Kindergarten: Start Daughter at 4 Turning 5, or "Redshirt" and Hold Back a Year

You are her mother and know her better than ANYONE including herself. If you feel she is ready (and I honestly believe that she is), go ahead and put her in this year. Especially if she is bigger than most kids. That will seriously help her self esteem when she gets older. The "red-shirt" thing is really for kids who are slower socially and growth-wise.

Hello,
I started both a daughter and a son in kindergarten at age 4 almost 5 and they did GREAT! Daughter has graduated from college and is working on her teaching credential and son is in his 3rd year of college, succeding...
Yes, we had some issues with them being young, however I never regretted it for a minute.

Hello Meredith,

My daughters birthday is also in October and she just started Kindergarten in August as a 4 year old. She is doing great. Was definitely ready. I do notice that some of the older kids can write better, but she will too with practice, after all she is 6-10 months younger than a lot of them. She is right on track academically and socially. I volunteer in the class and can see she is doing fine. I would not hold her back just because other people are with there kids. You know her best and if she is ready, go for it.

It sounds to me like your daughter is definitely ready for Kindergarten. Have you had an opportunity to talk with the teachers at the school she'll be attending? Sometimes their input can be valuable too. One thing I always like to recommend to parents is that if you possibly can, volunteer a day a week in her classroom. Teachers can always use the extra helping hand, and it gives you an excellent opportunity to observe your daughter's adjustment to the class. That serves two purposes. One is that it reassures you. The second is that if there do happen to be any issues, you know about them first hand and can help your daughter adjust.

in my opinion...if you think she is ready....then go for it...I held my daughter back....she's a November kid...she would have started at age 4 1/2.....mentally she's very bright...but socially...I don't think she could have handled it...yeah it's Kindergarten..but there are so many aspects that they confront in K....we are half way through the year and my daught is FINALLY adjusted to Kindergarten...she is also small for her age...but in Kindergarten with those that are younger than her..she's about the same height....

in my opinion, your daughter should start K....if you hold her back..yeah..she'll be more advanced than the other kids....will her teacher or school have material to stimulate her mind..or will you be really holding her back mentally by holding her back so that she can excel in grades in school....when she gets out into the real world, it will not matter....just my two cents...

My daughter is a August baby so she is almost a year older than many of the kids in her class. She's also the tallest and one of the biggest (she's in 2nd grade and wears a size 10/12 in girls - she's a string bean). Anyway, she was bored in kindergarten, but we had great teacher that would find extra stuff or her to do. First grade was better, still teacher found her stuff to keep her busy and 2nd grade she likes much better. She's still at the top of her class, but it's more interesting for her. In our school district you can't start a child early - our cut off is July 31 if your child's birthday is after that (even by a day) then they go to school the next school year. And my daughter was like your, pre-school teachers said she was more than ready and that 3rd year of pre-school they really struggled to keep her busy. And if it helps, my husbands birthday is Nov 1, his parents waited until after he turned 5, so he was one of the oldest and he said the was thankful they did. He said school was easier, but not in a bad way. For the most part he was still challenged, but it wasn't a struggle. So when our daughter was going to kindergarten and going to be the oldest he was all for it. On the flip side of the coin, I have another daughter who is the youngest in her class, b-day is one week before the cut off. We stuggled there, she's bright so we went ahead and started her to school right after she turned 5. She does fine, but kindergarten was a stuggle (she's in 1st now). She still wanted naps and sitting and listening were problems with her. She's also at the top of her reading and math groups, but I think her teachers are sometimes ready to tie her to the chair - LOL!! I still wonder if it would have been better to wait a year, but I think she would have been beyond board if we waited a yaer for daughter #2. I thinking waiting is better, because you can always move up a grade later or add more challenging classes. But it is much harder to move back. Good luck and God Bless!!

We started my son, who was born mid-July, on time. He seems to be doing really well, but I think there are a few things that are factoring into his success:

First, he can sit still and concentrate for long periods of time. My pediatrician (and all the recent research regarding the success of play-based curriculum) suggested this is a key factor in the success of young students. If for no other reason than in his current class, it means he makes it through the first 10 worksheets of each day before going insane.

Second, he is physically on par with the majority of his class. This is important when it comes to blending in. The first day of school, all the kids figured out how to do the monkey bars and rings on the Kindergarten playscape. The few young kids who couldn't have interestingly turned out to be the ones who aren't making friends in the classroom. I asked my son, and he says those kids also bite or kick or are mean. So, watch on the playground and if your daughter fits in, there, she'll fit in in school.

Finally, he came into Kindergarten with a good handle on the fundamentals, but needing to work on his handwriting and his reading. In other words, he could identify all of his letters and numbers (to 30 is the K exit req), knew the sounds of his letters, could do simple math (add/subtract up to 20), could identify ~10 words. So, academically, he has enough on his plate to keep him focused, but not enough that he feels swamped. He is basically middle of the class in this regard. There are kids who are reading chapter books and writing notes but have no concept of math just as there are kids who are math whizzes but can barely write a letter. As long as your daughter is going into Kindergarten with a few of the exit criteria "in the bag", I think she will be fine.

I would give it a try sounds like she'll do fine. I have a young daughter who is a November baby and I will be facing the same issue in about two years. I figure you can always have her do K twice if she has a problem.

Hi Meredith!

My daughter has a Dec 5th birthday, and even though she was ready for Kinder, she missed the cut-off by 3 days! We were okay with the decision until it became apparent that she was bored in pre-K! She had awesome teachers who took the time to give her a challenge in class. In Feb, they did the Kinder evaluations to help you know if your child is ready for Kinder. We made her appointment with the expectation that they would tell us she was ready. Her preschool wrote a letter to the school recommending that our daughter be placed in 1st grade in the fall! I was worried because I thought she would be a little too young. We took her to the evaluation and the principal (also a Kinder teacher) did the testsa dn called us in to discuss everything. She was well beyond ready! They agreed with her preschool that she should start 1st grade in the fall, so they moved her to Kinder 2 weeks later!

