Lonely 10 Year Old - Jersey City,NJ

I would mention this to the teacher -- and ask her who he plays with. Then, tell her to keep a better eye on it without bringing too much attention to it all...

Your son may not necessarily be lonely because he does have friends. He may be more solitary which is fine. If he is introverted, he operates better within than external. He may not have hangups associated with having joint problems. Do you treat him differently because of this, meaning what are your expectations of him. For example, the blind musician Stevie Wonder's mother expected him to be just like his sighted brothers and sisters and be responsible. She did not allow his blindness to become an excuse for him not doing or not being able to do. He just needed to find another way to do things. She also got him started with music.

What are the things your son is passionate about? Get him around people with the same passions and watch him go.

Hope this is helpful.

Hi Nivedita, It is OK for a child to not play sports. Yes this is a source of friends or playmates but your son needs to be himself. Ask him what he likes. Maybe there is a group at a local library. See if there is an afterschool at his school. I know you want the best for him and he just may be shy. Grandma Mary

Hi Nivedita,

Is your son 5 or 10? Either age, you son is lucky to have 2 close friends that share the same interests. Maybe its different with boys (I have 2 girls), but they each only have 3 close friends, the kind that they have sleepovers with.

Maybe your son is by himself because he wants to be. It may sound odd, but I realized my daughter was like this. I was chaperoning an all day event at camp where the kids went from station to another (crafts, boating, outdoor games, etc), one of them was "rest/free" period. My group was tossing water balloons, and my daughter just wandered off about 25ft and sat under a tree. A friend went to join her and my daughter told her she would join the group in a few minutes. I also noticed when we went away for a long weekend with a group of friends there were several times where she just stayed by herself. She just needed some quiet "me" time.

With your son's joint problems, maybe you should look into some activities that would suit him, possibly boy scouts. Maybe swimming or playing an instrument (depending on his situation).

Good luck.

Hi Nivedita,
Your post title says that your son is 10, but the body of the message says that he is 5. I'm going to guess that he's 10. It's okay to have only a few close friends, if he has kids to have playdates with, that's great. Do you know if your son feels badly that's he's not included in the sports activities? It can be hard when boys' main activities seem to be sports and video games (my 10 year old isn't interested in either). I would speak to him about it to see if it bothers him. If it doesn't, then there's no problem. If it does, then maybe when the other boys are doing sports, he could offer to be the scorekeeper or umpire. If he wants to spend more time with boys his age, you can get him involved in some activity that doesn't involve sports, like 4H, Scouts, a chess club or some other interest of his where he will be spending time with other kids his age. Perhaps he'll make some new friends with a similar interest to socialize with.

I would look into after school activities for him that are not sports related. I am not sure at his age if it is Cub Scouts or Boy Scouts or if he is still too young but that is a nice organization for him to get involved in. Does he like art, or playing an instrument? I would to find something he really enjoys doing and match that with something he can do to make some other friends. I know it is hard because sports is such a big part of a young child's life. Is it possible that with a baseball team he could have what they call a designated runner and just have his turn at bat or in the field. This way he wouldn't have to run and still be able to participate. He shouldn't be left out of something due to an illness he has no control of. I would look into the recreation dept in your area and see if it is possible with his limitations. They may have him help out on the team so he can feel a part of something without having to physically playing the game. I don't think there is much you can do to encourage him to interact better if he feels out of the loop or that he doesn't have anything in common with the other kids. I would try to reach out to the sports department and have them help you out. I am sure once you explain your situation they will be sympathetic to your son and help out where they can. Good luck!!

What shows or music or books or films does he like at home? See if u can sign him up for after school computer class or cooking or art or music class. Meet other kids there who share interest.

I suggest letting your son pick the activity. Tell him he gets to choose and describe his options, open a discusson about why he likes 1 class more than another.

Don't tell him to make friends-dont pressure him, he'll feel worse.

Ok to ask if he wants to do sports. Maybe he's nervous he would do poorly bc of joint condition? Maybe he can get extra lessons by a coach--if he is in fact interested. Every kid needs to get sweaty and build up heart rate and get exercise! Help him find the thing he wants to do---thats how u get to know him!

You are doing him a huge favor!

5 or 10 year old, it really doesn't matter. Most 5 year olds have only 1 or 2 good friends. During the school aged years, friends will come and go and change. It is harder for children, who aren't into sports, because our society is so sport obsessed. You really shouldn't worry about how many friends your son has. He will make friends when he is ready and with whoever he is comfortable with. You should be talking with your son rather than his friends. Your son can give you more insite to understanding why he is the way he is and help you to appreciate his point of view as well. He may not be lonely. He might like being alone every now and then, just to enjoy the peace and quiet. Most of the friends in elementary school do not last long anyway.

Dear Nivedita:

Haved you asked him the reason for the lack of social connection? It may be beyond the joint issue. Plus, the joint issue would be a secondary factor; primary could be lack of confidence and security. Research healthy ways to assist his self-esteem. My office is available as a natural heathcare resource to repair the joint. Contact for a consultation.

My best,
N.
www.wholecreations.com/wombfull.html
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