Kindergarten Panic.

Can you drive him to school the first week? I have a new kindergartener too, she's pretty nervous also. I plan to take her and walk her to her classroom for the first week. I will be late for work every day for a week, but my boss will just have to understand. Starting big-kid school is a big deal!

I taught middle school. Every year, at least two would puke. So this is not a new issue for teachers. It happens....often. And kindergarten teachers see it all. I know my son's class had vomit, pee accidents, and a child who ate poop on the play ground. Even the poop eater found friends. :) It will be ok mama.

My best advice it to not talk too much about school. Stay positive. When he says he doesn't want to go simply remind him how much fun he is going to have. Don't dwell on it. Be upbeat about it at all times.

If you can, you may want to drive him to school as others have suggested. But you'd have to tread carefully. You don't want him to get attached to the idea of you driving him to school each day. You also don't want to simply put off the inevitable.

I'd probably send him on the bus and simply put a plastic bag in a side pocket and tell him as he gets on the bus that there is a bag in there if his tummy gets upset. As he gets on the bus, I'd simply quietly tell the bus driver he has first day jitters and sometimes his tummy gets upset when he gets nervous. Get him a buddy if possible. Make friends with a neighbor that may be willing to help him out. An older student may be perfect for this job. Knowing someone may calm his nerves.

I imagine your school will have a meet the teacher night. This will help everyone out. Seeing the classroom, meeting the teacher and walking the halls may calm his fears a bit. If you are really concerned, you will have a few minutes to chat with his teacher. She may have some suggestions for you as well.

And finally, mama, you need to calm yourself as well. This post screams anxiety and fear. It's understandable. Kindergarten is hard for everyone. But kids pick up on these things and feed off of it. Don't stress. He'll be fine. He'll get through it and so will you. Good luck!

you could drive him to school the first week, and let him take the bus on the way home, just to easy him into the routine.
i would feed him breakfast, even if it is just a banana and yoghurt, it will help him be in a better mood and more focused. if you know any other kids who will be in the same school (same grade) try to arrange a playmate prior to entering school.
most kids deal with such anxieties, and probably don't get into a routine right away. so just be patient with him. do not give him an option of dropping out, basically he has to go. :)

I would go to the school prior to the start of the year. Check it out. Check out his room. Meet his teacher if you haven't already. Have you been there for orientation? Maybe a quiet day to sort of take it all in would be good for him. If you can do so, have him talk to a kid who likes school. And I would also drive him in the first day. I like the idea of him busing home but you dropping him off for a short time. If you know any other kids at his stop, then try to get him to meet them. Wait with him the first few times.

If he's really THAT nervous then drive him in the first few days.
Also, don't talk too much about it. Making a big deal out of any kind of change/transition can make some kids even MORE anxious. The more you talk about him going to real school, being a big boy, riding the bus, etc? It could be adding to his nerves. Try to keep it light and matter of fact, and don't talk about it ahead of time unless HE brings it up.
Good luck, I'm sure it will go fine!

I would arrange it so that you can take him the first few days.

My daughter starts K on Monday so I understand. Her teacher really helped put it into perspective for me. She said, someone will cry, someone will throw up, someone will have an accident, someone will fall asleep, someone will smart off...one of those someone's will probably be your child. We have seen it all and we take it in stride. She will do great and be very well taken care of.

That helped me feel better. Kinda helped me remember I can't control everything, and that's ok.

A concert pianist friend of mine eats a banana to calm her nerves before a performance. It has something in it that helps anxiety, I guess.

Arrange some playdates NOW with kids who will ride his bus and go to his class. It will make a world of difference if he's not feeling alone.

Everyone feels a little jittery and nervous about the first day of school, so remember that you and he are not the only ones. Maybe try to get him to think about helping some of the other kids feel better by saying hi and being friendly. Also, remember that starting preschool was a while ago and he is older and developmentally will be more able to handle going to school.

Talk to the principal and the teacher about your concerns. They can keep a special eye out for him if they know ahead of time.

Is it possible for you to drive him to school?

IMO it wouldn't matter if you contacted the bus driver ahead of time. There is really nothing that person can do. They have enough on their hands trying to drive a bus full of noisy children. I'm sure there is no time to try to console crying children. Nor can the bus driver do anything about the kids picking on him. He/She can tell them to be quiet, but that's about all he/she can do. And you're right, sending him to his first day of school hungry is not the solution.

The only thing I can suggest is drive him yourself or ride the bus with him. My DIL used to ride the bus with my GD because she had anxiety issues and the activity on the bus was just too much for her.

Good luck. I hope you get it figured out. One other thought is maybe you could kind of practice riding the bus with him by taking him on bus rides between now and then around town.

I also have a son starting new school in a few weeks. We're sending him to Transitional Kindergarten that has no bus so we must drive him. And he is scared also. I am remembering all the facebook photos I've seen of children getting on the bus for their first day of school and I actually bought in to the great big smiles... I think they are all terrified.

This won't stop your son's anxiety, but can you get him a really great backpack for school? My son is so delighted with his Angry Birds backpack, I think (hope) just getting to carry it every morning will add some sense of joy.

