and sitcoms, If everything was always roses then we would not cherish the good things near as much!!!!

Keep up the good fight!

H.

Boy do I feel like you nailed this right on the button. I almost feel like emailing this entire page to my husband. I did copy and paste a few lines. I'm married to a man and together we have two little ones ages 2 and 3 and I'm constantly trying to get it thru his thick skull that "I'm NOT HIS MOTHER!!" His mother was able to raise four children, keep her house clean all the time, cook made from scratch meals, and nurture him when he was sick from childhood up to his adult years. He's the biggest baby worse than my babies when he is sick. I usually put him in his room with soup and the remote and me and the kids do our thing. But no he wants attention, and someone to rub his back and me to wait on him hand and foot. UGGGGhHHHH. Grow up. Anyways "his" bar for me is set very high. I'm to the point where if he wants it done, he has two hands to do it. I may do it my way after its been done, but atleast I got him to realize to stop nagging me about it. I currently dropped the kids off with him for a week because he missed them so much and so that I could run a deep clean thru the house. So far he hasn't gotten any sleep on top of his job, he's changing dirty diapers, and cleaning up messes after feeding them. AND he even is having to look for a daycare or nanny or family to take care of them while he is either at work or wants to have drinks after work. He realizes it ain't all that easy for me, I just put on a big front. He's on Day TWO. LOL

L.

Oh my gosh, did I get up and write this in my sleep???!!! You sound JUST like me!!! Except I only have a "almost" 5 year old that is more like a 15 year old in attitude (!) and a sweet near perfect 6 month old... both girls!

I totally hear what you're saying... and I'm always feeling like the worst mom in the world. My sister... God bless her, has a 5000 sq ft house, 4 girls, 3 different schools to drop off at in 3 different towns!!! She she "time" with her hubby EVERY DAY and has NEVER been 15 lbs over her pre-pregnancy weight 6 months after having a baby!!!! She's SUPER mom. Not perfect, but I feel like the worst mom in the world next to her...

My hubby is a coach. He's NEVER home, I do everything.... take care of the 2 kids, the 2 dogs, the cleaning, cooking, laundry, bills, errands, some yardwork... he never spends time with my oldest daughter at bedtime, except to get on to her when she's not doing what he wants her to do. (she's from a previous marriage)

I totally feel your pain! I feel like I can NEVER get caught up. I worked for the last 10 years, and this is my first time to "stay at home". My 4 year old is so bored.. she loves kids and people but we can't afford to have her in extra activities. Plus, since I'm doing everything at home, I don't have time!!! I too tell her "later" when I'm finally getting to watch something on TV rather than PBSkids or Noggin!

HEre's my biggest complaint... I FINALLY got my scrapbooking stuff out on the kitchen table. 2 months ago!!! Its still out and I promised myself I'd work on it when the kids are in bed, or while my husband is away. I haven't touched it in 2 months. But its just such a pain to set up... I keep thinking "tomorrow... I'll get to it, when I have the house clean" WHICH NEVER HAPPENS!!!

I feel like the fattest, worst housekeeping, non-creative, short-tempered mom on the planet! If only we didn't have to sleep, (or eat)....

Hang in there. There are no "perfect moms" or "perfect housekeepers"... but like my mom always told me, "Cleaning the house while the kids are still growing, is like shoveling the sidewalk, while its still snowing.."

Besides, I'm sure its in "John and K.'s" contract that she has housekeepers to MAKE her look perfect hahahahhaa...

You're doing just fine - turn off the tv moms and watch Dateline to see how the guys are handling pressure :-)

My kids are now 9, 7 and 4 and I still haven't got it down. I have confessed to my husband that I'm either a slob or normal - his call, but accept it. I'm only one person, and I guarantee you this little group of guitar players, choir singers, scouts and 4H members along with all of their fun pets would fall apart if I ran out of steam.

So I ban them from the room two hours a week so I can watch Idol in peace. And once a month I got out to dinner with naughty fun girlfriends.

Love your post - hang in there.