She jumped right in with the class. She was a little quiet at first but opened up after a couple weeks (she is naturally shy). She was the youngest in the class and had no problem telling the other kids "That is not what I want to do!" She started 1st in the fall, and she did wonderful! At the end of the year, she was reading at a 4th grade level!

She is now in 2nd grade and even though she is the youngest and the smallest, the other kids don't even notice!

I am a teacher and the studies on holding kids back for whatever reason show that it hurts them later when they get to be high school age. 19 in high school is not so great.

Hi meredith!
It sounds like your child is ready for kindergarten. I have volunteered at my school for 10 years now, from k to 8th, with most of it being k-3rd.the cut off date for them to be 5 is dec.2 for us, so she may not be way behind. Girls seem to do better than most boys. I have worked mostly with one teacher and we have been in k,ist, and 3rd. When we were in ist, the kindergarten teachers had one boy that was advanced, and bored in kinder. He started coming into our class for math, and reading. Soon he was moved up to the 1st grade full time, and was a top student in our class.we have moved up to 3rd grade now, and we have him again. He is still a top student in our class and he is a year younger than the other kids. He is allowed to help the other kids by correcting their papers. I know this isn't the norm, but what if your daughter is the same way?
I would go by the advice that you are getting from your current teachers. I've realized that by not keeping these kids challenged, they get bored, and can become behaviour problems. Not saying that your daughter will, but i've seen this happen.
The best thing you could do, if at all possible, is enroll her, then volunteer in the class. You will see first hand how she is handling it(i'll bet she eats it up!). Kindergarten is so fun! You can see that the world just opens up for them. Mostly they couldn't get enough!we taught them how to read, simple math, some geography, time, and writing.they knew how to write their numbers to 100. Watching them change day to day,was just amazing! Please give your daughter that opportunity this next year.
Good luck!
M.

If you feel she is ready, send her. As a 5th grade teacher, I have a variety of birthdays and age in my class, and in all my years, I can only remember one girl with a late birthday who I might have debated. She was very bright, but just a little immature for the amount of work expected. I encourage you to send her. The only reason to hold back a child for a birthday issue is just of there is a maturity issue, but it doesn't sound like there is one. Plus, she has a supportive mommy who will make sure she gets the support she needs.
One other piece to consider, though, is that she will graduate when she is 17. That in itself is not a big deal (I was 17 at graduation), but she will also be 17 when she starts college. I know your daughter will be successful in whatever you choose. You could always ask her what she wants to do.

You're the best judge of your daughter. I let my daughter start K when she was still 4, and she always did fine. Over the years I saw many kids who were underchallenged, or huge for their grade, because they had been held back.

We held my son back who has a mid-November birthday and don't regret it at all. Academically, I was pretty sure he would do fine, but from a behavior/maturity standpoint, I didn't think he was ready. Given your second sentence, though, I say send your daughter. Girls are more mature and can adapt more easily to the school environment, I think.

I agree with Kelly V - what's the rush??? They grow up so fast anyway. My daughter is an Oct baby and was SO excited to start school that we started her when she was 4. It was great! All the other kids were crying on the first day of school and all scared and the teacher asked "Who is a little sad going to miss their mom?" My daughter shouts out "NOT ME!!!" WOW I was so proud of her independence! She was doing great, but then as school continued she began to struggle a bit. Each year she has to work really hard to keep up with the other kids in her class, again some as much as 18 months older than her.
She is 9 and in 4th grade now and all of her friends are 10 and some even about to turn 11 and they are talking about puberty, boys, and a bunch of other things that she shouldn't have to think about yet. She is very determined to "fit" in with her friends and if we moved tomorrow, I would move her down a grade, so she doesn't have to deal with all of these things so young. Now days the kids are growning up faster than ever and at such a younger age that it scares me. I hope I even given her enough skills to stand up for herself and know the difference between right or wrong, but if there was one thing I wish I could give her, it would be time. Time to be a little girl and just have fun for just a little longer.
You will know what is best for your daughter. You might even find out if you put her in Kindergarten could she repeat it. This way she is still getting the stimulation she needs and then through the year you can make that decision together as a family.

Good Luck!!!

My daughter was ready at 4 (turned 5 in mid November) and my son was not (he was 4 turning 5 in mid November). My son will start Kindergarten at 5 (almost 6). He is definitely ready now. The difference I see is that he no longer has trouble sitting for periods of time, he is very excited about his school work and class projects and enjoys sitting and learning, whereas before ALL he wanted to do was play. I wouldn't follow what others are doing. My daughter was absolutely done with preschool - she was ready. She did just fine, was the youngest in her class, but was fine. My son now is very excited about Kindergarten. It's all about the kid (I think the academics can be learned) and to some extent their maturity and ability to sit and focus. Good luck.

I can't tell you what to do, but I can tell you my experience. I have a January baby, who missed the cut off and was always ahead of her peers. She is in 7th grade and is in advanced classes. My February one was homeschooled for k but with 3 little siblings it wasn't working so I put her in public school recently, and she is ahead of the kids in her class, academically, but socially loves being there, but it does leave her a little bored with some of the work.

My 4 year old has a mid-September birthday and knows letters/numbers/shapes, can write her name, likes to play with others or alone, she will start k in August this year and we'll see how she does.

