Kindergarteners "Boyfriend/Girlfriend" !

My opinion is lighten up. Then again I am the liberal-democratic-Bill Maher watching-let the kids have ice cream before dinner sometimes-yes they can jump on the bed-let's have a water balloon fight- mom. So I don't know if you can trust my opinion! LOL!
They don't know what they're talking about. Don't make a big deal and they won't. :-)

I has a boyfriend in Kindergarten. We would hold hands over the table at snack time. Jimmy moved at the end of the year and his mom bought me a charm that said "puppy love" on it. I still have the charm in my jewelry case still to this day. And I wonder what happened to Jimmy.

It was innocent and sweet. Let her be and have a sweet little "romance".

I would say to lighten up, in a very nice way :) It is innocent and sweet when two little people find a connection. We, as adults label it as such, because that is what we relate to. But really, it's a new budding friendship with the opposite sex. How great to find things in common and get along at such a young age...UNTIL someone wants a kiss or play doctor, LOL! My son had a few girlfriends in kindergarten and has had the same one for nearly a year (just started 1st grade). She's a neighbor and her mom is just as wonderful as herself. Until there's inappropriateness...whatever that may include, I'm going to relax because they're both very good kids.

I feel it's one thing if your child says it "my boyfriend".. and you can talk about XYZ being special to her/him but that we play with everyone, etc., etc.

I think it's weird/wrong for an adult to ask a child if they have a boyfriend. I mean 1) if they don't have someone who has taken a shining to them then why make them feel bad about it? and most importantly.... (for girls at least) 2) children today are sexualized at such a young age.... the clothes, the images on tv (I once watched an episode of Hanna Montana and the entire time she was trying to get a boy to kiss her ... the ENTIRE show. The 4-5 YO girls in the neighborhood were watching it .... not my kids!!) Why start asking them at 5 if they have a boyfriend?? TOTALLY uncalled for.

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I kissed boys at recess in 1st grade. Three of them in one day, if I remember right. I'm sure we teased each other about who was who's "boyfriend" or "girlfriend". My daughter (now 9) has gotten notes from boys or pictures drawn for her that have come home in her backpack. I watched her and a 3rd grade boy flirt with each other like crazy at a school event. The latest boy that "liked her" (the only boy in her theater camp group) liked her because she could fake burp louder than him!!

This is all innocent kid stuff. I wouldn't over analyze. Perfectly normal and no big deal.

But I agree with the person who advised to not limit the terms she can use when she talks to you. You want her to talk to you about boyfriends, at any age.

I understand and agree with your point but also agree with the others as well. "Boyfriend/Girlfriend" in the teen/adult sense is definately inappropriate for kids that young but kindergarteners don't use those words in the same sense. They use it to mean their boy friend/boy that they like or maybe even have a crush on. There are different types of friends and crushes. I think your problem with it is what you believe it to mean. I do think it is cute at that innocent age...very sweet.

I would suggest you quietly discourage the boyfriend/girlfriend term if it bothers you. When she uses the term you can just say "Yes, he is good friend. Isn't it great that little boys and little girls can be friends?"

My son actually had a little "girlfriend" when he was much younger (about a year old). Our old neighbor's daughter is a month younger than him. They really liked each other when they were younger and her dad used to jokingly indicated they were an arranged couple. They are great friends now and have never actually dated, they think of each other like brother and sister.

it never bothered me to have my kids say they had a "boyfriend/girlfriend" in kindergarten ... especially since what they really meant was they had a boy/girl for a friend.

Heck I had TWO boyfriends in kindergarten :) I had both of them to my 6th birthday party, we had our picture taken the three of us together and then they both kissed me on the cheek for my birthday kiss :) It was completely innocent and harmless. My memory could be a little foggy but I think we used to kiss on the mouth too ... like you'd kiss your mom, dad, ect ... and no one thought anything about it back then. It was considered "cute" and "sweet".

I think it's fine ... but if it makes you uncomfortable then go with what you are comfortable with.

