Letting My 9 Month Old "Cry It Out"

After reading your response, it's pretty clear that you are stressed out. We all have our moments, but with all due respect, I don't think that anyone called you crazy, or told you that you are sick. Yes, you asked "how long", and you got diverse responses (which is what happens on a discussion board). Some of those responses were from moms who have the opinion that any amount of time is too long. That's your answer. We took time out of our day to answer your question to help you, and I think it's pretty foul of you to name call and punish moms for doing that. If you didn't want all responses, then maybe you should have considered specifying that since you think it's fair to "go off" on people for giving you an answer to the question you asked. You did not tell anyone in your original question that you were letting him cry for any certain amount of time, so no one told you that you were sick for letting your child cry for "fifteen minutes". Obviously you feel pretty guilty about the way your handling your child, because the accusations your fighting are not accusations you got here. They must have come from your conscience. No one here said that you were "cruel" for how you choose to parent your child. Take your guilt issues up with yourself next time.

Who is to say what's "right" or "wrong". I get so many opinions, and read so much conflicting research. It's just up to us as moms to do what feels right, after educating ourselves on the different views and suggestions. I go with the flow. There's no routine, other than my daughter USUALLY sleeps through the night, and I USUALLY do not feed her if she wakes up after 1am, because I don't want her getting in the habit of waking up in the middle of the night to eat. Also, because I don't want her to associate food too strongly with comfort, due to some childhood obesity literature that I read. Also, if she wants to sleep in my bed with me, I let her. Some nights she insists, and some nights she's content in her own crib. I am not an advocate of "cry it out". It just feels so wrong to me, and anything that feels that wrong, cannot be right in my book. I know some people say you shouldn't get your baby in the habit of being rocked to sleep, but I always rock mine to sleep and like I said, she USUALLY sleeps through the night.

Why not just comfort your son when he is clearly very upset and needs you? Why on earth would you stand back and allow your child to become so upset? You say "I know I gotta do this sooner or later" but this is simply not true. You need never leave a baby to cry. Crying is supposed to be horrible to listen to. There is a REASON it's so difficult to leave your child when he is so upset. You are supposed to be there to comfort and care for your child. Please do the right thing.

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Hi C., I am no expert at all. I just try to treat my LO as I would want to be treated. I would think of what he is experiencing and how you as his momma can connect and help him sleep. What is your intuition telling you?

If he is crying or screaming have you considered that possibly: Maybe he is uncomfotable? Hungry? Thirsty? Needs another hug? Maybe his pjs itch. Maybe he is coming down with a cold? or is his room hot? He is so young, too young to tell you. His crying just his way of trying to tell you something.

I received great insight and support from:
www.ahaparenting.com
"No Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley

HTH. GL. Jilly

Know why your baby is waking multiple times in the night? Because he doesn't know how to sleep because he has never been taught! And he could be hungry! 9 months is classic growth spurt time. Or he could be hitting milestones. That will disrupt sleep too. But he has no foundation that he can rely on for sleep and what to do when it's time to sleep.

I think a better approach would be to learn about infant sleep and how to teach an infant to sleep. Leaving them to cry does NOT teach them to sleep but it does flood their system with stress hormones, raise their blood pressure and tells them that no one will come when they call. Not the kind of night I want for my little ones.

I highly recommend Dr. Sears Baby Sleep Book, The Baby Whisperer and The No-Cry Sleep Solution. I was able to learn a lot about baby sleep along with tips and tricks to help baby learn to sleep. Because babies have to be taught to sleep. They don't automatically know how! I was able to use the info in those books to put together a sleep routine that worked for my family without leaving my little one to scream while I stood on the other side of the door and watched a clock rather than respond to my infant's needs.

My thought is if I can "fix" something without my little one crying, then I'd rather do it that way. I look at it as the goal is being him sleeping through the night. Crying it out is a way to get there. I can find other ways to get there without the crying part, so I use those.

Pantly, Sears & Hogg as suggested below are good. Another one is Kurcinka's "Sleepless in America". You should be able to find all of them at the library and then can sift through them to find what will work for you.

Good luck! We went through phases of good sleep then it crapped out, off and on until about four years old. It's so aggravating that the little ones change and what used to be fine now needs help again.

Everybody will have an answer for you, a story to share, an idea. There are so many who are "experts" on the topic of sleep habits, the problem is they are experts with their own kids. There are people who are super opinionated about cry it out while others turn up their noses. The thing to remember is that you have to find a solution that works for you and your baby. Whatever you chose as long as you're loving him, will work out. Keep in mind at 3am that you won't be holding him and consoling him to sleep at 16. So hang in there! Take all the advice you get with a grain of salt and see where you go.

That being said, I'll share with you what worked in our house. I found the Baby Whisperer book hugely helpful! She's certainly not claiming to be the expert on all things baby, but her suggestions which lend to all sorts of parenting methods worked wonders for us and helped to rectify poor sleep habits. If I were to say anything to you, is pick up the book and have a look at it. It's worth a try.

Also keep in mind, kids change patterns change and they'll keep changing. They get sick and need more from you (naturally) you need to give it, when they're better it takes a bit to get a routine back. No routine is impossible to break, just be consistant and loving and patient (which is hard when you're exhausted) and you'll figure it out.

Good luck and let us know how it goes!

It's definitely your choice to have your baby in your bed, but the inconsistency of your bed, his crib is probably contributing to his crying. Consitency and routine are key for babies. So, just make your decision, one way or the other, and stick by it. If you choose to have him in his own crib, he will have to get reacquainted with his crib and sleeping there which will mean some crying at first, but it will improve- go in every 10 minutes, speak a few words of comfort so he hears your voice, and hopefully he'll succomb to sleep without too much crying. Hope it gets better! Good Luck! : )

Hi C., Taking him to your bed was not a good idea, he's probably waking up crying cause he knows he's going to be picked up, I always rocked my baby's/toddlers to sleep and them laid them down, I checked on them a few times in the night but never picked them up. they slept through the night from 6 weeks on. I just touched on this with another mama, to many parents today are being controlled by the crying of their child. I don't don;t call it CIO leaving the child in their crib, I call it early discipline, so many habits are being formed with baby's/toddlers these days because of their crying. If you know they are sick you can not ignore them, BUT you have to be careful not to create any bad habits for them while they are sick. Bed time is bed time. I hope this helped some. No mom wants to hear their baby cry, but sometimes they just have to cry. J.