I think for boys it is different than girls, really and should be based on maturity and attention span. Our K program is more like glorified pre-school, but the kids have a great time. What I believe to be the most important learning tool is reading to them when they are young. Explore books & library, get age-appropriate comptuer games (jump-start is great) and instill an early love of reading. Most kids I know who don't do well in school do not read well. I haven't met many kids who read well and hate school. My oldest is a bookworm. We always read stories and talked about them, been to the library since she was 3. My younger 4 love going to the library and we talk a lot about reading and books. It is harder to read one-on-one with 4 little kids, but we try to do what we can to help them as they get older.

I think you should trust your instinct. If she's doing well now, she's ready. You know her best, mom. You have lots of time to think about it too, so don't stress on it now.

Take care,
D.

Do what feels comfortable-if you know she is ready and knows what she needs to for kindergarten start her-if you are holding her back just because that is what everyone is doing don't. Deep in your heart you will know if she is ready or not.

Hi Meredith...I have 2 children a boy and a girl. My daughter turned 5 in July and I started her then. My son turned 5 in the beginning of Nov. and I held him back for a year. My daughter is now in high school and she did really well. My son is now in 6th grade and doing well. My daughter was totally ready but just quiet and somewhat shy. In my son's case (as with many boys) he just was not ready. Plenty smart but it was hard for him to sit and focus for any length of time. I think girls are better able to concentrate and focus earlier. In both kids cases, they had a range of ages in their classes. Particularly in my son's case. There were kids from 4 to 6. Our experience was that actual age really hasn't been that much of an issue. The kids start together and accept each other for who they are rather than how old they are. I totally think it was the right choice for each of my kids. You know your child and if you think she is ready and getting bored with preschool (my daughter was too)go with your instincts. Good Luck!

SHE's ready, go ahead and send her. If you hold her back because of the friends you know who are holding theirs back, what happens when you or they move and then she is with a bunch of people who weren't held back and she was? My point here is you can't decide based on what others around you are doing, you decide based on HER.

I kinda had the opposite problem with my son, he is tiny (a 2nd grader under 35 lbs - I fear he will be using a booster seat all the way into high school!) but way too smart - reading at a 4th grade level, the size of a kindergartner... Ah well. Such is life.

Keep her interested and engaged in school - that's the most important thing you can do. Social reasons are things you'll always have to adjust to throughout your life.

Dear Meredity,
My daughter started kindergarten at 4. Her pre-school teachers told me there was really nothing left for them to do for her, that she was really ready. And sure enough, she was. She made friends easily, held her own academically, participated in school plays, etc. I think the hardest part was actually for ME. She was only 17 when she graduated and I cried the whole first week of her senior year. My baby was a senior in high school! In all fairness, I wouldn't have felt ready for it regardless of how old she was.
Starting school at 4 was the right thing for her and I have no regrets.
I had to start older than all the other kids because of my birthday cut off. All my friends went off to kindergarten and I didn't understand why I couldn't go. Then, my kindergarten teacher wanted to hold me back ANOTHER year because it didn't seem I was socially ready. I was very well behaved, but didn't enjoy circle time and I didn't gleefully participate in learning my shapes. My parents threw a fit! I could already read and write all the letters of the alphabet in upper and lower case. I knew all my shapes. They knew that I was bored stiff and they could see that making me repeat kindergarten at 7 years old would only make it worse.
That's an instance where my parents knew me way better than the teacher did and the principal allowed me to go to the first grade against the teacher's recommendation. Then, the school recommended me for testing and I ended up going to a different school with a gifted children program.
My point is, if you think your daughter is ready, let her go. These days, most schools have a combo k-1st grade class and I've known plenty of kids, mostly boys, who started school right on time but weren't ready for a traditional 1st grade class and were put in the combo class for another year of getting the hang of things. Every one of them was ready to go to a regular 2nd grade class after that. It wasn't really like repeating kindergarten because they were given the chance at higher academics with maturity taken into consideration as far as being able to sit still, concentrate, work well in a group with others, etc.
My daughter's pre-school teachers loved her. They thoroughly enjoyed her, but when they told me there really was nothing more they could do to prepare her any better and she needed to be in kindergarten, I trusted them. I knew my daughter. And it was the right decision.
Keep in mind it's not about your child "competing" with other kids, it's about thriving on her own merits.
That goes for any child.
You can't base what's best for her on what other kids are or aren't ready for.

Best wishes!

my dghtrs bday is aug 25th.....she will turn 5 on the 1st day of school......we have decided not to send her.....academically she does great in Pre-K, but I know that can change in higher grades & socially she is very shy.......

.my niece started school a year earlier & she did fine up til 5th grade.....she is always the youngest in class so socially she is not at her peers level now it has affected her grades & she is struggling socially & academically........my sister doesnt want her hanging out with her peers cause they are about 15-18 months older than her & that is huge at her age of 12....she is upset cause she is not developing like her peers too........there is enough stress in schools so why bring on more.....good luck with your decision

My son won't be 5 until January so we miss the cut off for public Kindergarten. But our situation is similar. He is tall for his age, very verbal, gravitates towards older kids (and girls) and is def. ready academically (although emotionally he is very much his age).

Right now I'm planning on sending him to the small (8 kids), half day Kindergarten at his current school in the fall (so he moves up with his Pre-K classmates), then to full day kinder at public school the next year.

Not sure if this helps, but I thought I'd share. It's okay to think a bit outside of the box.

Meredith,
I definitely understand your struggle as I've questioned what to do with my girl as well. As I continue to debate it, the one comment that really stands out was from my friend who is a high school teacher. She said to consider what my child may be handling in high school as the youngest in her class - developmentally, emotionally, etc.

Good luck with your decision.

The replies I've read seem to be split. From your post, it sounds as if your daughter is totally ready.

