Kids Watching Videos While Eating Out??

Updated on August 20, 2011
J.K. asks from Davis, CA
40 answers

This is the second time that I have seen his recently. Tonight my family and I went out to a favorite mexican restaurant, and while we were eating another family sits down and pulls out their portable DVD player for their 3 year old to watch while they eat dinner. I was really shocked and saddened, and wondered why it was really so difficult to sit and eat out on a patio on a beautiful evening without the tv on!! Let me also add that this restaurant was casual dining, so the food didn't take a long time, and the restaurant was very kid friendly. I mean I guess this is the result if people are used to eating with the tv on at home. I just don't get it. Thoughts?

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So What Happened?

Well... some of you Mamas certainly put my in my place didn't you...? Holy cow... talk about judgmental.
I do appreciate the insight some of you so kindly provided. You never do know what the family dynamic is like or what the situation was, and I did base my opinion on the scene I saw... to me it *appeared* to be an easy way to shut off this little guy while eating dinner. He didn't appear to have a disability (I worked for many years with people with disabilities and know you can not always tell by appearance), he didn't appear to be a difficult/hyper (etc) child who had trouble behaving in public. He didn't have headphones and from sitting to leaving the video was on. It wasn't turned off when the food came or while he ate, and there was no interaction from the parents with him. It's not like they were watching with him and there was any engagement. He was just plugged in.
I just have different expectations I guess... sure we take a wooden tic tac toe game to play while we wait for our food sometimes, or we take crayons or some other quiet toy to play with. I'm not even really opposed to hand held games while waiting. But when the food comes there are no toys at the table... for anyone. I don't text or talk on my phone either.

When our kids were little and not able to sit quietly in a restaurant, we just didn't go or we ordered in. Or if we had to go and they had a hard time, we went outside. We had no family close by to watch our kids,and didn't use a sitter in those early years. Those of you who said, I should be grateful that they did it to keep their child quiet for MY SAKE are missing the point. My statement about it being sad is that meal time should be a time for interaction and not tuning out, especially at young ages.

I think that we all judge from time to time, without thinking of what ALL the extenuating circumstances could be... I'll certainly be careful in the future about the questions I post and how they are worded.

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C.J.

answers from Milwaukee on

Those parents are the SMART and considerate parents! Been there, done that.

Not everybody has a million family members or trusted babysitters so they opt to get out and take their kids with them. I've done it and it allowed us (well more ME) to get out. As a SAHM you get a little nuts and if a DVD PLAYER is going to allow us to go somewhere that doesn't have FRIES as their main menu item I'm taking that dvd player with.

I just charged it up for the possibe traffic issues for a trip to the Milwaukee Zoo. It's amazing how much safer my drive is if I don't have my son kicking the back of my seat telling me to "just get there MOM!"

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P.S.

answers from Houston on

I'd like to give people like that the benefit of the doubt. Maybe they all had a rough day/week and that was the only time they could go out to eat w/o the trouble of having to find a sitter and maybe their kid really is ill behaved. Maybe they were already planning to go out and the kid was being rewarded for being extra good that day. Or maybe they are just lazy parents. Who knows.

But I am with you. I can't stand that some kids have learned they have to be sitting in front of some screen in order to be expected to behave.

I'm scared for my kid b/c his peers are being raised in front of a screen and have no clue how to develop or keep a friendship or relationship. These little kids have no clue how to interact with one another w/o it being black and white. If they want something, they HAVE to have it, or else they say "I want to go home" or "I'm not playing with you anymore" and I have to move Heaven and Earth to get them interested in playing something with my son that doesn't have to be plugged in.

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C.W.

answers from Indianapolis on

I'm sorry that is the "lazy man's way of parenting". They are using that as a babysitter instead of interacting and keeping their child occupied for the what...10-15 min it took to get their food? I'm sorry that is what is partially wrong with today's kids, it's easier to give in to them to keep them quiet then to interact with them or be a disciplinarian. If you start with how to behave at home then it will roll over to when you are in public.