Another friend of mine told me her kindergarten teacher suggested each kid wear a hat on their first day... mostly something to hold/fidget with/distract them. My son is not a hat-wearer, but I understand where the teacher is coming from.

Can you bring him to school the 1st week? That would allw him to slowly ease into school.

I didn't read all of the responses, but your poor son, and poor you. That's a tough one. I dealt with this with my son, but for swimming lessons. Lucky for me, as of now at least, he is excited to start kindergarten. I think some kids just have a more nervous personality, like my son. Anyway, I felt like when I was in it, I couldn't see the forest for the trees. Obviously it's different, because we're talking swimming lessons for one hour a week, and it's not mandatory--still, I really wanted him to learn because I have a fear of my kids drowning, and our local park has a big pond. So I asked my pediatrician, and he said that if my son is throwing up, he has some serious anxiety and that I shouldn't dismiss it. I don't think you're trying to dismiss it, but I think giving him a cup or bag is addressing more the symptom, rather than the issue itself. Can you go with him to school for awhile in the mornings, until he feels comfortable, then maybe try the bus? You know, baby steps. Did you ever read the book "Real Boys?" Someone lent it to me last year. A lot of the book talks about the pressures society places on boys, and the mixed messages we send them. How they are forced to separate from mom too early at times, and on others terms, and basically told to "be a big boy" about it. The book gave a scenario of a kindergarten room in the first days. If a girl is crying, many people will show her sympathy, tell her it's okay, etc. If a boy is crying, people will encourage him to be a big boy, not cry, etc. But if you stay with him in the classroom a little in the beginning, even if only to usher him in the door, help him talk to the teacher, find his cubby, etc., I think it will go a long way towards helping him to adjust. Because I think just trying to expect him to "get on with it" will only encourage him to stuff his feelings down, and possibly create issues in the longer term. I hope my answer doesn't offend you--I really don't mean to sound judgmental or harsh--you are obviously a good mom for posting this question in the first place. Good luck to you and him.

Hi S.,

A late response, but I hope it can help. Have you considered a play therapist for your son? My son (also entering kindergarten) has some anxiety issues as well (not about school but I think anxiety is anxiety) as some social/behavioral quirks and we have started seeing a play therapist once a week with him (luckily, she accepts our insurance plan). He loves to go there -- her office is full of toys but she also works on things with him like helping him identify when he is feeling out of control and things he can choose to do to feel better. She works on identifying emotions and story telling and other things that help him work through his feelings at a 5 year old's level. She is a social worker who has been specially trained in play therapy, which is an approach that therapists use with children. Your son's level of anxiety is not something that will go away without some intervention. Also, I assume your son's new school has a guidance counselor so you can talk to him/her or the principal ahead of time to work on a plan. I went to a parents' meeting last night at my son's new school and the principal assured us all that they are very well equipped to handle even the worst separation anxiety and she encouraged us all to speak with her before school starts if we anticipate any problems.
Good luck to you and your big boy!
B.

Do you have a day to "Meet the Teacher?" Call the Principal and arrange a few minutes for him to visit the room.

Is he ready for K? If you have many concerns, I would check into it further. Does he need another yr of Pre-K? Kindergarten is now like 1st grade!!!

As a Parent Educator, I have seen many kids who have not "grown out of issues" really have issues that go undetected. I just finished working w/ 6 families in the area. The teachers didn't see anything. The Moms always had a "gutt" feeling that something was not quite right, but, didn't know where to turn !

I have a friend that the same thing happened to. She drove her to school for the first week or so until she was comfortable and wanted to go to school and see her friends. My kids had no problem leaving me and going to school LOL. Maybe put notes in his lunch box saying can't wait to hear about your day. I Love you. Hope your having a good day. Don't let him see that your upset about it, that will just make it worse. We got our bus schedule in the mail the other day and there was a phone number to call if there was a problem, maybe call them and just give them a heads up but would drive him for the first week or so. Good luck!

It's all about the fear of the unknown. You have to present kindergarten with a possitive attitude and let your young one know exactly what to expect and how to deal with it. Provide an exchange of conversation as to what he's afraid about and address the problem without rolling eyes. (That's the hard part.) Tell him what your first day at kindergarten was like. (Hopefully it was possitive.) Explain to him how everyone has to go to kindergarten and it's just part of life like going potty. Rent fun kindergarten videos like "Kindergarten Cop." Explain the reality and non-reality in the movie. Maybe someone else has a better movie, but you get the idea. Let him practice being the teacher and you being the student and via versa. (It never hurts to play school with your kid.) As for the bus....If you can, you might want to drive him for the first few days.

Amanda P had a very good response. Your son is throwing up, this is a key sign to high anxiety. He is going through some sort of fear/anxiety(perhaps separation anxiety) to the point that he gets sick. As this is not the first time you are experiencing this, you should speak to your pediatriciain and see what the suggestions are there. Definitely do not expect him to handle himself on the bus or afterward alone. Other kids can be mean and make his kindergarten and bus experience a trauma rather than a memorable experience. My pediatrician suggested an evaluation for my son and it was hard to hear, but I was very glad I took him, as it turned out he suffered from high anxiety and we were able to help him instead of expecting him to cope and figure it out. Good luck!