Kindergardener Being Bullied at School

If this were my child I would do what ever I had to do to get results. Knock down doors until they do listen to you. Go to the School district office, talk to the district manager. Maybe even going to the other childs mother and letting her know what is going on. Good luck

I think you should try talking to the shcool one more time. Then go start to the top the school board... I had my child teacher tell her right in front of me. That she should not tell me when she was sick, that she needed to be in school sick or not. I went to the school board and they toke care of it.

I have NO polite advice, but I would like to know what school this is. My son is supposed to be starting school next year and these are the kinds of things that make me want to homeschool my kids!
Myself...I would be finding out who this kid is and talk with his parents!

I'm not sure where you are from, but in the state of WA, legally, you don't have to put your children into school until they are 8 years old. He wouldn't even need to be there this year and you could probably just do kindergarten stuff at home with him.

You may not have that choice, but after some of this stuff started happening to my kindergardner, I found out that he didn't really NEED to be in a public school anyway until he was 8, so I took him out and have homeschooled him ever since.

I think you are going to find that the schools aren't sure how to handle bullying. They tell the kids that if they are being bullied, they cannot under any circumstances hit back and will get in trouble if they do. I disagree. I think that if a child is getting bullied, that is a reason for him to defend himself. He probably won't be bullied anymore if he does. Kids are always trying to figure out who the "weak" one is and they will continue to bully them until they fight back.

We always taught our boys that if they are being bullied, they have our permission to defend themselves, but that they NEVER have our permission to start a fight. They knew that if they started it, they would be in big trouble. But if they were minding their own business and another kid was hitting them (or, like in your case, cutting his shirt with scissors!!!) they had my permission to hit him back. I took a big chance with this, because the school was not in agreement with me, but I figured the kids would get expelled once and that's all it would take, because once the other kids knew that they were not going to put up with any bullying, they would leave them alone.

You need to call the school and demand an appointment with the principal. Go in to his office in person and demand that he find a way to make your son safe at school. If you are not happy with what happens, then go higher to the superintendent. It is their job to keep your son safe when he is in their care, and nothing short of that is acceptable. You DO NOT have to send your son into that environment every day. In the meantime, spend a lot of time role playing with your son about how he can respond. Let him be the bully and you be your son. When he pretends to cut your shirt, stand up and YELL “leave me alone!” This will not only show the bully that your son is not an easy target, but it will get the teacher’s attention without your son having to tell on him. If you’ve got guts, you can call the bully’s parents and ask them to meet with you. Bring the shirt and let her know what her son has been doing at school and tell her you want to try to help the boys learn to get along appropriately. Have a few closely supervised play dates with the boys and before you know it, they’ll be best friends. This other boy is probably not really a “meany”, but is lonely and upset about something. His mother may be able to give you some insight as to why he is acting out (divorce, fighting at home, moving, no friends, etc).

First, too weird.

My son is in 1st grade and has been getting bullied by some older kids and recently was punched in the face.... He too is happy-go-lucky and wants to be friends with everyone. Without getting into details about our on-going situation...here is a little input.

Some of the responses I think are over the top...I think there are steps to be taken before even pondering taking him out of school for instance. I was a teacher in my previous life and know that things do indeed happen "under the radar" because every child can't be monitored every second.

Start with his classroom teacher. Let her know all the details about what has happened to this point. Make an alli. Ask for her opinion of what WE can do. Ask her to contact the other parent and relay what happened with your son's shirt. She could suggest the perpetrator buy him another shirt?? (My son actually took a snip out of someone's shirt in kindergartetn with no mal intent but gave the boy his favorite shirt and an apology note the next day).

Fill in the principal too since the children will be at recess together, lunch etc.... so other staff need to know what has been happening. (Most of our issues are actually on the bus and before school on the playground)

But honestly, most importantly talk with your son. Be exact on what he should say and do if another incident occurs. (Our school taught the kids.."stop, I don't like what you are doing" and to move away then tell if they persist. Teaching him assertiveness is a powerful skill. Role play.

Keep on it with the school and document what your son tells you daily. There are harassment policies in place that should/will be followed. It is the law. Ask the principal what his plan is and the school's harassment procedures are.

Hang in there!

K.,
I agree that you shouldn't let it go. Here are some suggestions:
1. Go to your son's teacher directly. She or he is the one who is with your child the most and can probably do the most directly about separating the children and keeping your son safe.
2. Continue to follow up with the prinicipal. You might try asking what calmly and respectfully what he would do if this were his 5-year-old experiencing these things.
3. Also, make an appointment with the school counselor if there is one and talk to him or her about it.
4. Most school districts have to have a policy re: harassment, intimidation, and bullying. Find out what it is in your district and let the school know you know what the policy is and that you're concerned about the behavior--not only for your son's safety, but because there's another child who is being allowed to develop some really unhealthy behaviors as well that will likely escalate if he doesn't get some help now.
5. Reassure your son that you are working to help him feel safe at school, and tell him to let a grown up know immediately if anyone hurts him or his clothing or his things while he's at school. Help him learn to keep telling until someone listens.

I would also state calmly to all of these professionals that you need their assurance that your son will be safe at school, and you expect them to disrupt the pattern that is developing. Offer to help supervise recess or volunteer in the classroom. If none of these work, go to your district office--to whomever is the supervisor of the principals--and talk with them. If all else fails, go to the school board.

While I share your concern about your son, this seems like a bigger problem involving supervision, clear communication from the school with parents, and clear consequences for harmful behavior.

