Last Resort - PICKY 3 Year Old

I would really think about another opinion from a Peditrician. Because it could be a sensory issue or some underlying reason for him to be so finiky with what he eats.

Cheese cubes were magic when I had small ones. It seemed that even the pickiest would often go for plain cheese cubes. Some pretzel sticks and some fruit cubes added to the cheese and you have an edible construction set. If you "play" next to him and take an occasional bite (have him spear a piece on a pretzel stick and feed it to you) and he may enjoy that snack. I've also just put a plate of the cubes on a shelf in the fridge and they were allowed to get into that whenever they wanted.

Best of luck.

Have you tried to hold out on the milk for a while when you sit down to eat. I think they get to full off of the milk if you give that to them first. I do feel you too. My 3 yr old is the same way, but I offer her it and if she doesn't want it to bad...she eventually eats one huge meal and I think that tides her over for a day or so! lol good luck!

Your plans in paragraph 2 sound great. Be very disciplined and make a commitment to follow through with this plan for at least 3 weeks. You cannot MAKE your son be the type of eater that your daughter is. They are different. YOU are still obligated to provide him with healthy choices. Inevitably, if you stress on the amount of food he is eating, you will make compromises on the nutritional value of what he is eating and wind up feeding him stuff that is laced with sugar. Then he will be addicted to that for the rest of his life. So I really recommend that you only provide him with healthy options and let him choose how much he eats. Remember what your ped. said.

Also you might want to keep a diary of exactly what he is eating so that if he does got to a clinic or another doctor you can report the facts.

Hi B.,

My first guess is that it sounds like food has, or is in danger, of becoming a control issue for you. Feeding kids can be extremely challenging. Here are a few things that helped me as a nanny (esp. when I worked with a family of 3 picky eaters!):

Don't offer "choices" before the meal. That is, don't have a lot of discussion about it. You could enlist his help by asking him to pick out a fruit he likes and then wash it. Otherwise, keep your own counsel and don't even discuss what's on the plate.

At every meal I made at least one or two things that I knew the kids liked, and no more. That is, when you decide to try out new foods on his plate, make what the rest of you are having and then add in one or two things you know he likes. This way, you are not making a separate meal.

Don't discuss his likes and dislikes in front of him. The less attention around this, the better.

Certainly, don't ever force a child to eat something they don't want to eat. Even "take two bites" can result in some really traumatic mealtimes. Remember, this is his body and forcing kids to eat something that repulses them is a real violation of their person. This may sound a bit touchy-feely, but I was forced to eat lettuce as a kid and would throw it up, I hated it. My palate wasn't very well-developed. It's only at near forty that I have finally been able to enjoy a little fresh greens on a sandwich...and still, not lettuce. Being forced to eat something can create some lifelong eating problems.

Some kids don't eat a lot. Plus the heat lately has all of our appetites down. Keep that in mind. And some kids go through phases.

Don't make privileges/toys contingent upon eating, and do not reward or punish for eating/not eating. You don't want to treat this as a disciplinary issue.

A couple questions: when you mention how little he eats, is that because it's all you are offering of that particular food or because it's all he's hungry for? I personally let the kids eat as much as they want of fresh fruit and veggies.

Also, it sounds like your child actually has chosen a very healthy way of eating for himself. Diets heavy on breads and starches can lead to obesity issues as children hit elementary and middle school ages, and contribute to pre-diabetes.

Has your son been tested for a lactose or wheat allergies? He may have a natural disinclination. It's worth looking into.

Kids will not starve themselves unless we bring on such a power struggle that this is the only way to feel any control over themselves. While it's great that you put the snacky-food on hold, consider having him go with you to the market to help pick out produce. Including him in a friendly way, and giving him a little discretion in what he eats, can be a fun, conflict-free way to get kids involved. Even getting to choose which carton of strawberries he wants is validating and fun.

Last piece of advice: don't worry so much. You will know if he's ready for more services (food clinic, etc) when your doc says so. Picky eaters are so typical it's not even funny, and that's why there are tons of books on the subject. Hang in there!

Updated

I think, overall, that your 'last resort' is pretty correct, although I'd tweak a few things.

Instead of entirely eliminating the morning snack, I'd move part of lunch to that time: say, the strawberries or the watermelon, just one, because kids really do need a little something at 10 or so. Then, I would serve the other fruit with a veg (just one slice/piece, just to introduce it) and a small serving of something else: maybe a bit of polenta (you can make it sans dairy with water and a couple bay leaves for flavor, and leave out the cheese) and chili, or anything else you want to try that day. Because your son can tolerate corn, that might be an option to try, and be careful with labels, because some corn may be mixed with wheat.

