Let It Go or Not?

It depends on how you think she will react. You know her; is this her normal behavior, being mean and accusatory? If it is, there's not much point in a confrontation (there isn't much point in confrontation anytime). Your HUSBAND should tell his mother that she can't come because this is between the two of you. And, although I hope your baby is healthy (and I'm sure it will be!), if, God forbid, something is wrong, and it shows in the ultrasound, do you really want her there to accuse you? Let your husband reign in his mother. You stay out of it.

My mother-in-law says things to me like that and it used to really get under my skin. Then I finally realized that I can let her get to me or I can speak my mind back and not let her get under my skin. So if I don't like what she has said I will say something like "That is a very hurtful thing to say to me." That really makes them feel guilty but you aren't being mean back just explaining that what she says is hurtful. It works best when I say that in front of my husband or father-in-law. Mother-in-laws just have a weird way of thinking no wife can do as much or as good for their son or grandkids as they can and they will let you know it.

If it really means a lot to your husband then I would tell him to call and tell it is ok but he would appreciate if she would apologize for hurting your feeling with the coffee comment.

I see you've received lots of good advice so I'm just going to add that having a baby is an intimate experience between you and your husband. This is not a place for a MIL. She can share in your joy by the pictures. Even the best moms I know haven't gone to this appt with their daughter. I would say keep it between the two of you. And I PROMISE that a baby would NOT be a miscarriage due to coffee. Listen to your doctor, not the mean MIL. She needs to think about your feelings, not hers. Good luck and I hope you find comfort in this website and the advice. :)

Wow. First of all, bless you for your patience. You must be amazing to have to deal with that. I am very fortunate to have a wonderful MIL, however, if I was faced with your situation, I would kindly speak to my hubby and ask him to tell his mother that this is a very special time for YOU and HIM and that you'd prefer to go on this very important appointment by yourselves (or as a family, meaning, with your 5 year old son). Any person, MIL or not, with any common sense, should not even ask to go on a doctors appointment unless they were invited anyway! Perhaps she means well, and perhaps she didn't even know about what she asked (regarding your story before) and how hurtful it was, but I'd calmly put your foot down and not worry about it again. PS Your hubby can give his mother a call after the appointment. I'm sure there's no harm in having her wait a few extra minutes afterall. Good luck to you and congrats!

I would explain to your husband that you want his family to share in your wonderful experiance, but could he talk to his mother about her comments and how they have hurt your feelings. If she becomes defensive or won't agree to it then don't invite her. When you have the sonogram pictures of your beautiful baby, just have your husband take them over to show her, so you won't have to deal with the stress.

i would definantly tell her how you feel!!! Make sure your husband knows about it as well. My MIL was not always so nice to me at first, and I kept letting it slide until one day I blew up at her and my hubby, which only caused more stress. Anyway, it has been about 2 years since she has said anything hurtful and we are pretty good friends now.

What an awful, hurtful thing for your MIL to say. I hope your doctor assured you that it wasn't anything that you did. Your ultrasound is the first time that you get to see your baby and it should be shared with your immediate family, your MIL can view the pictures later.

I personally would have a conversation with your husband then MIL and let her see how her comment was viewed. I doubt that you will change her but maybe she will be more aware the next time she says something hurtful, maybe not.

PS - congratulations and take care

Hi, J.. I am sorry your MIL said such a hurtful and tactless thing to you. I am hoping that you received good news today. If she did attend with you today, I hope she was a quiet supporter. God Bless.

Depends, is it typical of her to TRY to hurt you? Maybe thats just some old wives tale and she honestly thought she was trying to help. In which case, you can just know she doesnt know what shes talking about, say thanks for the suggestion, Ill ask the dr and blow it off. If shes typically vindictive, then I'd talk to my husband and tell him to control his mother's mouth or she wont be involved with you or your children. So sorry for your losses, that hurt and fear, on top of preganancy hormones might be making you hyper sensitive....not that it wasnt an insensitive remark, but maybe she thought she was helping. Big hugs, may the rest of this pregancy be healthy and boring

You need to sit your MIL down & tell her how you feel & let your doctor tell her that the coffee didn't do it. I know how it is to have a MIL that puts her nose in your personal business & it's better you tell her now & get it out of the way & IF she doesn't respect you then....cut her off!

J....obviously, this is a difficult thing to let go and I do not believe you have let it go yet.

Of course you need to say something to her. Perhaps the best way would be (only face to face) to approach her with how you have noticed people offering advice on your pregnancy/miscarriage without that advice being solicited. When she asks you what you mean, point out her indiscretion. Let her know how much that hurt you. Then tell her this is a time of joy for you and your husband and no one is going to take that away from you.

Best of luck.

PS Coffee?? Get real, MIL. Women in her day and age, smoked like chimneys and drank like fish when they were pregnant.

At this point, I would just let it go...too much time has passed. But in the future I wouldn't let her say hurtful things to you and not say anything back. After all you are the mother of her grandchildren, she should respect you!!
Take care and good luck!
V.