BULLYING IS AGAINST THE LAW!!! They cannot allow bullying to go on at school without doing something about it. Keep a log of the incidents and, by all means, pursue the incident after spring break. If this was the principal's kid or the nurse's kid, you can bet that there would be some action taken.The principal cannot tell you who the kid was that bullied your kid - although you may already know - but what he can do is invite the parents of that kid to have a conference with you at the school about the situation. This is a subject that gets me boiling hot because a kid should be able to go to school and learn without having to worry about kids who are just plain mean. To help your son's feelings, I would explain to him (as I did with my son) that the boy who is not being nice to him probably has someone somewhere in his life that's not being nice to him and, for some reason, he wants to be the one making someone else feel bad so that he can feel better about himself. I know that these things are difficult to explain to a kindergartner in a way that he'll understand - it is an unfortunate situation that the boys who are not tough and loud-mouthed are the ones that are targeted to be picked on. I would be utterly humiliated if my son was a bully and I would want to know about it so that I could put a stop to it right then and there as best I could.

K. -

I've written to other moms re: bullying, as I've been doing a LOT of research lately on this and other school / safety topics. If interested, feel free to view some of my other responses on this site. But first - GOOD for you for staying on top of this! We need more parents willing to get in and help problem-solve, not less!

My first concern is that you avoid 'mommy melt downs' like the plague - this is something that is not going to help you get what you want for your son. It's the first thing we moms want to do, by instinct - protect and defend - but there are ways to do this that will get you better results, much faster.

The fact is, the school SHOULD be on your side, as the law certainly is... The school has every reason to work with you, not against you (and if you go in, guns-a-blazing, you won't be soliciting this mutual interest). This does NOT mean you have to be 'fluffy' or sweet or a pushover - you can be firm, clear and direct without losing it, though. Here's a strategy I would try, if it were me:

I would first get all my facts on paper - what happened, when, where, who saw it (what their statements are) and who didn't (to your knowledge based on lack of phone call, etc.) - a whole timeline, clearly and concisely written. I would jot down my top three concerns, top three things I want taken care of, on behalf of my child. I would also write down my top three ideas as to how to resolve this situation - it can't hurt to bring ideas for solutions to the table, in addition to concerns. Ultimately, a list like this is for YOU, first and foremost - so you can focus on being a calm, assertive ADVOCATE, on behalf of your son, in a meeting with the principal, teacher, substitute, etc.

The other thing I would do is educate myself a bit about a) bullying and b) the school's perspective.

With regard to bullying, it is a growing problem in our nation's schools. And it's a problem lawmakers are on - schools are now required to have a ZERO TOLERANCE for bullying. Plainly, if bullying is happening, it's a threat to the safety of your child and to their learning (when children feel unsafe, it interferes with their ability to focus on education).

I strongly suggest picking up a copy of a book called Safe At School; Awareness and Action for Parents of Kids Grades K-12 by Carol Silverman Saunders.

I also suggest you go to sites like the National Crime Prevention Council and take a look at their .pdf on bullying (there are LOTS of free publications on their website that most of us don't realize we can get - VERY helpful stuff for kids and parents, alike - they're at www.ncpc.org). In their calendar publication, each month is dedicated to a subject - March, ironically, is dedicated to "Addressing the Problem of Bullying" - in this feature, they say, "Being bullied is not just an unpleasant rite of passsage through childhood. Research shows that people who were bullied as children are more likely to suffer from depression and low self-esteem, and bullies themselves are more likely to engage in criminal behavior later in life. Bullying can be physical (e.g., hitting, k8icking, or pushing), verbal (e.g., taunting, teasing, or name-calling), or psychological (e.g., spreading rumors or social exclusion)..." - people don't often think of gossip / rumors as bullying, but it's interesting to note. Anyway, further down, it states, "School bullying has come to the public's attention amid reports that it may have been a contributing factor in recent school shootings, and bullying behavior has been linked to other forms of antisocial behavior such as vandalism, shoplifting, skipping or dropping out of school, and the use of drugs and alcohol."

CLEARLY - it is not in your son's interest, the school's interest or the community's interest to have this activity going on in school (in kindergarten, no less!). Again, kids can't learn if they're stressed out - and if you want to see how the U.S. stacks up in education (compared to 24 other nations), take a look at this video - it's eye-opening - http://youtube.com/watch?v=kLBZqrzZvk8 .

As for the school's perspective, it's very important for you, as an advocate for your son, to appreciate (my perspective) that we live in a fear-based culture these days. It's understandable that schools may be on the defensive - people are so lawsuit-happy in this country and schools are left with every problem under the sun while being underfunded and lacking in support of fabulous parents (not all of us are in the classroom volunteering, etc. - I'm not perfect in this respect, either!). The fact is, volunteers and PTA simply cannot bring everything 'right' - the schools need ALL parents to come together, in the spirit of improving the state of things (and if you want to see what things are like in Washington's system, I urge you to see the recent Seattle PI feature - a study funded by the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation - that's at http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/opinion/353294_focus02.html).

If your son is to 'win' here, you need to 'disarm' that principal. I would apologize for my meltdown and inform him of where I'd like to take this meeting - to let him know that my only interest is in ensuring my son's safety - that I understand we cannot change what HAS HAPPENED (let's all acknowledge the facts on my list and be open about this - a point I would insist on as a fair exchange for my apology, candor and best-foot-forward with them) but we can, together, certainly do something about this child who is posing a threat to the safety AND education of your child (if not others).

Ultimately, see if you can work WITH the principal and teachers, to achieve a plan that will ensure a win-win-win - that will allow your son a safe learning environment and get this boy the help he needs and ensure that the ZERO tolerance is being maintained, on behalf of all children and the school, as well.