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R.C.

answers from Dallas on

I'd rather they put a DVD in front of them than listen to the kid scream, yell, run around, throw things, bang on the table, etc.
To those who say they should have gotten a babysitter if they didn't want to "deal" with the child(SweetChaoswith3)...Not everybody has a babysitter to use. Have you ever moved to a new city where you didn't know anybody? Or had a sitter cancel on you last minute? Or been on vacation? Maybe they needed to be out of the house for some reason & don't like fast food. I know after a long day at work (or after I had moved or been traveling) the last place I would want to go is Chuck E Cheese or anywhere with a playground. I don't believe every family meal out has to be at a "children focused" restaurant. I'm not saying it's okay to bring kids to an obviously adult focused/children not so welcome restaurant (like Ruth's Chris), but there are plenty of restaurants that are not geared toward keeping children entertained that should be okay to go to on occasion.
On a side note...(not meaning to attack, but give you something to consider)
It seems a lot of people look at a situation, take in a few FACTS, complete the story with assumptions, & then pass judgement. Do you think that's fair? You ASSUMED this family ate in front of the tv every night & you judged them for it. Did you overhear them talking about eating in front of the tv at home on a regular basis? Maybe they don't have a tv. Maybe they eat out every night. Did the child address the adults as "Mommy" or "Daddy" or other parental term, or did you ASSUME they were the child's parents? If not, maybe they were relatives or family friends who were taking the child out for whatever reason & they brought the DVD player along to keep the child quiet. I have friends who took their godson out to dinner (so the parents could attend a wake) & they brought their iPad to keep him entertained. That doesn't mean the kid was given his own iPad or that he was always sitting in front of the tv, computer, or video game.
Maybe next time you find yourself passing judgement on someone, especially strangers you know nothing about, you'll ask yourself if you are doing it based on facts or your own version of the situation.
That's what I think.

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L.M.

answers from Norfolk on

I think you're being judgmental.

I've done it. Will continue to do it. I have been complimented by waitstaff and fellow diners about what a good idea it is and how well-behaved my child is.

Oh, yeah. My son is Autistic and non-verbal. I have also been praised by several of his therapist for how easily adaptable and fairly social my son is. I credit some of that to the fact that we've never been a "shut in" family. We've taken him out to new places and try to make sure he has a variety of distractions and entertainments so he can find his calm no matter his surroundings.

I work hard as a parent. If I need a few minutes so I can read a menu, place my order and actually eat my food while it's hot, I'm not going to apologize to anyone for using a few electronic conveniences to make that possible. People who are quick to judge others over such things is what shocks and saddens me. I think compassion and consideration are important qualities to instill in our children.

**** ETA ***** I don't think you had any difficulty with the wording of your question. You made an observation of a family which "shocked and saddened" you. Then you made an assumption about what this might say about their home life (eating with the TV on at home) and then, perhaps your only "mistake" with word choice, ended your post with "Thoughts?" People have shared their thoughts. It appears, from your so what happened, that you would rather defend your judgement of the one specific scene and claim "everybody does it" as an acceptable excuse for your judgement. Yes, everyone makes judgments based on the superficial details at any given time. Sometimes, when provided with more details or possibilities, some people will revise their opinion, or at least open their mind a little wider. Others simply seek like-minded folks and barricade themselves in their pigeonhole of thinking, happily ignorant of the complexities of the world. Which was the purpose of your post here?

