Life Is Out of Control

Go buy the book THE TOTAL MONEY MAKE OVER by Dave Ramsey.
The book is full of common sense and as long as you stick to your budget and follow the steps you will truly get yourself out of debt and learn to save money...it has truly made my life less stessful and it is great seeing your success every month.
As for you, I am sorry to say but maybe you yourself do need to get a job for a little while. Places can not not hire you because you are pregnant. Maybe you can get a job in retail at night or on the weekends when your husband can stay home with the kids, then you won't have to worry about daycare costs. Until you guys are out of debt and stress free you will not be happy and your marriage will suffer.

You will get nowhere if you are arguing. You may need to go to a regular counselor (not financial one) to help the two of you sort this out. If you two are to the point of him saying that to you, then you guys are way too stressed out and need help. As for the money, it only gets better if both of you sell whatever and cut back on everything big and little. I hope you realize how very many people wish they had made $60,000 last year!! You are very lucky to have earned that. The two of you need to get this sorted out fast because you do not need all of this stress with a new blessing coming soon!

First of all, you are not a stay at home mom if you are a sub teacher. You are a hard worker and you really are joining the rest of this world in that so many of us have financial problems, job losses and downsizing on income or jobs. Obviously your mortgage is first. And if you have a second mortgage that is even more first than the second one. And then you can work out other payments and drop things that are not necessary. Really. Call the companies you owe bills on. If you have charge cards you of course always want to try and get to those as the late fees add up. Even mortgages have grace periods, but the late fees are there but in most cases do not go on credit reports and interest isn't added to them. (Hate to admit it, but we have some of those). Next pay your utitilities as best you can. Call them if you want to work out a specific arrangement. If you are shopping a lot for clothes and things that are just good old fun, now's the time to discover the second hand shops, the libraries for borrowed books and movies and your little neighborhood for walks. You may not get rid of your debt for a long time, but you will have some sanity. OH please enjoy your family and your pregnancy. I have a son in the service I miss so much and I had uterine cancer and a hysterectomy. I will never even be able to dream about having another baby. But I am a survivor. We are handling our debts just like I advised you and you will get through it. Your family is more important. You and your husband can try to be creative about how this will all work out. Give it a try.

Oh man, do I feel your pain. We had our second baby in February, I was laid off in March, my mother passed away in May, my husband’s overtime at work got completely cut and my husband’s ex sued us just recently on top of it. So I know EXACTLY what you’re going through.

Here are a couple of thoughts I had. Since you were a sub, could you tutor from your home? Especially since you have connections with teachers and schools, maybe you can partner with them to recommend children to your services. Also, I know you make about $100/party that you have with Pampered Chef. That’s not bad money. A couple parties a month could really help out and because it’s your own business, the tax benefit is huge (many many things are tax write offs such as part of your mortgage, your car, your cell phone, etc) and it won’t matter if you’re pregnant in that case. Also, I know several women who are making pretty good money with companies like Mary Kay or Arbonne.

One point your husband has to come to terms with is that you have another baby on the way and no matter what he has to support you in this. There is no need to put any pregnant woman through any more stress than what’s absolutely necessary. You guys have to come together and be a team on this. Every week you should aside time to sit together and do the bills. This situation is not going to go away on its own and if either of you are not facing the music, it will only get worse and bigger things can happen like losing your house. This situation is a call to action and it needs to be done. He needs to gather himself and you need to be in this together 100%. Even if it’s stressful, it will only get worse if he’s not onboard. Also, he needs to understand you returning to work means childcare costs and unless you’re going to make $50 or even $60K+, affording good childcare for 2 or then 3 kids will be very difficult for you. We have 2 children and I’m returning to work fulltime. I found a DCFS licensed woman who does it out of her house and we will be paying $1300/month and she’s on the less expensive side! A daycare center will run you $2K+/month. So throwing it in your face to just get a job is not a logical answer at this point. I think doing something for yourself that capitalizes on your skills is a great idea. He’s just speaking out of frustration but he should look at the facts. You have to justify the cost of returning to work – childcare, gas, driving time, clothes for work, dry cleaning the clothes, extra food expenses, tolls if you get to work on the highway – there are so many things to take into consideration. I think a good, long conversation about this is in order so he can support you and instead of lashing out at you

Have you considered home daycare? When I was a SAHM I was able to contribute to our income and be home for my kids this way. There is a huge need for for this service. I got my referrals through the contacts at my kids school(staff and other moms).

