Loneliness

See if there is a MOPS group close by you. http://www.mops.org

Also dont be too afraid of the bus. Just sit close to the driver.

We don't get too lonely because we are always busy doing things, but without transportation thats pretty tough. Another thing with the bus is that it takes forever to get anywhere! My two thoughts are: join a MOMS Club or Mom 2 Mom club or something. Maybe you can get a good friends that you can do activities with. Second, working at a daycare is a good option for moms. Kids get social and educational time and you get out of the house. I know that the daycare/preschool my daughter was at before had a serious discount for employees and I would think it's the same for others.

Hi! Have you thought about maybe taking on line classes through Central AZ College, or one of the many other colleges?
You can also work from home through American Airlines and other at home jobs. OR, crafts...if you are handy, you can make things and sell them on eBay! I know that once you're in that rut of not knowing what to do, you can't see the light to get you out of it. I was there, and although I loved staying at home, I really really needed to get out more often. Maybe you can take your husband to work once or twice a week so you can have the car, or MAYBE he could car pool!! Help on Call are wonderful people that you can talk to for free when you feel overwhelmed with your situation. They have resource lists that might help you find some way of getting around and doing things. If you are in Tucson, the number is: ###-###-####. There are some churches that have mom's day out. Good luck and hope I've helped.

Since you are at home so much, you might be able to get a land line cheaper than a cell phone and you could talk as long as you like. You should let your husband know that you need the car at least one day a week - besides the weekends. Unless his commute is hours away from home, he must understand that you can chauffeur him back and forth at least one day a week so that you can have the freedom you need to get out and be a person instead of a prisoner. Choose a day he is doesn't go between class and work and you should have plenty of time to do things like go to appointments, or shop, or go to a safe park or the zoo or whatever. Or if he works near where his classes are maybe he can just hop a bus or walk. It's easier for a man than a woman with little kids and a stroller to take the bus. Just think what it would look like if you owned your life - and make it happen. Owning our lives means having the time and money - and health - to do the things that are most important to us. I have learned how to own my life by having a successful home business - and I could teach you to do the same. It's simple, requires no selling, and takes very little time to learn. Let me know if you are interested in more information.

One thing I do is read.... I have started a book club that meets every other month so we have one book for sure that we read in a 2 month period.... I read more than that. I know that doesn't really connect you w/ other adults, but it gives you something for yourself to do. You could see if you could start a play group that meets at your house since you don't have a car. My sister has done that every other Tue. mom & their kids come over for a couple hours just for sociolization. :) Hope these ideas help! Blessings, C.

It's too bad you do not live a little more north, I'm in Litchfield Park. I too do not have a car while hubby is at work so it is lonely. We just moved into a different house that has a backyard so now that it is cooler we spend a lot of time outside. My youngest is almost 15 months so your daughter is about the same age and my oldest is 3. I know how it feels to be homebound all day, I take walks when I can and we walk to the grocery store once a week. I have a bike with a trailer and I ride with my boys around the neighborhood (well I did a few months ago before my prego belly got big, now I just walk where I can when I can). I have considered the bus, but have not gotten up the courage to try it with two toddlers yet. We have two vehicles, but one is not registered and in the garage because we cannot afford it. The other moms had some good suggestions, but I know as a sahm my husbands income does not replace the one I do not have so we struggle a lot financially and we cannot afford to join stroller strides or anything that costs money. You can network through Moms on here, try and get the car once every couple of weeks and take hubby to work or once a week if you can swing the extra gas (my hubby works 23 miles from our house so whenever I absolutely have to use the truck I take him to work at 6:30 am but it sucks because it uses an extra days worth of gas). I have heard the library can be fun for toddlers during the day because they have story time usually and it is free or friendship park in Goodyear is fun and there are always other moms out there. I myself have a hard time striking up a conversation, but kids are great buffers and usually cause a conversation to start up. I do know what you mean about a lot of working parents in your area or Spanish speaking people, my neighbors have kids but they speak mostly Spanish, they do speak English but they are constantly speaking Spanish and I feel out of place since I have no clue what they are saying to each other. But hang in there...

I look online for places to talk to other moms. We also joined a mommy's group that has activities just for mom's at least once a month. I also look for free or close by activities on the web sometimes there are things to do at surprising places!