Keep the servings reasonable, try a cluster of new foods for a couple weeks before deciding they don't work, just so he's not getting bombarded with new foods. If you offer the same 6 new things over 2-3 weeks, if he has encountered each one 3-4 times,you might find that he'll venture a bite. I wouldn't make giving him seconds on his favorites contingent on "one bite" rules or anything that sets up a power struggle, because you already know that this isn't going to intrigue, but only put him further off the food.

Ellen Satter wrote a great book called: "Child of Mine" about feeding children. She suggests making sure that there are at least 2 things on the table/plate that your child likes, and after that, let it be their decision about what they eat. Kids need to have choices when they are eating; I think it's best to give them the choice *on the plate*, not while we are preparing food. This way, we cook a meal for ourselves (dinner) that is reasonable, and just make sure two things he will eat are out there.

You can be strategic about this, too, and keep a chart of the healthier foods he does like. I've found it's good to have a list, so when we are flustered and feel like "Oh, fine! I'll just get out the damn Pirate Booty already!" instead, we can have something we've already written out when we were in a cooler frame of mind.

And remember, some of this will change as he gets older.3 year olds do a lot of growing in this year, and it can take a lifetime to develop good eating habits. I don't have any magic winning "Kid friendly" foods, just because I know through my own experience as a nanny that there's no such thing as a universally-loved kid food. (I nannied for a family of three who all ate so differently, it was a potential nightmare of short-order cooking. Oh, and their one mutual fave was cheese quesadillas, so I don't know if that's going to help!:)) And if you aren't getting enough support/help from his ped and want a second opinion, see a naturopath. I just read your "So What Happened" and you might need to talk with someone about finding good substitutions for proteins, and a naturopath can help. I've had good luck there.

B.-

Read all the advice thus far, just a few things to add:

1) Please, please, please check into allergies. It's amazing how intuitive kids can be about what their body cannot tolerate. [I AM NOT A ALTERNATIVE MEDICINE ONLY MAMA; never been to one, but have considered it.]My little girl would NOT drink milk or eat milk products. Turns out she had a mild allergy to it.

2) Do not attribute your 3 year olds tantrums entirely to being hungry. Chances are it's due to being 3. Three is way harder than 2.(I'm convinced that's why God made them so adorable at that age... they'd be dead otherwise :)) Any momma out there will tell you that 3 is quite the ride.

3) Trust your gut. If you want to go to a food clinic go. Mommas know their kids best. Worse case scenario if you go and you didn't need to: they tell you nothing is wrong.

Good luck!

Hi B.,

I totally feel for you. My son did a similar thing around 18 months. He didn't ANYTHING for 3 days straight (prior to that he had eaten everything). Now he's a picky eater, but it's getting better.

First, I would say, trust your pediatrician. I'm sure they've seen it all, and as long as your son is progressing, that's the important thing.

I understand about the temper tantrums. Also an issue of ours (although I think mine is sleep related).

I think you're wise to try to remedy the food situation to try to help with the temper tantrums. And your plan to prepare foods in advance is great.

I will share with you a couple of things that have worked for me and perhaps they may help you too.

1) I let my son help with preparing the meal. Yes, this can be messy, but it really helped us. I make sure to have a plan in place about exactly what he will be helping with. I make sure it's a quick meal so he can see instant results. I've gone so far as to let him crack eggs for french toast, let him stir pancake batter, pour cups of veggies into the soup, etc. Even if it's as simple as stirring something I've already prepared, then praising him for what a great meal he made... it really helps. He's 21 months now and loves to cook and watch other people cook. His favorite words are "cook" and "steamy hot." He also loves to pretend cook. He often makes eggs and soup using the wood chips at the playground. :)

2) We bought him one of these:
http://store.platinumgalleria.com/guidecraft-kids-kitchen...
I use this for #1 above, but also sometimes just give him a book or a toy to play with while I prepare a meal. I think it helps him stay involved in meal prep even if I don't have anything specific for him to do.

3) For awhile he only wanted berries. So finally I just started putting berries in other things I wanted him to eat, like whole grain pancakes. If he balks at it, I show him where the berry is and say, "don't you want that big blueberry?" or something. You could try putting his strawberries inside a peanut butter sandwich for instance. Sounds weird, but it might help him branch out.

4) My son loves to dip things. He loves tomato soup, so whenever I have something that I know he won't be thrilled about (spinach pies), I give him a bowl of tomato soup with it so he can dip. Miraculously, he eats almost anything he can dip.

5) I make a lot of little pies or pizza pocket type things in advance and freeze them. Then I just need to pop them in the oven 20mins or so before a meal. It's been a lifesave since my son is constantly on the go and I have no time to stop and make a real meal unless my partner is around to help out.