You are not alone, and the counselor is right. Many people make only half of what you have now. My husband used to make $100K, now he only takes home about $40K. We have 3 kids (9, 6, and 19 mos), so working is not really an option for me. Child care cost much more than my salary :(
First thing we do is cut the spending. We cannot do anything about the mortgage, and try to keep the car. But slash down everything else. We cook more, instead of eating out. We managed to spend only $50/wk for grocery by buying only what's on sale, and about $100/mo for other things such as diapers, etc. We use coupons and take advantage of discount everytime we can. Try to purge also, donate and sell things that we don't need. My friend just sell one of their car last week. Not making any profit, but at least they don't have monthly payment anymore and less car insurance. Smart move, I think. We don't go out as much, gas can also add up to the expenses. Every little things, every penny counts.
Then we put all of our debt in one credit card with the lowest interest rate and pay the minimum monthly payment. The rest of the other credit card we use every month, we pay in full. We try not to incur any new debt. Or just use cash, you'll stop when you don't have anymore cash. With credit card, we really have to have a strong self-control.
You can also try to find a support/small group at church. We take turns watching the kids if someone need to go to work. Or we help each other with things that need to be fixed. That way we can save the money and use it for something else.
I agree with someone who mention Dave Ramsey book. We use it also, along with the money map. It's not easy, but not impossible. There are some sacrifices to make, but without reducing our quality of life. There's always an alternative. Now also the perfect timing to teach our children the value of money. We buy what we need, not what we want. And shop smart, clothing doesn't have to be branded, or buy branded clothing at goodwill or other second hand store. Same quality, but cost a lot less. They are happy just biking around the neighborhood. We rent movie (you can even sign up for free trial for free), make a microwave popcorn, and have a movie night. We bake brownie together, and get ice cream from the grocery instead :)
You can do it ! Just do what God wants us to do, and let Him take care of the rest.

I just wanted to correct something in another posting. Someone said that your pregnancy would be considered a pre-existing condition if you got a new job, but that is incorrect, pregnancy is not considered a pre-existing condition. It would be covered, but you probably will not have worked long enough to qualify for FMLA, so you would only receive whatever short term disability coverage you qualify for in the job.

You could also consider temping, just to cover some bills, assuming you have someone that can take care of your boys, or look for a retail position that you can work in the evenings. You may not get any paid leave with a retail job, but you would have more flexible hours and they will soon be hiring seasonal help, so they may not mind that you will need to be off after the holidays are over. Also, you mention that you have been substitute teaching, perhaps you could tutor in the evenings or take another child in during the day as a daycare provider.

This is a tough time, but I think that you are right to want to pay your mortgage, you definitely don't want to lose your home.

Good Luck,
D.

As far as getting a job while preggers... It is illegal for your employer to ask you and more illegal for them to not hire you for it. There is nothing dishonest about not telling them. If you found a job with benefits it would be considered a preexisting condition and would not be covered but FMLA makes it possible for you to keep your job while on maternity leave and whatnot.
I was a stay at home mom who's hubby refused to go to work. I had no choice. It was the best thing I had ever done in my life!!! I found it to be empowering, I was doing something to help MY situation.
Get a job, you will feel better, there will be less tension. He will see that you are pitching in.

In my situation I ended up leaving him and supporting my 4 kids on MY own. It doesn't sound like your situation is anywhere near that but, I do think you will feel better if you feel like part of the team!

Good Luck!

For insurance purposes pregnancy would be considered pre existing...not for employment purposes... geez nit picker