Kindergarten Woes

I'd be more concerned about the teacher than the child. Any experienced kindergarten teacher is not going to make a big deal about this the first week. The period of normalization is 6 weeks. It takes about 6 weeks for everything to come together. Relax and let kindergarten happen. Revisit the issue in a couple of months.

OMG he has only been here a week!!! Give him time to adjust. Kinder is a big step. If it is still a problem several weeks into school, I would then address it. Right now just try talking to him. Time, time and time!!!

When my son would tell me he misbehaved or the teacher would tell me, I would just say to him in a nice calm way, "maybe next time you shouldn't xyz (list what behavior was)." and I left it at that. It was the kindergarten teacher's job to discipline him when the offense was occurring. By nagging him about it, it just gave him more attention and thus the behavior continued.

Kindergarten is a big change to these little ones. Give yours a little time to settle in. I am sure she is seeing this from lots of them and not just yours.

There was a short time period when our son was making bad choices in Kindergarten. Every time he got in trouble, we would punish/reprimand him. We soon realized that we were focusing way too much on the negatives instead of promoting positive behavior and rewards.

So we started giving him rewards at the end of the week for GOOD behavior. Rewards like a special weekend treat, or a movie, or a small toy, or an extra half hour of tv on the weekends, and lots and lots and lots of praises and hugs and kisses etc. I generally don't like to bribe my kids, but, if you think about it, it's just like payday for adults. Hard work and dedication eventually pay off.

D., I want to second Dawn's excellent advice, all of it.

I would add that it seems odd to me that the teacher is contacting you about this within the first week of school. Unless your son is truly exceptionally disruptive to the entire class, I would not expect an experienced K teacher to be contacting parents for "not listening in class and ignoring instructions" in the very first week -- because those behaviors are so very typical for K students, especially students who have not had any preschool experience (like Dawn, I wonder if your son had any form of preschool at all?.....). But the teacher should expect and be ready for those kinds of behaviors unless, as I noted, the child is extremely disruptive and distracting, or the teacher is new and inexperienced and doesn't realize that it's not time yet to start telling parents "your child has issues." Or...the teacher, as Dawn said, could be very experienced but so burned out and jaded that she's done with teaching and is there only in body.

Is the teacher a newbie or one with some experience? Or does she perhaps do some kind of "weekly update" for kids at first, and you're hearing what she intends to be just a normal, "kids do this and yours does too" update but you're hearing it as "Your child isn't working out here" instead? Some teachers might make a point of giving all parents a little update, but if you are new to having a child in school, you might be misinterpreting her well-intentioned simple update as an early warning that your son is in trouble.

I would talk to her privately (ensure your son is not there) and tell her: I know that most K kids are wiggly and not great at listening. Is there something beyond that with our son? Is there a reason that, in the very first week of class, we should be concerned, or is this normal getting-adjusted issues? I also like the idea of asking the counselor to observe your son. What you say to the counselor should be confidential; I'd tell her or him that you were worried to be hearing these things in just the first week (especially if your son has no issues at home with listening to you and following your directions).

I am not leaping to "the kid is perfect, so blame the teacher" here, but I do find it unusual that this specific complaint is being voiced so early, when not llistening and not following instructions are typical K issues most of the class might have at first.

If your son did not have any form of preschool -- if he came straight from full-time-at-home with you into a school setting -- then he may indeed have a much harder time at first adjusting to having an adult who is not mom tell him what to do. If you recognize that and help him a lot at home by playing school etc., it will speed things up, but it will still take him longer than it would take children who had more experience of being outside the home and having to listen to and follow instructions from an unrelated adult. That's just normal and he should catch up.

Have you tried just listening to him and asking him what's going on?

D., was your son in preschool? If he was, how did he act there? Could he sit in circle time? Did he behave there?

There are some warning bells here in my view, that after only one week, the teacher is complaining. My questions are, is it that your son is not used to school structure at all? Or is he so excited about the newness of it that he can't calm himself? Is the teacher new and hasn't learned how to manage a class yet, or near the end of her career and is sick and tired of kids that are harder to manage?

I don't have enough of an understanding of your son or the teacher to give you advice. I will say that some teachers seem to think that it's your job to "fix" the way your child acts at school. Those are the teachers who don't have good skills at managing a classroom or are sick and tired of their jobs. Sure, there are at risk kids who come to school ill prepared and don't have a clue about what they are there for. There are kids who can't sit still to save their lives because of immaturity or perhaps ADHD issues. There are kids who need to move - kinetic learners, so to speak. Kindergarten is full of this. A good kinder teacher can work these issues out in her class without expecting it to be the job of the parents. You aren't there - you can't make your child listen in class. That's HER job.