6) My son didn't eat meat in forever. He just spit everything out. Finally, a few weeks ago we were at a street fair and I got a pulled pork sandwich. He wanted some, so I offered a bite... he loved it. He ate about half my sandwich. I think it was just the novelty of getting food in this weird place for him.

7) A friend of mine also had the meat problem. A few days before their son's 2nd birthday, they started talking about the party and how fun it would be to see his friends, play in the pool, and have hamburgers. They kept talking it up, and on the day of his party, he woke up and was very excited and kept saying "hamburger, hamburger!" And at the party he ate a burger. So, building excitement I guess really helps.

8) Letting him feed himself was a big help too. You probably don't have this issue given your son's age. Even though my son makes a huge mess with even a simple finger food, we still let him take a stab at everything, even soup. It really helps him want to eat more or try more things.

9) I get recipes from parenting magazines and blogs. There are always things out there that I would never have tried on my own. Some have worked, some not so much. But it helps at least in terms of variance. I like to offer a wide range of food to see what interests him and what doesn't.
http://toddlermag.com/category/eat/ is a good one I like to use.

Those are all I can think of right now. Best of luck to you! I know how nerve wracking it can be to have a child who won't eat. You're doing great!

Here is my suggestion: stop making it into an issue. Your pediatrician does not seem concerned about his nutritional status so I assume weight, growth and development are fine.

I think your plan is great, just make healthy meals and snacks for your family, sit down to eat and let him choose what to eat from what is offered. Do not ask him to try, do not try to coerce him to eat anything, do not pay any attention to whether or what he eats from his plate.

Since he eats so little, try to mix some taste-neutral oil and some mild tasting veggies/fruit (babyjars) into the foods that he eats (yogurt, oatmeal) and stick with whole fat dairy to make his food nutritionally more dense and add calories. To spruce things up you can try adding some food coloring to dishes every now and then (green eggs and ham...) and let him and his sister help when you prepare the meals.

He has clearly found a way to control you and make sure mealtime revolves around him. I would definitely give it a try to ignore his eating behaviour altogether and see if that helps. He will likely throw a few fits, with having all the attention about food withdrawn from him, and he will try to test you, so be prepared! As long as his development is on target (and tantrums are part of it) I think your pediatrician is spot on in not trying to make this into an even bigger issue with more attention for him.

my daughter would drink before she would eat, so she got a lot of yogurt or fruit smoothies for a while. If your son drinks milk, maybe he'll drink these.

I also like pancakes - my daughter likes them, and we can make them even more tempting with butter and syrup. When i make them at home i use pureed squash, sweet potatoes, apples, bananas, etc (whatever i have) to boost the nutritional value of them.

I did go to an occupational therapist for my daughter. The advice was to keep giving her stuff, to let her play with it as much as possible, to make it as appealing as possible, and to stick with it. A year later she is actually eating pretty well (read: normal toddler eater). For breakfast and lunch we tend to give her something we are pretty sure she'll like, and for dinner she gets what we get. We are hoping, in this way, to expand her list of desired food over time. It works, but slowly. We always ask her to take to one bite - she has learned to do this pretty well, because she can't be don't until she does. After that we don't push it, but, we notice that she sometimes will like something, and then eat it the next time it comes up.

If your doctor isn't worried about your son's health, i wouldn't worry so much either. Kids are weird, and sometimes go through phases of little or a lot of eating. OTOH, seeing the OT was really important to my peace of mind, and it gave me a sense that everything WOULD be all right eventually if i just stuck with things, so i think it might be worth doing this for you.

ps. I also give my daughter multivitamins, to help fill in the gaps.

It does sound possible that your son suffers from sensory issues, which could make some textures and flavors most unappealing to him. Food allergies can sometimes cause kids to desire too much of the things they are most allergic to, and milk is a possibility. (I did this all the way into early adulthood before I discovered I did better without the milk I loved so dearly.)

Another real possibility is that he's sensitive to colors and preservatives in processed foods, which has been proven to cause hyperactivity and emotional symptoms in susceptible children. So if pirate booty (whatever that is) has artificial color, flavor or preservatives, you might notice an improvement in his moods just by eliminating that.

Overall, your plan sounds reasonable, except that it's going to require a rather abrupt change in your son's menu, which could potentially upset him both digestively and emotionally (especially if sensory issues are the underlying factor). If this occurs, you might first try substituting something smooth and bland, like a small omelet or fruit smoothie, for the morning snack, and give him a few days to adjust to that. You can even add fruit to omelets to make them like a dessert. Then go to lunch introductions, then dinner (or vice versa).