You are right on the money honey. Celeb's are in lala land and if I had their finacial means , I probably could make a good run at being a close to perfect mom. But that is not reality for this SAHM of 14 years with 4 kids. I figure if the fam's happy, your doing a good job. The kids could care less about the stuff we do(home cooked, healthy meals, clean house, etc.) My flock is happy with basic food, hot dogs, hamburgers, corndogs and spaghetti. They love chocolate milk and sweet tea. And as long as thet have SOMETHING to wear and cover them, they're fine. Don't sweat the small stuff. Look for smiles on their faces and a basically good disposition and be thankful we are home with them keeping them out of trouble. Set your own standards that are pleasing in Gods eye and know that He's the only judge, certainly not the American eye. There are too many false standards and hyppocrites out there that don't deserve your attention. And yes we all make mistakes. Learn from them and move forward. Concentrate on today. Lots of good wishes for you. A. M.

No one is perfect, we should never compare ourselves to others. Your first priority is to your children and husband, and a good loving nurturing relationship. Everything else being (perfect) isn't realistic. Enjoy life. There is a middle. Too neat or too sloppy isn't so good, the middle about anything is better. Enjoy!

I think perfection is when your babies come up to you after a long day of playing outside they snuggle up to you and tell you they love you. And dont see the pile of dishes only that You were out there with them playing just as hard.
We only have so much time to play with our kids and go on adventures with them.
To me let the dishes sit there one more hour. Playing with the children is all that I have right this minute to let them know I love them.
Thats perfect LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!

On "Jon and K." - that woman has a lot of help and she needs it! Remember that your kids will only be little for a while and then they will grow up and leave home and then you will have your clean house back.
I also think that too many moms try to do everything themselves. Teach your kids to make their bed, put away their folded clothes and clear their dishes from the table. As they get older give them regular chores to do. My 16 year old takes out the trash whenever I need it done. That 5 minutes it saves me doesn't seem like much but it is and it teaches your kids about responsibility. I also let him know what a great help it is to me.

Wow! That's a lot to think about. Just remember- your mom wasn't perfect and you turned out just fine. I will venture to say that her mom wasn't perfect, either... and her's wasn't either. Guess what- there is also no such thing as a perfect child or family! You sound like you are doing an awesome job, though. Who cares if there are dishes in the dishwasher and laundry to be done? Like my granddad used to say: A clean house is a life misspent. Enjoy your kids while you have them!!!

I once listened to my mom, the church ladies, and his mom. Please!!!! Life is no longer the same and I am not going to stress myself out!!! I set my own "bar" that changes daily based upon what I have to do and what mood I am in. lol Girl, if I based my life on a television show or a celebrity I would need medication!! I too have three kids, a full time job, church, a dog, coach a U6 soccer team, drive 81 miles round trip to and from work, and a husband (who is part time :) ). Set your own "bar" and move it to meet your needs NOT the "make believe world" that exists on television.

Believe me the grocery stores continue to stock frozen dinners because there is a market!!! Schwans has made a business on people like us!! lol

Just keeping it real.........

Girl!
I hear you!
You are amoung friends. I think most people are going to agree with you.
I felt like you were describing me as you were talking about yourself.
We have to be the best Moms we can be and be there for our kids and husbands, but have time to ourselves too.
Hang in there!

Amen girl! You hit the nail on the head with this post- I am sure there are millions of Moms who feel the same way. I am one of them!!!

Dear K.-
You sound absolutely delightful! This is the truth that drives us all mad! I too fall into the tangled web of deception that I am not good enough (we ALL do). With or without the media, I think we would still feel this inadequacy. As woman we have a tendency to compare ourselves to other woman. We have done it all our lives and will continue until the end. Why? I do not know! There are days that all goes well, and weeks were it all falls apart!!! I think we would all love for our children to one day look back and remember how fun we were, how much time we spent with them, how we loved our spouse, and treated others, how we handled conflict, and how we knew when to apologize.......not how dust and clutter free our home was. Nobody can do it all (at least not for more than 3 days in a row....Ha!)! Focus on what is most important to you, your husband, and babies! Let the rest be not so perfect and enjoy the NOW!!

Joyfully,
W.

K.. Here is a wonderful poem I have always used to keep the important things in life first.
Babies Don’t Keep
by Ruth Hulburt Hamilton

Mother, O Mother, come shake out your cloth,
Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
Hang out the washing, make up the bed,
Sew on a button and butter the bread.

Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She’s up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.

Oh, I’ve grown as shiftless as Little Boy Blue,
Lullabye, rockabye, lullabye loo.
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo

The shopping’s not done and there’s nothing for stew
And out in the yard there’s a hullabaloo
But I’m playing Kanga and this is my Roo
Look! Aren’t his eyes the most wonderful hue?
Lullabye, rockaby lullabye loo.

The cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow
But children grow up as I’ve learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs; Dust go to sleep!
I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep.

We only have our little ones for a short time and they are the most important thing in our lives. You will have plenty of time for the spotless house when they are grown. Spend as much time as you can enjoying these times. You can never get them back when they are over. Create memories with your children now. From a SAHGM who has raised her own 3dc and now is raising 3 grandchildren and 2 great nieces and 2 great nephews. (My 2 niece's children) I wouldn't change a thing even if it meant a spotless home,happy husband and no bills.
He is a great man to do all he does for us and I love him with all my heart. But he can be irratating when he asks " What have you been doing all day? Certainly not cleaning."

Oh girl...I hear ya. I get so tired of when my husband comes in from a day at work (building houses for a living), he says..."WHAT did you do ALL DAY?" GEE....let me see....DUH!

He makes me so irritated, and to me he thinks that SAHM's are prefect, and the house needs to be spotless, so you can eat off the floor, and everything needs to be neat and nothing should be undone. BOY....he lives in a FANTASY WORLD. :o)

I so agree with all these moms...take your time with the kids that is the most important thing of all....not the dishes, laundry, etc.

Also....TAKE time for YOURSELF as you do! It keeps us normal, and in tone with us. We, as SAHMs, need down time....and I am all for it.

Keep up the good work...I have 3 kids (at home) too, and our youngest is 18 months. I say to those who think they are perfect, as well as my hubby, if you think you can do a better....come live at my house and I'll go out for the day. When I return....we'll see how much you have done! :o)

~S.

OH...ps....I dvr The Days of Our Lives & General Hospital...I watch them at nap time when getting my 18 mo to sleep....LOVE IT!!!

Dear K.,
Sounds like you are a very good mon. It is ok if you go to bed sometimes and everything isn't done.That doesn't mean your not a good mon ,or house keeper.
Those tv shows aren't realiest.I use to think because my family wasn't like Father Knows Best I was doing something wrong.Well I found out later I was ok. So don't beat your self up .Just because you and another mom don't do thinks the same way doesn't mean either one of you are wrong.I'm 67 yrs. young I use to be a slave to my house.Don't do that enjoy your family while they are young.
Hope this helps you ,you have to please you not someone else
Have a great day
J. G

I am just going to respond with my John and K. rant for am moment, because for the most part I have accepted that I will never be a perfect mom, but my kids are allowed to get messy, make mistakes and live a little. I watched the show last night, as always, and love seeing how they live! But, the 7 year olds dont get to use markers because it may stain clother...hello, they are washable! Part of growing up, and good parenting, is to let go and let them get messy. They dont have to look perfect, they need to have fun and be happy. And, I have an in home day care, so I am well aware of what it takes to deal with 6 toddlers, and they all paint, color with markers, play in the dirt, or side walk chalk, and have a great time. There is lots to be said for a clean house, but like I tell my parents when they pick their kids up...be happy that my house is a bit messy, it means that I have been with your kids playing. Does that mean we can let things get totally out of control...NO, and I am trying to formulate a better routine in order to help control the chaos at times, but for the most part, just relax, do what you can, and hopefully the rest will just work itself out. And just think, when your kids are older would you rather hear them say, "I remember when my mom let us paint all over each other (including her) with water colors, and then we got in the shower with our clothes on..a true story BTW" or would you rather them say..."I remember being stuck down in the play room while my mom mopped the floor 3 times a day, and finally getting to paint when I turned 18!" Just a little perspective ~A.~

this could possibly be taken the wrong way but here I go anyway...my sil is always coming to me for advice on her child and we have exact opposite views on how things should be done. i always tell her...just because thats not how i do it does not make it wrong for you to do it that way. my point is...i am the "perfect" mom for my child just as you are the "perfect" mom, wife, caretaker...whatever...for your family. it is not about the things we get done...it is all about what we teach our children and what we believe in. that's what makes us all "perfect" in my eyes. look at everything we do day to day. big deal if you feed them tv diners one night, or even two nights. my daughter eats asparagus everyday. she loves it. big deal. it makes her happy and thats great for me.

this world woud be so boring if we were perfect!!

my husband said just last night, our room looks al ittle trashy with all this laundry not put away.... i just laughed and remebered the great day off i had with my little one's!!

oh, and i dvr "the bachelor" and watch this when I nurse...

we all know how you feel and you sound like a great mom!!