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C.D.

answers from Chicago on

You just cant win these days! Someone is always judging you as a parent! I havent brought (or even bought) a portable DVD player, but man the last few times we went to lunch with the kids, I sure do wish I had one. All kids are different, and some will sit there nicely and some just will not no matter what you do. I have a 4yr old who has always been pretty good in a restaurant, played with a small toy at the table or the crayons they pass out, but then I had my second and boy is he different. He throws everything and whines and crys if he's in a highchair (and this can be before/during or after he eats!), so much so that we had vowed to "never take him anywhere ever again!" But that just isnt realistic and it isnt realistic to call a babysitter everytime you want to go out to lunch. Especially on a "family day", you shouldnt have to send your kids home to a babysitter for meals because some non-understanding person thinks you are a terrible parent for bringing an electronic device into the restaurant to keep your kids calm for a bit. Let me tell you, when my 16 month old is throwing toys and crayons and whining we get the same judging eyes from other people, so really we just cant win. But I'll take the quieter version of the judging and at least enjoy my salad!!

BTW: I posted a question asking for reco's on a good portable DVD player so if anyone has a good one, let me know! thanks! ;)

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A.C.

answers from Boston on

I would rather sit next to a family with a DVD player than one with an unhappy screaming child who thinks the table and chairs are a jungle gym. Although I probably wouldn't notice because when I'm out to dinner, I'm paying attention to the person/people I'm with, not the ones around me. I don't see how it's any of my business what others are doing or how they choose to raise there kids. I sure as heck don't want people telling me how I should live my life or raise my kid.

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S.C.

answers from Des Moines on

We do NOT watch TV at home while we eat-- but at home he's not going to disturb a whole roomful of judgemental diners if he gets bratty!

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D.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

When my son was at the "can't sit for 10 minutes til the food arrives" stage, I saw another family with a DVD player n the table and my first thought was "a stroke of genius!"
Don't be so quick to judge. For all you know maybe the only time these kids watch a movie is every other week at a restaurant, right?

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A.C.

answers from Savannah on

**ETA: I've since read through some other responses. A couple people were a little....."proud" to say that their children would never have an electronic device (why? because it distracts the child, keeps them occupied, where they can behave?) but they DO bring in toys or activity books (why? because it distracts the child, keeps them occupied, where they can behave?)...Same thing. Your child isn't magically spending "quality time with the family" while coloring or doing mazes any more than the child that's watching Cars. I know, because my kids do the coloring and hot wheels or finger puzzle thing. Like I said, my children don't bring one in but we only have the kind that straps up in the car, and only for long trips (my trips to see family and friends.....the CLOSEST people are 5 hours each way. My mom is 17 hours away. My bff and our rental property are 21.5 hours each way, not counting stops. YES we play lots of observation, word, and story telling games, and we have magnetic everything under the sun. But we also put in a movie or children's music videos on those trips).

No, my neighbors do that. They told me just yesterday (which I was kinda surprised at...I wouldn't do it, but then again we also don't do the videos in the car unless the trip is more than 4 hours each way). I know for a fact they do NOT watch TV at home during dinner time. But we were talking about going out to eat, and I said we've cut down on restaurants a lot, partly because our youngest only has a 20-30 minute "tolerance" for restaurants (he's 20 months old and we were talking about a nicer steakhouse, which unfortunately takes a good 20 minutes to get the food served). He said they go (their kids are the same ages) but they bring the little DVD player and sit off away from others if possible. They do it ONLY when they eat out. And it's to keep the kids happy so they can have some adult conversation 2 nights out of the month that they go out. Otherwise, I know how their family runs (very similarly to ours) and dinner time at home is "family time". I just wouldn't do the DVD thing...."just because" (old fashioned?) although I never had issues with taking them to Mr Gattis to watch cartoons and Little Rascals on the giant TV while they ate salad, pasta, and pizza. I suggested to him that we could do a sitter swap, because 2 nights of "grown up dinner" is not too much to ask. He thought that was awesome.....so now he can leave his children with me and I'll serve them dinner once/month, and we'll leave our children with them once/month, so we can have a "dinner date". Try not to judge people on what you see......sometimes, you have no idea what they do at home, just based on what they do out. Yes OUR kids love mexican food, and will happily munch on chips, salsa, and queso until their food comes. Other children just DON'T CARE; they don't want to be there or might act up for whatever reason. It's nerve racking and the portable DVD player may just be their crutch. I wouldn't judge, as long as the volume on the thing didn't disturb me. I have MUCH more distaste for the romantic nights on the patio at a lovely restaurant, candles everywhere, and seeing another nice couple, about our age, get seated next to you and after ordering drinks, each pulls out their iphones and starts texting happily....in silence.....the WHOLE TIME. That's pretty sad, and a lot harder to understand.