You imply that your little guy drinks quite a bit of milk at meals, since you mention cutting back to only one glass. If that's the case, he is apparently getting all the calories he needs, and plenty of protein, since his weight is normal. So getting all snack foods out of your house and gently coaxing him to eat one new food a week might get you where you are trying to go with somewhat less stress for you both.

I can certainly understand your anxiety. I would like to suggest, though, that your son may sense your stress around his eating, and this could be reflected in his own reluctance to taste foods you urge at him. If you can possibly bring yourself to try this, I would suggest that you stop trying to get him to eat for just a couple of days, and see what happens. Just offer the foods that you believe are healthy, and some of what you know he will eat. Then direct your attention elsewhere, perhaps to your own food, and give him some space to work it out. You might be surprised – this has worked well for other anxious families I've known.

Good luck. It's hard for you both to have a worry like this hanging over every meal.

My son was a picky eater (the white diet only please) most of his life. He is now 6'2". He was always in the 90% percentile in height and weight. So I was doing something right.

At your son's age, I offered him what we, as adults, ate for dinner. In small bites, not expecting him to eat a lot of it. If he ate it, good--if not he had chocolate milk before bed and then breakfast was next.

For lunch he loved yogurt, 1/4 peanut butter sandwiches--do not remove the crust. If he ate if fine, if not he had a healthy snack about 4:00 and that was it.

For breakfast he had homemade waffles, or pancakes. He loved breakfast and always ate it.

He was always picky and never ate his veggies--until he got married. His wife is a miracle worker.

Boys are picky. Your plan is good if you stick to it. My son never new ice cream or candy existed until he had a babysitter.

What he's eating now is a lot of simple sugar. That's just part of what fruit is. I'm not being critical, just observing. I'd start by adding in protein (cheese, beans, meat, tofu, egg, etc) with his current meals. Even just adding plain yogurt with his fruit will help. My daughter loves to dip anything so she dips fruit in plain yogurt somewhat regularly. If that works, try doing the same general thing with waffles or pancakes. Then you might be able to wrap a sausage link in a waffle. It's a stretch, but it might work. If you can get him to start eatting scrambled eggs or quesadilla, then you can start those simple and add in a little bit of veggies as he gets comfortable with it. It sounds like he does better with things that are simple and individual. Does that ring true? If so, stick with it. My daughter usually only eats 3 meals daily. Sometimes they're bigger, sometimes smaller. She rarely has a snack between meals, but is only awake for about 8 hours daily. She always has a sippy of water available but only has other fluids in her high chair. A couple things my vegetarian daughter loves:
quesadilla (tortilla, cheese, salsa, corn, beans)
pizza (english muffin, cheese, sauce)
egg (hard boiled)
egg (scramble with broccoli, edemame, corn, peas, cheese, etc)
mac and cheese (trader joe's organic with diced sausage)
sandwhich (peanut butter and banana or applesauce)
string cheese
cottage cheese (sometimes with fruit mixed in)
yogurt (plain for dipping or with fruit mixed in)
tofu (sliced in sticks, dipped in ketsup and/or ranch)
lasagna (polenta, sauce, ricotta, mozerella)
plain pasta without sauce (we like the rotinni or alphabet size)
frozen waffles (blueberry and vanilla are favorites)
soup (lentil or minestrone are favorites)
carrot juice mixed with cow milk (75% carrot, 25% cow)
any kind of fruit she can get!

a few things to remember.

1) a person will not starve themselves to death. At age 2 my son went 3 days without eating. He is now almost 5.

2) It can take over 15 exposures to new foods for kids to like or even try them. We have a mandatory "no thank you" bite rule in our house. If it's put on the plate you must take one bite. If you don't like it that is fine.

Other things to consider: Don't make food a stressor for you or your child. My niece has severe food anxiety at age 7. She only eats about 10 different foods and eats the same thing (ground turkey, canned green beans and 1/2 a banana) every night. If you merely suggest she try a new food she almost has a panic attack. Of course her mother plays into it too, but that's a different story.

Also try offering him choices. My son gets to pick what he wants for breakfast and lunch. He knows what the pre-approved choices are. Then he gets what we eat for dinner. Giving him more control over what he eats might help. Try getting him more involved in the shopping. Try farmer's markets or growing some of your own. We will have chicken stir-fry with vegetables and rice for dinner and my son will sit down and proclaim, "VEGETABLES!!" We asked him this morning why he likes vegetables. He said because they are "sweet (meaning good)" and because we grow so many of our own. Homegrown or farm fresh food does actually taste better.

Lastly, keep trying.