Well I got her beat! When I was three I already had a little boy named Travis propose to me. We told his parents and my parents that we were going to get married when we got big! Needless to say, summer happened, Travis moved to a different school and I was pretty much over it. I think I'm gonna go with most of your other friends and family. They don't really see the difference in their friendship and her uncles friendship. It's cute and harmless.

I agree with you 100%. I will never know why people insist on using adult terms to describe children. I have never encouraged this kind of boyfriend/girlfriend thing with my daughter. She is turning 12 soon and is focusing on a few girlfriends who are not part of this "culture" of who is dating who & her schoolwork. She has friends of both sexes and socializes with groups once in a while. A kindergartener shouldn't be thinking in terms of boyfriends - IMO. And then we wonder why girls of 12 or 13 are engaging in oral sex in the back of the bus and/or coming home pregnant!

For us it isn't about how innocent it is in kindergarten/first grade...it's about setting a precendent. We, as a family strongly discourage dating and intend to (and have with our nieces) focus more on a courtship model. Our son is in first grade and has a number of friends, both boy & girl and one little girl in particular that he is close to. We don't live near them anymore but they call each other and send letters (drawings/pictures) to each other. She is his friend, plain and simple.
When people ask our son that, and they do, he will say that so & so is a girl & his friend. We then gently & often in a light manner let them know that we don't do the boyfriend/girlfriend thing. I actually had one person keep asking my son when he was around 4 & after being gentle a few times I finally just said, "he will have a girlfriend when he is ready to have a family & take care of it!" Extreme? Yes. But then again we look at dating as practice for divorcing.
That's just us though & not everyone believes the same way...whatever works for your family!

Hard to say. I mean, my daughter is 4 and is the "girlfriend" of one of my best friends twin sons (almost 5) - he called her his girlfriend after first meeting her when she was 2.5 and he was just over 3. We thought it was pretty darn funny and cute and have never worried over it - they just play together really well and are good friends.

However, I can see where what is happening here is rubbing you the wrong way. Kids seem to be growing up earlier and at younger and younger ages and trying to kiss and pass love notes in first grade is really not appropriate and potentially a huge distraction from learning. I don't think that a boy kissing a girl in 1st grade should be considered sexual harrassment - that's just ridiculous - but kids need to understand that some things are meant for grown-ups. I don't think explaining some things to your daughter and letting her know what is allowed and what is not is going to somehow prevent her from opening up to you later when she needs to. At this age you can probably just tell her you are glad she has a special friend but "boyfriend/girlfriend" is what grown-ups have and right now her job is to go to school to learn, and to have fun playing with lots of different kinds of friends. I would also be careful in regards to what she watches on TV to make she isn't watching programming meant for older kids that may show tween and teens kissing and talking about boyfriends and girlfriends. As for your family, they may have just been teasing or trying to be funny, but they should respect your wishes. Eventually such questions will just make your daughter feel embarrassed and then she really won't want to talk about anything!

DD has already had a few different little boys "be sweet" on her - we might be in trouble when she is older!

It's completely innocent! Five year olds love to mimic anyone older they see, and they don't really have any concept of romantic love. They see other people referring to "my boyfriend" etc., I'm 41 and I had a "boyfriend" in kindergarten. I actually had one when I was three and we would share popcorn at the movies! Giving long and complicated explanations just confuses them. Puberty is still a little ways off, so relax and enjoy the innocence!

I do have to add -my best friend's inlaws met in kindergarten and he says she was always the only one for him! They've been married almost 50 years and have three children and five grandchildren :-)

I believe it is harmless and even question at 5 if there is a need to even address it much. All kids I have seen do this boyfriend/girlfriend thing in kindergarten and first grade, then they kind of stop the whole thing for a few years only to pick it up again around 4th grade.

Ultimately, I would be sure to just address how you believe they should handle the boyfriend/girlfriend thing. No kissing, hugging is not really necessary, going to each other bedroom - not ok, but playing together - ok. There is a little bit of truth to the comment that they will start to hide things from you is quite possible. Take it as a time to teach expectations, and move on.

Good luck!

