Keeping My Sanity with My Two Year Old!!!!

Two books by John Rosemond might be helpful: "A Family of Value" (for all ages of children) and "Making the 'Terrible' Twos Terrific!" I find the advice very common-sense, and geared toward helping parents feel in control of themselves and not at the mercy of their children. With a dose of healthy flexibility and humor.

I can identify! There are days I want to lock my two-year-old in his room and run away! I don't know how verbal your son is, so he might not be able to articulate quite what he's desiring, but I have a thought. My son DOES speak well (which can sometimes be VERY overwhelming), and he has been asking me lately to play with him. I at first was reluctant to sit down and play with him thinking I'd never get up and get anything done. So, I'd tell him to go play with his big sisters. But, then I started agreeing. I'd tell him up front that I'd play for a few minutes and then go to get some of my work done. We found a very defined activity - he loves his cars, and he has a table he plays with them on. So, we sit down and "park" all of his cars. When that is finished, he feels that I have played sufficiently, and we can each do our own things. It seems the mornings that I set aside those five minutes to enjoy playing with him, he is a different child! Right now, for instance, he is calmly (although rather loudly) entertaining himself by looking through a book and labeling all of the pictures.

I would recommend trying to find one play activity that is just for the two of you - without your daughter, if at all possible. (I know that's hard with her being younger, but it will help if you can do it.) Try giving him your undivided attention even for five minutes and then tell him it's time to do Mommy things. It will take a couple of days to "train" him in this, so be patient! He also might want to join you in your Mommy things. I usually say yes, only to find that my son goes off on his own within minutes. Mommy things are a bit boring, but if he knows he can get your attention when he needs it, he will be more likely to entertain himself the rest of the time.

Hope that helps, even to just get a few moments of peace! It won't always work, but it might improve his behavior and give you at least a couple of days a week where he is more self-entertained.

read 'discipline without distress' it has changed me and my two year old's lives. no more tantrums, peaceful discussions of why and when. seriously. i think it is by judy arnall. we went from thirty minute screaming tantrums to 'mommy i feel (sad, mad, whatever) will you help me?' in about two days. seriously. check it out.

"Taming the Spirited Child: Strategies for Parenting Challenging Children Without Breaking Their Spirits" by Michael Popkin is an excellent book. I am a mom of 3 & was relieved to find this with my last child, when she was 2 and I was desperate. She is different than my other children and I have learned to stay a few steps ahead of her after reading this book. It works.

It sounds like he is just headstrong, I also have a very headstrong daughter and this is what worked with her....Giving her choices. Many times children feel like they have no contorl over their lives, mom or dad tell them what to wear, when to eat, what to eat, etc. By giving the child choices, they feel like they are in control (when actually, you still are!). The key is to give 2 choices with each question (and ask as many as possible to give them more choices), either choice you are happy with.

Example:
When your son tells you he is thirsty, you say:
Would you like the red cup or the orange one?
Would you like juice or milk?
Would you like a lid or a straw?
Would you like to drink it in the kitchen or at the dining room table?

This works with discipline too...
When your son shows inappropriate behaviour, you say:
That behaviour is not acceptable in our home (or at church, or at the supermarket, etc.), would you like to spend 5 minutes of time out in on your bed or in the dining room chair? If the child refuses to choose, you just up the time and repeat the same question. Again, if they refuse to choose, you just up the time and repeat the same question. Eventually they will see that the time is getting longer and longer and will choose.

The tough part is sticking with it in the beginning. When they refuse to choose (when it's not discipline) or try to give another option, you choose for them and STICK TO IT. This teaches them that if they won't choose from your options that you will take control back and choose for them. It won't take very long until they will choose because they will learn that if they don't you will choose for them and take the control away. If they refuse to choose (when it is discipline) you just keep upping the time and at some point you just stick with it so they will remember the next time that the punishment is worse if they don't choose.

