Keeping Children from the Truth

What you wrote in your email seems a little misleading. Here is the actual transcript of what you saw:
NBC’S MATT LAUER: “If it's working Senator, do you now have a better estimate of when American forces can come home from Iraq?”

SEN. MCCAIN: “No, but that's not too important. What’s important is the casualties in Iraq, Americans are in South Korea, Americans are in Japan, American troops are in Germany. That’s all fine. American casualties and the ability to withdraw; we will be able to withdraw. General Petraeus is going to tell us in July when he thinks we are. But the key to it is that we don't want any more Americans in harm's way. That way, they will be safe, and serve our country and come home with honor and victory, not in defeat, which is what Senator Obama's proposal would have done. I’m proud of them. And they're doing a great job. And we are succeeding and it's fascinating that Senator Obama still doesn't realize that.”

If you read all of what he said, what he is saying is that we want to bring troops home the when is not as important as doing it safely and following the advice of those who are actually there. Your children should study everything said in that one breath just to make sure they fully understand what was said. It's easy not to hear the rest of what someone says just because we are shocked by the initial statement.

I totally understand how you feel. I agree with you. I think if it does happen that a great lesson on the balance of power with Congress would be in order. In fact, encourage your future voters to write letters to your congressman and tell them how they feel. It may help them feel like they have made their voice heard.

I find your words "that the United States doesn't care about their Daddy if he becomes President" strong and scarry myself. Yes, tell the children the truth. If this is the conclusion they came to on their own then giving them different view points and more facts is nothing but kind, responsible, and healthy for their well being. In addition to what the other Moms suggested you can show them ways the United States does love and support their soldiers. There is the national prayer site where individual soldier names are put and then strangers volunteer to pray for them. There are all sort of care package and letter writing campains from many different United State troop supporters. Look on the web site for many examples of how our troops, including their Daddy, are loved, respected and treasured by the United States of America. I care, my family cares, my neighbor cares, my town cares, my state cares, and my country cares about their Daddy coming home safely and full of his love for them.

Firstly, I am sorry that your husband is in Iraq. Deployment is very stressful. My husband was in Iraq as well, though only for 8 months. The following comments are not meant to spark a political debate, just to suggest how to talk to your children. This is just my opinion as well, so feel free to dismiss.

In my opinion, you shouldn't keep the truth from them (and you really can't). If John McCain gets elected, they are old enough that they will find out. What you can do, is not re-enforce their fears. Explain that politics is complicated and people have different views on how to handle situations, but both McCain and Obama care about the troops. "Truth" in this case is relative. Even if Obama gets elected, we really don't know how soon the troops will be home. If you want to involve them in the election excitement, I think you should focus on Obama's other policies and explain that the American people are voting on many issues, not just the war. Don't say things like,"If Obama doesn't get elected, your daddy won't come home." Not to say that you shouldn't talk about Obama's views on the Iraq war, but if you personalize it to that extent, your children will be really stressed out if he doesn't win. Again, it is not the truth that Obama will bring the troops home immediately. It is the truth that he wants to bring them home. Most likely, neither candidate will effect your husband's current deployment. It will probably be a slow process of pull-out. I am an Obama supporter, by the way, but no matter what the candidates say, we can't know what they will actually do or the timeline. So,involve your children, but don't make things so dire or black and white because it is too much for them to handle.

I don't envy the task you're facing--these are complicated issues to explain! But I applaud you for trying to educate your children.

Though the phrasing of McCain's comment was unfortunate, perhaps it would help your children to explore the full context of the comment. I believe he went on to say that making Iraq a safer place and reducing the number of casualties was the priority, and reducing the number of troops there was secondary to that. Not necessarily what we want to hear as spouses, but a valid and probably realistic point.

I don't always agree with McCain's positions and will likely vote for Obama, but I respect McCain and think he is a true patriot. It might help ease your children's fears if they learned a bit about McCain's background and military service. I don't think any of us believe he doesn't care about the troops!

Also, maybe you can use this as a bit of a history lesson. Since you live in Germany, you can talk about World War II, and why the American military still has an active presence in countries like Germany and Italy. Korea is another good example here.

I believe education is power! You're doing a good job educating your kids!

They should be afraid! My husband is in the Army as well and there is no way in hell that either of us would EVER vote for a GOP candidate. They got us into this mess!

Your children should be proud to be "Army brats." Their father is a hero who bravely serves our nation and for that we can ALL be thankful.

I would suggest that if your children are old enough to ask the questions, they are old enough for an age appropriate true (unbiased) answer. It's important for them to learn that sound bites are used to create just that kind of emotional response, and instead urge them to understand what McCain said in context. Bringing the troops home is, of course, important; however, as commander in chief he is obligated to look at a bigger picture and evaluate the effects of bringing the troops home too quickly. They are old enough to start researching the candidates to form a more informed opinion for themselves. I recommend starting by allowing them to veiw each of their campaign websites. This is also a good time to explain the political process and the importance of voting - and then supporting whomever does become president.

I am a strong Mccain supporter and my husband has also deployed several times with OIF..I think you should let your children read what Mccain really thinks about our troops..let them know he has been a troop before and understands the importance of time away from family. It is hard to even think of another republican at a time when as a spouse we have been through so much. All of our soldeirs have done a amazing job in keeping our country free and keeping us strong. Read learn why any politician thinks a certain way. Make sure your choices are based on what is good for us as a miliary community..We should have to leave Iraq soon anyway the UN will not let us stay much longer..Politics are always a sensitive thing for all of us..Not just deployments are effected by a new president..Good luck S. A

I don't think it's ever a good idea to shield your children from the truth, but there is an age-appropriate way of telling them the truth. I think you need to find the words to convey to them that just because the president says that the troops will stay in Iraq does not mean their father will not come home. If they are as intelligent as you say, then they will understand when you explain deployment cycles. Besides, if McCain is elected, I don't think you will be able to hide that fact from your oldest children. Good luck!