Hi B.,

First off, try to relax. If your son feels your stress at mealtimes, this could be stressing him out as well. Mealtimes should not be a battle and you should not force your kid to eat. Also, take a deep breath. If your son is eating, albeit not much but eating nonetheless, and getting enough nutrition to remain in the 50%-ile range on the growth chart. He's doing great! (My son was born around the 50% -ile range and dropped entirely off the charts around 1-yr so I understand how alarming a child not eating very much can seem.) If you trust your pediatrician, listen to him/her. If you don't go to another one and see if they can come up with anything.

Sounds like you've already heard the old 'kids are picky' line, but it's true. Since you're asking for more kid ideas, I'd recommend the First Meals cookbook by Annabel Karmel. I've also heard that Deceptively Delicious (by Seinfeld's wife) is pretty good although I have not used it myself. If you think you'd have a better chance getting your little one to eat a bit of the foods you prepare for yourself, make a bland version that isn't too spicy and offer him some.

Good luck.

Hi B.,
I have a now 4 year old who also is extremely limited on what he will eat. He has been diagnosed with ASD/Sensory Integration Disorder and food & eating are part of what is going on with his brain wiring. I am not suggesting that your son has any disorder, but since I have had some help from a few professionals on the subject of "picky" eating the following may be helpful.

Offer his milk or beverage toward the end of the meal. This will discourage him from filling up on liquid and ignoring actual food.

Consider doing a "therapeutic snack" with him. This entails offering a little of something he likes, followed by a little of something unfamiliar with similar characteristics. For example since he likes watermelon, give him one watermelon ball, followed by a honeydew ball. Make it a game. The idea is not to make him eat the new food but to interact with it. You want him to touch it, roll it around, get it to his lips. You play with the food along with him. There is a lot more to it than that but space is limited here. I am by no means an expert on this technique so feel free to research it further. Keep in mind that kids sometimes need 10-12 exposures to a new food before they will decide to try eating it.

Sit him at the dinner table with the rest of the family. Put some of what everyone else is eating on his plate (in addition to the food he will eat) and talk about the food while you eat. Comment on the saltiness, sweetness, crunchy texture, etc. Say what you like about the food. Give him a separate "no thank you" plate on which he can put the food he does not want to eat. This way he at least has to handle the food.

I really like The Baby Bistro Cookbook for kid friendly and family acceptable recipes. Granted that my picky eater has yet to try anything that I've made but I keep trying. The "when he gets hungry, he'll eat" approach has not worked for us, just leads to more frustration for all of us.

One more thing, for introducing sauces try ranch dressing first. I've been told that most parents go for ketchup first, but for kids who are apprehensive about food, ketchup is intimidating. When it is on their plate all they can see is that really red stuff!

Good luck with your son. It is a very frustrating problem to have and we've been fighting it since he was 14 months old, so I can identify. Feel free to contact me if you want to talk about it, get more resources, etc.

J.

My very best friend's son has Sensory Integration Dysfunction and will not eat anything unless it is dry and crunchy. It's a texture thing. If it gets really bad and he seriously will not eat, talk to your pediatrician. He may need feeding therapy... yes, there is such a thing. I know. I thought she was just over reacting, but when I saw how he would go nuts when she would try to feed him and would gag as she forced him to eat certain foods, I knew she wasn't losing her mind for no good reason. Your plan sounds like a great one. My two year old now has been very stubborn when it comes to eating and he does not have SID. I have some fights with him about what he is or isn't going to eat and he eventually gets the point. It's maddening any way you look at it. I feed him in courses. First, I give him what I want him to eat the most first with a small cup of water, sit with him until he gets it eaten to my satisfaction, then he may have treats (and at this point, his treats are fruit) and juice or milk. Hope that makes sense. Keep fighting the nutrition fight. It's worth it. You may be getting resistance from your pediatrician because some doctors simply don't believe in SID, that it is a "valid" disorder. Sometimes I've had to go around my pediatrician to get recommendations for my children from out-of-pocket evaluations before she will say "Ok, maybe you're not an over reactive mom, I'll give you the referral." Be persistant... it's your child.

I was surprised when my son really was more willing to eat things that he helped prepare, even eggs which he wouldn't swallow before.The sugar may seem minimal, but I would still encourage you to replace it with cut up fruit, a bit of vanilla, and/or a bit of cinnamon.

I was determined not to have a picky eater because I've spent a lot of time in developing countries and am convinced that picky eating is more culturally based than anything. However, as a parent, I recognize that these little ones have developing senses and get sensitive to things like smelling and tasting. And guess what, even with all that intellectual resolve, my son is still more picky than I'd like.

I've found when I'm really worried and motivated that he eat a variety of nutritious foods (I don't worry too much because I know at his daycare they have variety and fairly decent nutrition, though not as much *flavor* as I'd wish), that I can get him to eat a little more of foods that are purees or casseroles (harder in summer, when it's hot), that are not so much work to chew/eat, and by letting him have something at the table to play with or read (mostly we read together, but he chooses before we get to the table).

