Long Car Trip

S., in my opinion you need to start doing just these types of things or you are in for big problems. They more you take them places and do different things when they are little the more adaptable they become. I have seen many mothers make this mistake and end up not being abl to go anywhere with their children even when they are older because "they must sleep intheir own bed" "eat their own food" "nap at precisely 11:15". All of my children traveled at very young ages its not a big deal.

I thinbk you are overreacting. You need to start now so she learns. I am very family orientated, so i will not skip seeing family due to crying. Read some of the other previous posts about what to do on long trips and pack those things.

As for the eating, I agree with the other posters...kids will not starbve themselves. She is picky because you allow her to pick what she wants. my niece and nephew are 4 and 2 and he only eats animal crackers, not because that's all he liks, but because that is what my sister in law gives to him. You are the adult..take control now or it will kust get harder!

Wow, for a minute I thought I wrote that! I say do what you think is best. My husband and I decided to stay home for thanksgiving for the exact same reason.

Hi S.,
I have been reading all your responses and was very surprised at all the Just suck it up responses! I think if you are questioning taking you daughter in a car for 11 hours then having sleeping and eating issues then you should not go! Your FIL may be her Dr. during business hours but you are her mother and he (and your MIL) should support your families decisions. I think when the In-Laws put the extra pressure on during the holidays no one has fun! Talk to your husband and really discuss your concerns and you two decide what is best for your daughter and your family and go from there! Yes children can adapt but I think if In-Laws learned to adapt sometimes too this whole parenting thing might be a little easier!
Good Luck to you and your family and Happy Thanksgiving!

We have always taken the kids on long road trips from the very beginning. We just make lots of stops and bring things to entertain them. A DVD player in the car was the best investment I made. Then when we make a stop I buy them a new kids DVD they have never seen and boy were they excited...

Once you are there then you may have trouble but you may be surprised how well the drive will go!

Good Luck.

Whatever you decide, make sure your husband tells them. We have not taken our 17 month old son 5 hours to visit extended family due to the same problems you have plus he has issues sleeping. People are not happy with us and they do not understand but right now his needs come first.

Each child is different and you have to do what is best for your daughter. My daughter is 2 now and I know that she cannot handle a car ride for more than 3 hrs without getting out, and she can't get back in within 30-60 mins of that. 11+ hrs would be horrible with her. She also has to sleep in her own bed and will only sleep for about an hour in her carseat. Some kids adjust well and some kids are slow to adapt. You need to do what you know is best for your daughter. Could they drive up here?

Take care,
H.

Both of my children have traveled a lot since birth, both in the car and on planes. I have a 5 yr old daughter and a 2 year old son. Kids do very well traveling if you are prepared as a parent and try to make them excited about their adventure. This past summer we drove 9 hours to visit family in Nebraska 3 times and drove 12 hours to North Carolina. I am leaving by myself with the 2 kids to fly to Florida for 4 days at the end of the month. When we travel I make sure to pack their favorite snacks. When in the car, I always pack a cooler, so they have fruit, milk, whatever it is that they like. We make stops where there is a play ground so the kids can run and play for awhile. Try planning the drive around a nap time or even drive through the night, if you think that she might sleep in the car. THe movie player in the car is the best invention ever. If you don't have one borrow one from a friend or make a purcahse. You can bring their favorite shows with you. I also spent much time in the back seat with the kids playing games with them and teaching them about different things they would see during the drive.
It could make for some great memories for all of you including your daughter, but only do it, if you think you can handle it. Kids sense fear and frustration in their parents, which can make for a very unpleasant experience for all. So mom, if you are up for the trip then go for it. She will do great, but if you are not, then save yourself a lot of aggervation and stay home.