My daughter is now 17 and a wonderful young lady, however, at 2 she was driving me crazy because she was so stubborn and strong willed. This method worked wonders on her, even in her potty training. These children won't do what you want them to do just because you want them to do it, they won't do it until they decide to do it and that can be quite frustrating!

Good luck!!!

All of us have felt like that on occasion. And don't expect it to only be when he's two! You'll feel like you're at your wits end all through his life (yes, even when he's 18, going to college, and still living at home, lol!). As long as you are consistently disciplining him when he's wrong, he'll get through it - and so will you. Even when you feel like you are accomplishing as much as you would talking to a brick wall, be consistent and don't stop. It will sink in and you'll get through this stage.

And start another.

;)

(Oh, and if it helps, all three of my "brats" turned out wonderfully. They are now 20, almost 19, and 14, and are the best people you could ever hope to meet. It does get better!)

J.,

I can relate to your situation. My daughter is very high energy. We make sure she gets some outdoor activity time so she can run or ride her back to let it out. Also we have started cutting her nap to no more than an hour and a half. This seem to help somewhat. Maybe he's getting too much rest for his body makeup. We cut back on the sugar intake especially in the afternoon. She knows that she is only allowed sugar free stuff and is very limited during the day. Cutting back on her name time and making sure she had a way to release her high energy level helped alot. I don't think he's a brat, all kids are made up differently. As for you being as your wits end, you need some Mommy time to regain your thoughts. You deserve it. Best of luck, and Merry Christmas

J.,

Terrible Two's. Any of us with children older than two have seen them! Yikes. It can be very frustrating and the only thing I can suggest is that when you do discipline him, stick with it and NEVER lose your temper. Be calm even if you have to walk away and count to 10 to calm down. If we don't keep control of ourselves, they will not learn to keep control. It is a normal two year old thing. They are learning how far they can push you, but as long as you are consistent, they will come through it and so will you.

You've heard the saying "it's different with your own kids"? It's true. Your son will try to push harder than the kids you taught to see just how far he can go. Continue with the punishment you have chosen and stick to it. Consistency is the key. If your family doesn't think he is being a brat, then he probably isn't. In my experience, family will be the first to point out that kind of thing. He's just being 2. As long as you don't back down now, things will get easier as he gets older. Good luck.
J.

just be consistent, do what you say you're going to do, they go through stages where some things work, some don't, but if you're consistent, they'll eventually get it. just wait...7 is like 3 and testing all over again!! He may not totally understand you yet, but he will. Just remember it passes, and it does quickly, so don't rush it, and try to enjoy them at every level.

Kids always act bette for their teacher than for their parent. They save their really crazy behavior for the one they love the most - isn't that an honor! But seriously, if you had the skills for managing a classroom of preschoolers, you have the skills for one 2 yr old. You take his behavior more personally, but think of this as any other kid in your class. How would you have handled it? Consistent, consistent, consistent - same response every time (another reason kids so better at school - the rules and consequences are more clear)
If you want to brush up on your skills or learn about some other phylosophies, there are great books available at the library (Love & Logic, 1,2,3 Magic). But I think it has happened to most of us at one time or another (looking at our own child and thinking "OMG I'm raising a brat!") you'll get throught it!

Home is different-I taught preschool too and thought time out was the way to go-not for my daughter! What is he doing exactly that is causing you to loose your wits-my daughter is strong willed-we got "The Strong Willed Child" by Dr. James Dobson and it has helped tremendously, he is a Christian writer whose focus is children and has written plenty on discipline. I'm sure your library will have many of his books, you could check out and see what you think!

I know exactly what you are going through. I have an almost 2 year old and she drives me up the wall sometimes. I was working and I thought her behavior was because I was leaving her. Now that I'm not working she is still going through the fits of screaming and fussing. Like yours , she gets a well rested nap everyday and she doesn't get any sugar. Sometimes she wakes up from her nap worse than when she went to bed. There is no use in whipping anymore, I just put her in time out. Works better with her dad for some reason. If you have any ideas please let me know. Thanks C.