The fact that he is eating yogurt (which is kind of a a *superfood*) and is maintaining a good place in the weight charts is great. But I do agree with you that he may be getting too hungry and that is affecting his moods and behavior. I also know that kids will undereat for a variety of reasons and it is important to notice and address it. They may not feel well, and that may be physical or emotional. Our son's growth rate leveled off as a baby when we started him at a daycare where they didn't comfort him when he cried. So good for you that you are paying attention!

best wishes, and just keep trying!

My son pretty much only eats breakfast as well. To get him to eat more at other meals I use his milk as a treat - sort of dessert. They also really like to dip at this age so you may want to try apples dipped in peanut butter &/or honey, eggs or chicken dipped in ketchup, graham crackers dipped in peanut butter, veggies in ranch. Below are some other ideas that my 3 year old and 1.5 year old eat.

bagels & cream cheese
fishie crackers (the whole grain kind)
yogurt w/cheerios
fruit - blueberries, grapes, cherries, peaches, plums, oranges etc...
quesadillas w/refried beans
bean & cheese burritos
chips dipped in refried beans &/or guacamole
carrots & cucumbers with and without ranch
spinach ravioli (a favorite from costco)
salmon or chicken cut up very small mixed with rice a roni
Pasta Roni shells & white cheddar
pasta w/red sauce
homemade pizza (boboli crust) I chop up red peppers and hide them in the pizza (and in a lot of other food)

Take a look at this book:
"Food Chaining: The Proven 6-Step Plan to Stop Picky Eating, Solve Feeding Problems, and Expand Your Child’s Diet"
The book starts with the overview of potential medical issues that cause picky eating--allergies, sensory issues, others. It's a useful read even for the sake of ruling out any medical problems.
I would encourage you to go to a food clinic, if you think it would help. Pediatricians don't know everything and you know your child best. Our pediatrician once advised us to cut back on milk when our son was a toddler (believing that less liquid would lead to more solid food). Well, our son just stopped eating and started losing weight fast. And yes, if there is a medical problem, then the child can starve.
We worked with our pediatrician on trying to find a cause for our son's picky eating and when the pediatrician ran out of ideas, he gave us a referral to OHSU for evaluation. They did a very thorough evaluation (3+ hours) with several different specialist, including a feeding specialist to see if there were any physical impediments to chewing, swallowing, etc. This was extremely helpful. Once we identified the cause we could start working on a solution.
Another food for thought--some pediatricians are reluctant to recommend tests/treatments that are not covered by insurance (or are likely to be denied by insurance).

I'm with ya....

My two year old eats ONLY the following: cinnamon bread, apple cinnamon or cinnamon roll oatmeal, bananas, PB&J, crackers, key lime or lemon yougert, instant breakfast with whole milk(for vits and minerals)and thats it. we have tried new foods feeding only what is for dinner ect.. and still this is it. all meals are what are we going to feed him?? its always the same foods even tho we add what we are eating he says eww and throws a tantrum.

Im at my wits end as well but don't know what else to do and have never had a kid this picky.

I feel for ya and have no advice since I'm in the same boat.

hopefully you can get some anwsers =]

have you tried the kid tv type meals? Maybe letting him pick out a few from the colorful array on the shelf. Or a special plate that is just his, his favorite color or shape. Good luck, V.

I think that a yogurt and oatmeal is probably a lot to eat at one meal. My son has that for breakfast occasionally - and then won't eat much the rest of the day. Maybe cut that portion down a little. I understand your frustration, but would not cut the milk (unless you are giving calcium and vitamin d supplements). Also, I don't think that foods are kid friendly or not - I think that all foods can be appetizing for kids...My son loves tofu sliced up, waffles, palenta, sushi rolls, all kinds of fruit and dried fruit...kids can be picky, but keep introducing and don't worry so much - he isn't going to starve himself, for real, and the size of a 3 year olds stomach is pretty small.

Keep it to normal foods. I knew a mother that resorted to double dip icecream because her child "needed the fat". That kid would eat 1 box of mac and cheese for an entire weekend. She also lost 5lbs one week because she refused to eat.
I don't believe in "Kid Food". Feed him whatever you are eating. Don't talk about it, don't cajole, beg, or coerce, just eat. So much of "kid friendly food" is full of sugar and fillers. My kids eat whatever they are given. Their favorite veggies are: Spinach, peas, greenbeans, and squash.
If he begins to lose weight take him back to the Doctor. As long as he continues to grow and stays right in the middle, I wouldn't worry overly much. Just try to change the habits.
Good luck! I know you can do it!

Glad you got some answers and that in your case you can adjust his diet and see some results. Isn't it amazing that kids innately know what they should eat?

