I know everyone is different and there is no such thing as "normal" when it comes to pregnancy, childbirth and beyond, but ... my sex drive has been non-existent since I had my baby 8 months ago. Obviously this isn't going over well in my relationship. And yes, we are both exhausted all the time and I know that contributes to the issue, as well as the fact that I'm still nursing a few times a day and at night. For the first 4 -5 months post partum, pain was definitely an issue for me. But still, both my partner and I are starting to feel like this is never going to change. Has anyone else ever had this experience? Will my sex life ever return to normal? I'm starting to wonder if it is more than just hormones and exhaustion, thinking it could point to problems physical, psychological, and/or in my relationship dynamic.
I think its normal but dont expect it to ever be the way it was prior to baby. How about a night away from the baby it always helped us. you need to rest and be as a couple once again. how about date night
good luck
The same thing happened to me. Absolutely non-existent and I never really gave much thought to hormones, but in my case that's all it was. Because I was nursing, I didn't get my period until my son was 11 mos old. It was like someone flipped a switch! As soon as I started getting my period again, I was suddenly in the mood for sex! Now if I get just get some sleep so I would have the energy for sex...! Good luck!
Hi T.,
Yes Titianna I've expericenced this right after my daughter was born in 08/07 this happened to me and as a result of lack of sex drive my then boyfriend and now ex boyfriend has left the house, I suggest you do a soul search within yourself and figure out why the lack of sex drive and also if you truly love your partner try and work this out together, I wished I had but now it's to late for that.
Good luck to you and your partner
Keziah O
Hi T.,
I do agree with those who have suggested that having regular sex does build desire. Sex leads to more sex. Lack of sex leads to more of a lack. Also, redefine your idea of sex. Even if there is no intercourse, regular kissing, fondling, erotic massage, mutual masturbation, etc are all a part of your sex life.
It's also normal as a new mom to feel "touched out" - when your body seems to belong to someone else who needs you so dependently, that you just don't want anyone else laying claim to it, even if they are going to touch you pleasantly, partners need to understand that feeling.
I'd also suggest speaking with your OB or midwife about your feelings, it couldn't hurt to check hormone levels, etcd.
Good luck!
It's normal to feel that way when you breast feed and you have to use lubrication k y because otherwise it will be painful because you are usually dry when your breastfeeding. When the baby starts eating more foods you will probably notice a change don't worry you will feel like yourself soon you've been through a lot having a baby and nursing but I would recommend being with your husband in order to maintain that relationship u don"t want to cause a distance between you.
Take care
From H.
Hi T.:
Be gentle and patient with yourself and your body. You and your partner can explore outercourse, holding hands, kissing, preparing a lovely meal and enjoying each other's presence, cuddling, etc. Start there, if nothing positively progresses or you still feel that there is more going on, then consult with a qualified health professional.
All the best,
N.
Hoistic Maternity Care Provider
www.wholecreations.com/wombfull.html
It's totally normal. Especially if you're nursing. Usually comes back when you stop nursing. Congrats on your baby boy.
Just do it. The more you just chose to do it the more your desire will likely return. If it doesn't after trying seek medical advise.
At this point, your hormones are still out of whack, and your body looks different than it used to, which can make you feel more self-conscious. It's totally normal, especially since you are still breastfeeding (but I would not quit just because of this). It's hard as a breastfeeding mom because you feel like your breasts are functional, they are your baby's and it's easy to de-sexualize your breasts and the rest of your body during this time. You have to get used to the idea that you can be a mother and still be the hot, sexy woman that you used to be before pregnancy. I know from experience. It's not your fault and it's not because your relationship is lacking. Talk to your partner about it and explain that it's not something under your control, but try to be open to the possibilities. Get a babysitter one evening and have a nice night out with a nice restaurant, go to a romantic movie and see where it leads. Go out to Victoria's Secret with your partner and pick out something cute that doesn't have the memory of your before baby self associated with it. Another thing that made a difference for me was exercising. I lost some weight and had more energy and felt more comfortable with my body. If you are not comfortable with the thought of being with your partner, try working on it by yourself. Sometimes you need to take your partner out of the equation in order to feel sexy. Get used to the idea of having a new body, and remember how it works by yourself before you add the pressure of sex with your partner- take a long relaxing bath or a nap by yourself and let your mind (and your fingers) wander- you get the idea. Then once you are comfortable by yourself, you might be more eager to be with your partner. As the frequency of breastfeeding decreases and you get your period back, your libido will return. If you are still not getting back to normal by a year, then you might want to bring it up at your gyn appointment.
It took a while for my libido to come back as well. Remember that your hormones are still out of wack for the first year, and nursing can also make your hormones wacky. I found when I was done nursing my first, my libido came back quickly. Give it time, and maybe talk to your doctor if you are getting too frustrated, they can sometimes help ease your mind. And once you do start getting back into the swing of things, you might remember how much you enjoyed it and that also helps. It doesn't stay this way forever!
my drive didn't return until I started menstruating again...hang in there, my theory is that it's hormonal. it's hard on a marriage though, that's for sure!
I found that sometimes you just have to jump back in. Maybe you are subconsciously afraid of pain or of getting pregnant again. Make sure you use some form of birth control and just give it a try. Take it slow and do a lot of making out! :) Hubby will love it and you may discover that you have been missing it too!
good luck and have fun! lol
It's normal and it's combination of a lot of things, T. (I like the name by the way). I sometimes have that feeling of not wanting to have sex for some time, but I have been very tired. So, I have talked with my husband and he agreed and understood but of course doesn't feel the same not being too tired and not wanting to have sex. For me, he needs to take his time and do a lot hands movement on your body and touch parts that may and more like will get you going and if massaging your body will get you going, have him do that, if touching you certain places may get you going...or what I didn't think of until one of themoms put down that reading certain books, that may get you going. Talk about it and go from there.
The moment I stopped nursing, my sex drive returned. Good luck.
My son is 9 months old, so I definitely know what you're going through. Since the spring, we've both been so busy and exhausted that it's definitely hard to light the fire sometimes! For me, spending one on one time without the thought of sex is the best thing. Make sure you take the time to talk about your day and bond after your son goes to bed. Those feelings of closeness will lead to other things!
I know what you mean since I have an 8 month old and a 3 year old. Not much energy left by bedtime. Can you get someone to watch the baby for several hours so you two get some alone time? I know my body feels different and I like different things. For me it mostly just takes longer to warm up--which is hard with little ones around. Lube is definitely recommended (some spermicides have a gel like consistency with also acts as a lubricant).
I will quote Nike here: "Just Do It"
I agree with others, it will get the ball rolling.
My sex drive was at zero when i was nursing. I thought there was somthing wrong with me. Then i stopped nursing and within 2 two weeks I realized that I forgot how much I enjoyed it. That's how I got pregnant with #3. Good luck and give yourself time. It will come back!
Sometimes it takes sex to get the drive back up and rolling. Think of it like going to the gym for a workout - you don't feel like it, but you know you will feel better afterwards. You might surprise yourself and rediscover how much fun you used to have.