I agree with just about everyone else here. You should go. Your daughter will be fine. It's not as bad as you are imagining. My girls are 5, 3 and 1 and we have gone on long road trips every year...Florida, Jersey shore, South Carolina, Arizona, etc. 11 hours is a drop in the hat for my kids! I would suggest leaving when she's getting tired.. around 5/6pm and then driving until one of you are ready to drop and getting a hotel room then. You are lucky that your daughter has extended family that wants to see her, there are so many children in this world that don't know their grandparents and it is very unfortunate. For the picky eater.. yes, you can bring your own food. But I would also say that my kids are picky eaters.. I think all kids are to some extent.. but I have never let them rule what we are eating. I make breakfast, lunch and dinner and give it to them. If they are hungry, they will eat it. If they aren't, they won't. I never make anything special for them and don't give them excessive snacks/desserts/junk that they like. They certainly won't starve. My middle one has managed to be a little on the chunky side despite rarely eating much of anything...she eats a lot of what she likes and nothing of what she doesn't. I will also say that my middle one was afraid of everyone and clinging on to my leg at every party.. I made sure to encourage her to go to aunt whoever grandma whoever and shooed her off my leg at every chance and now at 3 she is one of the most outgoing loving little girls ever. If you don't start surrounding her with other loving influences, she will not know that there are other people to comfort her. I have friends/relatives who did the opposite and went to their baby at every little whimper and now at 7 and 8 their children are clingy, whiney, and won't talk to anyone but mom. So all in all, your daughter will be fine, and you will too if you allow yourself to be. Make it a fun adventure and get excited about the trip and I promise it won't be so bad! She may even start looking forward to the future trips like my kids do. Good luck.

The sooner you get the kids used to car rides the better. I understand your relunctance in going. It is a lot of work and it is always tough when it comes to family. I would use this as an opportunity to get your daughter used to car trips. We stop every two to three hours depending how old they are and what their needs are. When my youngest was a year old we drove all the way to north carolina from chicago. She is my fourth. She was able to do 9-10 hours in the car no problem. After that though she was so uncomfortable she cried. So stop often. It took us two days you only have 11 or so hours. Bring lots of snacks and toys if you sit with her in the back it would probably be even better. This will also give you an opportunity to allow her to get used to others. You may get a needed break and go for a walk or have some time alone with your husband. I would go. It will be an adventure.

It sounds like this trip would stress you out so much, that I recommend that you listen to your heart and stay home. Give yourself a lot of grace. It's very hard to disappoint family, but your main responsibility is your child. You know what's best for her and for you. The family will get over it, and next year will be that much more meaningful b/c your daughter will be older and appreciate it more (or the year following that - whenever you feel she's ready).

Hi S.,
You are the mom, you know what is best for your baby - despite FIL being a pediatrician. If you don't think this car trip is a good idea for your daughter, it's not. End of story. It does not sound like a fun trip for you or your husband either, so you'll probably have an easy time getting him to agree. You don't have to make it a major battle, just say firmly but politely - we'd love to be there, but we can't afford to fly and driving that far with an 11month old is just not possible right now. Maybe next year. From experience, may I add PLEASE do not let yourself be bullied into a decision you know is wrong for you and your baby out of familial guilt. I allowed this to happen to me and we were ALL miserable, including the people who guilted me into it! There's more bitterness left from having made the trip than if I had just stuck to my guns and said no.

To keep the peace in my family, I usually offer something I can do - like host an out of town relative overnight when they come to visit for a few days or have everyone over for dinner. That tends to smooth ruffled feathers on our end.
Good luck!
MC

Unfortunately, I think you have to just "suck it up" and make the trip for the sake of family peace. They will understand (hopefully) that you have truly put yourself out making that long of a trip with a baby and appreciate your efforts. As far as her not eating, she'll eat enough when she's hungry enough! Good luck!

Sounds like you're really trying to talk yourself out of a wonderful experience and opportunity. You could pack all the necessary food for her and your father-in-law is right. They adapt. You make stops at all the lovely rest stops and parks for diaper changing and feeding. She'll be exhausted from the fresh air and all the excitement of new family. It'll be wonderful for her and vacationlike for you while family plays with her. Don't talk yurself out of this. It's the baby that will lose.

S.,
I know you have received a lot of advice, but I just wanted to offer a few things that have helped us. One thing, take a cooler and pack what your baby girl will eat. We have done this many times, and even take enough to have wherever you are staying. Another big thing, try to have a positive attitude. I went on a trip with my 2 kids this summer and the in-laws. I decided before we left to make the best of it and it was actaully a blast! I know because I decided to stay positive (I still had a few moments). Good luck on your decision!

L.