Aside from food allergies and sensitivities, I wonder how many picky eaters were on an all commercial baby food diet. Wonder if there is a study out there. It would be fun to see how many "real" food puree eaters are picky after the baby food stage vs. commercial jar baby food eaters. Either way is healthy, but for taste buds, I wonder if it makes a difference. Does anyone have a theory? Maybe I'll post a question and see the results.

Hi B.!
I don't know if you have tried this or if it will work for you, but I tried it years ago with my boyfriend's daughter. She was a pretty picky eater too. I started giving her a choice between two options (say a grilled cheese or a pbj). That worked for a little while, she liked the fact that she got to choose. But when that stopped working, I started having her help me "cook" in the kitchen, you know stirring mashed potatoes or picking which veggie to make with dinner, stuff that she could do to help. She loved it, and although there were still certain foods she wouldn't eat, she ended up trying almost everything (she didn't eat everything but she sure did try a larger variety of foods) that she helped me cook and every time mealtime came around she would get excited! Like I said, I'm not sure if this will help you at all, or work for you, but I do know that it ended up being the creative solution I needed. I hope it helps you as much as it did me.
J. T.

Good for you that you haven't given him pasta, meat, bread, cheese! (I think rice would be fine if it's whole-grain). It sounds like you're a really good mom and you're on the right track. I understand your concerns, but I hope that out of desperation you won't now start giving him bread/pasta/cheese or sugar either - there are many kids who will eat only those things, once they get started on them - they can be quite addictive. And personally I'd eliminate the other dairy products too (milk and yogurt) (see notmilk.com for info about how harmful cow's milk products are for humans, especially children). (You may get flak from other people including your doctor about this, but I'd suggest that you research the subject well to find out the truth - there is a lot of really strong dairy industry propaganda out there). If you offer him only really healthy foods (ideally organic, fresh, and raw or lightly cooked), available to him whenever he wants and as much as he wants, he will soon begin to select a balanced diet of exactly the foods his body needs (which may vary from day to day), and he will learn how to be in tune with his body's needs, which will be a huge blessing for him for his whole life. I'd suggest fruits, avocados, cucumbers, carrots, celery, tomatoes, sprouts, greens, and nuts/seeds (which could be in the form of butters or milks). A good salad dressing could help him love salad too. Dips like bean dip or hummus go well with carrots/cukes/celery etc (or you can make your own raw dips with sunflower seeds and your favorite flavorings). Yummy smoothies can be made with nut or seed milks, with fruit, greens etc (this can be a way to get him to eat greens if he doesn't like them plain). Most people eat way too much protein, so cow's milk is not at all necessary for that, and it's not a good source of calcium either - nuts and seeds and greens are much better sources. Of course you and the rest of the family will need eat only healthy foods too - so he doesn't see you eating the unhealthy foods and want them too! And one more thing - making eating fun could help - play with your food! like making animals out of the food etc. Good luck!

Hi B.,
I thought my son was picky! Yours eats less than mine but the difference is that yours has maintained his place at 50%, where as mine is barely on that chart at all. I can get him to eat a fairly good variety but only a small amount of anything and he never devours a meal the way his sister did at the same age, it always takes alot of effort and encouragement. He is 2.5 and she is 3.5. She used to eat EVERYTHING in HUGE amounts to the point I was thinking she had the opposite problem, but when she turned 3 she started eating less and being more particular so I think that fussy eating and smaller appetite comes with the terriotory of a 3 yr old. However oatmeal and a few strawberries and bites of water melon and a glass of milk all day would concern me too. That sounds a little at the extreme end of the spectrum if that's really all he will ingest.
A few responders commended you with not feeding him bread, meat, pasta etc but I am hearing that its not that you don't offer him them, but that he has never eaten them cos he won't. You would probably love it if he ate a p&j sandwich am I right?
You got some great suggestions for nutritious and tempting meals and snacks and you seem to have a strong resolve to offer only these options. And then he will get it that food tastes good and he will eat it right? Thing is I'm sure you have already tried many times to give him perfectly good tasting food and he won't. So why would any elaboration change this?
He simpy doesn't have an appetite; a desire or an ability to take in the outside world (food). That's why several responders replied who have children with Sensory Integration Disorder. SID is an extension of that - they have trouble "ingesting and processing" anything outside themselves, not just food, but stimuli too. But they all related to the food issue cos that's a big one.
I'm not saying your son has SID. I wouldn't know. But I'm studying Chinese Medicine at NCNM here in Portland and all the docs tell us over and over that the 3 indications of health are to sleep well, eat well and poop well, especially in children. Appetite for food and life is why we live and thrive. The good sign is that he is a healthy weight. There are 5 elements recognised by Chinese Medicine as being the governing forces in nature and the human body, water, wood, fire, earth and metal. Earth is responsible for appetite but also for building flesh and muscle. So I am guessing that his earth element is out of balance (and this could be for many reasons), but not too much, otherwise he would be skinny too. So here's my left field recommendation. There's a Chinese Medicine practitioner called David Berkshire who is recognised as one of the best in his field here in Portland AND he specialises in pediatrics along with the mental emotional realm (in Chinese Medicinem lack of appetite at a young age would regarded as mental emotional not just physical). His specific style lends itself to children, plus he adopted an infant daughter with a host of health issues so he's been through it all using Chinese Medicine. He has a huge heart and offers his services on a sliding scale. I think the scale starts at $50 for a visit. He trusts that you will pay what you can honorably affored and that's all he asks. But you will have to do more than once. This medicine is gentle and needs repetition to remind the body of its true self.
His clinic is called Kwan Yin Healing Arts and its on NW 23rd and Flanders. I really encourage you to look him up. It doesn't sound like offering new food ideas is going to change your little guys attitude to food, more likely it might end in a battle. Something deeper has to change. And BTW I am not invested in drumming up business for David Berkshire, he is very busy, there will probably be a wait list. I just want to offer you another option that might address the root of the problem.
Apologies for the long explanation!
All the best
Helen
PS if you do go to David, I would really love to hear if it makes a difference or not. I have a strong and passionate belief in this medicine that wants to be confirmed or kept in check! I want to know what works cos when I graduate I want to be able to help others too, especially our little ones

