Living in Fear....

I have gone through this woth my baby and she is not a special needs baby. I would recommend going to the dr. I didn't like the thought of pills but I was so depressed and had so much anxiety that I couldn't function. I am on zoloft and I am working and going to school full time. I wish I would have went to the Dr sooner. I waited untill she was 7 months and that was too long. When I 1st started the pills I felt weird for the 1st weeek but now its gone away.

Dear T.,
My best friend just had a beautiful baby boy on Sept. 25th. Thomas has dual inlet left ventricle, a condition in which the heart basically has only 3 chambers, and cricopharyngeal dysfunction, which is a deformation of the esophogus in which the child can't swallow properly because the muscles don't work right. Maybe you could get together and talk! Her name is Rene' D, she's 35, and Thomas is number 4 of 4 boys. It helps to talk to someone that's going through the same things as you are. I am so close to Thomas that I consider him one of my own, too! You should look her up and talk! Good luck with everything, and feel free to drop me a line anytime! I have 4 kids myself, and I know how hard it can be! God Bless!!

I know you may not want to hear this but Prayer is going to be the best thing for you. Put your worries in God's hands and pray alot.

I do know how you feel. I also suffer from some anxiety similar to that and I usually can shake my fears. After I had children I started freaking out that something was going ot happen to them; what if they get kidnapped, what if someone breaks in my house, how can I protect them, I even had thoughts of whole scenarios and would freak out that I was even thinking like that.

I think all of us mothers worry about our children but these types of fears that physically UPSET you just from the thought are a bit excessive. I got started on an anxiety medication (real mild) and it helped a lot. It didn't take the thoughts or fears away they just became more fleeting. I can easily say to myself, "The kids are safe, settle down"

I am sure that you have been tremendously stressed out worrying about and trying to advocate and protect your son and it is hard to just STOP. I would recommend some anxiety medicine- not forever but for a while.

Try to relax- you will get to the point where- when your son is with his Dad you can relax. You can enjoy the quiet time. Now I didn't believe it either- and I had the "I WISH!" attitude but it is the truth. :) Email me anytime! ____@____.com Good luck and take care. J.

Hi T..
First of all, trust your son's father to let you know if anything happens.
Second of all, seek professional help. There are many options to dealing with this fear other than medication. Find a therapist who will help you the way you want to be helped. That is the only way the therapy will work.
Good luck with everything. You are in my prayers.
N.

I want to address the issue of PILLS.

Suppose you went to a doctor and he told you that you were a severe diabetic and would have to be on insulin the rest of your Life? BUT, that if you took the insulin every day, you could live a LONG, normal, happy Life?

Would you take the insulin?

Medication to control or improve your mental health is no different. It sounds like you have a temporary condition. A few meds for a few months will definately help you, along with counselling. No decent doctor will just hand you a prescription and send you on your merry way. Nor will a few pills cure the way you think. You need some sort of guidance to help you re-train your thought processes.

I can make these statements. I've been a controlled bi-polar for almost half of my Life. The first 30 years were unbearable! Then I finally took my Life back! I've since been transformed into a very happy, stable person! Just got my college degree (finally!) and am one of those "happy ever after" stories. (And, no, it doesn't make you feel STONED or goofy!!!)

There's no shame in asking for help. God lead me to the right place at the right time. Ask...you WILL receive!

"If Mama ain't happy, ain't NOBODY happy."

Just because you go to a dr does not mean you will be medicated. I strongly suggest you mention this to your family dr or seek referral to a councelor. It is normal to be nervous, especially with a special needs child, but you sound like you cant relax at all. Even if they do suggest medication, it does not mean it will be forever and there is nothing wrong with that.

Just because you go to a doctor does not mean that you have to be medicated. I would seek out a counselor, you might prefer a Christian counselor who can help you on a spiritual and emotion level. I would say that it is partially a control issue. That when your little boy is with his father that he is out of your control. The possibility of you guys being in a car accident or something happening when he is with you is just as likely as when he is with his dad, but what is different is you are not in the picture when he is with his dad and you are not able to control what is going on. I think his health issues are somewhat related to how you are feeling, but I don't think they are central to what you are feeling and how you are responding to what is going on. You are having anxiety attacks while your son is away from you because you are imagining every possible thing that could go wrong going wrong. I would say you need to get a counselor as soon as possible and try to sort out some of these issues. It will not go away on its own and may even get worse the longer you let it go. I wish you the best.

Hi T.,

I know what you are saying. My daughter is also a special needs child. She was born at 24 wks and was in the hospital for 176 days. My in-laws take her places and there are times I go places without her and I have to call several times when we are apart to check on her. I know that my in-laws are not going to let anything happen to her and she is in good hands, but that doesn't stop the worrying. I think that it has a lot to do with being a parent but I also think it has alot to do with having then spend time in the hospital away from you, I think it is perfectly normal. I don't like my daughter staying with my parents, not because they want take care of her but because they smoke and I am afriad she will have a breathing issue, she was ventalated for exactly 4 months and was diagnosed with BPD. My parents have only gotten to keep her 3 times, twice at my house and once at their house and that has only been within the past 5 months. My daughter also goes to school and I always think about what if something happens, I know that they will call me if something happens, but I still worry about it, she has a seiizure at school and they called me so really I have no reason to worry, but I do. I just think that it is a natural thing to do as a parent. But it may help if you talked to someone about it if you and your boyfriend feel that it is that bad.