I agree with you completely. I never seem to find the time to get everything done or sometimes anything done. I am a SAHM to a 7 yr old and a 3 yr old. Two girls and it is hard to find the time to keep everything going. We live with my parents and brother so the house is getting cramped with 7 people in a 4 bedroom house. My mom and I are trying to run a craft business and she works full time so most of the production of our products falls on me. It just seems nothing gets done because there always intreputions. As soon as start something here comes someone with something else they want me to do. I was reading where Jennifer Lopez has 2 baby nurses, but they like to change the diapers themselves. Great, where is MY baby nurse so I can look gorgeous and well rested.LOL Just my thoughts. And if one more person says they did their job because they worked an eight hour shift outside the house I will scream. I get tired of the same four walls. I love my children but somedays I am ready to go back to work so I don't feel guilty for not getting it all done and not being the "perfect" mom.

hello!

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Hi K.,
I do know how you feel. I have 3 very close in age and they are now 17,18 and 20 and it is just now a whole new set of feeling at a different age. I recently read a book that was written by a friend of my daughters mother who is a psycholigist and the name of the book is "Even June Cleaver would forget the juice box". by Ann Dunnewold Ph.D. You should be able to get it at Barnes and Noble...it is about that same feeling in inadequacy that you speak of and how to survive in today's society of "super Moms"...check it out and it just may help. C.

You are completely right, and justified in how you feel. When I had my first child, it seemed like EVERYONE except me had it all together, and I was just a basketcase! Then I joined a Mom's bible study group and HALLELUJIA I met other moms who would come in crying because their child threw a gigantic fit, wouldn't eat, wouldn't potty train,etc. and for the first time in two years I felt normal. The pressure on women is completely unrealistic!! And not to sound like I am even comparing anyone to anyone, but as a SAHM now I feel much more pressure than I ever did when I was working. When you are working, people always say "Wow, you've got so much on your plate, it's okay that your house isn't perfect, kids are dirty, whatever, but when you stay at home EVERYONE expects you to be almost perfect. It is so INFURIATING! And to top all that off, you have the pressure to be involved in every committee, the leader of some troop, the coach of some team, the "can you pick up my kids?" person 24/7!!! I am now picking up my neighbors kids every single day from school with my children because they both went to work without even thinking of how their kids were going to get back and forth to school, then right before school started I get "I didn't think you would mind picking up my four children with your three every stinking day since you DON'T WORK"!!! Yeah, right. Sorry, I'm venting now.

T.

I am a mom of 3 girls too! I understand the perfect pressure. One other thing that really surprised me was this pressure also came from the mothers (my mom and mom-inlaw). I don't think she has a real life view on how much things have changed. They seem so surprised if i run off to do something with my girl friends, which i believe a must to keep any marriage and me sane, and my husband gladly spends the day with the girls. They call it baby sitting and i gently remind them that it is not baby sitting, they are his children. My husband, like a lot now, is very very involved in the rearing of his children. I constantly have ot hear the stories about how well dressed we always were and how much they cooked and how nice the house looked. And that we never talked back and how they never had a discipline problem. I don't think they rally mean any harm. I think it is just them looking back and reflecting...but with rose colored glasses. I was that kid that my mom talks about and i remember some things too, and well, our stories don't match. Even though i know what they are saying isn't all true, i find it unsettling that they aren't more supportive. After all, i work 40 hours a week, coach soccer, and do a fairly great job on my house...meaning i can usually have company pop in at anytime without be totally embarrassed. My husband and i load our weekends with family activities as much as we can, not b/c we have but b/c we want to. We eat together at the table at 3-4 times in a 7 day course. I don't think that is too bad. I love them and i wouldn't change a thing right now...toher than everyones lotto wish. I jsut have to remind them how nice it was that they didn't work, there weren't many activites around for children and it was still safe to let your children play outside and run the neighborhood without fear of them being taken. The last point is my big seller.... Now i have to pay for them to do safe activities that are constantly supervised and so structured that it is no wonder kids act out at home. The freedoms i had of building forts with every neighbor kid around and we had to figure it out, make decisions, hurt feelings or each other but we got to learn. My prayer..........i pray that i am a better parent than mine where and i pray that my kids are better parents than we are. To be better, not perfect. Good luck!!!!!!!! Ps...i hardly watch tv anymore, it pisses me off.

I don't think anyone is perfect either. As long as you are there for your children, love them unconditionaly, etc. you are doing the best you can and that is as close to perfection as anyone really gets.