My daughter is a mid-November baby, who is now a sophomore in high school. She started school at 4 3/4. I never had any doubts at all about starting her; I was surprised how many people told me I should wait. Some of her friends who were held back are well more than a year older than she is. Yes, in the future her friends will be going through puberty before she does, but I don't see that as an issue, since there is such a range anyway.

Kids who are held back can get bored. And, as my nephew had to deal with, being 19 and in high school really stinks.

I encouraged a friend of mine whose daughter started kindergarten this year at age 4 to go for it. She's really happy she did.

All three of my girls have fall birthdays--September, October, and November--so we had to make this difficult decision for all three of them.

I would say the majority of people hold their Fall babies back, but we put all three of them in. All three are successful in school, and two of them are actually ahead of the curve, near the top of their classes.

For us, we decided it was better to have our children be a little challenged by school than to be bored by it, since socially they were ready enough for school. But we made the decision for each child independently and prayed for guidance too.

After having worked in my daughters' classrooms for many years, you start to see the children who may have benefited from waiting a year. I have to say, all those I have witnessed are boys! The girls seem to love the structure and the art projects and the new opportunities that Kindergarten brings.

Finally, know that if you start your daughter in public school, you don't have to keep her in if it's not working out! And many parents I know just plan on holding their kids back for a second year of kindergarten. There are lots of options. I know you'll make a good choice. No matter which way you go, you'll get parents defending their choices by degrading yours, but stick to you guns because you are the one with the right to make choices for your child!

Best wishes,
J.

It sounds as if she is ready. My daughter will also be going to K in the fall, with a summer birthday. She sounds very similar to yours. I would start the registration process and see what the school thinks. Sometimes the teachers that do the screenings have some additional insight. Good luck!

Updated

It sounds as if she is ready. My daughter will also be going to K in the fall, with a summer birthday. She sounds very similar to yours. I would start the registration process and see what the school thinks. Sometimes the teachers that do the screenings have some additional insight. Good luck!

I have two girls. One her birthday is in October the other in August. I feel like I should have redshirted both of them. Hold her back one year!

Hi Meredith, I understand your dilemma. Here's my story... I know every family/child and situation is different. It's a hard decision! We went through the same thing with my oldest daugther. She has a late summer birthday. And, I was a bit sensitive to the situation... I made the cut-off by 5 days when I went to school, and would have been better served by having another year - very young and immature.
My daughter was shy and reserved; however academically we were not concerned. We decided to give my daughter one more year of preschool, for my daughter - now a 7th grader -it was the right decision. She is one of the older ones in her class, however that doesn't seem to be a problem. She is thriving, one more year of preschool was good for her. She came out of her shell. She is a social girl, and doing great in school. We also thought long term... thinking college, we would prefer to have her a bit older when she enters college.
It's a tough one. Good Luck! K.

We are having this issue with our daughter. She turned 5 on Aug 11th and was able to go to Kindergarten. She has had some behavioral issues and is struggling academically as well now. My husband has a Doctorate in Educational Management and I am a Marriage and Family Psychologist. Needless to say, we both fully understand the ramifications of our decision to have her repeat kindergarten. What we decided was that although the first few weeks might be tough psychologically, she will 1.get over it quickly (she's really outgoing) and 2. she will feel more confident because it's now all a review to her. I would probably say to have her wait, only because if she is having a hard time playing with others. My daughter was the same way in preschool, but once she got to kindergarten she had a hard time staying on task because she would rather play or do something else. I hope that this helps.

Hi Meredith!
Two years ago I was in the exact same situation... Oct. baby "ready" and "will probably do fine" but "is more than welcome here next year" from the preschool... resulting in a lot of confusion and anger and feelings of failing my child. However, I talked to some friends of mine that taught k or early elementary to get their views on the subject and found that there really was no reason to keep her from K other than she "is a little young".
So I enrolled her... and flash forward a year and a half to a happy, well adjusted, smart and top of her class reader and math in a mixed k-first grade class (another story entirely!) We made the best decision we could've and it was based on two things:
1. We saw no reason to hold her back
2. My husband pointed out that the preschool is dependent on enrollment and monthly dues to function... and so if you hold her back, they've essentially guaranteed another year of tuition from you. Always good for them!!!
Yes, her kinder teacher did put her with the "younger" students once in awhile, but had we held her back, she would've been so bored. As it is, she LOVES school and when she's sick or has to miss for whatever reason (ie break!) it's literally traumatic for her! :) Why take that away from her? She's now the best reader in her class and really gets the math concepts... quicker than most, according to her teacher! :) She's often paired with one of the slower boys so she can help him with his work! :)
So... we have the exact same dilemma with our son... and yes, boys mature a little slower than girls... and that's the usual reason people decide to hold the kids back... they feel that their child might not be "socially" ready. I know a few that did hold their sons back and it was the right decision for them... however, I'm seeing the same signs of him maturing that I saw in his sister two years ago.... and I'm confident that he'll be totally ready in August for kindergarten. Don't let age be the motivating factor. If your daughter is not struggling with anything academically or socially and is right with her class in all areas, she's probably ready - go with your instincts. They're usually right! :) Good luck... I know I agonized with my daughter, especially after that "prek" conference when I didn't hear what I totally expected to hear.....