I am with you. DD told us that her table mate (a boy) at school kissed her a couple different days. Some other boys thought it be awesome to pull the bun out of her hair. I'm sorry, but that is not "cute" or "precious". It's crossing a line, it's disrespecting someone's space & it's very presumptuous. I don't know these kids, their parents, or what they're exposed to at home. Things are not the same now as they were in the 1970's or 1980's - kids are exposed to more, growing up quicker, and more & more parents just don't want to parent. The wholesome family unit is declining, there are more broken homes than ever. Some may think a kiss is innocent, but my thought is "what's next"? I don't encourage the boyfriend/girlfriend thing either, as I think it's ridiculous & unnecassary & I just plain don't like it.

Actually from your post it sounds to me as if they are PUSHING the term. My daughter and a friends daughter both have boys they've been friends with since they were 3 and 6 respectively. Niether of them call their friends that are boys their boyfriend. Niether of them have kissed their friends that are boys. Both sets of Moms have joked privately about "you never know, we might be inlaws...." but the kids have never heard this. My daughter did say matter of factly she "might" marry this friend one day. I took it matter of factly because well she might and she might not, you never know. Someone asked my daughter once if she had a boyfriend and she looked confused and said, "Yes, so and so is a boy and he is my friend." Since we haven't used the term and our pretty laid back about it, my daughter doesn't use this term to describe anyone she knows. Some people push all angles of the growing up thing. Some of the same people/parents complain about all the baggage that comes with that.

For some reason kids that age think boys that are friends are boyfriends and girl that are friends are girlfriends. It ends around 10 to 12 when they start thinking about what an actual boyfriend or girlfriend is.

I would have to disagree that it is a term that is pushed on anyone. They just use it because they haven't a clue what it really means. Yeah I suppose some of them think it makes them grown up but they figure out pretty darn quick that they were wrong.

I mean my 10 year old used that term when she was younger. I know I don't push growing up on my kids. My older daughter didn't date until she was almost 19 not because guys didn't ask her but she didn't want the interference with her education.

I used to teach K, and now teach preK. When any boyfriend/girlfriend talk comes up, I calmly and casually explain that they are too young for boyfriends or girlfriends, and that they will have those relationships maybe when they are in high school. I also mention that we do have lots of friends who are boys, and friends who are girls.

Explain that to your daughter, calmly (like it's no big deal, which is true), and if other adults ask her about a boyfriend, you could catch her eye and grin, as if saying, "What a silly question, huh?"

Well, speaking from personal experience, I had a "boyfriend" in kindergarten. He kissed me on the cheek one day during recess, and we got dubbed boyfriend/girlfriend by the other kids in our class. From that day on at recess, any make believe games we played inevitably ended up with him being the dad and me being the mom of two or three of the other kids. Nothing more ever happened. I guess I had a "crush" on him for quite some time, and I know there's a page in my diary from 3rd grade where I wrote that I "loved" him, but, ultimately, I don't think I suffered any misunderstanding of the terms or what is involved as a teen/young adult. Granted, I was not allowed to start actually DATING until I was 16, and my class from kindergarten through 8th grade was only 30 kids. At any rate, that was my story! :)

There's just something "special" about a first kiss that happens when you still believe in the tooth fairy, and the first person you can't wait to tell about it is your mom.

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Almost 30 years ago my "boyfriend" was named Jamie. We broke up because my mum wouldn't let me get off at stops that weren't my own on the bus ride home.

My mum's "boyfriend" was named Frank. My dad's "girlfriend" was Mary Catherine.

My grandmother's "boyfriend" was John, and my grandfather's "girlfriend" was Suzzette. My grandfather got in trouble for carving their initals on the desk. Not because he did it, but because he got the S backwards. His teacher made him practice his S's on the board 100 times every day for a week (you have NO idea how I'd love to buy that desk that was used in 1909 in a tiny little town in Saskatchewan). Of course, these days a 5yo with a pocket knife wouldn't be reprimanded for bad penmanship.

All kindergarten "bf/gf"s. With playground kisses.
(Mum married my dad at 27, married for over 30 years. My grandparents married each other in their 30's and were married over 50 years. All 4 were professional, respectable, adults with close families.)