K. - YOU are a super mom for following up on this and, if you take the time to consider all the information and create as strategy for yourself, you'll likely wind up helping more children than your son - and the school, too. That will feel really good. I wish you the VERY BEST in your efforts!

I am a kindergarten teacher, and there are troubled wee kids out there, unfortunately. In my position, you get to see both sides. Imagine not knowing what to do as the parent of the bully. However, these incidents are unacceptable. The bullying child needs to know this, and his or her parents need to know this. Anti-bullying laws are in effect in many states, and it applies all the way down to kindergarten. In order to qualify as bullying, there are a few things that have to be going on:

1. There is an imbalance of power (the bully has power over the target.)
2. The incidences occur on a regular basis, whether it's daily, weekly, or in particular situations.
3. The actions are harmful, either emotionally, physically, or both.

Sometimes it can be next to impossible to get support from parents of troubled children, as often they may be troubled themselves. Other times, parents just don't know how to manage the behavior of their children. In my experience, parents are usually supportive if the situation is approached diplomatically by the teacher or principal. The parent should be made to feel that intervention is intended to help their child (as well as those around him or her, of course.) Also that it is a very serious situation that could result in measures such as suspension, although I don't know the protocol at your child's school.

My advice is to request an appointment for a meeting with the principal to find out the processes in place at the school to deal with bullying situations. That way you'll know exactly what to do and the steps that will be taken if it occurs again. Know that bullying is NEVER okay!!!!

I wish you and your little one the best!

I haven't seen this brought up here yet: Have you thought about homeschooling him? I'm in WA, so I can't tell you specifics. But I typed "homeschool AK" in Google and found several good sites.
http://www.hslda.org/laws/default.asp?State=AK#1 is the Home School Legal Defense Fund site. It is most up to date on the legalities of homeschooling. It looks like AK is very homeschool friendly.
http://www.homeschoolinginalaska.com/ appears to have just about anything you may want to know about homeschooling in Alaska -- advantages? how? starting? connections with other homeschoolers? etc.
Don't worry about him getting enough social interaction. There are a lot of homeschool groups around. There are also neighbors and churches and other activities. Besides, this way you would have more say in who your child socializes with and be sure he is safe. It sounds like he is not safe where he is.
I homeschool and wouldn't have it any other way. I know who my kids are around, what they are learning (socially and adademically), and I get to know them so much better than if they were gone all day.
Good luck and keep up the good work!
C.

Do your best to volunteer in the classroom to observe. You might time it for when the class is occupied in an activity. Hang back and just observe. You have the right to know what's going on. You could also befriend another parent that is already in the room and have her/him observe. Sometimes that would be easier so your son ad this other kid would be in their normal environment.

I would also schedule a conference with the principle and the sub so that they take you seriously. I would then talk with your son and give him tools to defend himself. Good luck!

Seeing as how you are not being heard at the school, perhaps the superintendant will be more attentive to your child's needs... and VERY interested in the fact that the teachers, nurse, and principle are not doing their jobs. You son should feel and be safe at school and the other kid should be reprimanded.

I am dealing with an incident that happened to my 5th grade girl... a boy in her class that she has been having problems with since the beginning of the year cornered and groped her. As far as I know, he's only missed a couple of days and has been transferred out of her class. My daughter has taken to going to the library for her recesses and lunch times and still comes home reporting that he is bothering her. As a mother, this is not enough. At the very least, the principle of her school has tried to keep me in the loop as far as being informed and knowing that they are doing SOMETHING. My husband and I will be going to the superintendant of our school district if there is one further incident. She does not feel very safe and now pretends to have a stomach ache before school almost every day to get out of going...

If your child does not feel safe and if you are worried about the competence of the people who are supposed to be protecting him at school, go to their superiors. That's what I'll be doing. Good luck to you.

K.,
This happened to my son as a kinder. fortunately our school has an EXTREMELY responsive staff expecially the principal.
(Our school doesn't tolerate bullies.) The bully lived a few farms down from us and rode the bus with my son and also was in the same class. I had the entire school on alert for this child's behavior. I also put my son in Taekwon Do. Immediately the bus driver and teachers noticed my son had more confidence and the bully stopped bothering him. My son learned how to protect himself which was the best gift I have given him.
Your school may or may not be trying to contact the parent. If you have a school phone directory, I would contact the parents, let them know what has happened and tell them that you want the shirt replaced. Hopefully, they will, and don't back down. Clothes cost $$$$$. I don't care how old it was. They don't have to know. All they need to know is you want them to pay for it.

Document the incidences yourself with photos, recordings of your sons cousin's recounts of the incident's and a doctor visit as well. I would certainly consider pressing charges if the problem persists. Give the school an untimatum. If,then. (If this isn't taken care of by ___, then I will press charges against the parents!) The bullies parents need to know what is happening and if they are nasty or don't believe you, then press charges. Speak with your local law enforcement about what steps to take.
PROTECT YOUR CHILD! IF THE SCHOOL WON'T OR CAN'T THEN FIND ANOTHER SCHOOL! He is your child and you have options. It is your responsibility to protect your child no matter what. Don't wait until it's too late. Call the police today so that you are armed with information when you go back to the school to confront the principal.
-A.