I would go talk to the guidance counselor about this now, rather than waiting. Ask her to go into the classroom and observe your child and compare him to the rest of the kids in the classroom and get back to you. You don't have to ask if your child is the right fit for the teacher. Instead, ask her to consider whether or not your child is the right fit for the class. She will understand.

I guess I think you would have said here if your child was a "problem" if he were. That's why I'm worried that this is really about the teacher.

Dawn

Kindergarten is about learning to LOVE learning and socialization. It is not about consequences, cajoling and warnings. I suggest observing in class for a few days to see what is going on and then discussing a plan with the teacher. Some children need for the teacher to forge a personal relationship with them (often as simple as making eye contact and saying hello personally in the morning) before a child will recognize that a general instruction to the class applies to them too. An experienced teacher is usually good at this. Newer teachers may just expect all the kids to listen when she talks. The point is NOT to avoid irritating the teacher. The point is to make sure your child succeeds in kindergarten.

If all you do is warn and give consequences, all your child will learn is that school results in bad things happening. Not the lesson to teach.

You need to put together a plan with the teacher so he knows what will happen at home if things are not going well at school.

My son was having some troubles in first grade and so the teacher and I put together a reward system at home to compliment what she was doing in the classroom. She sent me home a detailed report each day on how he was doing...

We all were on the same page...my son knew we emailed frequently and sent notes pretty much everyday for a while...and he shaped up as there was no miscommunication.

I will tell you that the teacher only wanted to reward good behavior and she was not about to recommend any sort of consequences for bad behavior. However my husband and I felt that he did need some consequences for the bad behavior. So our son lost TV & video game privileges...on the days he misbehaved at school...he would come home and tell me, no tv today I got my card pulled...he knew what would happen at home.

It all worked itself out...he still has days now in second grade where I get a note home and he got a conduct mark...and he knows he will spend some time without electronics and have to tell daddy what he did (some-days this is worse than no tv).

The best thing is it leaves the choice up to him...if I try really hard, I keep my after school fun...if I make a mistake I learn what not to do again and have an afternoon to think about how not to repeat the mistake.

We did do rewards as well...I believe we took him for ice cream after so many days in a row with out a conduct mark or card pulled. We would have gone for ice cream every so many days anyways...but we really played it up that he earned the trip.

I just think he is always going to be challenged to behave (he never seems to get in the same trouble twice...so it seems to always be something new)...but we work closely with the teacher and let her know we have her back at home and will work with her all the way for better behavior.

Work with the teacher...if she knows you are on her side at home she will work with him at school rather than be exasperated with him at school.

You have to find out what the teacher wants to do and see how it lines up with yourself and also figure out if you want to have your child evaluated for any additional concerns. I suggest the evaluation mostly because it will probably come up anyhow.

I will also reccomend you adjust at home based on what they do at school it has worked in the past for us and I think it will work for you as well, as they say consistancy works.

Do not freak out, be available for plans, adjustments and teamwork.

Have you had his hearing checked lately?
Has he been checked for ADD?

For ours, it was a problem of he wanted to play with a certain thing and just couldn't wait. If he waited another kid might get there first. We told him that he had to wait. We promised that he would get a chance to play with all of the toys. If not on Monday, then on Tues. or Wed. The teacher was in charge. If he got up before the teacher said okay, then she might put him in time out and he might miss out on something special like a craft, snack, or even recess.

Our school uses the stoplight system. Red/Yellow/Green. If they have a yellow they've been not listening. If they get to red, then they are in time out and miss out on something special like recess.

first we could use a few more details. has little one been in a preschool? how did he/she do there? how does it go when you're shopping, or at church? can he/she sit still and listen when it's necessary? does your little one pick up on things like learning, letters, numbers, colors, etc? or is it ALL a problem?

we have a similar situation. my son is almost 6 so the oldest in his class. he did 2 1/2 years of preschool and LOVED it. he just absorbed everything. learned to count to 100, all his letters, even began using phonics to sound out/spell small words. but when he went to kindergarten, within a week he was hating it. fussing, whining, really digging in his heels and insisting he "hated" it. i talked to his teacher and she said some similar things (after complimenting him on his vocabulary and what a great kid he is) - he has a hard time sitting still. he has a hard time realizing when is appropriate to be noisy and when it isn't. he has a hard time keeping his hands to himself.

none of this was really news. but i was surprised he had a hard time adjusting to kindergarten where these things were so important. i just figured as smart as he is he'd catch on.

so i talked to the teacher and we got on the same page about HOW we work with him on these things. reminding him WHEN is appropriate to act like a crazy little boy, and when it's not. i taught him how to twiddle his thumbs, so that IF he absolutely had to wiggle, he could contain it and not be disruptive.

most of all we kept it positive. now at the end of his S. week of school, he is SO enthusiastic about school. he's telling me all he is learning, and he's got his spark back when he talks about kindergarten. i asked him if he got in trouble, and he said, "well not as much as yesterday!" lol. i have emailed his teacher again just to touch base. i think we still have work to do, BUT i think he is going to be just fine.

so that's our experience. talk with the teacher and get on the same page as she is. SHE has been trained to deal with this. help your child with some tools to HELP them succeed. don't just tell them to and expect them to figure it out. be your child's champion and help them. good luck! i'm sure your child will be fine.