I am a teacher and I have seen younger kids in the class do exceptionally well, and I have seen kids held back do well. The teachers' advice is probably sound, since believe me they do not want kids entering too early for their maturity. But my advice to you is to go with your gut feeling, your comfort zone in the end. That's the only regret I have heard parents say, "I should have gone with my gut." Then once you do, there's no should'ves... Either way this will not be the last fork in the road. Learning is a journey, not race. Trust yourself. =)

Hi My son started K last September he was 5 and 1 month when he started (birthday was in July) he is one of the youngest. Most the kids who have the birthdays in the fall in his class turned 6. The kids have to do a lot write and read sentences, basic math, learning to tell time and yes sit most the day with 20 min recess. Most states require kids to be 5 by the time they start - that's the cut off. My daughter is a mid Sept baby so we will probably keep her since she'll be 4 for the first month going into K.
Good luck
K.

Hi

My son is a fall baby and we didn't hold him back .. he is now 8 and doing GREAT and has always done well. Additionally, he too used to play alone but would play with others at times. It was no big deal nor did I ever consider it a personality issue. Kids are who they are... if they want to play, they will play. I would allow her to attend, see how she does and IF things don't go as planned, then take her out. (that was initially our plan) it's not a big deal. Also, I might add, my son has ALWAYS been the top of his class (he goes to a private school and they challenge the students to the fullest) from K on, he began school at 8am - 3pm.. I used to think, that is a long day for a little one, but on the other hand, he did well with it and still does. He continues to be at the top of his class and in some cases, reads more than most. We have always taught him that he can do whatever he puts his mind to. IF at any point I ever felt that the school's academic program was too stringent for him, I would have discussed it with his teachers or moved him to a different school, but so far, this school challenges him in ways I don't think others might and so far, he keeps up and then some.. I would have her attend and see how it goes. Remember, you can change your mind at any time.
best of luck

I think that the September deadline should be followed. I think many kids who start a year early do fine for a long time. They don't start showing problems until middle school or later. Then it's hard to hold them back because their friends are moving ahead. Your daughter may be ready for kindergarten but she will be ready next year as well. Start her when she is supposed to be started.

As a November baby I didn't mind being the youngest in my class, but it does seem to be bugging my late September 2nd grader. That said she is pals with a number of kids who are old for the class, and they are more than 12 months older than her. Her BFF looks tall even for a 3rd grader, and she does stand out.

She reads like a 5th grader, so I am happy she is in 2nd grade not first this year. My daughter is doing super well academically and has TONS of friends. I have offered to put her in first grade so she will be the oldest, but warned her she would be a bit bored. FUNNY, she never takes me up on the offer.

I volunteered a lot in kinder and first grade, and saw that personality not age was always the determining characteristic. Some kids had enriched backgrounds to thrive academically and had the emotional skills to handle nasty comments. I knew one girl (New Years baby) that was the 2nd oldest in the class and very tall but the September baby bullied her like mad as she figured out how to push her buttons. The youngest child in the class (October) had a scathing hyper-critical tongue and had no trouble holding her own despite her petite size.
So some kids can handle the 30 to 1 ratios, where others aren't mature enough to stay on task. Sounds like yours would be fine.

My husband is a Jan baby, and said he had WAY too much fun writing his own permission slips his senior year of high school. He really didn't like the idea of our daughter being able to do that in 10 years. There is a rumor that the backlash to holding boys back when they are little is they have a higher than average drop out rate in high school (bored, for example). Also, do consider if some parents may be doing it not just because their son his high energy now, but they are trying to "game" for an athletic scholarship after high school. I have heard this happens in Texas in some areas where football rules.

I have an Oct girl who turned 5 last year. The general concensus, even though she is very bright and social and fully capable of going to K, was to find a good pre-k and let her be more of a kid for one more year ( ie, more play, a little structure but not much, more free time, etc).
She is doing great and I am really happy with our decision. I attended several seminars by local child behavior specialist who reported children who start school too early will develop an aversion later because they learn differently the older they get.
It worked great for us, good luck.

Hi There,

I have not had personal experience with this,yet, however has spoken to several parents who have. Our son will be 5 in August and we are considering sending him to kindergarten in the fall, but having him repeat it if we feel it's necessary. Many parents have told me that for a young kindergartner it is more beneficial to go ahead and send them and have them repeat rather than to hold them back, because kindergarten is a more challenging environment than kinder.

We have one friend with a daughter with a October 30th birthday and another friend with a child with an August birthday who both were bright socially and academically, and who were very friendly and outgoing in preschool, but had problems with confidence and maturity in kinder. They are repeating and doing wonderfully now.

I would take the advice of the preschool teachers who see her interact with other kids on a daily basis, but also go with your gut. Our concern for our son is not only that he get a good start in these early years, but also how this age gap with his peers will affect him in the jr high and high school years.

Good luck with your decision!

I vote for sending your daughter next year to kindergarten. It's not about now. It's about Jr High School & High School. There is no way to know at age 4 or 5 who will develop soon or late when puberty hits. Those who develop soon or late compared to their classmates have the hardest time. Two of my four kids are "older" in thier class. My daughter is 16 (August Birthday) and a sophmore in High School. She recently told me she likes being one of the oldest in her class. My son is 10 (Novemeber birthday) and in 4th grade. I see no disadvantage to being older and my potential disadvantages to being younger. (Most of which are in the future which you have no way of predicting now) If your child is young in her class that means she will be exposed to drugs, sex, and all other forms of teenage behavior a year sooner and a year less mature.

Meredith,
My son has a November birthday. He started preschool at almost 3 and was completely ready. He was even ready to move on to 1st and 2nd grade but now I think we'll hold him back in 3rd because he's just not emotionally ready to go on to 4th. It's a tough decision, I know he'll be upset, but I didn't want to hold him back earlier when he was ready to move on. I think it's different for each child. I have never heard of someone who regrets holding a child back, but I have heard of children and parents who say being the youngest was tough on them.
Hope this helps,
E.