You are your child's advocate at school your voice must be heard and listened to. I would have a conference with the teacher and see if she can give you any clarity on whats going on in the classroom between your son and the bully. Are other children having problems with this boy. Next I would keep on that principal . If it means sitting in his office until he WILL see you or by calling a few times a day. You are being given the run around don't let them get away with it. If they won't do anything i would see if i could move my child to a different school. If that wasn't an option I would make certain my child and the bully aren't in the same classroom again. Also your son's teacher should have sent a note home or called the day he got the bloody nose. I would have also talked to the sub when i noticed the shirt see if she could tell me what went on. Fight for your little boy.

Hi K.,
You are right to have a mommy meltdown over these issues. Hang in there and do not let these infractions go unaddressed. The child bullying your son needs a lot of help and the school has resources to address this situation. Your child has a right to a safe, comfortable learning environment. Keep stepping up to the issue as long as it takes. Your school administration and nurse owe this to you.
J. S

"My son's teacher is out of the classroom for an extended period of time."

OMG!!! Why are kindergarteners being left alone for an extended period of time?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why are they being left alone at all?!!!!!!!!! Hello! Call Child Protective Services on the school! If that mother can be arrested for leaving her child locked in her car for 2 minutes while she's standing right next to it, they should certainly be accountable for bodily harm.

BTW, it wouldn't be a bad idea to send them a copy of this thread!

Having vented that ire, I agree with all of the other rational suggestions above. I would have had a hissy fit all over their butts. GL

K.,

PLEASE!!! Don't give up for any reason. You are your child's advocate and protector, don't let him down. If the school is not cooperating go to the superintendent, or the district. Make sure your son's teacher knows that he is being bullied. Kindergarten is waaaayy too young for this crap. Stop it now before that bully gets bigger and meaner.

I was bullied from 4th grade until I graduated High School. My dad NEVER stood up for me and protected me. I was always told to "let it roll off my back like a duck" or "sticks and stones....." blah blah blah blah. I am now 27 and have very! low self-esteem and will bend over backward to please others. Help and protect your son, help him grow up better than I did.

Hope this helps,
Melissa

Don't let it go. There is very possibly something wrong with the other child. The way the other child is behaving is not "normal" kindergarten behavior. Principals are incredibly hard to get some time with, even when you work with them (as I do). They just have really busy schedules. However, the children should NEVER be left alone in the classroom EVER and they should be watched at all times, especially the younger ones! They can get into trouble as fast as it takes you to turn in a full circle. Continuing to pursue this can help you son not be bullied any more and you may be able to get help for the other child if he is disturbed or if something horrible is going on at home and this is him way of acting out, or something. I can tell you, though, that the school cannot tell you if the other child has been reprimanded/disciplined for his actions. That breeches confidentiality.
Anna had good advice too- keep written record of everything. If you still feel like nothing is being done, e-mail the principal, the school counselor, the teacher, and the district office. I can almost guarantee that if you e-mail the D.O. with the principal's knowledge, the matter will be dealt with.
The school nurse, however, has no responsibility to deal with parents. They report only to the principal and the school counselor and, if they feel it is necessary, the CPS.
Good luck! If I was the mommy I would be pretty mad, too!

My 2nd grade son spent the first half of the school year being bullied by a classmate, but didn't tell us because it was his "friend". When he did finally tell us some of the things that were going on. We decided to document, and tell the Principal, what was going on. My son was brave enough to talk to the Principal face to face wich is what I believe got the Principal's attention most. The bully was warned and when he did something else to my son he was suspended. And my son told him he was not allowed to play with him anymore. So if your son is brave enough make an appointment for him to see the Principal, if the Pricipal is too busy sit in the office and wait for a free moment(go in 30 min before school starts). Give the Principal a chance, before you go over his head. And try to remember that the Bully is probably just a little boy with his own set of problems. I know our Bully is.
Be strong and stick with it.

I think bullies are serious issues. You can see it on the news all of the time. These things escalate as the bullies and the bullied get older. The school is not helping your son but also not helping the bully.
As a mom, I have experienced this and it is so sad. How bullying is not looked at seriously in the schools until someone finally decides they aren't going to take it anymore and brings a gun to school and starts shooting.
Not that your child will do this because it sounds that he is doing well in his communicating the issue with you and you are not just putting it off to normal child behavior. I think issues like this need to be brought to the schools attention immediately. When this happened to my son, I called the school and questioned if there were other incidents with this child bullying other kids and also if this has been discussed with the child's parents. No one should have to go through this.
Stay strong. Our children will always have us to protect them and need to know that.

This is the sound of the beginning of Falling Through The Cracks...
No Child should have to endure what it sounds like yours has already been a receiving end to = the teachers/people in charge "don't care about Me...". A bad start to a huge beginning of life. No 'little person' should go unheard... my daughter sat in her 3rd grade classroom and wet her pants because the teacher told her to "put your arm down" when she raised it out of respect to ask to go to the bathroom... we got that teacher fired (for other reasons on top of the one stated). It took 3 years of moms complaining, but the idiot doesn't teach at that school anymore. Take Action and show your child that not all grown ups just sit back and ignore them, and never say "go work it out your self"... they need our help to go figure out what it is they are supposed to do, and sometimes it is "Rely on Me."

In the school district my children attend, bullying is a BIG deal. If your child attends public school you have certain legal rights. I would first research the school handbook, arm yourself with the proper procedures as established by the school district. Once you have it, go full throttle. Do not pass go without collecting two hundred dollars. Park yourself in the school office if need be, show up for recess (do not forget about lunchtime recess) every day, make it known you know what is going on and you are not going away until it is dealt with. Good luck!