There was a time when I did all of that and held down a full time job. When I first left the working world (pregnant) I moved from Tucson, AZ to Quebec, Cananda with one child 3 years (drove across the country to do this -- took a good week). After having the second, the house became a wreck and I figured out a plan. Do a "to do" list and break up all the chores by am and pm and by the day. It took about a month but it worked. The house stayed clean, the laundry got washed, folded and put away, houe was cleaned, diapers washed, bread was made twice a week and dinner from scratch was on the table at 5pm. We took a nap from 1:30 to 3:00pm and went to the part in the spring before dinner. The to do list gave me time to have my time without anybody (usually a bath with the door closed for an hour a day). Meals were planned for the month with an extra week as fill ins. All items needed for the meals were purchased and anything not on the list was NOT bought. As the children got bigger and we were back in teh states, I had to juggle football practice for the son and daises for the daughter. Drop the daughter off, pick up the son and then turn around pick up the daughter and join the son and dad after work. In the evening I would do ceramics and fill a kiln up at 11pm and open the lid at 5:30am the next morning and get everyone ready for work. It was a very tight routine but it worked for us. So yes, Jon & K. can work but you don't have time for dogs or cats or other things. However, none of us are as controlling and OCD as K. is and clean the floor 3 times a day either. Just figure out what your family needs and go from there. The days of the supermoms are pretty much over as we realize we CAN'T be all things to all people all the time. Have a very good day.

Hi K. I think every mom here can relate to you. I also work fulltime, up at 5:00 sometimes 4:30 get my kids clothes done(i'm that crazy mom who irons there uniforms!!!)& mine then if they want lunch packed get that don and try to be out the door by 6:30 and if I have my oldest out the door earlier to trek him ti his dad's house for school. Work all day then come home to a dirty house cause my hubby doesn't like to pitch around the house unless he has too...And if there's practice or a game then that also comes in the picture...But I can go on and on...So what your going thru it's so normal . I have days and wonder how do I make it thru the day w/out falling apart? Or the least falling dead asleep folding a load. (which I have been known to do as well!)Famours mom's I think know nothing about the ins and out of real motherhood. They have nannies, cook, drivers. There are days I wish I did have one of those to so I can catch my breath but I don't so I do what I gotta do for the kids.And yes whenI want to watch a show or fall asleep early I feel guilty cause that took time away from my kids. But you must remember this you do need to make some kind of time for yourself . Alot of the times I think of that phrase" God doesn't give us more than he thinks we can handle?"I sit back and ponder that. and ask huh and then I think he must have a good sense of humor.Cause what was he thinking when he gave me 4 kids and two of them are twins.But I love my life and wouldn't trade for anything. There isn't a mom here who doesn't know what your feeling. Keep up the good work with your kids and enjoy every minute you have with them while there young.

Hi K.,

I to am a mother of 3 two teens and a infant. I learned from a elder at our church it is ok to have thing out of sort. I love the poem the last person sent read it, live it. That is the best advice you will ever get. Let the cobwebs hang, leave the dust bunnies on the floors. When you walk into someoe house who has them, and you hear someone say "oh my" she is not kept (not keeping a perfect house or such). Tell them to look at her family, children are happy, happy husband, this shows that she spends more time on the more important things in life even if it is just watching tv. These TV moms all I have to say Is ROFL they have money they hire home school teachers they have chefs cooking their meals, they have sitters who play with their kids, while they are out doing what they do best ACTING. What the question should have been was why are you here and not at home holding your children. God gave us children to love and enjoy he didnt put them in our trust to make sure that everything is in place or perfect...In my book there is no perfect mom and dont let them tell you different the perfect mom if you look at her also has her problems, she is just better at covering them up.

Sometimes I meet moms and I'm thinking, "OMG, this a f*n joke, nobody can be that perfect!" My sister for one has her kids in every extracurricular activity you can name, plus her and her husband both work full time jobs, yet their house is always spotless! I always felts jealous, until one day I find out that she is very depressed because she feels as though she doesn't even know her own kids. I have come to the realization that nobody is perfect, everyone that seems to be, is just bluffing! Sometimes I feel like I am the worse mother in the world, but then I watch Super Nanny and I know I am doing quite well.

Boy, do I know how you feel. I found a website that is as close to a magic bullet as it gets. Check out www.flylady.com

Good luck and remember that no one is perfect.