My 4 year old calls his boy friends "boyfriends" and his girl friends "girlfriends" I think you are looking a little too much into something that is innocent child behavior.
I remember being in first grade chasing a boy around.

Interesting. I guess I'm not too concerned about the use of the words. I am more concerned about actions. As I coached soccer last spring, KGers. Young man on my team (cute as can be) was playing with my daughters hair and holding her hand. I said "oh no, not on my watch"...I talked to her later about how I feel that she's too young for the kind of boyfriend that you hold hands with. We discussed that she's too young for a hand holdinng, hair playing, kissing...hugs are acceptable cause she's a hugger. She understood.

She said "B man is my boyfriend"...I said "I thought he was your best bud?"...she said "he is...he's a boy and he's my friend"...

You're making a mountain out of a mole hill. the term is too loose with too many definitions to go along with it. I am not one to do a lot of censoring...so no I don't have any issues with the use of boyfriend/girlfriend.

I'm 42 and still remember the name of the boy in kindergarten who kissed me on the cheek! I had a school "memories" book where I kept track of my friends each year that I was in elementary and I noted who my "boyfriends" were. I think it was all very innocent. However, having said that, if my first grade daughter came home and told me she had a boyfriend, I would want to ask what that means to her and have discussions about appropriate behavior with friends. BTW, my daughter has 2 boy friends at church that she likes and she tells me she is going to marry one of them and I think it is cute and innocent, and it allows me to reinforce what type of boy she should marry (when she is at least 30! LOL).

It's normal for kids even at age 5 to have a connection with someone of the opposite gender and for kids to imitate older people, who have boyfriends or girlfriends. There's nothing new here. There's no real harm in the term, IMO, but if you'd rather people not push it on your daughter, it's fine to express that preference and they SHOULD respect it. Some people find it cutesy for little kids to play boyfriend and girlfriend. At their age, they do not really know what it means and they will not be dating, making out or doing inappropriate things.

I think it's ABSOLUTELY ADORABLE!!!! My son is in VPK and has had the same "girlfriend" for 2 years.. They hug and kiss each other and we find it cute.. Their 4!!!!! They don't understand what "girlfriend/boyfriend" means but know they like each other, not in a weird way!!! I'm not trying to offend you in anyway, but I think your really overreacting... Sorry~

My daughter is in kindergarten but her best friend is a boy. I've been lucky that she has hardly said the term bf or gf but if she happens to say it, I just gently correct her by saying, "Oh, your best friend who is a boy." I suppose I'm also fortunate in that we speak Spanish at home and you can say "amigo" which indicates the friend is a boy (vs amiga) and the word for bf is entirely different ("novio"). I'm not suggesting you begin speaking Spanish at home, LOL, but I would keep things as low key and casual. Making it a big deal will make her more curious. The physical affection doesn't bother me (nor is the "I'm marrying Joey when I'm 20," to which I tell her 27 or 30 is a better age when mommies and daddies get married) but if they would start exploring each other's bodies (like playing doctor) then that's different. And then you do have to teach that private parts are private that only mommy, daddy and the doctor with mommy and daddy's permission can see. It's always good to keep open lines of communication and start talking about love, sex in age appropriate terms. Good luck! It's not easy these days, is it? :)

I agree with you. I think it is inappropriate at this age. I don't get how people think it is so "cute" for kids to grow up too fast and loose their innocence so early. I don't think it is natural for this to happen at this age...I think it is all due to influences from society and older friends/family who encourage it. My daugher just started 2nd grade and at a party one of her classmates was bragging that a boy said she was "smokin' hot". I am still cringing over that one. There is plenty of time for that...why rush it? It is NOT cute.

My situation is the comlete opposite. My daughter has had a "boyfriend" since kindergarten. I don't think it's important on the term used. Regardless, they are just friends with an extended word. It is very important to keep the communication open, so that she will continue to tell you everything. You just don't want it to get to the point that she will hide it from you. Anyway, the people that I am around practically have a fit that she says she has a boyfriend. She is ten now and everyone says she's too young to have a boyfriend. Then I have to explain that it's just a word, they don't even hold hands yet. And I don't have to worry that she won't tell me things because she tells me everything.