Dear K., my son is in 9th grade now, but your letter brought back so many memories.
There was a violent child in my son's classroom, he was in a blended class from 1st-5th, so it went on for a long time. It really is vital to connect with other parents in your child's class, and if you can be there volunteering it helps too. Hang around after picking him up and start chatting. See if anyone else is having problems with this boy. My experience with principals and teachers is that if you are just one person, they apologize and that's it. If you have a group of parents, they sit up and take notice. This aggressive boy is probably not limiting his behavior to just your son. If it happens again, I would request a meeting with the boy's parents and you and the principal and teacher. In your future career as mother of a school child, you are going to encounter many situations, where unless you step in, no one seems interested in doing anything. Try to stay as calm as possible, write follow up letters, or emails, so that you have a record of your interactions. I went head to head with one teacher who flatly denied everything I was saying, and I was there, in the classroom when it happened. So be prepared. And be diplomatic. But when it comes time to fight for your child, fight. If you don't, nobody else will. Best of Luck.

K.,

Hang in there but don't let it go. Try and be calmer, you get a better response I have noticed. My son sounds like yours. But don't let it go. If they will not do anything about this boy. I would ask that your son be moved to another class or a different time. My son goes in the afternoon so maybe there is a different time. But your son needs to feel safe and happy about being in school. It's his first year and it should be a happy time. Because next year they will go all day. And make sure that your son knows that he needs to let someone know right when things happen. It's important to him and others when he lets someone know. That way it will be taken care of a the right time. I have been in the class room alot helping and you can't have your eye on them all at all times. It's very hard when the classes are large and when there very active. But don't let the subject go. I think you doing the right thing. But once school is back in session make an appointment if need be.

Hang in there.

Your kinder is indeed being bullied. Most school districts these days have "zero tolerance" clauses in their discipline regulations. You need to be calm but very firm about your disappointment with the response and your expectations that something be done immediately to remedy the situation.

This should have been resolved before Spring Break. It was the principal's responsibility to do so. As the principal was unwilling or unable to attend to this very important matter you need to take it to the next level in the District. Obviously you have email. Email the principal detailing your concerns and frustrations, what your expectations are as to his timely response and that you intend to see this through to a proper resolution. Do not let your emotions get the better of you-- I know easier said than done when it comes to our kids. Copy the teacher, the counselor and the school nurse on the email. If you do not receive an immediate and appropriate reponse from the principal send a copy off to the appropriate administrator at the district office. (It varies from district to district as to who this would be) Ask to meet with the administrator, the principal, and the teacher ASAP. Be persistant, but polite.

Also, you need to give your child the tools he needs to stand up for himself. This is important now and for the rest of his life. This does NOT mean hitting back. It means giving him words and ideas he can use when these things happen. Make the distinction between tattling and keeping yourself, others and property safe. (I always say that if someone or something is hurt or about to be hurt you tell an adult immediately. It's not only okay, it's your responsibility.)He needs to kno w that the adults in his life are there for him, but also that he can be there for himself, too.

Remember, the goal here is to keep your kid safe, not lambast the adults involved. (Even though it sounds like they desreve a good "lambasting" :))Good luck and give that kiddo a great big hug!

Go TO the school - see these people in PERSON! They can't ignore you this way. Don't call and don't rest until you get an answer from the teacher AND the principal. Call the school board if you don't get satisfaction.

Teachers have FINALLY come to the realization of how harmful bullying is. There should be zero tolerance. See if you can talk to the parents of the bully if the teachers won't help. I've known parents that started home schooling or went to a different school - but that shouldn't have to happen.

As a school employee, I can tell you this is absolutely crazy and not at all acceptable!
1.I don't know which district you are in, but go to whomever is the supervisor of this Principal. Both the teacher and Principal need to be reprimanded and obviously need further training in bullying and school climate. Their lack of concern is really apalling.
2 Communicate with the Principal and school employees via email. Don't use the phone - email leaves evidence. Write calmly, use spell check, try not to be emotional. Written notifications are scary to them! :-)
3. Your child was attacked with a weapon (scissors) and there are some mandatory consequences that go with that. You won't be privy to the other childs' consequences, but there definitely need to be some. This kiddo needs help.
4.Don't back down - they are really handling things poorly.

My son and ihave had some huge losses this year..ONe his dad and my gramnmother. I went to kindergarden in hopes to widen uour network and have some true friends for us both. It has been a complete wash. And now my son doesnt want to go to school because no one wants to be his friend. The BULLY has exculded my son in his play and not w/ othrs, so my son cant play him or the other boys engaged w/ this boy.The priciple and teacher are involvd as well as the other parents who ignore me. There are no changes being done. besides the bully gets a time out if he excludes my son.....My son is starting to get depressed because no one wants to play w/ him. Im ready to give up.Take him out of school,but where no other schools are open. DO i try to toughen him up?
Any help thanks A.

I think what I would do if it were my son is I would document the date, time, place, and any witnesses involved in the bullying incident. I would also make sure the principle and teacher got a copy of your documented incident report. If they still don't do anything about it I would report it to the district superintendent by forwarding a copy of your incident report and ask to meet with them in person. The child's parent needs to meet with you and the staff to develop some type of plan for how to prevent bullying from happening at school or in your child's class. You could also get a copy of the nurse's observation report to include with your documentation.

I would approach the teacher and school counselor if there is one. I am a teacher and a lot of times principals deal with incidents like this in a nonproductive way. I also realize that the counselor may not even know about this situation as well. If the bullying can be prevented by the counselor talking with the child all could be resolved by the end of the year. If not, then at least more adults in this school are aware of the student's behavior. Also please ask that they not be put in the same class next year. Teachers are starting to think about these lists and if you make your son's current teacher aware, they can place him in a better environment for next year. Good luck! P.

