Kindergarten Arrival Deadline Is Turning Me into Monster Mom :-(

I was the same way, and some days still am... I have a second grader and 2 year old. I get lunch ready the night before with snacks in the lunch box and the rest wrapped up in the fridge. So in the morning, all I have to do is throw it all in the box then backpack. I used to help my son lay out his clothes (uniform) the night before. Now it's his responsibility. We have a chart by his door that lists the things to do in the morning, after school and evenings. I still have to wake him up and remind him, but it does get easier. I don't have time to fix breakfast, so we have toasted frozen waffles (blueberry or chocolate chip) sans syrup or cereal in the car. We have a 30-40 minute commute in the morning.

she is not ready to do this on her own she is 5 and this is week 1 of school.

1. get her up earlier so she has time to move slowly.

2. offer a reward (1 m&M??) in the car when she is totally ready and in her seat..my kids would do anything for a reward.

3. set a timer...

4. if my kids are moving too slow.. I hit the car panic button-so the car horn honks.. and they know that means we better get moving.

5. love and logic parenting says... tell the child that they can wear their clothes to school or carry them in a bag. but at 5 i dont think she would get it or be embarassed by going to school in pajamas..

you are being too hard on her.

I have a 5 and 3 year old and we need to be out the door by 7:15 am. The night before all clothes are laid out and lunches are packed (with help from kids). I get up at 6:15 and ready by 6:45. at 6:45, I wake the 5 year old up first and remind her to brush teeth, go to the bathroom and get dressed. My son then does the same. we head downstairs and they drink milk at the table and then eat breakfast (usually cheerios) in the car.

Frankly, the problem is you and not her. Your expectations for what she can do with little supervision are too high right now. You can either spend your whole morning being stressed and angry that she's not getting your nagging "hints" and "suggestions" or spend 15 solid minutes helping her in getting up, dressed, hair brushed, and shoes on, then sit her down at the table with breakfast in front of her. Set a timer and when the timer goes off, breakfast is over and you're on to the next task. These are not life skills she needs to master *today* - be reasonable. You DO have 15 minutes in the morning to directly supervise her - I have 4 kids to get to school and if I can find this time, so can you. Once you get her through breakfast, you can continue to turn your focus more to you and the baby.

Make her a morning routine chart (with pictures) so that she knows what comes next. Laminate this and let her check off the boxes as you get things done. This will help her to take ownership of the process. As she gets to a point where she is doing the routine more independently, you can build in a reward. If there is time in the morning, it can be a natural reward such as if she's done with her routine by 7:45, she can watch 15 minutes of TV or you can read a book to her or she can draw a picture or whatever. If you don't have time for that, then build in something else like if she does the list on her own 3 days a week, you'll do something special like go to the playground, etc.

It does get easier, but you really need to re-set your expectations and be more hands-on with her. She's heading out for a full day of big kid school and wants, needs, and deserves to start her day with some attention and patience from you. If you give her a few minutes of focused attention, you will have more time and better results.

Stop giving her hints and tell her specifically what to do and do it now. She's also used to the laid back way of doing things and doesn't know how to do it differently.

Perhaps make a list of what she needs to do in the order she needs to do it. Draw or cut out pictures representing each task or better yet, take a picture of her doing each task and post it at her eye level. That way she can look at the chart to see what's next.

Perhaps make each step, but especially the dressing step into a game. Lets see how fast you can get dressed. Or set a timer and ask if she can beat the timer. Make the getting ready process fun.

If you didn't help her get dressed before you shouldn't have to do so now but please remember that she may not be able to get dressed any faster. You might try getting up earlier. Notice how long it does take to get out of the house and allow yourself that much time.

You will be much more successful if you can get the smiles and encouraging words back. Grumpy mama equals anxious kid who does slow down.

She needs more help, too! I hear you about getting ready being a life-skill and I'm 100% with you that she needs to learn to do that on her own... but the LEARNING is not going to happen on her own. Obviously, she doesn't quite have the skill down at this point (or you wouldn't be stressed out in the mornings) so you're going to have to give her a bit more support for now and then GRADUALLY release the responsibility back to her. She doesn't need "hints" at this point, she needs DIRECTION, supervision and support.