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M.W.

answers from San Francisco on

I have a friend and they have a severly autistic child. The portable t.v. saved many outbursts from happening in social settings for themselves and the public in general around them. The t.v. allowed them to get out and do "normal" activities on occasion...without the emotional outbursts or the stress of knowing an outburst could happen at any time.

Soooo, you just never know the motivations of people. We oftentimes are quick to judge.

I understand your sadness when reading into their situation. But...you just never know sometimes...

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S.S.

answers from Chicago on

Maybe they wanted to make sure their toddler didn't offend anyone else or disturb any other families dinners. I know we have one of those and yes we are guilty of bringing it in with us if we have the grandchildren and its a nicer place. It comes out when the attention span is gone and the food is not there yet. Its a treat they don't get very often.

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M.M.

answers from Chicago on

We do that too! Sometimes my husband gives the 4 y/o an i-phone to play games on. It is because we want to lounge at the restaurant and take our time and not just rush through the meal and get out. I want to be happy, relaxed and not spoil my appetite by snapping every 2 minutes "Sit down", "Stop that". I also bring mazes, coloring books and coins for staking and sorting! Anything to keep my kid occupied. On the i-phone my child plays "unlock me" game and "connect the tubes" which I both consider educational. Besides, it is easier to stuff the food in my child's mouth if he is distracted. He is extremely poor eater and we take any opportunity to feed him seriously. And, yes, it is not difficult to sit and eat on the beautiful patio if you are 40 and 20 and even 9 but for 3 - yes it is!

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K.J.

answers from Chicago on

You know, sometimes parents just need to get out of the house, don't have the money for a babysitter, and need to enjoy a meal in peace. I used to judge a scene like you describe all the time, until I had my own child who could push me to the brink. I think everyone should be allowed some cheats with their kid to make their life a little easier. Our cheat is the iPhone, which has helped save us on days that we go out to dinner and my oldest has not napped. It is better than him making the dining experience miserable for everyone at the restaurant.

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S.M.

answers from Kansas City on

Wow, judgmental much? I've taken daycare children to restaurants for years and my kids are GOOD. But one time I had my laptop with me when the kids and I were running all over town for the day. I brought it in with me because I didn't want it in the van. Then I thought...maybe there might be free wifi nearby? So I tried it and they watched netflix while waiting for their pizza. It was novelty and we did it because we could.

Lighten up. It's fun.

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L.E.

answers from Los Angeles on

I think you are being a bit judgemental. Those parents probably had that dvd player out for you and your family as much as for their own. You always hear how people are so furious when kids get crazy or run around a restaurant... maybe their child is not capable of sitting still for the length of time it takes to order, wait for, and eat dinner at a restaurant. At three years old children don't actually have the physical structure needed for sitting still for long periods of time--- and yet we expect them to sit at a dinner table for 30-45 minutes. I think those parents probably just wanted to eat at THIER favorite mexican food restaurant, didn't want to get/couldn't get a babysitter, and needed something to keep their child occupied while waiting for food. We always bring crayons, toys, or yes, sometimes, even a video for my squirmy wormy 3 year old to use while waiting for our food. This isn't because we watch too much tv at home because we all eat dinner at the table together every single night (and for lunch too). But at dinner at our house, I don't make my child sit still in his chair while I'm cooking dinner--- I call him to the table when it's ready and I allow him to leave when he's finished. It's unreasonable to expect a small child to sit still for that long--- and it's not a matter of discipline. It's a matter of anatomy. I think to suggest that it's "sad" is a bit dramatic.
just my opinion.