K....I agree w/the other advice. It's time for the mommy smackdown! I would just go park myself in that office outside the principal's office until he meets with you. Tell him you want a written plan in place regarding the situation and what is going to heppen from now on. If you don't feel like you're getting the attention you need, go to the school district. Do not give up until you have results you are happy with. There is absolutely no reason you shouldn't have been called on the spot w/the bloody nose incident.

Good luck!

L.

PS I'm a 38 y/o sahm to 8 and 5 year old girls. I'm not sure what school district you're in, but we are in Kent and our elementary school is all over the bullying situation.

K.,
First and utmost,let your son know how much you are on his side of this and that you are going to help him resolve this issue. He needs to know you are with him, he is not alone and he is a part of the solution, for his self esteem needs. I am no counciler, but just the other day I was remenissing about my gradeschool years. There was one particular kid, for no reason at all punched me in the stomache. I was in 3rd grade and he was in 5th. I didn't tell anyone. I don't know why exactly. Scared shocked confused, maybe.
I am a 38 year old mom of 4. I have had issues with bullies and my 8 yr old. When it got physical, I got involved, but my daughter was a part of the solution. She had an opportunity to speak her mind, as the other kid was addressed by the adults. The the bus driver and the parent got involved. Bringing that much attention to the situation asap helps put out those fires.
This is a sad situation for you and your child but it can be an opportunity for life building skills if addressed and handled appropriately. Getting some wise council for addressing current emotional issues and possible future issues may be a good idea. Sometimes just visualizing yourself in the situaion as the child, what would we want for our adult caretaker to do for us to help protect us and make us secure. Don't give up! Pray over your children, it's one of the best things we can do for our kids daily.
God Bless.
D. D

K.,

It's been a long time since any of my kids were in Kindergarten. But they have been bullied. My suggestion is to stay on top of it like you're doing. Going to talk to the parents.....may or may not help. A lot of parents, unfortunately, have blinders on, and just can't see what their children are actually doing. It's far better for the school, or an authority to go to the parents for you. It's a shame to say that, but I'm just speaking from experience.

As for the school, they are responsible for your child....but, they are also understaffed, and can't see everything that goes on anymore. I agree with a couple of other people here that it might be a good idea to possibly volunteer to be a room mom. Then you could keep an eye out, which would hopefully, take the target off your son's back, as far as the bully goes. In addition, you'd be able to keep an eye out on this child, and maybe help him be turn his anger into something more constructive. Maybe he's just living what he knows. It's just a thought.

I've worked with a lot of troubled teens, and it's something that works for them.

Also, walk in, talk to the principal, talk to the counselor. If that doesn't work, take it to the school board. They will do something about it. I've had to go those routes once or twice. It's your child! And the more noise you make, the more they have to listen.

Good luck!

Hi Kimderlee
It is never ok for schools to do what you have discribed.
I sugest that you contact the parents of the Bully and see if that will bring it to an end. If not than Call a meeting with the princable and the teachers involved (or should have been) and the parents of all that were involved or witnesed the events. If that does not work than Charge the Bully with asult and battery and include the teachers and staff that did nothing, as accomplis. If that does not work than sew all involved. This type of thing needs to be stopped and the people that are incharge held accountable. This Bulling stuff is just the start of things than can go real bad real fast. This is how school shootings start. One person is picked on and at some point looses it or the Bully is not getting his needs met and so he gets a gun or knife or ...
It is inportant to deal with this ASAP before it turns out bad on the evening news.
Contact the Prinsable at home before school starts or the cops. DO SOMETHING ....

Ahhh first off "phone call"
I would have been in my car at the school when the first incident happened with the teacher and principal.
I have four children and things like this have happened.
I have told all of my children that they have the right to defend themselves-no matter what.
I have had conversations with principals at the elementary level as well as middle school.
This type of behavior is NOT acceptable.
So I guess what I am saying is you go first thing in the morning to the school and do not leave until you talk with the Teacher and principal if the principal is not avalible the asst. principal along with the counsler too.
K.

First and foremost: STOP PLAYING PHONE TAG. You need to write letters. Phone calls are easy to ignore. And, as you've noticed, they put you off for as long as possible hoping that you'll get distracted/lose interest/calm down, etc. Letters put the fear of lawsuit in school administrators because you have now created an irrefutable written record of the event. (This is otherwise known as a lawyer's dream scenario!) So, when you write your letters, make darn sure you are writing them with the idea that a judge may be reading them someday - so be professional and factual.) Your son is being attacked with a weapon. Scissors can cause harm (even safety scissors) - even a pencil in the eye is a possibility. You need to inform the administrators that you fully expect that they will fulfill their obligation to keep your son safe and if they will not do so, you will take appropriate actions up to and including obtaining a restraining order against that child OR taking time off of work to physically be in the classroom to protect your own child (with the understanding that the school district WILL be paying you for the missed work).

Secondly, enroll your child in karate tomorrow and give him permission to defend himself. Let him know that he will absolutely not be in any trouble with you if he punches or kicks this boy after this boy has physically touched him. Let your son know that adults SHOULD look out for him and protect him, but when adults are not doing their jobs this does not mean that he has to be a punching bag for anyone. Have you or his dad role play how and when he can defend himself. (Kicking in the shins or a punch in the groin is very effective.)

As I've stated many times: Bullies pick "victims." They don't pick on children who will fight back. They pick children who behave like a victim and won't defend themselves. Give your son the tools and confidence to stand up for himself and kick into gear to put the fear of Mama K. into them!

