Kindergarten/ Special Ed/

Hi,
Yes, we want him! Public school kindergartens enroll all children who come to them, some with advanced skills, some with delayed skills, and most with a mix of skills. Children are not "trouble", they are the "why" we teach. The only reason to not enroll him in public kindergarten would be if there were a perfect public preschool for him, with the same amount of school time and all the direct services he requires. Make all of his records available to the school, offer to visit with the teachers and principal as soon as they wish, and understand that we know that all children are individuals.

M.,

I am not a teacher, but an educational advocate for kids with disabilities. I sense that you have had a rough time already and may need some help. If I could offer you just a little bit of advice that could be helpful to you, it would be to learn some good solid advocacy skills. He is entering public schools, and there are some hurdles you need to jump here, and if you don't do them just right, you will be more angry than you seem right now. I get it, I really do. Take some deep breaths, because if you are ramping up for trouble, you will find it, and right now, I don't think you see where your trouble is really going to be yet. You will do much better if you can let go of what has happened so far and look in a different direction. It may be entirely possible that you will find people, including teachers, to be exactly what you expect them to be, so adjust your outlook and hope that you encounter some of the very best that public education has to offer. One thing I have found for sure is that even if you could have had a good experience, you won't if you go in expecting it to be bad. Chin up first...as hard as it is!

Something you need to know is that, number one, holding a child back is very bad for kids with special needs. It does not matter how the teachers will "feel" about it, the data about the effect on children is crystal clear. Go to www.wrightslaw.com and scroll down the left side of the page and read about retention. Schools provide intervention services based on grade, not age, so if you artificially elevate his age beyond grade, you will likely insure that he will never qualify for services. I know that the DP told you he "needs" it, but you have to jump the right hoops to qualify, and holding him back will not help on bit, and is not a successful special educational strategy or practice. Targeted intervention is, but first, he has to show both a qualifying disablity and an educational need. If you want to show need, with the kinds of issues you describe, don't hold him back.

"Behavior" can create an educational need. "Maturity" can create an educational need. "Attention" is an educationa need if your son has little of it. All of these things may cause him to be significantly behind his peers, but will trigger an evaluation by your school district, especially if your son is causing difficulty for the teacher. If you wait until he is 6 and behaves on the high side of 4, he will clear the bar, but you are comparing apples and oranges and he is still in great need of targeted intervention services while at the same time being in the general education classroom, but he willl likely not get them, and you will be fighting until he completly fails, and can thus show need. You don't want to get there.

Getting a one on one Aide is going to be very difficult because it is very expensive for the district. You need to be smart and negotiate well. Please understand that the DP may say so, but the school does not have to do what he says. The school only has to "consider" his evaluation and recomendations, and that is only if they decided to make a referal for him to special education. Technically, you can make the referal, but they can refuse. There are so many turns here, and you need to learn what to do. At the kindergarten level, you will be facing gatekeeping at the highest level. You need to learn as much as you can about this before you are faced with it. It is likely to make you very, very angry and will set you up for a very difficult path with this district far into the future, which will impact your son grately. The last thing you want is for the school to fight you on what they might have provided happily if you had kept your relationship with them on good terms. I am not saying that you don't stand up for your son, I am saying that you learn the skills that you need to do it on the schools playing feild, because right now, you really have little idea how to do that, which will lead to disaster.

Dive in at wrightslaw.com. Order the books, read the articles. Learn about how to start. You have an evaluation, but the school will need to do one too, and will likely tell you that they "must" try in class interventions prior to a referal for testing. You could start by writing a letter now asking for a referal for a special education evaluation because you suspect that he has a disablity. That is the languge, I know you know he does, but that is the language. You have to speak their langague. Learn about that at wrightslaw.

If you feel overwhelmed, check the yellow pages at wrightslaw for VA and find an advocate in your area. Do everything in writing. If it did not happen in writing, it never happened. Learn about something called Prior Written Notice, and ask for it when ever you ask for the school to do something. They must notifiy you in writing when ever they refuse or propsoe something, and they must list the data they used to make that decision. This is a very important tool that they will not want you to know about. Don't let them tell you that it is your invitation to an IEP meeting, learn exactly what it is and how to use it. The more you know, the less they will be tempted to get away with, but temper this with a good solid friendly relationship.