Here's what works for my (fairly independent) kindergartener.

0) Wake up earlier YOURSELF so that you have time to do some of your morning routine BEFORE the kids are up. That way you'll be less rushed when you're trying to manage her.

1) Have her lay out her clothes as part of her bedtime routine... EVERYTHING, socks, undies, hair bow, etc.

2) Teach her that she gets dressed immediately when she wakes up. You can either wait in her room after waking her up, or just remind her and then come back five minutes later to give a high-five or whatever for getting it done.

3) Have her breakfast set out for her to get. "get something to eat" is too loose for a five year old to really do successfully with time constraints. I set out a bowl of cereal and a spoon for my son. He comes down and just has to pour his milk and eat.

4) Give her a verbal prompt when it's time to brush teeth and hair and ask her to come SHOW you that they are done.

5) Keep her shoes by the door so that when she is ready to go she is really ready to go.

Hope this helps.
T.

Okay, I'm with you that this is a life skill that she will need to acquire. However, at this age, you have to micromanage the process still. (I've been through this with two of them so far, and believe me, it WILL get easier!) What you have to do is, get breakfast on the table - keep it simple (cereal is fine). Keep an eye out and just make sure she's progressing on eating and is not getting sidetracked. Remind her, "5 minutes until breakfast is over" and so on. When breakfast is done, march to the bedroom and supervise her getting dressed. "Jammies off, and put on your underwear. Great! Now your clothes." (Assuming she is proficient at putting on her clothes, you can wander off and get the baby dressed while she's doing this.) Then back to her room: "Good! You're dressed. Now let's go brush your teeth!" And once that's done: "Okay, you're ready for me to put your hair up?" And then out the door you go.

My other tip is to do as much as you can the night before. Pack her lunch, pick out her clothes, make sure her backpack is by the door and ready to go.

As she gets older and this becomes more of a routine, you'll be able to supervise her less and less. By the time she's in second grade, she'll be reminding YOU that it's time to go to school! It will happen, but take baby steps. She just has to learn this new routine.

I understand how crazy it can be trying to get kids out the door in the morning. I have 4 (12, 8, 6, 3) and found that mornings go a lot more smoothly if I do as much as humanly possible the night before. I pack their lunches and make sure they have all their clothes laid out. If they need a library book, we'd make sure to pack it and whatever else they may need. Some nights I was too tired and told myself I would just hustle a little more in the morning. That never went well, and we'd all wind up getting a grumpy start to our morning.

We also started getting up 15 minutes earlier so we didn't have to stress so much about the time. Also, this is still new for your daughter. At 5, she may need some help for a while- she'll be able to do more and more on her own a little at a time.

Hang in there! =o)

We had this SAME problem in Kindergarten with our son. I think it is very common. I made him a picture chart of each thing he had to do to get done. I am not sure that helped too much but it helped a little. What really worked is we came up with the rule no playing (no watching a cartoon, no video games, no holding hamsters, no playing lego etc) till you get the things on the list done. I wake him up at 7am (now he uses an alarm clock) and the bus comes at 7:50am. He gets up and gets dressed and comes downstairs for breakfast (he's never hungry so he sits there being a big grouch). He has to at least eat a little and drink his milk. Then he wants to do something like play a video game and I will tell him you have 15 minutes till the bus. If you can brush your teeth, get your backpack ready and put on your shoes then you can play a video game till it's time to go. The big rule is once it is time to leave for the bus if he does not come immediately he does not get any video games for the next 24 hrs. At first he would balk and put up a big fuss/fight over doing stuff and then after maybe 5x of losing video games for 24 hours he now is very good. Anyway, he knows the rules and we are all very calm about it. There is no more yelling and getting stressed out.

I think that she needs more help Mom. I have a kindergartener and a 3 year old and we are ready and out the door by 6:15 a.m. I get up before the kids and am ready before they are even awake...this helps. I get both kids up and let them go potty. I already have my kindergartener's clothes out the night before. I tell him to get dressed and make his bed while I help the 3-year old get dressed. I help with teeth brushing and hair. We all go downstairs while my husband is getting ready and I give them breakfast...usually cereal or toast. I pack whatever lunches need to be done. Soon my kindergartener and I leave for his before-school program and I go to work. My husband drops our daughter at her daycare.