I think every child is different, I know it's a hard decision to make. My son is a late August birthday and we decided not to send him. This was hard because he is really smart, he started to read when he was 2 and a half. This is his third year in preschool and he has always been advanced academically. I have talked a lot with his teachers, pediatricians, counselors and they all have adviced me that academics aren't the most important. Where your child is socially and emotionally is ultimately more important for school success. I am a November birthday and started college at 17 and it worked for me. Good luck.

I will start with saying I have not read the other 37 replies, but I have a daughter who will be 5 in late September. She's the third girl and has been in preschool since she was 2. We plan to start her this fall at 4. I went back and forth on it, but I think she'd be bored with another year of preschool. Plus our preschool is private where the elementary school is public. Big cost savings there too. As I see it, if need be, she can repeat kindergarten. There were a few kids who did that in our school last year and I don't think it's been a problem. I'd rather her repeat K than pre-school. I have a feeling she'll do just fine. Good luck with your decision!

All throughout my school I was always a year or more younger than my classmates. I have a late Nov. birthday and my mom chose to start me in kindergarten at age 4. I was like your daughter and I did great in school. They ended up wanting to skip me up one or two grades in school because I excelled so much though do to our family's frequent moves I was unable to do it. I was more mature than my classmates and often had friends in the grades above mine. If you think your daughter is mature enough and smart enough then that is all that matters. I have a son who will also start school right when he is turning 5. If I could start him earlier I would but I cannot. I never felt I was at a disadvantage by being younger, if anything I felt my classmates were at a disadvantage by being older than me. Had I been held back I would have been more bored than I already was because the work was too easy. I had no incentive to work harder in school because it was all easy with little to no effort.

First of all she is not competing against the other kids in her class. If her teacher thinks she is ready then she is probably ready. I wouldn't worry about what the others are doing, what they do has no impact on what you do.

I faced the same dilemma last fall for my son who was turning 5 in the fall. We had a lot of friends with late fall or early winter birthdays who were turning 5 and weren't sure whether to start them in Kindergarten or another year of preschool. My son is also big for his age and was socially and academically ready for Kindergarten, but I had the same concern about many kids being held back a extra year and that he would always be the youngest in his class. So I choose, as did several of my friends, to wait for kindergarten and send him for his 3rd year of preschool. When I took him to preschool the first day, I felt sick to my stomach and knew that I made the wrong choice for him. All the other kids in preschool were barely 4 and were so much smaller, as well as socially and academically behind my son. He would have been bored to death. I left there and immediately called the kindergarten that we had registered him for when we still considering both options and thankfully was able to start him in Kindergarten the very next day. He is doing great in kindergarten and it was definitely the right place for him. Some of my friends that had also made the choice to wait are happy with their decision. But their kids are smaller and have much later birthdays. I really struggled with my decision and in the end was able to make the right choice for my son. I really think it should be based on the individual child and their readiness. At my son's school, Delta Charter Elementary, there is wide range of kids in both size and age and my son definitely fits in with all his peers. Good luck with your decision, I know it seems like a hard one - just trust your instincts. (It sounds to me like you think she is ready and she probably is).

Hold her back. She will do fine in elementry school. But holding her back will make a big difference in high school. she will be mature enough to handle the social pressures if you give her the extra year now. Send her and she will be starting college at 17.
Mother of three grandmother of 7 and high schoool teacher 26 years.
J.

They wont even allow that over here. they have to be 5 years old by Aug 17 or they cant start school that year. my niece was born on the 15th so she turned 5 just a few days before the start of school. She did wonderful and is an advanced student in her class. her sister had to wait a year because she was an Oct birthday she is also doing well but is the oldest inthe class and tends to "mother" the other children lol. the older one didn't have any real social issues so i would say if the teacher thinks that she can do it and you are willing to help her then let your daughter start school

you can always hold her back for a second year of kinder if you feel she is socially not ready- no matter what the school says it is your right as a parent to retain in kinder....better to do it while she is young- I teach middle school and have 8th graders held back because they were not socially mature enough to deal with high school- but academically they were very bright. Consider she will always be 'younger'- I am an Oct. B-day and started college at 17 grad school at 21.
good luck

I say send her!!! I was 5, but barely, when I started. My mom hadn't focused on teaching any academics prior to me going, but I did fine. I cried the first day, but from then on I was totally comfortable.
I have a friend who's b-day is in November so she was really young when she started. She is super smart and was always at the top of the class though.
My first grade teacher said kids who didn't read before K and those who did were at the same level by the middle of 1st grade. Maybe because she was such a good teacher, but sooo strict. No one left her class not reading.
One last thing, you can always hold her back at the end of the year, but it really sounds like she'll be fine. Let us know what you decide.

Send her. She's accademically ready. On the one hand she might suffer a little in highschool competing in sports against kids who are older, but on the other hand if she is ready accademically and already seems bored if you hold her back that could create an issue all it's own. If she is not getting stimulated accademically she could start finding ways to occupy herself (ie - getting in to trouble) because she is bored out of her mind. My opinion is that school's number one priority is for education, sports and such come second. I can understand why some parents hold their boys back because they tend to mature a little slower, but I still say send them if they are ready.

Hi Meredith, although the same thing happened to me a very long time ago, it seems like yesterday. My daughter was born in late September. She had 2 years of pre-school. We were excited for her to start kindergarten. Then all of a sudden I had people and even her pre-school teacher telling me to hold her back. In my heart I knew she was ready, however I had all these people telling me what to do. I did send her to Kindergarten before she turned 5. She is now 26 and has graduated college and is going back to school to get her teaching credentials. She always finished in the top of every grade. I think if I held her back, she would have been bored and we would have had other problems. I wish I could go back and tell all those who told me to keep her home another year how wrong they were. If you feel she is ready, send her. Don't worry about the social part, it will come. Try to get her involved in other outside activities. I am sure you will make the right decision. Good Luck

Your situation was the exact thing that we thought of with my daughter. She had had 1 year of preschool, which she started when she was 3 almost 4 years old... then when she was 4 (and would be turning 5 a couple of months AFTER Kindergarten started), she started Kinder. So she entered Kinder at 4, then shortly thereafter turned 5.