I have been amazed at how wonderfully our three kids have done on road trips. We took 5 long road trips one summer, the twins were 2yr and the baby was 1yr. We left at 4-5am so they slept for several hours at the beginning of the trip. When we stopped we made sure there was a playplace for them to run around. We would drive 12 hrs each day. I think you should go and do your best to make it fun. If she is only comforted by you, it may be time to change that, especially if you want other kids.

We drove from Illinois to New Mexico with a 5 yr old and an 11 month old and had no problems at all. We pulled over when diaper changes,food, and gas were needed and kept moving. They both loved looking out the window. We were worried about it being too long, but it turned out just fine. Pack snacks she'll eat and when you get there you can always get anything at the store. Family is always worth the trip!!! Your daughter will be just fine, don't worry!

I would say something like "I know that you wanted us to come visit, and we would really like to go, but I think 'baby's name here' is a little bit too young to make a trip like that. I hope that you understand."

Time is so precious and your baby is very young. If you're not able to visit with this part of the family often, I would take the opportunity now. You wouldn't want to regret not letting your child meet extended family.
I grew up going from Chicago to NY Long Island every summer. While we stopped along the way, it was an adventure I remember with great enthusiasm.
Start early and make your lists, double check everything, and be sure to relax. If you're tense, your baby will sense it!
Good luck~ Be sure to let us know if you went and how it was.

Could you have people come to you? If not, and you really would like to go, but are just nervous, I would say the bestthing to do would be to drive overnight. My husband and I drove 17 hours to FL with our, then, 9 1/2 month old and she did amazingly well! I was on the verge of cancelling the trip because I was dreading the journey so much, but I'm so glad we went. We left about 30 mins before her bed time and played her white noise CD through the back speakers in the car. She woke several times (I'm asuming she does normally), but went back to sleep no problem. We put the white noise CD on because that's what we do at home and it allowed us to talk quietly in the front of the car. We also had her teddy and blanket in the car seat with her. If you set off around your daughter's bedtime, she'll probably sleep the whole journey. Your husband and you can take turns to nap/drive. Regarding food: if you drive overnight you don't have to worry about it while your driving. It's true she might be distracted once she's surrounded by a bunch of people, but if you need to you can take her in to a room just the two of you and have some down time. Good luck with whatever decision you make!

First S.,unless you want T'giving dinner at your house.....inlaws & family is a compromised partof being married. Actually,you might be surprised at how well your daughter will travel. As for the "food" she will eat..........what does she eat?? pack it in a cooler or picnic basket and then you won't have to worry. I am sure there are grocery stores where you are traveling to,go and buy what she needs once you get there. If you are too worried about traveling,time wise, trying driving in 2 days and breaking it up. Also,another option is driving at night ( starting early,early AM) while she is sleeping. PLan a stop around lunch time and let her get out and run around or play to help tire her out. I took my 11 month old grandson on a 9 hour trip by car and he did fairly well. Sit in the backseat with her so she is more easily entertained with you close by. And believe me!!!! if once you get there she's distracted.......she will eat when she is hungry!!! Good luck........J.

You should go. Plan and simple. Just try to bring her toys, her food she likes and leave early like a lot of the other mom's suggested. My son is 8 months and he has been on the train, planes, and automobiles!! Start them early so they are used to traveling. Plus once you get there everyone will take the baby and then you can rest. There will be one person in the bunch she will like!!!

I had the same worries, and everything always turned out fine. She'll probably sleep a lot in the car, so just don't expect her to go to bed when you get there. It is good for her to see new people and even try new foods. The more you let her be in charge of everything, the less flexible she'll be later on. She'll probably warm up to people after a day or so and start going to people besides you. That's very good for her! If she really won't eat with distractions, take her to a quiet room away from everyone and feed her there. I understand your concerns, but I bet you'll be surprised. Oh- and I recommend driving at a time she'd normally be sleeping. Good luck!