Good luck.

Personally, I would consider looking for a new school.

You can't expect them to notice everything, but it sounds like you've been very reasonable with your expectations. The concerns that you told them about are serious and it doesn't sound like they cared enough to follow up on them, or even return your calls.

You've missed open enrollment for Seattle schools, but you could probably still make a change.

OMG! This is a horrible situation. If you are not getting any satisfaction from the teacher and shockingly from the principal. I would go to the Superintendent of the district immediately! I know in my school district we have a no tolerance policy and I dont care if its kindegarten or 10th grade that policy should be enforced. A bloody nose? Wow, thats just unheard of and no one called you and the other kid got off scott free? Dont let that kid get away...

Most schools have a zero tolerance for violence policy so I am shocked that nothing else was done, at least that you are aware of. Hopefully someone called the other little boys parents. It sounds like your husband needs to take the shirt in to the principal after spring break. Unfortunalty "mommy meltdowns" don't go to far in making changes. In my case, until another male parent who was an emt went in to talk to the pricipal, nothing was done about the issue at out school. Don't drop this, just think if that boy is cutting shirts and punching in kindegarten, what will he be doing in high school? And your son should never fight back at school, zero tolerance...

My children are grown and I have 7 lovely grandchildren who are all in school except 3 of them. When I read your story I was very saddened. This is totally unacceptable. This should not have happened a second time and the "bully" should of been repromanded and personally I say he should of been suspended. It's these types of behaviors that can lead many times to more dangerous happenings. It appears to me this happens way too much and our "bullys" are getting away with these types of happenings all the time. Personally if this was happening to me I would document everything with dates, times and the name of the people involved. I would present this in a letter along with a 10- day demand for a school conference with the Board of Directors to include the "bully's" parents, the "bully" you, your husband and I'm not sure I would take my son and have him go through anymore than he already has. Than I would send this letter "certified" with "return receipt requested". I would address it to the principal of the school and also send another copy to the Board of Directors and don't forget a copy to your State Representative. I would say you will more than likely get some action. Let me know how it works out for you. D. M

Edit note: I failed to mentioned to you with my first response that I would also include the teacher and substitute in the Conference meeting. You appear to be on top of things .... include all who are involved.

I would not contact the parent of the other child. This leads to stigma and your son may be in for a worse bullying experience later on down the road, including from the parents. I would definitely keep contacting the school--letters are a great idea. Write one letter to the principal expressing your concerns and list how many times you have tried to contact him. Write another letter to the district office and include a copy of the principal's letter so they can see what you've said. If you don't hear anything within 1-1/2 weeks, write two more letters and also write a letter to the Department of Education for the state and include copies of all past letters. Keep it up and do not be afraid to sit in the classroom. This would probably get their attention when nothing else could. And, do not be afraid to have your son learn how to defend himself. You don't have to enroll him in karate, but let him know it's ok to defend himself. I always told my kids not to hit other kids and to let the adult know what's going on, but I also told them to defend themselves if need be. The funny thing: My youngest was approached by a 2nd grader when he was in kindergarten. The 2nd grader stated, "See my pinky, see my thumb, here's my fist, you'd better run" and my youngest son gave him a right hook and a bloody nose. LOL. The secretaries in the school know us pretty well because I have four kids (with one on the way) and they were telling me what happened and we were all trying not to laugh. It's not funny that it happened, but even the secretaries were saying, "Boy, did he pick the wrong kindergartner!" As the youngest of four, he can definitely take care of himself. :o)

I too have a kindergartener. She also has been bullied. Once by a fifth grader and kicked bad in the leg on recess. We have K-8 school. No one called and my daughter didn't tell me exactly what happened until two days later. (She complained of a sore leg). When I found out I went directly to her teacher. Whom didn't know about it. But, she went directly to the principal with me and we sorted that out. Then a classmate(boy) started bullying her often, but both the teacher and parent made a serious effort in fixing the problem. The parents were spoken too and my daughter was apologized to by the classmate several times. I was apologized to by both the parents and classmate. It happened four times. I started volunteering more in the class to observe. The teacher and parents allowed me and my daughter to talk to the student. I told my daughter to stay away from him, but be firm that she didn't want to be around him. I told her to tell someone when anything uncomfortable was happening. I don't advocate being negative, but this had to be done. Bullying is a serious danger. Whether it be phsyical or mental. Do what you can. Also at our school on recess we have student monitors that wear brightly colored shirts and carrying clipboards for documenting problems. These students are 5th graders that help resolve recess issues. So if a student is having a problem with another student they can talk with a monitor and fix the problem. Also the monitors supervise and prevent problems from happening(There of course are teachers supervising). Be an advocate and talk to the teachers. If your students own teacher isn't available to speak with talk to another kindergarten or 1st grade teacher. Someone should be able to help you. Maybe even someone on the PTA? I wish you the best.

I also have a child getting bullied at school, he does tell the teacher and they just tell him to ignore it. But now its to the point were he comes home and is very emotional, so we are trying to get him to stand up to the bully, because the school has not yet done anything about it. We told him standing up for yourself doesn't always mean beating someone up but just telling them to stop or back off sometimes works. Its hard, school is so different now days. They tell them it is wrong to be mean, but they let it slide when there is a bully every time. So far it has worked but its only been a week or so.