I know that this is a lot of information that you really did not ask for, but I have been there, and you need this information. You will be blind sided if you don't, and it is really easy to make critical mistakes early that just cannot be undone. Start by avoiding the first, and most distructive one, and do not hold your son back. Keep him at age-grade level and give him one full year more of targeted intervention and a chance at the special education services that he needs. Then, learn about being his advocate.

Let me know if I can help or you have questions.

M.

I am not a teacher (not yet, I'm working on it), but I am the aid that goes to the classroom with kiddos like yours. In a word, my answer is YES, we want your son. At least in my school, I have never met a teacher who has complained about having a kids with an IEP in their class.

Teachers (depending on the district, of course) are receiving more and more information on how to best help these students in their classroom, and being in the gened classroom is so important for their success. Many times, they are placed with more experienced teachers.

As an aid, my job is to give the kids a "heads up" about what is coming. I've seen the lesson plan for the day, and many times, I can say "we're going to work on the life cycle of a plant today. Go ahead and get out your crayons because you will get to color a picture of a leaf" or if the teacher gives directions, I keep them on track, i.e., "great, you've got your pencil out, now get your green folder.... got it? Okay, now turn your math book to page 12." My job is not to make your child stand out, I work softly.

I also help other kids, and I think that is important. If your son sees me helping someone else, he may not feel like he stands out, and it's okay to work with me because everyone else in the class does, too. It is so important that his aid have a good relationship with his teacher.

(Further, I can also speak as a parent that had a child on an IEP. She's been dismissed and is doing great because she had awesome teachers that wanted to help her.)

My best advice to you is:

1.) Read and re-read Martha R.'s post. I'm always happy to see her respond because she offers real-world, honest advice. And she's right, you need to educate yourself. I've been to Wrightslaw.com and it's easy to navigate and understand.

2.) Work as a TEAM with your teacher. Listen to her advice - if you disagree, that's okay, but do so professionally and try to work together. Nobody will know your child better than you, but teachers spend 6+ hours a day with your child. They have input, too.

3.) Get organized. You are about to be innundated with a ton of paperwork. Stay on top of it or you will get burried. If you need help organizing, ask your son's teacher or case manager to help you. (Make an appointment with them.)

Good luck. You have done the right thing by getting your son the help he needs. I LOVE my job, I love what I do and I love helping kids like yours. Don't ever apologize for your son- he has a right to an education and with the right help, he WILL be successful. Please keep us posted.

M.,
I hear the pain in your words. I am a public school teacher in Texas and have seen many cases of special education children, some easier than others. I don't know how to ease your concerns, what words to use, or even if I can make things better for you. I will try to give you a bit more perspective and hope this will help you make decisions for your child. I hope I use the right words and not offend or hurt anyone's feelings.
Your son is here and he needs an education. He has the right as a human being to be among his peers and receive instruction at his level and needs. Who is going to do this? I will tell you private schools will probably not. I worked in these before and have seen how parents', teachers' and even the other students' complains have been a cause for special ed children to be "kicked out" like you mentioned.
This takes us to public schools. Public schools have to educate your son. They have to take any child and provide the services and modifications he needs. There are departments for this and it is taken very seriously. I don't know about your state, but my district has an inclusion program for special ed. This means sped students are in a regular ed classroom most if not all of the time. According to the program, an aid and/or special ed teacher comes in for certain subjects to help the teacher and all the sped students in the classroom. All teachers are trained in strategies that help sped, regular ed, and teachers succeed in this inclusion classroom. Sounds doable, right?
The problem comes when programs fall short. Most of the time due to financing. School districts have to cut the budget and they chop a little here and a little there. Two or three special ed teachers per school are cut to one and everyone has to share her. Classroom help time is cut to nothing, and teachers are faced to handle everything alone...from classroom discipline problems, to special ed modifications. Teachers are human and some of us have a hard time handling all of this along with the pressures of state testing and accountability issues. If your lucky, your child will have one of those "treasure of a teacher" that can do this and not miss a beat. I consider myself a child advocate and always try to do what is best for every child in my classroom. I love children and have my heart in everything I do with kids everyday. But I have been faced with the scenario I mentioned before and it is very difficult. As a teacher, your health, family, personal life, among other things suffers while trying to meet every students' needs.
I liked your approach in asking "do you want my son in your classroom?" I suggest you ask this to your child's teachers from now on, with the same unassuming attitude, be sincere and not aggressive. The answer will be, from most of us, yes. But you have to realize it will be difficult. We will all have to work together and listen to each other during the rest of your child's academic life. Drs will say one thing, you another, teacher's something else. But ultimately, your child will set the tone for everything. He will show everyone what he can and can't do, what he needs and does not need. You will make decisions with the advice of others. If you chose not to holdhim back and he is not progressing at his level, then reconsider next year. Don't miss any ARD meetings, stay informed and involved, be open to ideas realize we are all humans and ill make mistakes, all of us, including you. You will get teachers and administrators that care, some too much, some not enough. You will hear resentment and frustration in teacher's voices and will need to realize it is not towards you or your child, but the situation he/she faces. Everyone is there in the best interest for your child. They will do the best they can, but it won't be easy all of the time. There will be disagreements, frustration, and tears, along with met milestones, great teachers, and friendships made. You were chosen to be the parent for this child for a reason. God knows you can do it. Learn from mistakes and do everything for the love of your child. Good luck and I hope this helps you a little.