Has he ever been in daycare or preschool or any other structured setting where he had to sit still, wait in line, share and take turns? If not I would let the teacher know that because it may take him more time to get acclimated to the classroom environment.
If he did go to preschool, how did he do there? Was he cooperative with teachers, was he able to sit and listen at story and circle time? If you can give us some more details we can give you better advice :)

tell your child what is expected of them in class. tell him/her that the teacher is the one who makes the rules and you must listen and do as your told. Most children will have a wild first week then settle down because its all new to them. If he/she didnt go through pre k it may take longer for them to adjust. hang in there.

My daughter is in kinder and did prek last year. I laid down the rules real fast. they had a color system (green= good, yellow= warning, orange= bad). I told her that it was unacceptable to be off of green (she did once in the first week).

Have you asked the teacher for tips? She should be able to provide you with some ways to help him at home so he understands what is expected of him at school.

Also, does he have any time to play in the morning before rushing off to school? Maybe you need to find a way for him to burn a little energy before getting to the classroom.

You can also create your own reward chart. Get stickers or little colored stones and he can earn one for each day that he listens well and pays attention in class. Give little prizes and incentives when he hits a certain amount. Start small (maybe only three), then increase to five, then 10, etc. Incentives don't have to be huge - it can be a trip to the ice cream shop, a toy from the $1 bin at Target, etc - anything to feel like he's getting something special for listening.

I wouldn't worry about it. It will all work out in time. Kindergarten is a difficult transistion. The kids just need time to figure out what is expected of them.

Does he listen/follow instructions when spoken with individually? If the instructions are being given to the entire class and there is noise distraction (e.g. other kids talking), then get his hearing checked. My daughter had hers checked this year at an audiologist and we were told her hearing is so sensitive that if there is a lot of noise in the classroom, she may not hear the teacher...everything becomes muffled. She sits at the front of the class to try to help a bit, but there is nothing else that can be done according to the doctor. She has gotten in trouble twice in the last few years for not listening to the teacher and now I know it was not intentional (totally unlike her to not do what an adult asks).

Another thing to try is to eliminate any processed/artificial foods from his diet. My daughter has chronic and autoimmune illnesses and follows a special diet. I have read a lot about how diet can cause kids to display behavioral issues that end up being diagnosed as ADHD/ADD etc. Check out www.gaps.me. Not sure that is the issue, but just a direction to consider if you can't find a cause or solution.

Now, I can't be much consolation because we've homeschooled since kinder. I wanted to let you know, however, that at three my oldest was a terror in the preschool class she attended. She hated following directions when it wasn't her plan. She would melt down several times a day. She even hit the teacher a couple times. I DREADED end of day and pick-up. I thought the teachers were thinking such horrible things of me, but we were at our wits' end in dealing with it all! Nothing was working!

After a few weeks, she was more used to the routines and changes and she stopped. I don't know if anything we did had any effect, but something clicked. I continued talking to the teachers and keeping abreast of things and I can honestly say that they were my favorites out of all the ones my two oldest had while attending there. I'd disliked them a bit, and I was sure they just hated us! I still keep up with them now and my girl is in second grade. I even requested that my now-kindergartener be in their class too back then:).

Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is: don't be worried about his teacher's opinion as time goes by. I'm sure she's had similar situations before. Kids will do crazy things and once things are routine I'm sure he'll settle in just fine. Give it time and let tomorrow take care of itself.

Loni
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Practice playing school at home. Teaching your child to respect the teacher is an important lesson.
If he is not mature enough to sit and listen, it might be best to wait another year.
Chances are your son is not the only child acting up, and the teacher sharing the info with you is her cry for help for you to try to work with your child in order to make the school year successful for him.

Well, has he attended child care in any way? Did he do Pre-K? Has he had any formal classroom experience at all? If not he has no idea how to act in this setting.

It will take time but he will get it if it's not something more. Learning to sit still and listen takes time, experience, and maturity.

You might work on it at home like this. Have a little chair, similar to his classroom chair, where you have him sit quietly for a couple of minutes per day. Then increase it until he can sit for 15 minutes quietly. I imagine at his age you'll do well to ever get to 10 minutes but a goal of 15 minutes would be a good goal to work towards.

He needs to learn to sit and this is a good way for him to learn using baby steps. He may not sit for more than 30 seconds to begin with.

A lot of my friends do this so that on Sunday mornings their little ones will sit quietly during the passing of the sacrament. Once that part is over they still need to sit quietly but not totally quiet.