As a stay-at-home mom myself, if I were in your shoes, I would be lonely too! You NEED to get out! You need talk to your husband about taking him to work and picking him up so that you have a car during the day. There is no reason why that car should sit in the parking lot of his workplace all day when you could be using it. Gas isn't that expensive that you should be forced to be a prisoner in your own home. It's not like you're going to be driving all day long using up a tank. It's about having freedom to run errands or join a moms group so you have an outlet of activities with other stay-at-home moms. Look up your local MOPS chapter nearby (www.mops.org, which is a Christian based group) or the MOMS Club (www.momsclub.org). Both of these groups have meetings and kid activities. They have moms night out events so YOU can get a break once in awhile. You NEED network of day friends and I URGE you and your husband to reconsider the use of the vehicle. Your sanity just isn't worth the gas you're saving by your not having a car. Good luck.

Im not sure how to make it so your not lonely. However I just wanted to let you know I am the exact same way. It does get super hard. I just wanted to let you know that your not the only one out there that wants adult interaction during a day full of princess, iron man, and mickey mouse.

Social networks and forums like this. I'm kind of a computer nerd and work at home so that's what I pretty much do to pass the time. My husband works graveyard hours so the only car is with me all day. The only time I get out is to run business errands or take my son to the park.

I would try finding something that you can do so that you can work at home. Maybe a hobby that you have that can create value? My hobby was designing websites, so I made a living out of it. Running a business comes with lots of interaction with other people.

Maybe you can take online classes, or maybe your husband can take online classes. That way you'll have him at home and the car.

I know, it seems as soon as we start something we WANT to do, something happens that we HAVE to do (kids).
Do you like to read? Painting is something that can keep you all busy, and you might enjoy it. I have no skills, but I subscribed to Juxtapos magazine and it is so inspiring. It is fun and relaxing as long as you're ok with not being the next Dahli. Have your 4 yr old paint a rock or something, outside would be good light for you too. Practice something you see that catches your eye.
Maybe one day a week you could drive your hubby to work and have a play day. That one day that you're not home doing everything you would've done will keep you busier at home for 2 days!

I agree with a lot of mama's on here! You need to find a way to have access to the car. It's unreasonable for you to be stranded at the house all day every day. It's also unfair to your kids! They are just as bored and stir crazy as you are! They need interaction with other kids and stimulation too. But, if you HAVE to stay home, try taking up a new hobby. Like teaching yourself to knit or crochet... And I have to admit, I'm a Facebook addict. Facebook.com is a great way to get in touch with old friends from high school, post pictures, and connect with people you know from home. Good luck.

hi there,

It sounds like you are in a tough situation, and have put a lot of effort into finding things that would help. It sounds to me like you feel really blocked and frustrated. I don't think you are going to be able to take good care of yourself if nothing can change. I would say that if the situation really cannot be changed, then you must find a way to change your ideas about it, for your own well-being. I understand the loneliness - I hope you do not feel as if I am setting aside your feelings - but you do have the fortune of staying home with and raising your beautiful children. As a single mom who is not in the position of hanging at home with her gorgeous daughter, I can say that it would mean a lot to me to have that kind of time with her. Could you work on creating a magical, private world for the three of you? Focus on the reality that this is a precious, temporary time, and make the most of it. Remind yourself that this will not be forever, and make some plans for yourself about what you will do when you children are a little older, and your circumstances have changed. Look forward to that time, and treasure your children while they are this young.

Also, I see that you seem to be feeling a lot of fear about taking the bus, or taking walks. Is your neighborhood dangerous, or are you maybe overly sensitive to others? I know I can start feeling overly sensitive to things when I am unhappy and frustrated. Maybe some of the limitations you feel are things that could be addressed more assertively? I would encourage you to start taking the bus on outings, and getting out of the house for your own well-being. Make a day of it with your kids - pack a picnic to take to the park, and spend the day doing something really different and fun. Also, maybe your neighbors could teach you some Spanish! Having good connections with your neighbors is so helpful. Don't be afraid to take the risk of getting to know the other mamas in your neighborhood.