Sounds to me that you have already made up your mind and want validation that it is okay to say no! Do what you need to do. Why not send them a copy of what you wrote?.....However, what a wonderful opportunity - time to spend w/ family that want you to be connected. I say, "Do whatever it takes to get there." Yes, it will be trying, a pain, frustrating, etc, but you will make many memories and be happy you did. Your daughter is not the center of the universe (as much as she acts that way and you think she is!) and she will learn to adjust to what you present her with. Start now! If she won't eat, she will go hungry, but not starve. If she fusses in the car, she will sleep when tired. If she gets frustrated w/ others she will learn tolerance, etc. Teach what you want from word go. It never gets "easier". Sorry. Don't wait for everything to be "perfect" to LIVE in the moment!! Enjoy each day and every person that crosses your path!

i think you should go it seems like you are making excuses not to go. A child will learn to adapt and will not starve. Family is important. If you pack well with games and activities and music it will be fine. If you feel you can't make it in one day stay overnight half way there or drive during the night when she is sleeping.

J.

I've taken my girls on long trips to SC and MI since they were infants. My son made his first trip to SC (16 hour drive) when he was just three months old. It is harder when they start to get active, but there are things you can do.

1.) Get a dvd player for the car if she likes Elmo that is a great one. Get about four or five differnt kinds of dvds....Tom and Jerry, Elmo, Barney....all good ones for that age range.

2.) Get lots of snacks for the trip that she really enjoys.

3.) Stop at rest areas and let her run around about every three hours or so...you can go longer if she's doing well. Stop at McDonald's or some place like that once to let her play and stretch her legs.

4.) Go very early in the morning or even consider traveling at night while she sleeps if you and your hubby can stay awake.

Honestly if you don't start making the trip now then she will never be able to do it. Will you never visit family again? Connecting with your family and helping her develop a relationship with them is more important that your stress levels. Traveling is always a little stressful, but if you make plenty of stops, take snacks and so on...it will be fun. Take a book on dvd for you and the hubby (maybe two or three).

If you don't think she can handle 11 or more hours on the road then schedule a stop at a hotel with an indoor pool. Make it a fun thing.

Believe me I grew up on the road. My father's family lived 13 hours from us and my mom's was 3 hours away. We visited family at least two times a month. We went to MI atleast once a year.

She will be fine.

And who cares if she eats...it's a short vacation. My kids eat very healthy at home, but when we go visit family their diet goes into the toilet. Who cares...it is only for a few days. She will eat when she gets hungry.

And I understand how you feel about being the only one she will go to. My girls were the same and my son is there now. He's five months old and almost 19 pounds. I would love it if he would go to someone else, but he won't. We visit family every Sunday after church. I spend the whole day with him...but family and those connections are what is most important.

Although I'm sure your inlaws would love to see their grandchild for the holiday I think it is a selfish request. You have to consider what works for you too, if you will be to stressed out after that long of a car ride with you 1 year old then it's not worth it, maybe next year when the baby is older, and if they really want to see their grandchild they could always take the trip to visit you. Kids do adjust quickly but it's not worth it if you won't be able to relax and enjoy, it will make it harder for you child to adjust if your stressed out.

I know how this can seem stressfull but it really isn't. She will do fine. My son has been on three trips one 9 hour one at 10 months a 16 hour at 20 months and one 5 hour one at 12 months. He did fine. Some times he did not like it but niether did I. The best thing we did was leave really early in the morning. That way she will sleep for almost all of the trip. Get up and eat breakfast like you would if you were going to a place by home and then maybe she will take another nap or play with some toys and then you will be there. My son cries on a half hour trip more than he did on any of our trips sometimes. She is like you. If you need to get out so does she. Your family is very important especially at the holidays and especially to your baby. They grow up so fast. You need to do what you is best but I just wanted to tell you it can be done it just takes planning and a lot of patience. If you decide not to go let your husband be the bearer of bad news. They will take it better from him!! Good luck it will be fine either way. Family will understand.

We took our 1-year old daughter on a two week long road trip to california in a motor home. Trust me, everything will be fine. She will sleep alot and the rest of the time you will just have to make longer stops to let her out of the car and then keep her entertained. No, it's not a picnic but it can be fun and you and she will learn and see new things. I'm wondering what the real reason is that you don't want to go? P.S. my in-laws lived 16 hours away in Delaware and we made that trip several times a year with very small children. Suck it up!

Start road tripping now while they are young, Otherwise they will never get used to it. We took road trips when the kids were very young and now at 9 and 12 they are great in the car. The longest trip we took was from Chicago to New Orleans in 2005. Not a peep out of them.