I agree with Thea. Yes, she does need to learn to do this on her own, but she's only five! Setting out her outfits the night before and putting a box of cereal and a bowl on the table for her would be a huge help to her and a lot less stress for Mama. We all leave our shoes by the door so that's the last thing we do before we leave.

Um... lady she is 5 not 10! Lighten up on her a tad bit. I would say get yourself and your 11 month old ready first and maybe give her a toy or something else to play with while you help your 5 year old get ready. She is probably overwhelmed at all the barking orders and it is stressing her out. Obviously she is not ready to do the morning routine on her own yet. I don't know of one 5 year old who needs help getting ready...

What we used to do when my kids were that age is they got up and had breakfast immediately. They are always hungry right away, so fortunately, that wasn't the issue. I allowed them to watch TV while eating breakfast, which helped them wake up gradually without feeling rushed. Then at 8:00, they had to stop watching, get dressed, brush teeth and hair, and get everything ready to go. If they didn't dawdle, they could sit back down and watch TV again until 8:30. At 8:30, they had to turn it off to get to the bus stop on time. I know a lot of parents poo-poo TV in the morning, but we timed routine with the natural end of PBS shows, and pretty soon, just the background music was a good reminder of what needed to be done at what time. It just takes awhile to get into a new routine. She'll get there. I can be a bit of morning drill sergeant too when I'm stressed. I have to make an effort not to be that way because I'm a stickler about being on time. Just keep in mind with every fail moment, you learn what to be proactive about and do differently next time.

I agree with you about how she should be getting ready herself. You are right she should, but she needs direction to accomplish this goal. It sounds as if she can get ready herself, no problem. It's the time management she is struggling with and that is a BIG skill for such a little person. And from this post it sounds like you expect a lot from, too much from her. She needs micromanaging and help for right now. Right now she needs you to focus on her. Kindergarten is a huge change for the whole family. Your routine is not working, it's time to find a compromise that starts everyone off better.

I have two kiddos to get ready in the morning too. Plus getting myself around. Hubby is out the door too early to help . The night before all clothes are chosen and pulled out - this includes undies and shoes and socks. My kids help with this chore. It's turned into part of the bedtime ritual. I do this for myself too. It speeds things along if I don't have to figure out what's stained or if something matches. We also pack lunches, sometimes my son helps and sometimes I just do it. It just depends on the evening. We talk about breakfast so there is no room for being wishy washy in the morning. Neither of my kids like cold cereal, so sometimes I can make breakfast the night before.

I get up 15 minutes before the kids. I get dressed and make breakfast. When I wake up the kids I give them a few minutes to wake up. Then I hand them their clothes and they get dressed (they usually eat breakfast without shirts to avoid food stains). My daughter is 2, so I have to help her get around too. They walk their dad out to his truck to say goodbye (a tradition they have had since my son was 1). Then when they come in I point to their little table and say eat. While they eat, I can do whatever I need to during that time. 15-20 minutes later I tell them it's time to brush their teeth. They put their own dirty dishes in the sink and my son wipes off the table. I still assist with teeth brushing a bit. My son does it first and then I brush. At his age, I don't think he can do this chore thoroughly by himself and I'd rather not have to pay for fillings later. While he is brushing I brush my daughter's teeth. Then it's time for shoes, which consists of my pointing and saying shoes. While they get shoes on I do any last minute lunch packing (sometimes he eats warm things in a thermos and I need to heat it up). My son puts his lunch in the back pack and brings everything to the car or stroller (If we are walking). I takes about thirty minutes to get ready start to finish. I wake them up an hour early. If it's a rough day, there is a buffer of time. If it's a normal day he gets a treat of time to play or watching a bit of cartoons. And I have plenty of time to do what I need in the morning. I also try to get kids out the door five minutes early. This way I have a small buffer for "I forget XYZ" or when someone decides they need to "go poop" ;)

It's a big change for everyone. I imagine she will "get it" and become more and more independent. She just needs a little direction. Make a few changes and your morning dread will fade. Good luck mama.