I feel pain in your post - having been there I can truly empathize.

Have you ever considered homeschooling, even for a period of time (not forever)? I am NOT an advocate of "running" from problems. My goal was to craft the most individualized program that I could for my child (who is severely gluten intolerant and sensitive to about 40 other foods) from an educational AND physical standpoint! Not much learning can take place in an allergy fog. I agree with the education advocate mom about NOT holding your child back.

We got started down that path because we were doing so much of the "educating" AFTER school in tutoring, etc. Of course this is the time of day when it is the hardest for some students - we would get our son home exhausted, starving, and at the end of his "attention" rope. I started holding him home one day a week to do the entire week's homework (I'm not kidding) - I noticed that we got the work done in the morning in a fraction of the time it took in the afternoon.

We finally got up the nerve to try homeschooling, thinking we would go back to school the next year if it was horrible. It turned out to be great, and allowed us much more time for OT (he had some fine motor issues) and vision therapy (visual issues too). He now reads at the high school level (literally makes me cry) and writes legibly! :)

My child, too, was in Catholic school (prior to another school) - it absolutely did NOT work for us due to the class size.

We took a year and a half to intensely work with our 3rd grader (at the time). When he was in 5th grade he went to a private school for their homeschooling program (part-time) and had a wonderful year. Next year he is doing Florida Virtual for middle school. My goal is to get him an Associate's degree by the time he graduates from high school.

There certainly ARE benefits to being in a public system - one of which is specialized help that you won't even get in private schools (without tremendous cost). There are downsides to it too, though - one of which is you are at the mercy of whatever system is in place in your area. Some of them are wonderful, some are not.

Your child is precious and one of a kind. Please don't let others (including teachers and "professionals") get you down. You are uniquely qualified to see your child's strengths and weaknesses, and to work with him to celebrate and elevate both. Experts can help you spot issues to work on, and ways to help - but they will never know and love your child the way you do. You truly do have to be his best and strongest advocate (which I'm sure you already are).

Just remember that you DO have options. As someone who is highly educated (overly educated probably!) it took me a LONG time to think "outside the box." But, truly, there is more than one way to accomplish the goal of giving your child a first class foundation for his life. And that option does not have to tear at his self esteem or diminish his confidence in himself.

Whatever you decide - take heart. Your child is very lucky to have a mom who cares as much as you do. Good luck and God bless you both.

I know this is late, but I am so upset I have to respond. I am a special Ed teacher. I am sick and tired of teachers making patents feel bad and as if your son does not have the RIGHT to be in a class. It is thier job to help your son, not your job to make sure they have an easy day. Your child is a precious gift, and don't let these fools make you feel otherwise. Kids in inclusive classrooms perform better than those who are excluded. Seperate does NOT mean equal. On behalf of teachers, I am sorry they made you feel this way. Stand up for your son! You are equal partners in the iep team.