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L.R.

answers from Washington DC on

J., I'm totally with you. Kids at some stage must learn to live for a few minutes without electronic entertainment (yeah, including handheld games). And parents need to learn to think ahead and plan ways to keep kids busy without electronics in public places. What happened to conversing, coloring, or even playing I Spy with what the kid sees in the restaurant -- so the child is learning a little something and playing with a parent at the same time? Oh yes, the parents want their own time to talk. Well, that will come, later, once the kid learns how to behave in public because he's been taught that....which he isn't, if he's given TV or a DS like a sedative every time he wants it or they want him to be quiet. As for those who said they don't see why it's your business if the table next to you has a DVD player going: If thet kid had on headphones, maybe not. But if the kid was listening without headphones, that affects me for sure. I hate the tinny noise of electronic stuff when I'm out trying to enjoy a meal and be social and converse with others. That tinny noise includes games etc., and TVs being on in restaurants, which is all too frequent now. Sure, you can put games for kids on a silent setting. But it doesn't change the fact that the kids are only learning one thing: "I can hide away in my little electronic world when there are others present. I have no obligation to interact with other people and can do what I want, when I want." So mom and dad shouldn't complain later when the kids are older and are texting and playing games at the family dinner table, when mom and dad want to ask how the kids' day went.

The dinnertime electronics are teaching horrible manners. And three years old is not too young to start learning to talk to others and to entertain yourself without electronics.

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Y.K.

answers from New York on

I always bring something for my kids, they are little and don't like to eat . I really don't want them getting up and bother other people . I prefer to have them occupied during we wait for food. My friends son is autistic and has ADD , she always brings video player , unless she wants him to scream and run around. I love going everywhere with my kids, I don't have a babysitter or relatives to leave my kids with, but unfortunately they are incapable to sit at a restaurant for over 30 min. Why does that bother you personally? I'm sure a screaming child will disturb the restaurant more than his DVD player.

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V.W.

answers from Jacksonville on

I wouldn't do it. We didn't do it. But I don't think that family you saw was doing it b/c they watch TV at home during meals, necessarily. Probably it was more that they didn't expect their 3 yr old (?) to be able to sit properly for the duration of their time at the restaurant. Sure it was casual and kid friendly. But maybe they were worn out from a long day and were feeling a little not-quite-up to "dealing" tonight. We've all had those days, right? Or, maybe the parents are just lazy parents and have never taught little Suzy how to sit still at a dinner table. Maybe little Suzy threw a big, fat, hissy fit before leaving home, and they gave into her and brought the video to avoid another tantrum. There really is no way for you, as an objective observer, to know. I, personally, don't care for that sort of thing, but I suppose it takes all kinds... right?

I have let my older kids (when they were 8 & 11) bring their DSlites into a steakhouse to play while waiting on the bench for a table, and then waiting for the food to arrive (which can be a long wait sometimes). The games are put away once the food comes. It can give the adults some time to "breathe" during THEIR dinner out. Most often, however, when they've brought their games, they close them as we walk to the table, and then forget to open them back up, or they hand them to me to put in my purse so they don't get anything spilled on them. :)

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T.W.

answers from Syracuse on

Maybe it's what that family felt they had to do to get a night out together without disrupting the public. I don't totally disagree, we all do what we have to do, but I would rather my kids learn to behave and keep entertained without it. We don't have a portable dvd player for our car, I don't feel like I need it and would so much rather they continue to be entertained by something like a new book from the library, music, small toys for longer car rides. I'm only 3 years into it so here's hoping.

BTW, I read through some responses as well...if a child can be entertained in a restaurant by looking at a book, how wonderful. When reading/looking at a book, they are using their imagination where as watching something on TV there's nothing to imagine. Similar to playing with a toy. Sure, they're methods of distraction...some are better than others.