I had a "boyfriend" in kindergarten.lol... We used to sit on the school bus together and my older brother and his friend use to joke with us....All I remember doing was chasing him on the play ground and kissed him. lol.. That was it... I think at age kids see what their parents are doing(kissing,holding hands etc) and I don't think they understand all that. I didn't at that age. My 2 daughters has been coming home from school and said they have a boyfriend. My 4 year old said, so and so wants to married me. I told her "little" kids don't get married until they are out of school. I said you can be friends. The 5 year old said she has two boyfriends(oh gosh...lol.) I think they think its funny or something.. They sit there and laugh about it. I haven't seen them with any boys yet. All they usually talk about is their "girl" friends.

But I'm with you on about respecting your wishes..... They should go by what and how you want to raised and teach your kids.

I am with you - and I have the same response when people ask my kindergartner the same question. It actually started in preschool because one of her best friends was a boy, even the childcare instructers used to joke and call them husband and wife because they were inseperable. My daughter didn't like that at all, because of the expecations we had set for her. Before we stepped in we made her make her feelings clear to her teachers and her friends, and that did the trick. But I agree, putting these adult labels on child friendships are rediculous, and we wonder why our children are sexualized at such a young age.

I agree with you. Stick to your guns. Encourage the friendship but not the boyfriend/girlfriend thing.

Kids at this age don't understand what a "boyfriend/girlfriend" even is. My daughter introduced me to her "boyfriend" on the second day of 3-year old preschool and told me that they were married. I said, "Oh, how nice. Nice to meet you _____." and that was that. They were friends. They didn't see each other outside of school, they didn't do anything innapropriate. She just knew she had a friend and he was a boy. They got along well. He's in a different class this year and he's been completely forgotten. Now she has a best friend. I feel it's as big of a deal as you make it and no matter what the age, if you tell her she shouldn't or can't do something... she'll just want to do it all that much more because you've made it very interesting. Good luck!

I think it is just too much pressure. I had a friend a long time ago who had to basically not go to the school 50's dance. The group that plays every year is totally awesome and not to be missed. It's the event of the year to raise money for the PTA and other organizations.

Her son was so stressed out because all of his friends had "dates" to the dance and they were not sitting or going with their parents. He couldn't get a date. He was in 3rd or 4th grade. He cried himself to sleep several nights in a row stressing over this silly dance. The school had decided the room would be divided and the kids dancing on one side, the parents on the other. So many parents told them they would not be coming due to the set up that they finally decided to change the plans and make the whole room open for all. He still had such a hard time with this particular dance though.

So, kids have a hard time anyway. Having the stress of having one person who thinks they have a...commitment to play, committment to spend recess with, etc...so they don't have to find someone else to play with, well, she might want to play with someone else or he might and then all heck will break lose.

I would call them "How was your best friend today?" "Did you and your best friend XX play together?". I would always refer to him as her best friend and leave it at that.

Some couples meet in Kindergarten and end up together for the rest of their lives...who knows?

Well hear is my 2 cents! My son is in 2nd grade. He is out first in school so I am no expert in this field yet! We call his friends boyfriends and girlfriends as in boy that is a friend and girl that is a friend. He knows the real meaning of boyfriend and girlfriend. He was VERY much in LOVE with a girl in Kindergarten, but in first grade she changed and was not such a nice girl and my poor son quickly decided he was not ready nor was he interested in a dating for a long time! LOL I just let things play out only told him that he was not really allowed to date until he could drive and actually take his date out for a date! The way I look at it is that as kids change the word boyfriend changes to. It will be something different when she is in 5thgrade and something different again when in high school and again when in collage. Right now she is in kindergarten, just as long as it is not posing a big issue with the teacher or something like this just smile and shake your head. Kids will be kids! Good luck!

Even though it may seem innocent, it still shouldn't be encouraged!!!!!!!!!!!! So much emphasis is put on 'feelings for someone else'. We need to teach our children especially in this day and age becasue of TV, that having great friends whether its the opposite sex or not, is the most important relationship to have as a child and kissing is for adults!!!!

