Like Clock Work There My Husband Ex Goes ....

Take it from someone who has been there - don't borrow trouble. You can imagine all kinds of wild plots and schemes and motives for her craziness but until she actually takes action, there's not point in getting worked up over what may or may not happen. If he gets served with papers and has to go to court, he goes. There's nothing you or he can do to prevent that. If his custody order says that she can't move out of state, she won't be allowed to move. If she can't afford to support herself, then your husband can petition for full custody so that she can keep her expenses down and only worry about supporting herself.

She said that she has to move due to financial reasons and wants you to take her daughter temporarily. Do that, of course, but make sure that the change in living arrangements is documented. If she makes a move quickly you probably won't be able to make it to court before that happens but you can draw up a document called a "stipulation of the parties" that is signed and notarized by both her and your husband that will list the date of the transfer of custody. When we did this for 6 months when my SD was in Kindergarten my husband continued to pay child support but her mother paid it right back to us, which was faster than trying to get the order suspended through court. We did this again when she "temporarily" moved in with us 2.5 years ago, before her mother moved out of state and disappeared. Without this notarized stipulation, having the change in custody recognized and child support order/enforcment stopped would have taken a lot longer than it did.

Courts are not as stupid as you seem to think they are. "Self imposed poverty" doesn't get support orders or custody orders changed. To me it doesn't sound like she's trying to get more support or move, it sounds like she's trying to get out of motherhood entirely. I never would have thought that my SD's mother was capable of that but, well, it's been more than 2 years and there you go. My SD's mother was a scheming, manipulative drama queen but very little of what she plotted actually came to fruition. Really, take this one day at a time and don't let your imagination get the best of you.

I would take the child, make sure that you have paperwork to show that she's voluntarily providing custody because she doesn't have housing, and if she goes for the whole "I want her back and I want to take her to x state" then you dial up your lawyer. Well, your DH does. It's his fight.

And what he might also want to do is get the kid counseling.

I suggest that this is one of those situations over which you have no control. You cannot change her. You have no legal right to insist that she live anywhere. You can document what you know about her financial condition to show in court but that will be difficult to do.

You don't know her situation. If her mother is asking her to pay rent, which is reasonable, she may not be able to afford living there. I can't think of any way you could dispute what she reports to others even in court. She has the right to choose to live anywhere she wants to live. It doesn't matter if she could afford to stay at her mother's.

You can guess about her motives but that won't change what she does or what the court decides if she does go back to court. You will only increase your anger and tension. I urge you to be thankful for the extra time with the daughter and maintain a good relationship with her mother. You have the best possibility of affecting the outcome by being willing to work with the mother. This means not making accusations and not allowing your negative feelings to be felt by her.

It's been my experience that most father's are ordered by the court to pay for health insurance. His actual child support payment is less than it would be if he didn't pay. Your being unable to afford your coverage is a separate issue and should not be a part of the way you're thinking concerning child support.

Jessica Wessica's post reminded me that the amount of child support his ex receives is based on his income and not on hers. There is a chart that the judge follows. If the child has special needs and the father's income can support those needs then the judge may require that he pay for those needs.

I also suggest that if she's able to move to a shelter that your husband can ask for physical custody based on unstability. She would need to show that she has a stable home before she could get her back. You can refuse to return her until she's once more established a stable home.

I suggest that you consult with an attorney.

Re your insurance. If your husband has your son and stepdaughter covered, he must have the family plan and not individual. If he adds you it should not be any more. Not 100% sure but you may want to check.

Hopefully the ex will drop the issue soon. My DIL ex does things like that periodically.

Number:

Welcome to mamapedia!!

you can't do anything to protect your husband. You can document everything she says and does, what she does with their daughter, etc. but other than that? Your husband needs to hire a lawyer and protect himself.

I find it odd that his insurance covers the kids but not the wife...most plans are employee and family...and the cost of the family is the same whether it's one person or 3 people....oh well..

You refer to your step daughter funky - in my opinion - sorry - but when I read "my husband carries my son and my step daughter" instead of my husband policy covers he and his children....oh well....sorry...she is HIS daughter. It's great that you are in her life and loving her...however, she's HIS daughter.

You need to NOT say ANYTHING negative about your husband's ex-wife. PERIOD. You keep track of everything she says...if you need to record conversations so that her daughter will hear from her mother's mouth why she is moving - so be it. But you WILL NOT call her a liar in front of your step daughter...You will NOT say anything bad about her in front of your step daughter...no matter what the ex-wife does? You behave as an adult. YOU take that high road. DO NOT stoop to her level....be the safe haven she can come to.

Good luck!

Sounds like it is time for your husband to seek full custody of his daughter. His ex sounds very unstable.

You have some great advice here. I hope it gives you strength and helps you get perspective.

The mother of SD sounds unstable. In fact she sounds like someone pretty close to me. They are Drama with a capital D. If you know it's them on the line, your stomach drops and your brain says, what now?
Go to BPDfamily.com. Look at the symptoms and judge for yourself, see if it fits her. There is a board there too for people who have ex spouses like this. Also, boundaries and communication lessons. I hope you can find a way to deal with her.