I would agree with Angela S. I am another mom with a child who was in special ed. He was in public school at 3 yrs. old. We couldn't afford any private school. They wouldn't give us any financial aide either. He was mainstreamed part of the day starting in K. But, by the time he reached middle school, we realized that the public schools were doing him a disservice. They were not meeting his heeds despite the IEP . Yes, some well intentioned teachers. But, they do not include all learning styles. It's not possible in most public schools to do that. They have too many students to teach. Plus. he was bullied for 2 yrs. And, the Montgomery County School system did not suspend the children. The told me each time, that it was not their policy to suspend the child is these cases.
We took him out of school, and have been homeschooling for the last year. He is much happier, less stressed, he has found his passion for learning. HE has found HIS learning style!! This is so important.
I didn't know if I could do this since I do work. But it is possible.
There are many homeschoolers out here and in your area of VA who are willing to help you.
Just another valid possibility for you
Hope this helps.
L.

I'm late chiming in, but I hope I can help you understand how things work. Catholic schools are not designed for special needs children, so the teachers many times do not have the training needed to incorporate special needs children into their curriculum. They are also not required by law to teach special needs children.

Public schools, on the other hand, are required by federal law to teach special needs children and to make changes to meet their needs. The systems are in place and since this law is now over 25 years old, many of the bugs have been worked out. In your child's career in the schools, you will find many wonderful special education and regular teachers who work hard to put their talents to use for your son, and you will find other teachers who think of your son as a burden. You will find students who taunt and bully your son because of his differences and you will find students who look past the difference to see the wonderful person that you know and love. Remember always that you are the expert on how your son learns and interacts - insist that the schools learn from you how best to help your son.

Your son does not have a disability, it is a difference in how he learns and interacts with the world. Society decides what it thinks is normal, but your son is normal for what God wanted him to be. Those differences are what makes your son the treasure that you know him to be.

I answered your previous post, sorry if I am repeating some things, but I really wanted to address your concerns. I am a former teacher and can only speak for myself, but for 9 years of teaching I taught every type of child. While some students proved to challenge me, I tried incredibly hard to connect and relate to each and every one of them. When the parents were involved and supportive of the things we were doing at school, that was incredibly helpful. I'm not going to lie, there are definitely teachers out there who will become annoyed with your child (or any child), but the majority of them will do everything in their power to embrace your little guy. The best thing you can do for him is form a "team" with his educators. Let them know that you will support them and then do it. Reinforce things that they are doing at school at home. I know from your previous post that you aren't completely comfortable with the IEP program, but it really is the best way for your son to get the resources that he needs. The program will also provide support that the teacher will need too.

I am so sorry that you feel like no one wants your child. There are some really great teachers out there can truly affect your son's life in a positive way.

Good luck!

M.,
I had a similar situation with my son. He transferred to public school in first grade. He is going into 7th grade now so we've dealt with special ed for a while now. Become your son's advocate. Learn everything you can about the system. Trust your mommy instincts. We had several years of major progress. Then he his special ed team lead changed and everything went downhill. Because we knew we were moving, I homeschooled him for 1/2 the year. It did wonders for him. He is back in public school and somedays are better than others.

When my son was in Catholic private school, his kindergarten teacher was a rotten, rotten woman. She actually threw his paper across the room while I was volunteering. One can only imagine what went on while I wasn't there. My son's faith was not shaken. Our faith is not based on the people but belief that something bigger than us exists. Hold on to that.

Good luck to you. If you ever want to talk or vent, I'll listen.
K.

Did he do the kindergarten screening at the school you want him for next year? If yes and that said he was ready then go for it.
Teachers every year have to deal with all kinds of children. Talk to the teacher he would have let her know all about your son Have her meet him one on one before school starts and maybe have him help get the classroom ready for the school year. I think too if you have positive attitude about his abilities then others will too. Good Luck!
J.

Every kid, no matter what, deserves a chance. All you can do is try. I would contact your local school and see what they can accomodate. Public schools are there to serve the community and should be able to meet every need of every child. My sister works with autistic children and loves it! Even on really bad days. She recognizes what limiation each child has, along wiht their strentghs and personality. There are great teachers out there, give them the chance to help your kido!

i have no clue how to handle this issue, but am floored and humbled by some of the thoughtful, useful, incredible advice you have received here.
wow!
khairete
S.

I think the best thing to do talk to the teacher directly. Set up a meeting with the Kindergarten teacher and the Pre-K teacher that he had last year. Find out exactly why the Pre-K doesn't think he is ready and see if the Kindergarten teacher thinks that they can work with his issues. If not, is there really that much harm in holding him back one year?