She is a junior in HS. She is a good student and is attending a SAT prep class in the summer. She wants to spend the time that she is not in class on the computer - gaming (forsaken world), FB etc. I try to limit her to about 4 hours or so but I know she is on the computer at night (instead of sleeping). She wakes up around 10:30 AM or so. She is not doing anything productive other than the HW for the SAT class and her summer assignments. Should I let her be or should I keep nagging her OR should I take away her laptop after 11:30 PM?
Thx for any advice..
She's 16 and a junior. I would still restrict the internet access. I have had to do that with the teens in my house.
This school year I will have 2 seniors in my house. I will be lifting the restrictions. They will be in college in 2012, so I want to see how they are going to manange by allowing them to fall under my protective unbrella while high school is free college is not and they can't afford to make any mistakes along the way.
I'm surprised more people don't see this as an issue. At 16, she can get into all kinds of trouble on the internet. I would never allow a computer in my kids' rooms, and hopefully you have lots of firewalls set up to restrict her usage.
You know she's on the computer at night instead of sleeping? So the computer's in her room. Talk to her about this first, so she knows what's coming, but then take it out of her room even if it's her own laptop. For fairness put ALL family computers (yours too) in a public space like the kitchen or dining room. And everyone, including her and you, uses computers in that space only. If she's up gaming, even silently, in the night, you can say, "Sorry, I can still hear you/know you're awake, and you're done here for the night." Setting a specific time for all gaming to stop is a good idea too. But if she has a smartphone or other device in her room she'll just go on using that after lights out.
Also work with her to find out what else she might want to do other than games for hours on end. Is she gaming live online with friends she knows or with people she only "knows" in the virtual world? Wouldn't she want to see some flesh-and-blood friends during all this free time she has and do something with them in person? Offer her the chance to invite other kids to the house for pizza and movies, or offer to drive them (if they're not driving) to the bowling alley, the movie theatre, whatever. What would disturb me as much as the gaming time is the lack of any face to face time with friends over the summer. Kids get so into their virtual worlds they tend to lose the ability to think about things to do outside the house. You may need to suggest things and then make it easy for her to get out and do them.
Maybe next summer, a job to save money for college!
I'd let her play until school starts.
Yes, you need to set limits and boundaries and enforce them. It's what parents do. ;) I think perhaps you need to give her projects to do during the day. Give her purpose for her days. I think it would be discouraging to only have computer time and very little else on a daily basis. It is my opinion that at 16 games need to be put away and real work needs to be done. We don't allow video games after age 14 in our house. They are considered adults, and must be about adult things. Gaming is a monumental waste of a life. We get one shot at this, why spend it that way?
My husband and I both work with computers.
We think our son will have plenty of time to work up a major case of carpel tunnel syndrome once he's in college and working.
For right now (he's 12) and through high school - we'll limit his recreational computer time to 2 hrs or less a day.
Now's his time to get outside and play in actual sunshine - not vegetate at a keyboard.
Get some plug locks, confiscate batteries, or just cut internet access to the whole house every night - she can stay up all night if she wants to but it won't be on the internet.
We set up rules for their own good, and also because if it's too comfortable at our home they'll never yearn for the freedom of becoming independent in a home of their own.
Our 16 yr old neighbor has a job at a supermarket - that puts a crimp in her internet time but she wants to earn the money for her own car, so it's what she wants to do.
I would let her be. She is a good student. School will be starting soon and she will bee back on schedule.
What else is she doing? If she doesn't need to get up in the morning for a job or to go "do something", then this isn't really an issue. I wouldn't nag about this- in the grand scheme of life she sounds like a good kid.
When school starts, though- I would limit the time. She has to be up for school. If she can't stick to your time limits- laptop goes into your room at "lights out".
Isn't school about to start?
I'd let it go, school will be starting soon and it sounds like she's had a more productive summer than most of the teens I know!
I have four children. Never, never let a computer be in a bedroom at that age! Always in public places, like the kitchen, eating area. Then it wasn't an issue. If you make it too easy and cushy in the bedroom, then of course, they want to be in there and on it all the time! ;)
"Should" is the word to think about. When there is a should in your question, then you need to really ask yourself "why" should she ... and then make a decision. Yes, I want to limit her and have her do other things, or No, I think I and she can manage without limitations for now.
You say "she's not doing anything productive other than the HW..." - so are you saying you want to make her more productive? If so, productive in what? Be confident and know what you want. If her 4 plus hours of screen time is a concern to you (implied since you asking about it) then, what change or option to you have to offer her?
If and when you choose to limit your child's screen time or anything else, be certain on the why, and be ready to discuss other options.
One thing about summer breaks: As many of us follow the education statistics, summer is a time where a lot of student forget what they learn, and are not stimulated enough, thus needing to catch-up often when they return. If school is around the corner, then this is a good time to start to limit, because she needs to re-learn the habits and actions of "school time"... and that includes sleeping at appropriate times.
Good luck
I don't have a 16 yr old but I do take care of a 15 and 18 yr old all the time and that's all they want to do, so when they come over to my house, they are limited to the computer time. The only problem is finding something to preoccupy them with. I now tell them to bring a book, or I make them clean, or have them bake. They have a bedtime rule of midnight when they are over and they can't go on the computer after that. I'm not sure if that helps. Good luck. It's difficult in this computer age. To answer your question I would take it away after 1130.
Sounds like the summer program for the high schooler in my house. My son does not game, but spends seeming hours playing guitar and going online to look at guitars and guitar gear on Craigs List and Ebay. He is following his interest and learning a lot, but not sure to what end, since he doesn't have the money to buy the things he is looking at! Proposed projects have not happened, and school starts in 2 weeks. I'm hoping for a jump in brain development soon....
