I was wondering what strategies others have used to teach their children to appreciate what they have. My girls (15 & 12) sometimes express how they feel shorted. This is a real insult to me as I spend a great deal of time providing for their needs and wants.
Recently I woke up with the stomach flu so my husband told them that they would need to make their own lunch that morning. When I got up neither of them even acknowledged me. They did not ask how I felt, they just seemed irritated that they had to make their own lunch!
In other instances I have heard them complain about not being able to go on a trip with my husband and I. (which we usually do once or twice a year) Last month when we told them that we were planning an adult trip to Las Vegas their response was "what about us". Every year we take them on a week to two week vacation including flight and resort, yet they feel left out or disadvantaged.
I can go on with examples but I'm sure you get the picture. These situations leave me feeling that they do not appreciate what they have. I'd really like to change this before they become adults!!
I agree with Molly to give them more responsibility. Also I would share with them (factually, not like a martyr) that it hurts your feelings that they do not seem to care when you are sick. They love you, so they will probably respond to that.
Don't take their behavior personally, just keep trying to teach them the correct way to treat people. That's our job as parents.
Hi D.,
I know your pain and can relate to exactly what you are saying. My daughter is now 24 years old. Although years have pasted, my daughter and I talk often about those times. One of the most important lessons that she taught me was that while I felt she was ungrateful at times, that was really not her intent. We as mothers tend to be overly sensitive to the smallest comments our girls make. One of the things that I did that really seemed to help was to try and get into her mind. Find out what she is going through. Don't forget where your head was at that age. My daughter had it all. She lead a privileged life. We can't hold over their heads what we give them.
I was determined to not loose my daughter to this age. You will need to do individual things with each girl. It is not about vacations or what you do or don't give them. It's about the one on one time with each of them. All the THINGS in the world can't replace the special time that you share one on one. If this is done, you will find out things about their lives and what they are dealing with on a day to day basis. If you show real care and concern so will they.
This is a time that has to happen. There is no getting around it. Try to embrace it with them. Hang on to them tight no matter how hard it might be. When they act like brats, I know it is hard to do, but you will need to stop what you are doing and ask them directly why they said that to you. Ask them why they felt like you deserved a comment like that. You must be able to tell them that their comments make you fell bad. It is so much easier to just listen to their bad mouthing, throw a snotty comment back at them and walk away. But don't let that happen. Stop them in their tracks. Take the time to talk to them. This age will pass, and if you show them that you care they will let you in. If they let you in your relationship with them will only get better. But you are the one who needs to reach out to them. Alone, quite time is the key.
Good luck to you and your girls. Try to get into their life as much as possible.
L.
Mommy of a very nice 24 year old girl
D.,
Set them up to volunteer!!(women's shelter,animal shelter etc. to gain some responsibility and learn to appreciate what they have....)
It sounds like they are both in the very selfish stage of being a teenager~! Try not to take it to heart when they act immature or say things like that.A lot of kids don't think before they say things and are really not trying to hurt you, they just are thinking of themselves and what they want. Instead, give them more responsibility for the things you do for them. Why are you making their lunch for them? They are 12 and 15? They are totally capable and should have that responsibility. Start there, as for the trips----kindly remind them that they do go on vacations as a family with you and as parents you need a break too--your trip with your husband is for that purpose. I would also express to them your feelings of being appreciated--maybe if they are more aware, they will remember to be more sensitive. Good luck!!
Molly
I recommed getting them involved in volunteer work. Could also be something you do as a family.
