My 2 and 3 year old boys sit in car seats that are right next to each other. There is no other option such as a third row of seats to separate them. We have a 40 minute commute to day care and work and I'm at my wits end. My older son hits, kicks, and steals my younger sons toys. I can't pull over every 2 seconds to have a time out, I can't turn around and stop the offender, I can't spend 40 minutes yelling every morning. Suggestions?
No toys in the car. Is that an option?
Also if he "touches" the other O.....can he have a time out when he gets to daycare? Just a thought.
No fighting allowed. Enforce. Discipline. One warning they will both have a consequence if you have to stop the car. Calmly follow through. Swat for each. Repeat as necessary. They should be following your warnings in the car as well as at home. Firm it up. My brother and I would always stop if my dad said to, and he never even had to stop the car and give us the what for, because we knew he would. The warning was plenty. Likewise, I've never had to stop the car and dole any consequences, because the kids know I will if I have to.
My kids are allowed to argue as much as I feel like listening to (because it's sort of hilarious sometimes-now they have the 1 year old baby between them shouting along) but they know to stop when I say stop due to discipline. You can do it! It's not so much about what they're doing as learning to always do what you say including no fighting in the car. Be consistent.
Invest in a DVD for the car. That's what we did. We have two kids thirteen months apart. And it's the younger one (the girl) who we call the thug diva. We would put them in the car and they would fight and fuss, or my daughter would throw fits until she threw up if she didn't get her way. We don't use it for short trips like 10 minutes, but it is invaluable as a distraction tool for trips like your commute. It doesn't have to be a cartoon, it can be a home movie. We even had movies of dad reading stories. Whoever has the best behavior gets to pick the dvd. We didn't have anything installed, we just bought a portable dvd and set it on the console and they watch.
I understand you probably want some ideas for behavior modification, but that's something you are going to have to tackle NOT of the 40 minute commute and this could be a big help in the meantime. I would rather my kids watch a movie and we all be safe in the car, myself, and then I could work of behavior later with practice drives where we go over rules and a rewards and consequences chart.
Hope this helps
L.
Your question makes me laugh. I can remember the days of the endless fighting in the back seats, and me with my arm flailing behind me, never hitting anything. Sometimes pulling over to the side of the road, telling them we weren't going anywhere till the fighting stopped.
I'll let other moms give you suggestions. I was never successful at stopping it. :)
I would take out all the toys in the car and let them each take 1 only. Thats the only thing that worked for my 2. We have a movie playing and a snack if its more than 30 minutes in the car. Short trips don't warrent a movie, but longer ones or a commute would be fine to have. I agree with needed to teach your son about his behavior, but I also understand the out of control feeling when you are TRYING TO DRIVE!!!
Something else that helps is that I recently switched to the Christian radio station. Its strange, but it hleps keep me grounded and calmer and the kids are actually enjoying the music as well. They are much quieter in the car.
My brother started the best idea I can come up with for you. He tells his kids to put their hands in the air over their heads. When they can be quiet for 3 minutes (with hands in the air not touching each other), then they can put their hands down. He says the looks he gets from passing cars is very amusing. Of course there should be consequences at home for the behavior... Enjoy the "hold up".
My stepsons are only 13 months apart and I met their dad when they were 5 and 6, so they were already a little older than yours. When they started up the shenanigans, Dad's approach was to make each of them stare out the window on their side, and not have any eye contact or talking between them (at home he would seperate them and make them stand in opposite corners and the "look out your window" was the best he could do in the car). If they happened to be with me and I had already warned them once or twice, I would simply pull over, stop the car, and tell them I would not drive until they knocked it off.
They used to have to share a bed for a couple of years when they stayed with us on the weekends and that was a constant hassle too. Finally in desperation I told them I would give each of them a dollar if they went to bed and neither of them came out of the room complaining about the other one. That worked great, especially since they didn't get an allowance otherwise. And it forced them to figure out things for themselves instead of constantly asking us to intervene (since you could never figure out who was really "at fault" as each one always blamed the other one). Maybe in the same vein, you could do a sticker chart - if they get through a one-way trip with no issues, they earn a sticker. And then so many stickers earns them a special treat.
I also have a long commute and my 2 and 4 year old fight constantly. Haven't tried it yet, but have considered carrying a squirt bottle in the car to squirt them with if they misbehave while I'm driving. Just a suggestion, not sure how effective it would be. Good luck!
Also, to distract them from bickering, we do the alphabet, numbers, and vowels together. Or I teach them about different things we drive by along the way. Helps keep them entertained as well as to pass the time on the long drive.
Sounds like my ride home just 10 mins ago. I hear ya.. so frustrating and so annoying. We are currently trying the "earn your reward" technique. So both my kids know that they are trying to earn something by being good. We don't use candy or treats as our reward though. Our rewards inlcude picking what is for lunch that day (which is a big deal in our household), or getting to pick when we get to go outside to play, or which tv show we get to watch for our down time or things like that. Our kids like the feeling of "control" and picking something out. And as I said before, it doesn't work all the time, but then they realize that they didn't behave and do not get their reward.
Good luck and I look forward to reading your other responses.
Well, you need to talk to the three year old and tell him that he must stop.....and if he doesn't...you are going to take away, or he's not going to get to do such and such........and start it as soon as he gets to the day care.....ask them to put him in a time out or not let him do something......if they can't or won't.......tell him that he will be punished accordingly at home.........I know he is young, but you have to do something to get it to stop....I would make no toys on the way to the day care.........can you put the seats any further apart? Put anything in the middle of them? Pillows or something? How about offering him a treat, or prize if he is good to and from the daycare? A sucker or a cheap toy when he gets home......worth a shot....even have it in the car to show him and tell him if he is good when you get home, he can have it.......
Be sure when he is being good in the car, you tell him he is being good too.....
Good Luck and maybe you need to pull over just once........and let him know you are serious.......that might help put a stop to it.........or leave really early so you can stop more than once to dish out a punishment...
Take care.