With this situation getting out of control.....I would head straight for the superintendant....Somebody is not doing their job....And it sounds like it's from the top, down. Every child has the right to learn in a safe, secure, & healthy enivroment. Check and see if you can visit your son's class room(my sis-in-law would, her child was special needs,& she'd do it to check on how the teachers were treating him). Move him to a different class, if the principal won't do it, again go to the super....if that person won't, go to the school board. Keep fighting(forgive the pun), for your child, you are their champion. I would also be concerned about the child doing the bullying, that is a learned behavior...where did they get it from.....Keep pushing, don't let them blow you off.

K.,
It does sound like you guys are in trouble. We never experienced bullying in kindergarten, but unfortunately encountered it in 4th and 5th grade. It is always the same-school nurse never notices anything (nor does any other adult), and principal is perpetually busy/in the meeting/you name it. I have a couple suggestions-what helped us in the past. First of all, keep WRITTEN record of all the events (with dates, because you never know, where and with whom you will discuss it in the future. Also, consider approaching this other child's parents-just to politely inform them, that you are going to investigate the issue. Funny, how it sometimes helps (in our case, it effectively stopped the major bully). You may try e-mailing the principal, they are sometimes more responsive this way, but make sure, that you send a cc: to as many people, as you can think of-school counselor, the teacher (even if she is absent), school district. And, finally, this is just kindergarten-it is less traumatic to change schools now, than later(I know it sounds like a lot, but I can assure you-counseling for a child is expensive and no insurance covers it). Bullies are, for some obscure reason, protected far more than their victims,
A.

You have to keep at it. Keep being an advocate for your son.
But, try being a teacher-you can't see EVERYTHING!
Kids, especially bullies, know how to get away with things. Blame the bully and their parents but not the teachers. You should work to get a response from the teacher and the principal about what they are going to do about it since it's happened twice. They have to have a plan in place to make sure this bully is watched, punished, and the parents know about it.
I'm definitely not saying you shouldn't be concerned about it and you shouldn't do anything. I just see too many people getting on the teachers all the time. Teaching is one of the toughest jobs in the world.
If I was in your same position I would volunteer for the day in your child's classroom and go out to recess with your son. I'd have your son point out the child and go over there and say, "You need to leave my son alone, I mean it, do you understand?" Don't threaten him but if no one else is helping your son-you need to do it. Your son needs an advocate.
Also, teach your son what to do about bullies. Get books, videos, etcs. Hey, why don't you ask the teacher if you can read a book to the class about bullying?
Good luck!

And, OMG! Don't move schools! That's ridiculous. Teach your son to stick up for himself so he doesn't become a "victim"
You just need to pester the school to get a plan in place!!!!

OH MAN!! _ This is my worst fear as a mother. My son will be starting school this coming fall, and I worry so MUCH about the exact thing you describe. The only thing that I can think of is this.....Back when I was in elementary school (a while ago, I know) the school had a school directory with all the student's names and phone numbers. Figure out the name of the kid that's bullying your son and call his mother. Tell her what's going on. I would be horrified if I was the mother of a bully and no one was telling me. Maybe, just maybe, she doesn't know and then she could put a stop to it. The only problem that I can see with that idea is that you will then be the butinsky mom, so you'll have to talk to your son about it. I would also sit down with your son and talk to him about sticking up for himself. Telling that boy that it is "NOT OKAY" for him to treat your boy like that and he needs to use his words to tell that boy to leave him alone. Good luck!!

This is serious and should be considered assault at any age. Adults would not tolerate this type of assault on them so children should not have to. Please research your local laws and then have a serious sit down with the principal. If no action is taken, then become an activist for change. This is a serious problem with young people and it must be handled appropriately. Chris

Keep following up with the principal, the teacher, the school counselor--if there is one--the nurse, and the mother of the bully. Your little boy should LOVE school at this age, and kindergarten is where ALL children should know they are safe and nurtured. If worst came to worst, I would transfer your little boy to a different school, but it would be better to get some action in the school where he is. Education is too important, and no child wants an education if it means being attacked by bullies.

Hi Kimberly stay strong this is inacceptable you are the one who is going to make the difference ,take full responsability for your kid getting hurt and I mean you are the warrior here saying that war is not acceptable.Hurting other is not acceptable , If you feel strong in your heart about that you will know with your guts and talk to the nurse ,the teacher the parent,let them know this is not OK with you and that you are not the victim of violence. Where did children learn it was OK to hurt other(home TV..)I would meet and talk to the parentsof that bully who probably has issues dealing with his impulses.Don't give up ,you have an opportunity to make a difference. lovingly C..

I would cut this off NOW before it gets worse or the kid thinks he can get by with continuing. I'd let the school know you mean business and that they need to take control of bullying, and maybe even call the parents of the other kid. I was bullied in grade school and my grandma didn't let it go until it stopped. Good luck!

Sounds like the other kid has some "issues" that really need to be addressed! Good for you for being your son's advocate- both these incidents are way out of bounds, and- as you know- need to be dealt with.
As for the principal, if he won't return your calls, or otherwise be available, make an appointment (and by all means take the shirt.) If you can't get one, or it is too far out, I myself would leave the principal a "butter-wouldn't-melt-in-my-mouth" note and say that you didn't realize he was so busy, you'll see if you can get an appointment sooner with the Superintendent of Schools. That should get his attention. And, if you don't get satisfaction from the principal I *would* go to the superintendent of schools.
The nurse I would report to your state board of liscensure.
There really is no excuse for her not telling you. She won't loose her liscence over it, but it will jog her memory about her duties and obligations.
The superintendent of schools haates to see me coming, and I don't go often, but I have gotten some bad (to dangerous) situations remedied.)
Best wishes, A.

Skip the principal and go the the school district administration building for help if you are being ignored.