Finally, it seems like things are out of balance between you and your husband. I would suggest having a heart to heart with him to see if together you come up with ideas to change the situation. For example, what if you were able to have the car one day a week? If he cannot understand your situation, and is not willing to offer any flexibility or support for you to start getting some of your needs met, then you might need to consider the value of the marriage. That's a big deal, I know, but I have to say that you sound really alone in this struggle. If your partner is not able to see that and offer some kindness and support then is it worth the price you are paying to stay? I would seek counseling on this issue before making any big decisions. Being so isolated can really affect how you see things, so I would like to encourage you to get as much kindness and support in your life as possible. You know your situation better than anyone else. Only you know what is really happening in your marriage, and whether or not the benefits outweigh the cost.

Hang in there!!!

You poor thing. One thing I did with my husband when he was working and we only had one car was, some mornings, I would drive him to work and then pick him up. That way I could have the car for he day to do what I wanted. If you could do that even once a week I bet that would make a big difference. It is also extremely important to let your husband know how you are feeling before the issue explodes.

Good luck!

Hello N.
My name is Steph, and I to like you am a SAHM of a one year old girl. I at times get every lonely. I know you said that you don't have anytime to talk on the phone. So if you want maybe we could meet up sometime and we could take our kids to the park or the zoo. Just email me and let me know if this would be something you would like to do. I live it the village of los ranchos which is 4th and Ortega. Alot of the times I want to get out of the house but have know where to go. I would be more then willing to pick you guys up and we could just hang for the day. My email address is ____@____.com
Have a good day
Steph.

Find a church in your area! Instant friends!!!

There's usually an organized mom's group in every community. Just google "Tolleson Moms groups" and it will pull up a large list of websites that you can look into. Also, I see a lot of others have suggested that your husband take the bus or that you drive him to work so that you can use the car. I agree - and maybe this can become a compromise that one or two days a week you get the car. It's not healthy for you or your kids to be cooped up in a house all week as you are seeing. Getting some freedom will make you a better mom and a better wife.

Wow N., you are really in a tight spot. There is really not much you can do without a vehicle. I was at home with my son last year when we first moved here for about three months and that was about all I could stand. We got a family membership to Explora so we could go somewhere fun when we were bored and not spend a fortune. They had a great playground so we would go there frequently and eat lunch and play. It was also a good place to meet other stay at home moms. Now our 5 year old is in a half day preschool and I work at an elementary school.

Also, you have to talk to your husband. There has got to be a better way to work this out than leaving you and the kids stranded everyday. Maybe your husband could carpool or let you drive him a couple of days a week so you can join a play group. That is a real drag being housebound. I would go crazy! Good luck!

Maybe the Moms Club would be good for you. You can look it up on the internet and find the area where you live. You will probably discover other familes that live near you and when the club has activities, they could pick you up. That way you and your son will get social time.

You got some great responses. My question is--Is it really lonliness? Mine was loss of self. I was so wrapped up in taking care of my child that I forgot about me. Even today--Kids are off on their own--finally--and here I am. I am not lonely just alone still wondering about me. I listen to KFLR 90.3 radio all day and it encourages me and reminds me I am never alone.

Can you get bikes? Put the little one on the back and begin teaching the 4 year old bike safety? Dogs-Don't let the dogs rule your community. If there is a problem-call the police and let them know you fear for your safety and ask what you can do. Call the city office you live in and see if there is discounted or free bus/ride available. In scottsdale and tempe they have free trolly rides that can take you just about anywhere. Ask if there are any support groups or womens groups that meet in the area. Call the Chamber of Commerce. Get out and find other women with kids and be bold enough to approach them--they may need a friend too. I believe the dumbest question is the one that is not asked.

I hope this helps and encourages you.

Sweet Angel....I was a mom of 6 boys and know the feeling that your describing.....they have since grown, are married with their own children.....about the only son is my 19 yr old in special forces in the Army.......

Frankly, I wish I could turn the clock back and have them home again in my embrace....I miss changing the diapers, giving them time-outs, attending to all their school needs, kissing their owies and playing the hero in chasing out all those monsters in their room....I miss my little angels of mercy......

sweetheart, I do understand your heart, but don't lose sight of the moment! its all we have for now....yesterday is gone and who knows about tomorrow......