I think it's harmless and kinda cute. But, we all have to parent our own way. Do what you feel is best.

I highly doubt that not using the term will keep her from telling you things in the future, not if there are already lines of communication open in your relationship by then.

I know somebody that thought it was cute when their child was little...now that child is in middle school and goes through boyfriends like dirty socks...hands out kisses like free pretzels...and is involved in so much drama and heartache. I'm sure that's not how every 'kindergarten couple' turns out...but our day and age is definitely different than 20...30+ ago. With 'sex' such a prevalent thing in just about every form of media...little kids talking about 'boyfriend-girlfriend' CAN (not always does)...but CAN have the potential to be concerning. I know a lot of people think that at this point, "boyfriend-girlfriend' doesn't mean anything...but kids are exposed to so much more! In some cases, it may be innocent...but take one of them to have exposure to any kind of actual intimacy between a guy and a girl...and you could really have some problems. One thing I would mention...do try to keep the lines of communication open...All kids struggle...if they feel safe and secure talking to Mom about it - it can make a night and day difference...that one I know from personal experience...thank goodness for my Mom and her constant effort at positive communication with her kids!!

I think it's harmless at this age. A little boy had this cute little crush on my middle daughter in pre-school last year and he asked her to be his girlfriend, and my daughter agreed. His mom and I would laugh about it and we both though it was so cute. I really wouldn't worry about it.

I do see your opinion and why using that word is confusing. However, she's so little and they really don't understand the terms gf/bf. She doesn't really need to know that its not the same as when adults are girlfriend and boyfriend because she doesn't understand what this even means. I remember playing "kiss tag" in 1st grade at school. I also remember your "boyfriend" was a title and you didn't sit together at lunch or anything. Kids are silly, it's harmless. As she gets older she will learn and you can help teach her what this relationship really is. Maybe you can explain the difference that when older people have a girlfriend or boyfriend it means they are thinking about getting married or something if you really feel the need. But even at this age, we asked each other to marry us, so I don't see the point :p

I can see you not wanting relatives to ask about if she has a boyfriend, just to encourage the idea if its something you're not huge on. If it bothers you, ask them not to encourage the term with your daughter but I wouldn't expect her not to use it.

Wow, well you sure have some extreme opinions so far! ;) Well, honestly, this is hard for me b/c my daughter is not quite there yet, but it's probably coming soonish for us as well and I may feel differently when it's happening to MY kid. Where I'm at right now though, I tend to think that it is harmless to have "boy/girlfriends" in KG. I don't think if I'd be super upset if I found out my daughter was kissed on the cheek on the playground either. Kissing is a sign of affection that is given to friends, relatives, mom, dad, etc., so it truly could just be something sweet. I'm not so sure I agree with the last statement though, about having these rules will force her never to communicate with you again! That seems a bit much.

I do think it's a good idea that you are basically discouraging her to constantly ask others about boy/girl friends, I would probably do the same there. You want her to see people as people not objects, you wish for her to notice the good things about each person, etc. I get that. In the end, I do think you're on the right track, but if it were me, I'd try and find a happy medium. Don't necessarily encourage it, keep up the talk about getting to know people, being friends, etc., but I wouldn't necessarily try to put a stop to it. They aren't going to be going places together or making out, so I do sort of think it's sweet. But, every mom has their "things" and if this is yours, do what makes you comfortable and happy!

I was visiting my son's Kindergarten classroom last week, and was fairly shocked to see a boy and girl plant a kiss on each others lips as if they had already done it before.

I'm with you. Kids grow up fast enough as it is.

I think it's pretty typical for little kids to develop crushes.
I had the biggest crush on a boy in kindergarten. It was pretty serious. It lasted about 2 weeks. But, I vividly remember that boy. He was very polite and had the most beautiful blue eyes.
Like I said, it's pretty normal. But I agree with you that the boyfriend/girlfriend lingo isn't necessary.
It's likely harmless, but these days, kids are too eager to pair off and I don't see any reason to even innocently encourage it starting in kindergarten.
You can't stop crushes. It happens. They usually don't last long.

Best wishes.