Kindergardener Crying DURING School Day for Mommy

Get the book, "The Kissing Hand." Read it to her; talk about it then kiss her hand and send her off to school. It does work. I've used it a couple of times on grandchildren who were missing their parents.

This is a common occurrence in kindergarten. I'm more upset that the teacher is upset and saying it's not normal. Qualified teachers and school psychologists and similar personnel know how to deal with this. I'd set up a conference in school without your daughter (she shouldn't even know about it). One thing I'd request, either before or in the conference, is to have a school psychologist or principal observe the class to see what your daughter is doing, what prompts it, etc. This will also put an objective observer in the room to see how the teacher is handling this, which will give you additional info. Or perhaps it will help get this teacher the additional help she needs, whether it's better training or even a paraprofessional in the class if she has a high percentage of needy or emotional kids on her hands.

I think the book suggested by Cheryl B. is a good idea - I don't know the book so there may be other suggestions that will come from other responders. Certainly helping her from home is a beneficial idea, but it doesn't take the place of effective classroom management. I can't imagine how the teacher thinks you should manage this entirely from home. That's not going to work with much older kids, let alone with a kindergartener.

If the teacher isn't able to handle this then the school counselor or psychologist should get involved, that's exactly what they are there for, to help kids who need help adjusting, coping or transitioning, for whatever reason.

Sounds like the teachers attitude has something to do with it, to be upset and say this is not normal. Is there a school counselor your daughter can speak with or another kindergarten class she can be moved to?

I think she might be coming down with something. Kids are often fighting off stuff and when it's winning they get sort of whiny and cry more often. I wouldn't worry about it.

Can you find out from the teacher if there is a pattern as to when she starts crying - if it's always during a certain activity, or at a certain time of day? It might help to identify the trigger. Back when my oldest was in preschool, shortly after my second was born, he started crying every day during snacktime at school. He was fine at dropoff and the first half of the day, but got sad every time during snack (he only went to school for two half days each week). His teacher at the time said that snacktime is actually a common trigger for kids, especially in preschool where they are given a shared snack rather than bringing something familiar from home.

I can't tell from your post what the teacher's attitude is like. When you say she's upset, do you mean concerned, angry, or frustrated? Could it be that your daughter is somehow picking up negative vibes from her?

As for whether it's normal or not, I certainly know of other kids who have been fine in the morning and get sad sometime later in the day. It can feel like a long time away from their families and they miss them, even if they've been away for longer times in the past.

I hope you can find the root of the problem and figure out a solution.

it's not normal. has something happened to create this sudden episode of separation anxiety?
i'd handle it sensibly by not giving it too much attention. the teacher needs to be low-key about it too. 'sorry you miss your mom, mariella. you'll see her soon. now you need to put the blocks away.' and you need to be calmly, undramatically sympathetic. 'sorry you missed me today, honey. i miss you too, but we have things to do during the day and we see each other again every afternoon. no more crying about it, please. i want to hear that you were a big girl in school today.'
if normal sensible measures have no effect, you need to take her to a counselor. something's up.
khairete
S.

Kaseyirv said it -- the teacher and you need to talk to find out what's triggering this. It's hard to tell from the post if this has gone on for just a few days or for several weeks--sounds like she was fine during the K day before this brief break, but has the crying taken place a few times, each day for a week, or for several weeks? That does make a difference. If the teacher workday was very recent, your daughter likely is just wanting you and tired of this new school routine that seemed fun and fine when K got started 10 weeks or so ago. But if this has gone on for some time and is consistent, there is something else possibly triggering her.

Snacktime is indeed one trigger for some kids. It can come too late in the day, so their blood sugar is a bit low and their mood is too. Is that when this hits her? Or possibly is there one part of each day -- circle time, or free play time, or when they do letters/reading, or when they do math/numbers -- when this most often happens? She might be feeling overwhelmed by some part of the day, or sick of sitting in the circle by that point in the day, or some subject matter, that is confusing or difficult for her. The teacher should be working with you to figure out if that's what's going on; maybe the crying for mom is really more about the fact the class is, for example, about to start doing letters, and she finds them confusing and gets wound up about that (and it manifests as wanting mommy).