If you're concerned about protein and calorie intake, maybe add yogurt as something to dip fruit into--a little yogurt cup with his fruit. A restaurant in the town I live in serves a little cup of yogurt with a fruit plate, and my nephew loves dipping his own fruit in his yogurt. I know this is just adding something that's already in his diet, but at least it would be more of it?

Good luck,
S

Here are somethings I did for my son when he was a toddler.

Hard boiled eggs - He might only eat the "whites" but thats ok at least he is eating something. Let him use the egg slicer to slice them.

Thinly sliced sandwich meat like the ones in the plastic bags like I think it's called "Budgi" or something and another called "Deli Slices" with a thin spread of cream cheese then roll them up.

I also have a Snack Master and I would (and still do and my boys are 18, 19 & 20 now) cook up sausage links......cut them in half and mix up some pancake batter ...pour it in to the snack master then put a half sausage in each well cover and cook. He can eat it like that or pour a little bit of syrup in a small bowl or cup and let him dip the sausage pancake. I go to URM and buy the little syrup cups you get at restaurants....these things are great as my boys grab them toss them in the microwave and then head out the door to work. I make about 40 or 50 at a time and put them in freezer bags in the freezer.

Offer a spoonful of cottage cheese with his strawberries,

Crackers with cheese spread or peanut butter

Scrambled eggs with a slice of toast..if he knows the "Green eggs and ham story" yes you can even make green eggs :-)..........I also would make colored mashed potatoes...I'd let him pick the color. Doesn't take but a few drops and doesn't change the taste at all.

Take a slice of bread and take a glass and cut the center out....butter well and break an egg into the center of the bread and fry up.

Take two small tortilla shells and spread with cream cheese and sliced strawberries. Place the other on top and cut into wedges.

Finger foods through out the day are a good way to get him to eat. Make it fun & colorful.

I would give him milk with breakfast .....and up until noon......then juice after noon...NOT koolaid or soda........through out the day then dinner time he got Milk again and for the rest of the night...I only used whole milk as it is important in the development of their brain...

His schedule was

8:00 breakfast.......10:30 a small snack like a couple slices of fruit or a few crackers, and juice...12:30 a small lunch ....he would fall asleep for a nap shortly after ....then when he got up.....I gave him like a fruit roll up or something......then at 5 or 6 was dinner..& at 3yrs he had what ever it was that we were having....7:00 was bath......8 was a small snack...popcorn usually then bed no later than 9. It seemed like he at a lot but it really wasn't that much. I've heard their portions should be only about the size of "their" fist. I don't know if I ever went by that but that sounds about right. He would go through stages where he wouldn't eat hardly anything at all. I too was concerned and his doctor said to me not to worry he will eat when he is hungry and wont let himself starve.

Use your imagination and be creative, have fun and try to sit down and eat with him....no one likes to eat alone....not even toddlers.

It sounds like you have a good plan. Don't forget to use nutrient rich foods like mangoe, fatty foods like avocado and alternate sources of protein like black beens or hummus. My daughter likes beans and hummus so some days it helps round out the meal. Hard boiled eggs may also make a good, simple snack made of protein.