Don't feel like a mad bad mama! I don't think a mom on here hasn't gone through what your dealing with... It's ok!
I understand the concept of not wanting to do things for her. Your absolutely right. But sometimes when there's change kids need to be walked step by step through the new routine for a little while before they get it. I had a really hard time in the beginning of school last year. My Pre-K kid need to be at the bus stop at 6:20 am (he doesn't get picked up until 7am this year woo-hoo). Some of the things that helped with my son are: we would pick out his clothes the night before as part of our bedtime routine. Make a pile that includes everything she will need and let her pick the special "morning spot". Also ask what she would like for breakfast and if she does it herself let her pour it in a bowl, have a spoon ready, cover it (those plastic, rubber banded re-useable covers (blanking on the name green bag in the baggy section of the store) work great with my kids because they can do it themselves with no mess. Make sure shes doing it so it feels like her call. And talk to her. Be frank and honest (last year I had to also). Let her know you have to leave by a certain time. And your willing to help her, she just needs to tell you how. If she wants you to do the work for her "no honey, you need to learn how to do this yourself! But I can help pick out the morning spot or reach a bowl you can't ect". Let her know that if she's still having problems your going to have to wake her up
earlier. And because of that she might need to go to bed earlier. School is what it is. Your daughter does not have a choice about going to school. That's life we sometimes need to be reminded that there are things that just are. I also set alarms on my phone for everything. Get up, start the car, five minute warning, leave, and more.
It might take a couple of weeks to get the new routine down, so be patient. Once she gets it make it a big deal. A five year old getting ready for school by themselves is no small feat. Good luck!

Keep in mind 5 is still young. Also if she has not been on this type of schedule, this is very new to her and she is having to adjust not only to the whole school thing, but a completely new life at home in the mornings.

You will still need to guide her a bit in the morning for a while... Just be as organized as possible the night before so the mornings are not so chaotic in the morning.

Here is what we did, for the first few weeks,I would get up before our daughter and get myself ready then, I woke up our daughter earlier than needed. I would give her "5 more minutes" to sleep and then I would turn on her light and watch her walk to the bathroom. I allowed her about 5 to 10 minutes to potty brush teeth and start getting dressed..

I actually said "you have 5 minutes to potty and brush your teeth".
I would then check, just peek, to see how far she was..

She then would put on her school clothes and shoes.
They were always decided on and laid out the night before.. Socks, hair bow, whatever was going to go with the outfit.

Then I would have her breakfast there for her. We had discussed the night before what she was going to have for breakfast the next day.. Our daughter never has been a breakfast eater, so instead of "morning negotiations", we figured it out at night.. Sometimes, it is not traditional "breakfast foods" and that is fine.. She might have a quesadilla, leftovers, a sandwich.. Or cereal and fruit, pancakes, scrambles eggs, PB&J..

Your infant does not need her clothes changed, just her diaper changed.. Maybe do this while your daughter is eating her breakfast.

The lunches should be made the night before. Your daughter can even help the night before by placing the non perishable items in the lunch bag and you place the perishables in the fridge. I also always kept a balance in the school cafeteria in case a lunch was forgotten, lost or we just did not have time to get it together. This way she knew she was always going to be able to eat lunch, no matter what happened in the mornings.

After the breakfast, is when I brushed our daughters hair. It was a lot of curly hair, so she needed my help.

IF we were ready early, I would let her watch a morning cartoon or video till it was time to leave.

FYI, Our kindergarten in Austin starts at 7:45 am I woke our daughter up at 6:30 am in the beginning to be in the car by 7:30.. But then we got into a groove, I woke her up at 6:45 and let her sleep till 6:55 at the latest.. (5 more minutes x2 she felt like this was a lot of extra sleep)

I understand you not wanting to help her too much so she learns, but I think you should cut her some slack here. This routine is new to her as well, and I do not see anything wrong with helping her. I helped my kids when they needed it and I don't see anything wrong with that. If they forgot a book, I would run it to the school, etc. I remember the teacher saying to me they have to learn to be independent, my answer was they are human and sometimes I forget things, they will get it. She is five it is not the end of the world if you help her get dressed to speed up the process. Some kids are just slow and need the push. Especially if last year there was no sense of urgency, she probably just doesn't get the difference right now. My daughter loved to read while she would eat breakfast so I would have to push her, to put the book down and get going. Sometimes I would help her by packing up her back pack for her, get her gym clothes together, etc. I really wouldn't stress about it. Trust me she isn't going to be a slacker if you help her once in a while while she gets use to it. Each day do less and less until she gets herself used to the new routine. Good luck!!

