Kids Growing Up!

I recommend getting a Maltese dog. I watch one for a friend and the thing tires me out completely ! They are cute and playful and only weigh 7lbs full grown.

i KNOW HOW YOU FEEL BELIEVE ME I HAVE ONE SON AND 3 GIRLS.. WHEN MY SON LEFT I WAS A MESS I CRIED SAT IN WHAT USE TO BE HIS ROOM AND JUST CRIED ALL THE TIME. IT WAS AWFUL BUT IT DOES GET BETTER TIME HEALS ALL WOUNDS..THEN MY DAUGHTER MOVED OUT AND THAT ALSO HURT BUT THEY BOTH OWN THERE OWN HOMES AND ARE DOING BETTER THEN ME LOL... KEEP IN TOUCH WITH THEM IT HELPS PLUS YOU NEED TO GET OUT AND DO THINGS. I HAD A HARD TIME WITH THAT TO CAUSE I DIDNT GO TO BARS AND HATED TO DO THINGS ALONE SO I CALLED SOME FRIENDS AND NOW I PLAY BINGO ON MONDAYS JOINED THE CHURCH CHOIR AND DO NEEDLEPOINT..I DONT KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE BUT IF ITS CLOSE ENOUGH WE CAN DO THINGS TOGETHER..I STILL HAVE TWO GIRLS AT HOME WITH ME 15 AND 10 BUT I CAN MAKE THE TIME IF YOU WANT TO DO SOMETHING EVEN IF ITS JUST HAVING COFFEE AT MY HOUSE.

R.,

It's funny you posted this today, I was just talking to my Mom about the same thing last night. My brother moved out last month, and he was the youngest. She's feeling totally out of sorts not having someone to cater to. She's spent 31 years being Mommy, and now all the birds have left the nest. I think it's a normal stage we all go through when that time comes that our babies aren't babies anymore.

I know you said that you aren't an outdoorsy person. Neither am I, but I'm very involved in all kinds of stuff. My outside activities keep me from losing my identity as a person in my identity as mommy. It's really important to me to be someone of my own, in addition to being defined by my relationships to other people, Mike's mommy, Michael's wife, etc. I need to be ME, as well.

I assume you are working, since you mentioned being divorced. Do you have friends through work you enjoy spending time with? Are there good causes and charities that touch your heart you could give some of your time and talents to? At 45, you're right, you are young. Have you ever thought about being a Big Sister to someone who needs a role model?

One of the things I do is sell Pampered Chef. It's challenging to run my own little empire, and I love the chance to meet so many people. When I go to work, I see a lot of realy nice women, and I've made some great friends, both customers and other consultants on my team. And there's the part where they give me money to do it, which ain't too shabby, you know? Have you ever thought about doing something like that?

More than anything R., it's about changing your focus. Your girls will always need their mommy, (I know I do!), but the role changes. I bet if you think way back, when they were little and demanded all of your time and energy, you can think of a bunch of things you wanted to do, if you only had the time. You have the time!! Fulfill a dream, chase a secret ambition you never took seriously, because of the kids. I know this one can be delicate, but maybe it would be a good time to think about dipping a toe in the dating pool, now that you're not worried about babysitters, and what the guy would think of two teenage girls at home, and all that stuff.

Try to look at all the opportunities that are beginning to be available to you now, R., and less at the "loss" of your Mommy status. You'll always be that, and plus, you have to go through this stage in order to someday get to have Grandmommy status! Won't that be fun?

Jess

I agree with what the other moms have said. Although I am younger with smaller children, I spend a lot of time at home. Until a year and a half ago, I spent even more time at home. Finding something you enjoy helps a lot, even if you are skeptical at first.
I became a Partylite consultant at that time. It helped me make a few bucks, while giving me time away from my house. I attend monthly trainings not only to learn things, but to take advantage of the socializing. Something like a home based business allows you to groom your own business, give you a sense of accomplishment, and meet lots of new people. Good Luck with it. (I would love to have you on my team if you are interested)

Hi R.;Been ther done that!Dennis says if you want, you can come and help him move his drums around or go fishing!lol.No really,if you don't want to be lonely,you will have to meet new people.It was hard when my daughter graduated and I didn't know what to do with myself.I felt lost.You need friends to talk to and do things with.You can't stay in the house forever.You can start by meeting a friend for coffee and talking to new people.Take one day at a time!That's what I had to do!

Aww, kids growing up! The best suggestions are, to be honest, break the habit of being a homebody, perhaps, get into some other hobbies that you enjoy. Or, any type of activities that you enjoy inside the house, you can meet up to do. If the homebody thing is getting tiresome, just walk out of the house, and go! It sounds easy, but I know that it isn't. There is a WHOLE WORLD out there of things to do. Comedy clubs, bowling, movies, bingo, social night clubs, anything. Or, you can take a course at a local college. Educate yourself in a craft that you may want to do, like pottery (not sure if you own a home), but you can plant a garden around your home. Not sure if you have pets, but you can buy a dog or a cat; usually pets help keep people company. The possibilities are unlimited, LOL! Good luck!

Hi R.,

Congratulations on the wonderful job that you did as a Mom! Its good when the kids have been taught well and they are able to go and establish lives for themselves. Parenting continues but just on a different level now. I'm sure that your daughter will be calling and visiting so keep your "Mommy" hat dusted off. (smile)

I suggest that you go to www.meetup.com I've found this site to be incredibly resourceful for getting together with others. You put in your zip code and your able to see the wonderful groups that are meeting on a weekly and monthly basis. There are groups that go to plays, dinners, cruises, wine tasting and so on. Guess what, if you don't find a group you can start one yourself! I started a playgroup for my youngest who is 10 months old and I had a really good response. Enjoy yourself as you start to get out and meet others and hopefully form some long lasting friendships. Live is full of beautiful places and beautiful people so I hope that you find your place in this new wonderful world of freedom that you have now.

I wish you and your girls all the best!

I wish I had an answer for you, I don't. I have kids that are 20, 18, 17, and a 2 yr old and am due again in less than 2 weeks. My kids are independent, my 20 year old wants to move to California to "make it big in show business" (writing shows for Comedy Central, she insists!) and I've always threatened her that if she moves I'll track her down, I can't live to far from them! I even offered to babysit their kids for free so they can have careers and not worry about child care, hoping this would keep them closer to me?! I know when my day comes and they're all grown and moved out I too won't know what the heck to do with myself! Before the kids came, I was just a teenage party animal, so there's nothing I would "go back to" as they leave the nest... time to develop some hobbies I guess! Maybe taking some classes given at night at a local high school on crochet, flower arranging, doing taxes even (!?) anything that interests you and might keep you occupied?

hi R.. My name is S. and I work from home. I have a great support team. We have a lot of fun and make money at the same time. It is away to get out with some poisitve women. I'd love to talk to you some more. email me at ____@____.com or call ###-###-####

Hi R.,

I haven't gone through this myself, but my understanding is that it helps to have hobbies or activities of your own to keep busy (so your life doesn't only revolve around your kids). I wonder whether you could do some part time volunteering somewhere? Or perhaps read books, magazines, newspapers on tape (agencies for the blind can direct you), since that is something you can do from home. Knitting and crotcheting are known for their soothing qualities - perhaps you already do that.

Be creative and try some new things to keep you busy!

Take care,
R. B.