I welcome you as my daugther friend, extended family we Apache call it,

my email address is: ____@____.com

plz daughter, feel free to email me anytime. Take good care of yourself and those precious children....
allow me to share further: www.myspace.com/apachu
my ID name is Mahana, my picture is there with my heart in print....this way you know my perspective....

Hi N.,

You can always use SKYPE to talk to people. Its talking on the phone through your computer and its free. :)

Hi, N.
It sounds like you and the kids need an outlet. You need to plan a day or two with your husband where he can come home and drop off the car. You can drive him to school and he can get a ride back home. Or you can take the bus! More than likely you will be traveling on the bus in the daytime so it can't get that dangerous! I took the bus for a couple of years and it wasn't all that bad. Just sit in the front! Or you can also take up a new hobby, scrapbooking, knitting, etc. This has been, for me, therapeutic. Try to make friends around your neighborhood, I am sure there are nice mothers around that speak English and will befriend you. You will need to make the first step. I meet people simply by sitting out in my front yard! People often are walking in my neighborhood and usually end up striking a conversation.

Hi N.-
I'm sorry you are going through this. This is common for young moms- so much to do, never a break, and you love your kids like crazy, but need some socialization!

I would encourage you to find a church in your area (where do you live?) Some of my closest friends are gals in my church- we do stuff together, our kids play together, we occasionally get together--- in fact, I have to say it's hard to say "no" sometimes because there's so much fun stuff going on!

We also have a "Moms and Tots" group at our church-- my kids are too old, but you might enjoy that... I'm sure someone could pick you up if you want to go. These gals are awesome. Let me know if you are interested.
(the church is Baptist- in Gilbert at Lindsay/Williams Field)... you may be on the other side of the valley, but just thought I'd throw that out there.
toni

Is there a moms club in your area? I belong to my neighborhood chapter of the International Moms Club and it's a nice way to get to know people in your area. Often there are playgroups and activities within walking distance, and it's a good way to find some daytime support. The web site is: momsclub.org

I hope this helps.

P.

Hello N..
Everyone gets lonely. You're in an especially difficult situation of isolation. I understand your circumstance and its limitations. I would recommend you talk to your husband about how you're feeling, and see if there isn't a way you can work it out a bit. Perhaps you can drop him off at work a couple times a week, so you can have the car during the day to get out to the zoo, or children's museum and walk around, go to a park to play, or visit some friends, even just to go to the mall playyard and be out with your children. It might not give you any adult interaction, unless you actively cultivate it, but you never know.

The other way to stay in touch is here, over the computer. You can download YahooMessenger for free, and have chat with friends or family who are available. You can also download Skype for free. It has the additional benefit of offering free Skype to Skype calls over your computer, so you'd be able to talk to friends that way as well as chat. I was very surprised to see how many people I knew were available on both.

I hope you find a situation that will work for you. I realize you do not know me, but I am home a great deal too, and on the computer. If you decide you would like, I'd be happy to talk to you via chat or Skype as well. Just send me a personal note and we'll set it up.
Good luck, and hang in there.
K.

yes, I do feel lonely now and then. I have started a part time job to meet people, bring in some money to allow myself to go out to a movie or dinner with a friend.
it must be hard for you however if you are afraid. i would suggest to find out some ways to get over your fears of walking around the neighborhood.
whenever I feel down or lonely exercise always makes me feel better.
you can borrow exercise tapes/dvds from the library, some you can even get your kids to do with you.
have you ever thought of hosting play groups at your house where moms come over with their kids, the kids play and the moms hang out?
good luck, and know that you really aren't alone.

HI N.-
I think alot of us do thats why you need to get out of the house! I'm not sure where you are but check out stroller strides- their classes totally saved me.. You get to work out, the kids play & you hang out w/other moms...I think its free to try so why not?

Hi N.

I too understand about loneliness. My husband runs his own business and I actually don't know when he will be home. I can imagine it being difficult for you with no car access and safety problems.

The only suggestion that I could think of is a combination of either using Microsoft Messenger of a way of keeping in contact with friends or, alternatively getting in touch with your local council and find out about social groups.

My other thought would be to enrol in external studies through your local college.

Take care, thinking of you

J.

Hi N.,

I'm sorry to hear that you're lonely during the day. As a suggestion, would it be possible for your husband to ride the bus to work, thus, leaving the car with you so that you could drive to a park or a MOMS group, etc. and be able to get out a bit more during the day?