Routine is best and yes you can expect your kindergartner to do most of her own getting ready.

Wake up, potty, wash hands & brush teeth. Dress and come in for her hair to be combed. Then you can move to the next room for breakfast.

Everything else should be done the night before.

Keep it routine and it will be a more smooth process. No TV.

Just read your question and so what happened. Today, did she get ready that quick immediately upon getting up or had she woke on her own and had time to wake up? or had you woke her up and immediately expected her to get ready (like you do on school days)?

I ask that because my daughter is 4 (almost 5) and CAN get herself ready (completel) on her own but not when she first wakes up. She likes to stretch and wake up easy. Just wondering if that is part of the difference. Plus, today, she had an option. During the week, she HAS to leave because she HAS to go to school. Some people (adults and children) don't work well under pressure.

What I had to do because my mornings were always a hassle and then more recently I have to get her up, ready, and out the door by myself and actually leave 1/2 hour earlier than before. To arrange that, I started a few weeks before school started with setting an alarm in her room. After 4-5 days, I would move the time to a bit earlier so by the time school started, she had already been getting up early enough. Also, help her pick out her clothes no later than the night before (we get the week lined up each Sunday). If you have to pack snacks or lunch, be sure to prep anything you can the night before.

My suggestion would be to figure what time you need to leave (actually pulling out of the driveway) then count backwards...what time do you need to walk out the door to pull out at the needed time...don't forget to add a few minutes to account for traffic or weather? what time/how long does she need to get ready (pad it with a few minutes for last minute issues)? How long do you need to get the baby ready? Yourself? Now you know what time you need to get up and what time you need her to be up. I suggest you getting up and completely ready before you get your daughter up. Then you have more time/attention for her in the morning and it should go more smoothly.

Been there, am there, and, with one child will constatnly be there, because, even though he knows what to do, he just likes to take his times about his morning ritual. He's 14. What we've found helps is that I start waking him up earlier than my daughter (17) so that he can stretch, mosey out of bed and get into the shower on his own time frame. If I give him time nudges (we leave in 30, 20, 10 minutes) he responds better than if I ask what in his ritual he has accomplished. I will say that at kindergarten I was still getting the breakfast during the week; I could get the cereal & milk out and poured faster and with out mess than my kids could, but your kitchen may be laid out different than mine.
If you find an incentive that she wants to get up and moving for, that will help, too. My daughter's routine in much more streamlined when she has a goal she wants to reach instead of just the sameness of getting to school. Find out which of her friends arrive early and let her know that she can play with them in the classroom before school starts, and that may get her up and running.
WHile this looks so long from your end, it's so short from mine ; ). Y'all will find a routine that works smoothly and you will have a successful school life. Blessings to you!

I think you sound stressed. Sorry, she is 5 not 15.

If she is having trouble getting back in the swing of things then you need to help her into a routine instead giver her hints and then ordering her around.

I think that helping a kindergartner ready in the morning is just one of those things. By the end of the school year she'll have the routine down. Set one goal a week or a month if it isn't going well. Let her have time to start getting up a couple of hours early and having to remember to do a lot more stuff.

She is 5, not an adult.

Brushing her hair is one of the things I'd do myself. That way it will look presentable. As for brushing her teeth, after she eats every meal she could work on going directly to the bathroom and brushing her teeth. I don't know many who do but it could be a goal, eat...go brush teeth.

Plan ahead, during the bedtime routine have her select what she is going to wear, hair accessories down to the shoes, the next day. Sit them aside, when she gets up in the morning all those choices were made and done. It really helps in our house.

Thank goodness all you have to do with the baby is grab them up, change a diaper, and go.