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J.X.

answers from Los Angeles on

I've seen this too, but have not done it. Please understand that some people have really high energy kids. One parent eats while the other has the kids in the car, or walks in the foryer. Perhaps you had children that could sit still reletively well for thier age or you just don't remember how hard it was to enjoy a meal with your husband while dining out with kids. Sometimes it doesn't work out to get a sitter. This was probably the closest thing they could get to a date. Perhaps thier child is really noisy and obnoxious and the only way they can ever dine out in comfort is to set thier kid up commatose in front the the boob tube. I know I personally have left a restaurant with my fire cracker of a child certain that they all burst into applause once we were out of ear shot. Had I had the portible dvd on me in those times, I would have used it.

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J.G.

answers from Fargo on

I haven't seen people bring in DVD players, but I usually see handheld games. I always bring something in for my kids to do. I have activity books and I've brought in the IPad and my kids have played it until food comes sometimes. This is usually as a special treat and something that was promised to them earlier. Also, if me and the kids are traveling, they are allowed to bring them in. My children have never been allowed to watch T.V. at home while they are eating. When food is in front of them, the t.v. must be off. If you look around at most places there is at least one kid playing with their parents phone. That's not even to say how many parents are texting while at the table.

I think everything depends on the circumstance. I know a lot of parents have some type of distraction available for their special needs children when they take them out. My brother's son was playing a leapster game during my grandma's funeral. Now, that is where there is a problem. It was his grandparents that handed it to him. Talk about appalled!

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L.F.

answers from San Francisco on

I haven't seen that before, but hearing about that is a definite low point to me--our society has gotten away from connecting with family at dinner and over meals etc. Its very sad that TV and other things have replaced quality family time. I feel very sad for that little child.

M

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M.T.

answers from New York on

I don't think kids should watch dvds when eating at all, whether at home or a restaurant. But parents (some of them) do whatever it takes to keep kids quiet so they can enjoy their adult dinner. They think the kids will grow out of the "need" but by then, it's a habit. Kids need to learn manners, conversational skills, etc and not think of mealtime as tv time. To me, if you need that to entertain your kid at a restaurant, you really needed to hire a babysitter and leave the kid home. Many of us survived dinner both at home and at restaurants without having kids watch tv.

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S.A.

answers from Chicago on

I think this is ridiculous. If people want to eat without their kids bothering them, they should get a sitter. If you take your kids out to eat, it should be a fun and enjoyable experience to share together. This saddens me too.

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M.C.

answers from Tampa on

Oh, my gosh! I have been seeing this a lot lately, too! I feel the exact same way! I eat outside at restaurants when my 18 month old is too squirmy to stay seated indoors. I do not pacify him with TV, but my hubby says there's nothing wrong with it. However, I will not do it because it doesn't seem like families spend enough time interacting as it is without bringing TV to the table. I think it's sad for many, many reasons. TV at the dinner table seems to be the way for parents to escape from parenthood without leaving the kids at home.

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H.S.

answers from Cincinnati on

Maybe they know how bad their child is in public places. And they may like to get out and eat too. They may have done it for you and everyone else there, so that you could enjoy your meal. I don't think you're being judgmental, I would have been thankful.

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T.H.

answers from Kansas City on

Wow...well this is a can of worms isn't it?! ;) I will admit that after reading some of your responses I realized that possibly I had been a little quick to judge as well, as I mostly agreed with you, and some others did bring up valid points, but in that situation, I probably would have had a gut reaction and thought the same things as you.

Additionally, I would like to add that bringing games and toys are very different than bringing a DVD player and letting your kid zone out in front of the TV. I'm not against TV nor am I against portable DVD players, but I do feel that meal time, whether at home or out, is a time to connect with each other. And yes, when my kids are coloring or doing mazes, I do talk with them, help them and comment to them about their drawings. I also interact with them and their toys while we wait, if they were watching a movie, there would be no interaction at all. So, I'm going to call BS on comparing them equally.

I have one kid who will pretty much sit and be entertained at a restaurant and I have one super busy kid who would not even be entertained by a movie, so I certainly feel the pain of that and yes it is frustrating, but such is life with toddlers. For this family in question I HOPE that it was just a one time thing and that everyone was happy with their peaceful night out.