This very much used to be my situation when I lived back east and it was very challenging when my boys were younger. I had the added challenge that I lived at the top of a very steep hill and I was wheel chair bound. So this is what we did. My husband took the car 2 days a week. 3 days a week the boys and I took him to work and then we ran errands and visited friends or went to parks etc and picked him up from work when he was done. As your husband goes straight to school after wards you guys could pick him up and drop him off at school to get some time with him. My husband also found someone to carpool with so that I could get things done take my kids to the drs etc. Bottom line it sounds like you need to work out a different strategy. Also there are so many bike lanes around this town that maybe your husband should think about cycling to and from work where he does not have the children to consider in his travels. I think the fact that you could not get your kids to the emergency room if something happened is cause enough to come up with a different game plan.

N.,

I see some really great suggestions here - I jsut wanted to let you know that most of my stay at home mom friends and I have all been through the 'feeling lonely' stage - and I say stage because it does pass. As your son get's older, you'll feel more comfortable going out with him. Don't feel like this is strange - it is a normal feeling. Maybe joining a Mom's group and offering your home as the play area 2 times a month could be enough to help. You could then end up meeting a good friend who would be more than happy to pick you and your boy up to go on outings.

Best to you!

Hi N.,
I was in your EXACT situation most of the summer, and I feel you! iT was very hard to fight feelings of loneliness and depression. I even had family near enough for cases of emergency, so you are a tough cookie. Being without transportation is suffocating. My best advice from what I learned: You HAVE to talk on the phone, maybe during naps or a favorite show? I had to stay busy - idleness made it worse. Start some projects with your kids, clean the cupboards, get creative in the kitchen. I had to have access to light and fresh air - open all the shades, use your screens and doors to get some breezes, esp. now that it's cooling off. It's a small connection to the outside world:) My biggest weapon was telling myself this WILL be temporary. Start brainstorming and planning ways to get some transportation - you've been given some great advice/encouragement and I agree with it all. Could a second car at least be worked towards? Could the bus work to save your sanity? I know money's tight, and if your husband commutes it's just hard, but I know you can find a way! It takes some creativity. When I knew it was temporary (I didn't know how it would be, but I was determined to make it so!), my mindset changed and I felt hope. I also tried to really enjoy being "Stuck" with my kids - yours are at an age where they still love being with you and these hours at home will end all too soon for your kids. They will grow up and you MIGHT remember with fondness the time you were able to be with them so much. But you have to get some me time, and you need to address your loneliness. I agree that you might try a church. They are great resources for strength, friends, and a feeling of community. I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormons) and though I belong to this church because I know it is true, and what it teaches is true and makes me happy, it doesn't hurt that it's a great community of people who I rely on. Find a Mormon in your area and ask her to take you to RElief Society - a womens organization that's perfect for all women.
All in all, keep your chin up and keep seeking help until you feel better. Good luck!

You should not feel so trapped in the house...I'd get cabin fever big time. Can you get a can of mace and take it with you on walks?
I'd work on getting used to the bus...is there a time when there are fewer people on it? Could you sit near the front of the bus...closer to the driver and door? Know anyone in the neighborhood you could ride with...at least sometimes. Even if they only speak Spanish..a familiar face is comforting.
The 4 year old sounds like he could use some cultural enrichment. (That might give you a mission...that can help with the loneliness) I am sure there are action filled classic stories or some from other countries...a lot of the violence filled pop culture stuff marketed to our American children could be replaced with so much better stuff.
Avoid Japanese pop stuff (Transformers came from there)...it's violent too...and japan is experiencing the suicide and youth alienation that our country has. Their family ties and ties to their ancient culture are weakening.

Good Morning N.,

I always find comfort and friends at church. There are always so many ladies that are in or have been in your spot and are eager to help and encourage you. I know that at my church there is something going on all the time all week and not just for me but the kids as well. Once you get plugged in there are always ladies that will find a way to pick you up or get you there. You can even host things at your own home. I'm sure there's a wonderful Christian church close to your home. I invite you to check out www.calvaryphx.com and be uplifted. I really know how you're feeling but being at home with your kids is such a blessing.