Well, I didn't read all your letter, but I think your expectations are way too high, for this early in the year. She has never had this kind of a routine before, and having to be in the car at 8:10. School just started a few weeks ago for most people. You need to be helping her more, or at least supervising her more. Maybe you could do the bottles, lunches, etc. at night, when she is sleeping and that will free up your time to help her more, and be less stressed. Also, you say this is a life skill and she needs to be with it more. There are lots of life skills, in our lives, that we have to master. That doesn't mean that she is able to do them, as fast as you. You are going to have to learn to be more patient with her. What if she doesn't catch on to reading, or math, as fast as you think? You need to slow down. You don't mention having to get to work, so I assume you are a SAHM. I'd bet you have some time to hang with her in the mornings. She will mimick the way you behave, and you have 12 years of school to go, and another child too. Be the leader of your mornings.

Stop repeating yourself and when it's time to leave she goes to school how ever she is, breakfast or no breakfast, shoes or no shoes, teeth brushed or no teeth brushed. She will learn really quickly that getting ready for school means you actually have to get moving or she will be at school in her pjs.
My son is in 1st grade and last year he got himself ready to go by himself she is not to young to do this on her own.
you can also get her up earlier so there isn't as much pressure.

My son is 6 and hates to get out of bed in the morning for school. He is slow moving,almost to the point of moving backwords. This is how I get through the morning. (I also have a 9 yo and a 17 month old.

The baby and I are up at 6:45 and then I head to change his diaper.At 7 I go in and wake my older two up. My oldest gets right out of bed and head to the bathroom. My 6 yo N takes his good old time getting out of bed. I usually pull his covers off after a couple minutes and that gets him up. I say N go to the bathroom and come back and get dressed. I then go downstairs and get their breakfast ready. Usually cereal or mini microwave pancakes or waffles(kids choice). They come down and eat. Then I say ok N go brush your teeth now. When he comes downstairs we still have time to decide hot or packed lunch.(can't decide the night before or he will change his mind and then cry in the morning) We are out the door by 7:55 to be at school at 8. I make sure I am not asking him to do any of the things he needs to do before school. He HAS to do them and I am not fighting with him every morning. I don't dress the baby. I don't even put shoes on him, he doesn't get out of the car for the 4 minutes in it. I give him his breakfast first then make the other two. Some mornings he refuses to get dressed so then I say I will pick his clothes and he doesn't want that so after a minute or two of pouting and me reminding him that we will be late for school he gets his own clothes on. Although I have had to physically dress him before but I think he actually thought it was hysterical...Just tell her what she has to do. Get dressed. Come eat. Brush your teeth. Do not suggest . Good luck I spent a lot of morning before preschool freaking out and finally found a way that works for us. You will too. I am sure you got great advice from others on here as well.

I want to add that I basically brush my teeth and pull my hair back. I don't have to get out of the car so I don't change out of my pj's. Do you go to work ? Is that why you're getting ready and the baby is getting dressed? If not then do the bottles and everything else when you get home. Or get up earlier. You don't have to hold your daughters hand through the mornings but you also don't want to be a maniac and make her hate going to school because the mornings are soo stressful for her.

Like I do with my kids, they get three chances and then I help them do it if its not done. There's no fuss and you can stick to a time line.
ex: up at 6am, dressed and in the kitchen for breakfest by 6:30, breakfest dishes in the sink by 7:00, lunch made and pack by 7:15, shoes on and out of the house by 7:30. change the times to fit your schedule, I just gave you how our mornings went.
best of luck.

Don't get too frustrated. It seems to me that you are making a conscience effort to not to be a drill sargent. You have the right attitude in my opinion about having her become self sufficent. She isn't too young. She'll be all the better for it and it will make your life that much easier once she gets it down. Keep in mind that it is a new routine for her too.

I am sorry to say but you might as well get used to telling her the same thing over and over and over. It is something about children that they can't seem to get it the first time. My husband and I wonder why we have to tell our girls EVERY day to pack their lunch, put their shoes in the closet, put away their book bags, and wipe up the counter top. They are in Middle school and High school!! When I talk to my friends about it, they say their kids do the same thing. I must admitt my mom used to get upset about telling us the same thing over and over.... hee, hee