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J.L.

answers from Los Angeles on

Color me "judgemental." I'm with you. To each their own but there are SO many things I don't like about this. The precident it sets, parent's expectation of the child, etc.

With a paper and pencil the child can still be interactive. But even when the waitress offers crayons or toys, I cringe. Seriously, do kids ALWAYS require entertainment? Can't we be innovative with a fork and knife.

I view things a bit differently because there was never a time when I didn't take my daughter to restaurants. Expectations we given and if she couldn't sit still, we either went outside for a bit and we were still engage.

Its the disengagement that irritates me the most. I get why parents do it. Its easy and the relief of having a moment, well, priceless. But not for me, not for my family.

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D.K.

answers from Pittsburgh on

I think it is awful and I see it all the time. Eating out is for enjoying food and conversation. Kids engrossed in their little screens learn neither. Just leave them home with a sitter - at least then they may get some play and physical activity. I would love if restaurants stopped allowing screens - like the restaurants that have signs that request you speak on your phone OUTSIDE the restaurant.

BTW - it seems that no one counts this as 'screen time' which it is - so I would think, completely not recommended for the under 2 crowd and limited after that.

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F.H.

answers from Phoenix on

WHAT??? I have never seen this! I'm not a big believer in the portable players and game stations, etc. I am by no means a perfect mom but come on, there are plenty of other things you can throw in the diaper bag/purse to keep you toddler entertained until the food comes!

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A.S.

answers from San Francisco on

Generally this bothers me too. It screams lazy parenting to me. I get that there might be exceptions, but overall I think people do it for the wrong reasons. We took our then 3 year old daughter to a wedding and at the table another couple (parents themselves) offered to let our daughter use their iPhone to watch videos. Um, if we wanted to let her watch videos we would have kept her home with her younger sister! Instead she ate dinner with us and then danced the night away. She was a rambunctious super high energy 3 year old, but we knew it was a teachable moment. And we were fully prepared to take her outside if she started acting up. It makes me sad when I see kids plugged in with movies or games rather then interacting with people at the table.

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B.R.

answers from Sacramento on

I've never seen anything like that, and tend to agree with you that it seems overboard. However, maybe we should give the family the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps they've found that this is a way they can enjoy dining out and not have to feel that their little guy is disturbing other diners. We have four grandchildren that can be taken anywhere and we don't have to worry about this. The parents have trained them well and when they are in our care, we continue that training. Went to a restaurant recently, taking along an elderly friend. A couple of days later we received a nice card of thanks in the mail. She remarked on how well-behaved the children were and that she so enjoyed eating out with us and with them.
But, not all parents know how to handle teaching their children manners, and some children just don't learn as easily as others.

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A.E.

answers from Sacramento on

I think having your kids watch a movie at a restaurant is like talking on the phone at a restaurant. People are really getting desensitised these days with technology. I wouldn't do it. We don't even watch TV while we eat at home. If you are going to put your child in front of a TV maybe a better option is to stay home or get some takeout. I have a almost 2 yo and she is at the stage where eating out is brutal but I still would not go there.

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J.C.

answers from San Francisco on

This is shocking and saddening to J., and I can't agree with her more! My gosh, she has a right to her opinion and her opinion alone. Can't someone voice THEIR opinion without being called judgemental!?!?! Now, that's being judgemental.
Just today while traveling, J., we had our DVD player on in the car with our kids, and I even felt guilty for that! I thought of how my parents did it without anything electronic...no phones, ipads, handheld electronic games, etc. I've never even thought to bring our portable DVD player into a restaurant. I told myself that when I had children, they were not going to stop us from going out to restuarants and enjoying a nice dinner, and mine haven't. They've been taught from the start how to behave in restaurants and how to not disturb others around us who are wanting to enjoy their dinner. And they behave very well most all the time. On the occasions that they don't behave, we color, play cards, or step outside for a few minutes until they calm down.