My girl, is almost identical to your girl as you described her: my daughter was on par academically... had great social skills but was told that she sometimes did not want to play with others or would only play with a couple of kids. NOTHING wrong with that. MY girl, is the type that she is VERY socially keen... and can analyze a child/social situation/her own emotions VERY well. Better than most adults. So, she steers away from "in your face" type kids and trouble makers and super hyper kids. It is her personality and preference and she is sage about it all. BUT she is a great student and loves learning. HER teachers said the same thing: "she's ready for Kinder but its up to you... each parent being different." But one Teacher said that per my daughter, she would send her to Kinder because my daughter would thrive in it.
We sent our daughter to Kinder... she DID thrive in it... she kept up and was on par... even though some of the kids there were already 5 going on 6 years old.
BUT yes, her Teachers year after year... says she is "shy" (not real accurate of her)... and besides, WHY should a child "have to" play with EVERY single kid in the class ALL the time? Not even adults do that, if they are in a class situation. My daughter is independent/confident and can navigate herself very well... amongst the crowd or havoc of a class. She directs herself... and can think on her own, is mature,... and is the best behaved student... we get told that about her EVERY year. BUT.. the Teachers ALWAYS make note of her being "shy." I say, so what. I I tell the Teachers that it is not a "problem..." because ALL children are different... and it does NOT handicap her nor impede her class ability.

My daughter is also in a very diverse public school, but which is ranked.
It makes no difference.

My daughter, wanted to go on to Kindergarten. We spoke to her about it too.

Go according to your child and what you feel in your heart is best for your child.
And by the way, not all the kids that are 1 year older, are "smarter" or better, than the younger ones.

All the best,
Susan

My daughter's BD is Aug 31. At the advice of the preschool teachers and my mother-in-law who is a retired kindergarten teacher we had her wait a year before starting kindergarten. She's in 11th grade now and very strong academically. She won't be 19 until she starts college (another parent said that 19 was too old to be in high school). She was the first of her friends to get her drivers license. Sometimes she tells me that she wishes I let her start school a year earlier, but I'm glad we did it the way we did. It gives us one more year to get her ready for college -- like learning how to manage her own checking account. It also gives us one more yr to save for tuition.

California has one of the latest cut-off dates in the country. I think in NJ and PA its the end of September. In Missouri its the end of June.

I'm for waiting a year. We did it with our son, who is very social and extremely bright academically. He's in first grade now and we're glad we did it. It isn't just a matter of whether they can 'handle' it right now, it's also later. I decided that I would rather him be on the older side when he's 16. And if I had a girl, I would feel the same way. When she's 15 there will be kids who are 12 - 15 months older, and the age difference is important then, as it is at teh beginning. I figured that I would rather deal with him making mistakes that are his own idea at 16 instead of following someone else's bad ideas when he's 16!
The other thing I liked about it was that I got another year with him before he's gone 5 days a week. You won't get this time/age back again, and I wanted to take advantage of that.

I'm also convinced that my son is more self confident than he would have been with the older kids.

Every child is different, so good luck deciding. But one more thing: don't think of it as your child competing with the other children, think of it more like she's competing with herself: she either gets to be always older or always younger in a given situation. For my son, he has made better choices as he's gotten older.

Good luck!

i agree with Jesica L and Teresa H as well as the teacher who does the study of held back kids. If your daughter is ready academically and socially then go for it. My daughter HAD to wait a year because she missed the cut off date. Had to have a couple of meetings with her teacher on how we can keep moving her forward. Before K, my daughter was doing 1st grade math, reading and writing and very detailed on her drawing. We still have to do more at home to keep her moving, but we try to make it fun, not "extra" work. My son has two friends in high school that are 16 or 17 year old sophmores, they will be 19 1/2 when they graduate. I say put her in. My daughter is one of the oldest kids in class and we thought she wouldn't connect with the younger ones, but she is doing well with most of the kids in her class, and everyone really likes her. So the older and young ones can get along. We still wish she could have started that year earlier, she continues to excel and I think she has to wait until 3rd grade for the GATE program.

Hello,

I am a mother of 3 boys, ages 14, 9, and 7. My 14 year old was born in mid-December 16 which was after the December 2 cut-off in our state (CA). We had him in a Christian pre-school that also had a separate K-8 and a separate high school. Because he had been there since he was 2, and all of the teachers and administrators felt he was "ready," they gave us the option to start him in Kindergarten at 4 as well. They told us that it was more important that he was ready socially because he would catch on academically. I felt that his motor skills were not up to par, as his colorings and drawings were not as refined as the other kids'. Other than that, he was just as prepared, if not more, than the kids who were already 5. We decided to start him which proved to be a success academically. He was always at the top of his class with above average standard test scores. The summer before he started 7th grade, we relocated to a small town and decided to try public school. For me, as a mom, it was a disaster! Suddenly, it became apparent that he was actually attending a middle school with kids ages 13-15 and he was 11! His immaturity became apparent and he was forced to grow up very quickly. He was exposed to things that I was not ready for him to be exposed to. We had big trouble with the girls being all over him. Fortunately, he is a great kid and had a great foundation. He joined the student council and surrounded himself with positive kids. He maintained a 3.7-4.0 every quarter. In fact, he was elected school President in 8th grade and all of the teachers consistently commented on what an asset he was to the school and what a difference he made in the attitudes of the other students. He was an athlete (b-ball player) too, so he made being smart a "cool" thing. Now, he is a freshman and we put him back in a Christian HS (which was actually his wish). He has Honors courses and got a 3.76 the first semester and is determined to get a 4.0 this semester. He is on the b-ball team, drama club, CSF, and a community service organization. Plus he sings in the choir at our church. All this is of his own will, not being mandated by us (except the expectation of decent grades). His aspiration is to get accepted into a UC for college. I hope this gives you a perspective that it can be o.k. to start her now, but if I had it to do all over again, I would have waited. He is growing up too quickly and I would love to have him around for an extra year! Good Luck in your decision.