Don't worry, she will be fine and as your father-in-law is right, Kids adjust just fine. She will sleep, look out the window, laugh, cry, snack, drink. Make stops every few hours and let her get out and run around for a few minutes. All should be good.

Hi S.,

I understand the stress of traveling with children. If my husband and I decided to go on a long trip, we would travel at night and then the kids would sleep in the car. It works real well for us.
Good luck,
J. J.

Honestly, you'd be surprised at what a potential joy it could be for your child to take a road trip like this. We took our 14 month old son on an 8 hour road trip and, while we thought it would be pure hell, he really did awesome! He chatted to himself in the backseat, took a nap whenever he wanted to, we scheduled stops for snacks and meals (we packed stuff for him or ordered appropriate foods), and he didn't miss a beat. Are you sure you just don't want to make an 11-hour road trip (which, I wouldn't blame you, that's a long time in the car!). If they're so desperate to be with you at the holidays, why not invite them to your place so you don't have to make the drive?

This summer we took our 1 year old to Missouri, and it was the longest, most horrible car ride ever. We traveled during the day, and she cried almost the whole way, which was 7 hours. We had to pull over every 30 minutes to take her out. With saying this, it is totally up to you. She might be okay in the car, and she might not be. It is hard when family wants to see the baby, but sometimes it's just not a good idea, at least not at that age.

The easiest way to handle this is to take the majority of the trip at night while she is sleeping. But, in reality, the trip will be harder on you than it will be on her, and it sounds like you really don't want to go. As a mother of 2 and now grandmother of 2, lovingly I say either stand up for what you want/don't want or get over it--and don't use the babies as an excuse. Your father in law is right, they will adapt. The question is will you?

I think you should just go. You imagine how bad it could be but in actuality, it might be fine. I would suggest driving at night if possible or during nap times so you get the most peace. I really think if you don't you could do harm to the relationship between your in-laws and you. If it's horrible, skip the next time. The eating thing isn't that big of a deal. My kids doctor always said that if they are really hungry they will eat. Your baby girl won't starve herself!

My daughter who is now almost 20 months old has been going on car trips since she was 6 weeks old. I figured it would be horrible also. But, every time we go on a trip she has been great! My inlaws live out of town and we go and see them about 4 times a year. That is almost a 6 hour drive. We even went on a trip just this summer with her and we drove for about 9-10 hours and she did great. My advice is go early in the day. We actually left at about 3am on vacation. She did stay up in the car for a little while, but then she feel asleep. We drove for about 4-5 hours stopped and had breakfast. She then took another nap, about 1-2 hours more into the trip. Another piece of advice that someone else said, invest in a portable dvd player. That helps alot too. Bring some of her favorite toys in the car and pack up her favorite snacks and milk. Sit in the back if you have too. It actually isn't that bad.

S.- I hope this doesn't sound harsh but I think it sounds like you don't really want to go... I know in-laws can be a pain in the you know what, mine definetely were before we had kids, but they want to be a part of her life too. I know a long car ride is possible with a 1 year old. We took our twin sons when they were 11 mths old to Disney (a 16+ hr car ride). We left at night, about an hour before bedtime & drove through the entire trip with a couple stops to eat & diaper changes. I packed their snack traps with Cheerios, brought some fruit like bananas, & pears. We had plenty of their toys to entertain. We tried the DVD player, but they never watch tv anyways, so that didn't work at all for entertaining. When you get to your inlaws, I'm sure she'll do just fine. It will probably be good exposure for her to be around other people too. You father-in-law is right, as much as we don't want to admit it, kids do adjust faster than you think. It may be overwhelming at first for her with a lot of people, but she will be okay. Just try to relax & enjoy yourself while you are there. Don't sweat the small things. It will all work out. Try not to wear your emotions on your sleeve while you are there. Let your little one be around family. Now is the time to be a part of your husband's family especially now that you have a daughter together. I know it's hard, but just try to have fun while you are there, & who knows, maybe you will truly enjoy yourself. Thanksgiving is the best family holiday & maybe you can come up with the toast & shock them all & say how blessed you are to have such a wonderful family.