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S.G.

answers from San Francisco on

Hi J.. I just saw something like this the other day. We were in a casual (think college casual) restaurant that was about as noisy as noisy can get and there was a family who had a portable dvd player on for their little girl. I had similar thoughts as you...that it was sad that there was no interaction between the parents and child.
I have 4 kids. there were a lot of years that I forgot what it was like to eat out at a restaurant because we couldn't afford either a sitter or the meal out.
One of my kids has special needs. She would have and still has (she's 19 now) outbursts that made me want to crawl in a cave and never come out. She has learned despite her disabilities how to generally behave in public because as much as it sometimes embarrased us and annoyed others around us, it was very important to us to teach all of our children appropriate manners in public places. We would remove the child if it got to be too over the top because we don't like listening to a child (or adults for that matter) pitching a fit about anything.
I do think that technology in general is created a more detached society and it saddens me. I try my best to be interactive with all of my kids no matter where we are. I loved playing paper games (tic-tac-toe, mazes,coloring, dots, etc) with all of them as they were growing and sometimes we still do those things even though they are all teenagers/adults now. silly light-hearted competitions like these cause us to laugh together and as incidental as they might be they help us to bond even more closely together.
While I don't think what you observed is necessarily a result of people eating with the t.v. on at home (we sometimes do but most of the time don't) I do believe it's a general result of technology being so accessible to everyone.

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C.B.

answers from San Francisco on

I think it is extremely sad - and rude. They probably did it to keep the child occupied rather than to take the opportunity to teach their child how to behave in a restaurant. They will be sorry when he's 8 and he doesn't know how to sit down and behave himself in public!

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S.M.

answers from Sacramento on

I don't think this practice does much for teaching a young child table manners and social skills. Most kids (including our 3-yr-old daughter) watch plenty of TV without being allowed to watch a movie or program while out for dinner at a restaurant. I've seen the adult version of this behavior...a couple out for dinner, both of whom are texting or surfing or otherwise playing with their smart phones instead of interacting with each other. So, there you have it.

Updated

I don't think this practice does much for teaching a young child table manners and social skills. Most kids (including our 3-yr-old daughter) watch plenty of TV without being allowed to watch a movie or program while out for dinner at a restaurant. I've seen the adult version of this behavior...a couple out for dinner, both of whom are texting or surfing or otherwise playing with their smart phones instead of interacting with each other. So, there you have it.

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G.K.

answers from San Francisco on

I didn't read the responses, but from what you updated with, I'm so sorry that some of these moms were judgmental. We NEVER take things like that with us to dinner! It would never occur to me or anyone in my family (my sister has 3 girls 6, 3, and 4mo, and I have 2 kids 4.5yo and 21mo) to take that kind of entertainment. Even my 21mo is great at restaurants, and I'm sure it's partly because even she knows what we expect.

I HAVE seen it before, and it just made me shake my head for the same reasons you described. We are always engaged with our kids, especially in public. How else do you guide your kids to respectful public behavior? I don't yell (as a general rule hehe), I don't call names, and I definitely don't correct them constantly, but turning on and tuning out is unacceptable to me, and that's exactly what I thought BEFORE reading your extended description. In fact, my first thought was, "They can't make it through a 30-minute meal without a DVD?"

DVD players have their place, but not in a restaurant in my opinion. (unless of course you know you'll be waiting an hour for your food!)

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A.B.

answers from San Francisco on

I would say you don't know what other people's situations are. It's really not bad in my opinion. My 3 year old is very hyperactive. He doesn't sit still at all without some sort of toy he's really into or our i-touch. He will kick and scream and cry if he's interest in say, a fountain, and I won't let him hang out there the whole time and try to bring him back to the table. I wouldn't let him sit and watch tv if he was 8-9. And don't think that's all he doe. At home, he won't sit still for a whole show unless he's really worn out. People would complain if he was loud and obnoxious! I can't believe people complain when someone is trying to keep their kids quiet! You just can't win I guess.

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