Hi, I wanted to tell you that to some degree I do understand, but I think your mom is right. As a single parent of a normal, healthy child I was just like that for a while, but probably not to that degree. I did panic at times because I was so afraid of someone hurting him or stealing him, or of someone trying to take him away from me. I used to lay awake at night thinking about specific things, like you said, like car wrecks and drowning and such. Every now and then that old feeling creeps back up and I don't know what to do with myself. But I don't think I experienced anything nearly as severe as what you're describing, so I wanted to reach out to you and ask you from one mom to another: please talk with your doctor about this. I think that would be the best course of action for you. Your medical records are confidential, no one needs to know you talk about that with him/her. I truly believe that is best both for you and for your son.

:) Hang in there,
B

I wouldn't necessarily see a doctor, but some type of counselor, because these fears will eventually take over and you will have a hard time doing the most simple things without fear. Start searching for therapits/counselors, they usually try not to go with medication, from my experiance. An actual doctor is more likely to medicate you. This is something you can probably overcome by simply speaking to someone. YOu said you are a praying woman, so continue doing that, but have other people do the same. If you are in a church, which if you aren't, now would be a good time to find out, have the church family pray daily for you (the reason why now would be a good time to go. Church families are great for spending LOTS of time praying with and for you.). The pastor could also possible recommend someone you could start seeing, either a Christian counselor or not. But a Christian counselor is far less likely to put you on any type of meds.
I'm sure it's hard already for you to function with all these fears, and from my experience, it only gets worse without treatment. I don't blame you for not wanting to be medicated, so let whoever you start seeing know your wishes!

You need to see a MD. You are going to be of no use to your child if you are a basket case. This sounds like post pardum mixed in with some post tramumatic stress. get some help. Praying is great, but God made MD's and people to invent meds to help us as well. Good luck!!

Ms. G.

I also had a touch of your problem. My 1 yr old son had visits with his father 100s of miles away. I couldn't sleep, eat, I horrible to people around. I cried, had headaches, stomachaches. I was uncontrollabled. Work was pure torment. But I prayed. I couldn't protect my son, but God could. I came to realize, my first born son, my reason to living, could be hurt, injured, anywhere, even with me. We could be going to the store and a drunk driver hit us. He could fall off a swing. Accidents happen. But I realized my Heavenly Father has set angels in charge of him, and now my daughter. If God couldn't protect my son what was I thinking? I had no hope. It's HARD!!! I know it's hard. But you'll hurt yourself in the process, trying to "help" your son to no avail. When 2 or 3 agree in prayer He is in the mist. I will agree with you for his protection. Agree with me too? I'm having panic attacks thinking of my son starting school next year. But, I;ll take my own advice and everything will work out!

With Prayers,
Kim

Hi T.,
I understand what you are feeling and I have experienced this in the past. I agree with your boyfriend about talking to your doctor. Pills are not always the answer. I prefer finding out what really is the problem and working on a solution verses taking a pill. But sometimes taking a pill is the solution if nothing else works.
When I was experiencing this a few years back, I talked to my doctor and I was referred to a couselor who was wonderful. She is located in Irmo and her name is Corrine Barbian at Lake Murray Counseling Center. After seeing Corrine for a few sessions, I was given the skills to walk through my fears instead of living in them. I have also found it very important to let people close to me know how I am feeling, but also doing the footwork to finding a solution to my problems today. I suggest before you start school in January, you seek help professionally. Also, if you are in the Columbia area- I believe the Palmetto Health Children's Hospital may have resources for parent's that have gone through the same experience you have with your child and you may find a support group or something through them. Good Luck and I will pray for you as well. K.

T.,
Anxiety with parenthood, especially when you have a child who had such a scary start, is normal. But when it is interfering with your day to day fuctioning...especially when you are panicking about things that happened in the past...it is not normal. You probably should talk to a therapist...it sounds like you are having panic attacks. A therapist can help you recognize what is going on, help you with ways to calm yourself down...etc. Not neccesarily medicine, but ways to deal. If you are not sleeping, some medications that can be prescribed by a doctor might be helpful...no one wants to take a bunch of pills but sleep deprivation alone can make you feel out of control. Keep praying...there is definitely power in that. But there is NOTHING wrong with seeing a therapist or taking Physician prescribed medication to help you get some sleep. Living in fear is not good for you mental well being...but it can take a toll on your physical well being also. Hang in there.

Have you talked to your doctor about Post-Partum Anxiety? It's a medical condition that can cause panic attacks like you describe. It's related to Post-Partum Depression, but not quite the same thing.

When I was diagnosed with PPD, I didn't want to take medication, either. But my doctor and husband eventually helped convince me it would help, and it really did.

If you don't like the idea of medication, though, still talk to your doctor, either your OB or GP. There are also 2 PPD support groups in Columbia that meet monthly. You could visit one and talk to people who have gone through what you're going through and get advice and support.

Good luck. I hope you feel better.

My son is not a special needs baby and I still worry about him. His dad and I were at the store the other day and his dad said they were going to go wait in the car. I about had a panic attack. I don't go anywhere without my son. I also worry about kidnapping and accidents and things like that. I do not think you need to be medicated. If you do seek professional help for this I would just talk to a psychologist or something but not get medication. I think worrying about your child especially if he has special needs is just one of the stresses of being a mother. Let me know if I can help, or if you want someone to talk to.