It could also be social, if she's doing it at around the same time each day they do free play or are at stations where the teacher isn't right there with them. Any chance that she's stressed by another kid or kids? (I am NOT saying bullied -- that term gets overused! So please don't leap to the idea that she's being bullied; she might just be tired and touchy by that time.)

If there's a school counselor, ask that person to observe and ask for some ideas of how to talk with your child about it. Don't over-talk it or give her a ton of attention for it. How does the teacher react? Does the teacher get flustered by it or does she have specific strategies she employs, such as redirecting your child to some other activity or giving her a little task to do ("Sally, I really need help over here! Could you please do X? You're such a good helper!" or whatever)?

An experienced teacher really should be able to handle this (though yes, the teacher is right to tell you about it too, so you can keep an eye on it). Have you got a feel for the class itself? Are there any issues with some kids who demand a lot of attention, keep other kids from learning because the teacher is busy with those kids, etc.? That was an issue in one of my child's early elementary classes--there were a couple of kids who had real behavior and maturity issues, and the rest of the kids sometimes frankly got tired of that and it made things overwrought and emotional at times.

Also, be aware that just because your daughter has done full-day daycare and preschool, that does not mean she'll sail smoothly into full-day K. Kindergarten is now far more like first grade was when most of us were kids, and a LOT more is expected of kids in K both academically and behaviorally. It can be very different from preschool's pace, and the teachers don't have support or time for giving individual kids much help with the transition. She may be simply stressed by those higher expectations and faster pace, even if she's used to spending a full day in care or preschool.

it's hard. My littlest has had some issues with separation so I know how difficult it is, and feeling like you have to come up with a solution quickly.
Our teacher was fantastic (I felt so fortunate) with helping us. She was so down to earth and allowed my child to bring a stuffy to school. Gave her extra time to adjust, etc. Is there something like that you could try? an object that is small (I sent the smallest stuffy I could find) that would bring her comfort? What about something small of yours that she could just keep in her pocket? My sister used to send one of hers with a little note every day. The Kissing Hand book that Cheryl mentions below is a nice story too - same idea (keeps the kiss in the hand from mom to place on cheek when needed).
Our doctor told us sometimes kids who were fine (mine was also) hit this funny stage around age 7-9. Can she tell you why she misses you? I was telling mine of course she could handle it. Wasn't helping, so I stopped talking, listened and said that I sometimes felt nervous/scared/upset too. You could see her visibly relax. It's that mirroring back emotions thing - I got that from a mom here on Mamapedia. So we came up with a small smooth pebble I put in her pocket to start school. When I need it, she gives it to me, and vice versa (our courage stone we call it).
I'm sure this is just a phase and know that other moms/kids go through it too. Hopefully your teacher will work with you. I weaned mine off the little stuffy by saying that it wasn't fair where the other kids didn't bring them, and she's ok leaving in her bag. Just knowing it's there is enough (that was after about a week).
Good luck :)

Talk to the counselor. I guarantee you that your DD is not the only child to "miss Mommy" during the day. Our counselor has been an invaluable resource and liaison between the staff and ourselves. If the teacher is upset by it, then it may also benefit her to have an in-school resource to guide her.

Is the teacher upset or concerned?

She does not sound professional based on what I read. She need to be helpful as opposed to blaming.

Give her a penny to keep in a pocket. Tell her when she misses you to hold onto it as a reminder that you will see her soon and love her.

Have you tried asking your daughter why she's started to cry at school all of a sudden? I would say it's perfectly normal behavior for a Kindergartener who never did daycare or preschool but if your daughter's been in full day daycare and full day TK and was fine, I think it's odd that all of a sudden, she's having separation anxiety. Talk to your daughter and see if anything is going on - maybe a mean friend, a mean teacher, etc. ? And if it is just her missing you, make plans to do something exciting on the weekend to give her something to look forward to, look up books in the library to help, etc. Good luck,

Call the guidance counselor. Talk to her. Ask her to observe the classroom. Tell her what you've told us here. And be patient.