we had to start moving my little one ahead to the next "class" in daycare/preschool, because she was becoming so bored that she would act out. now we are going to have to face another issue with kindergarten, because her birthday misses the cutoff, therefore, she will be 5 turning 6 when she goes. she has always been physically smaller than the other kids, but she holds her own. : )

As both a former 1st grade teacher, a mom, and a former child that was "redshirted" (with a July birthday) I would recommend "redshirting" her for a year. Of course, you know your child better than anyone else so ultimately you know what is best for YOUR child, however from years of experience, children that are given the extra year excel and prosper tremendously versus the youngest child in the group. It is very easy to spot the June-October birthday children in the classroom as a teacher. They usually are visibly more immature on several levels to no fault of their own. Kindergarten is much more academic now more than ever, and as a mom I would never want my child to play "catch up" socially, emotionally, or academically in school. If I could give my child the gift of time I would! Don't second guess your decision if you feel your daughter is ready send her if not do not hesitate to give her a year. She'll probably thank you down the road. I know I thanked my mom!

Girls are different, but I'll tell you my experience with my boys :O)

I have 2 boys both born at the end of September. I "redshirted" my first son, which made him one of the oldest in his classroom. Today, he is in 7th grade, and has never had trouble with keeping up with school and it's regular attention to homework, etc... along with school, he has been able to maintain a quality and fun extra-cirricular sports life at the same time without sacrificing his schoolwork and grades. A blessing.....and a relief as a mother :o)

My 2nd son, I didn't reshirt. Because he was my 2nd son, he caught on quicker, learned quicker, and was eager to be like his big brother. With all of that combined, I went against my "grain" and started him early. That was a MISTAKE! I shouldn't have started him. He is now in 2nd Grade, and since he started school we have struggled with retaining him each year. Grade-wise he does well, but the emotional scene that goes with it.....immature. It is so hard for him to keep up with work as a routine. Because of that, he also doesn't want to play sports....well, I'll rephrase that...he DOES want to play sports, but when i sign him up, he cries because he's too tired to go....it's too much for him to do it all.

My question to you is: What is the rush? Your daughter will not receive an "extra award" for finishing high school being one of the youngest in her class :O) If she is unable to be emotionally mature enough to handle her new life, then you will question this decision forever.........

I would wait, and have no regrets. Otherwise, you might second-guess yourself for a long time.

~N. :o)

Hi Meredith. You are going to hear a lot of different opinions on this subject! I to was in a similiar situation with my son. His preschool teacher insisted he go to kindergarten to further his academics and I was very hesitant because he was sort of immature but he is huge for his age. The reasoning that swayed me was that we could always pull him out if he wasn't ready or hold him back if needed. He started the big "K" this school year. He's doing a lot better than I thought and I'm really glad I made this move! He's still learning some letters and some numbers but so far he is in line with the rest of the kids in the class although the girls are way smarter...as usual but that's normal..lol.. good luck with your decision.

I think the recommendation with holding back is more for boys, because what I have heard from the middle school teachers is that they are the ones who are not mature enough. The middle school teachers have told us that they can really tell which kids were held back to start kindergarten later, and which have not. They also told us that it isn't until the higher grades that they really see the issues.

My son started kindergarten at 5 (birthday in June), and is on the younger side of his class. He is also one of the highest performing and well behaved students in his class, because like your daughter, he has the preschool background.

I think every child is different and that if you feel she is ready you should send her. You can always have her repeat kindergarten if a problem arises.

But as I said before, I think the redshirting practice is more geared toward boys.

Even tho you feel your daughter is ready academically, I say hold off one more year. As a few others have said, why the rush? Really, so much of K is about being socially aproppriate: being able to get along w/other kids, problem solve w/kids when conflicts arise, following directions etc. We have friends whose daughter is an August baby. She was very immature when time for K rolled around. Her older brohter's school strongly encouraged them to do Jr. K but they wouldn't hear of it so they switched from private to pulic & of course the public school took her. She is now 17 & a senior but she has struggled w/friends for years. Some of it is just fickle girl BS but some of it is her immaturity. Sure your daughet will fit in fine now, but the big difference starts to show up about 12. Girls this age are hitting puberty, developing, becoming interested in boys while, your daughter, being a whole year younger, will most likely not be there yet. Our son is late November & would hit the cut off for our small Catholic school but he went at 5 3/4 in stead of 43/4. Best decision ever! He's always been very articulate, bright & was very academically ready for K but ultimatley, we thought being on the older side VS the youngest (he woulda been the absolute youngest in his class if he went earlier) was to his advantage. He's 9 & in the 3rd grade. He has many classmates, boys & girls alike, who are have Fall b-days & are already 9 so he wasnt't the only one w/a late b-day. Another example: One girl in his class has a November b-day & is the youngest in the class at 8 yrs. She still sucks her thumb at times, & has few friends cuz she's on the immature side. I have many friends who did the opposite of us by sending their kids to K at 4 & they frequently talk about the social & maturity issues their kids are having. Again, why the rush? Good luck!