Kids Wander into Parents' Room in the Middle of the Night

HELLO, I AM A MOTHER OF 7 KIDS AND I NEVER SEEM TO HAVE HAD THIS PROBLEM.. WHY WELL I STARTED THEM AT THE AGE OF ONE TO SLEEP IN THERE OWN BED YES THERE WERE TIMES WHEN IT WAS HARD AND A LOT OF SLEEPLESS NIGHTS BUT I NEVER GAVE IN .IF THEY COME INTO YOUR ROOM YOU OR YOUR HUSBAND NEED TO GET UP TAKE THEM BACK TO THERE ROOM AND EXPLAIN AT THERE LEVEL THAT THEY HAVE A ROOM AND MOM AND DAD HAVE THERE ROOM MOM AND DAD HAVE THERE SLEEPING SPACE AS DO YOUR KIDS AND LEAVE A NITE LIGHT ON IN THERE ROOM GIVE THEM A FAVORITE STUFF TOY OR BLANKET AND JUST KEEP TALKING TO THEM THREW OUT THE DAY AND NIGHT I HAVE TWO SETS OF TWINS AND THE OLDER SET WHICH ARE GIRLS I EVEN WENT AS FAR AS TO MAKE A BEDTIME CHART WITH STICKERS AND EVERY SUCCESSFUL NIGHT THEY HAD THE NEXT MORNING THEY GOT TO PUT A STICKER ON THERE CHART AND AT THE END OF THE WEEK THEY GOT TO DO SOMETHING SPECIAL...THAT WOULD BE YOUR CHIOCE,CRAFT,NEW TOY,GAME,BOOK,LUNCH OUT TRIP TO THE PARK.......GOOD LUCK

You really just need to put your foot down about it and be consistent. When they come into your room, no matter how tired or half-asleep you may be, you have to pick them up and return them to their own beds. Don't ever give in. Once they see that there is a way around it or that there's something they can do in order to get to stay in your room, they'll latch onto it and eventually wiggle their way back into your bed. Just keep doing it every single night and eventually they'll learn (hopefully sooner than later).

K.,

Can you put a gate across the door in the two-year old's room? It won't work for your daughter, but if your son can't get to you, he may stop bothering to wake up and try. It will be rough the first few nights when he get up and can't get out, but after a few tries, he'll stay in his room, since there's no other option.

Your daughter is a little harder. She's probably going to have to be conquered with a reward system. I know you said you tried sticker charts and they haven't worked. If you get the gate thing to work with your son, maybe you can do a sticker chart for him, and let her see how he gets something special, which will make her want to get something too.

Are your kids afraid at night? Maybe putting them together in one room would help, since they wouldn't feel so alone. They're used to sleeping near one another, on your floor. Maybe having another little person in the room would help them feel more comfortable.

Jess

They will absolutely out grow this at their own speed. It's a normal and natural thing for a babe to want their parents. IF at 2 he's making it through most of the night on his own, he's doing pretty well! If at 4 she doesn't wake you up and just wants to be closer, that's awesome! Hang in there - they're so little still. They'll be growing up soon...keep them close by for as long as you can, and they'll trust you to be there for them when the decisions are a LOT harder and much more serious. kwim? Good luck!

Passing on a note that someone wrote on a similiar topic of a Local Parenting Resource Board that I am a part of...

I know that Dr. Ferber is less strict than he used to be about getting kids to sleep. However, his techniques are still very useful for kids that have actually taught themselves to stay up and/or to demand/expect a parent to be with them until they actually fall asleep. Also watch one of the Nanny TV shows for examples of being firm yet loving with setting limits.

Briefly, the basic idea is that you (1) stop paying any attention to your child after their bedtime--no hugs, kisses, stories and no yelling either. Just make believe they are little critters that you are putting back where they belong. and then, if necessary (2) let them cry themselves to sleep. Also, and actually first, develop a bedtime routine and STICK TO IT! Letting them cry is very hard, and against some people's principles. What we did when my daughter was little (she is now 21) was put her to bed with the musical mobile playing. If she was still crying when the music stopped (less than 5 minutes) we would go in to her. This happened very rarely. I felt that a short period of crying was not a trauma and having her go to sleep on her own was a learned response. It worked and we had very few bedtime hassles. If you have further inquiries, contact Marion. I wanted to pass her message on to you.

Good luck,

Marion
Coach and parent
Marion C. Bloch, Psy. D.
____@____.com
www.mayaresources.com

My older children now 5 & 6 used to do the same thing and i let it go on until our baby ( now 1) was born and then i just made them go cold turkey. I would just carrying them back to their bedroom everytime they came into mine and instead of rewarding them ( it tried all the charts and rewards as well) we took something away the next day ( tv, game, 1 book at bedtime instead of 2) It took about a week but they now finally sleep in their own bedroom.

I agree with Casey P. my son is almost 3 and he has tried this a few times. We found the only thing to do is keep putting them back, no matter how tired we are and how easy it is to just let him climb in. Its the only thing I found work, you have to be consistent. Good luck

A., SAHM to Mikey (3 on 10/26) and Emily 7 months old

Put them in their own room even if they are screaming about it. After a few days it will get better. Put up babygates in their doorway as long as they won't climb them. Threaten to close their door if they don't stop crying. Don't be afraid to be firm and have them cry. In the long run they will be better kids because they are independent and sleeping by themselves. I have gone through this with my daughter a few times and the way to break it is to be firm. One thing that has worked really well too is telling her if she sleeps in her own bed for 5 nights, she can come in our room.