My mother and father are divorced. My father has remarried but my mother has not. Neither of my parents have every been finanically responsible nor have they really attempted to better their situation. Both have a high school education and my mother makes minimum wage. Although my father has remarried, his wife does not have much by way of assets or retirement. Mother, age 63, father, 73.
I am an only child. I know when the time comes, it will be my "responsibility" to care for my parents. My husband and I argue about this already, as he does not feel as if it should be our responsibility to care for them when they simply failed to plan for their aging. I do agree with him, as my main concern has to be our growing family, however, if I do have the money to be able to help and my husband is on board, I would like to help.
So, what is the most cost effective way to try to help my parents who have nothing and will soon be approaching retirement and eventually need nursing home care? Should I obtain long term care insurance on them and pay the premium myself each month. This is very hard for me, as it angers and saddens me and creates all kinds of emotions I cannot even explain. I am somewhat angry that I am having to worry about this for them.....I have always been the parent of the situation since I can remember. Any advice?
Thank you so much to everyone for the responses. My parents own very little. My mother lives in a small two-bedroom apartment. She has $1000 in savings and a 2003 pontiac in the driveway that is paid for. Nothing else. My father is considering filing bankruptcy for credit card debt ($5000) and does own a modest home with his wife's name on it as well and a old car worth very little. I guess what hurts me the most is that my mom always begs me not to let her go to a state-run nursing home. So then I feel so guilty because I know that is the only choice here.
**ETA - Ok, any nursing home! She just hates all of them!
Thanks again.
Long term care insurance would be pretty expensive to obtain at this point in their lives. If they have little to no assets and don't make much money they should qualify for medicaid and it will pay for a nursing home. My husband is an only child and I agree with your husband...when I vowed in sickness and in health I was not referring to his parents.............
From 1 only child to another, let me tell you that you will not be able to take on that monster. Your main proiority, is your immediate family. Your husband and your children. I had to make the choice for my parents as you now do for yours and I paid for nothing on their behalf. Not because I didn't want to but because I myself did not have it to give. They both had medicaid/medicare and this was what I had to depend on. They both received their checks and we ended up living together. They contributed to my household and I was able to care for them in our home. They never went to a nursing home, but it was there as an option if I needed it, and I was grateful for that. Both my parents lived with me, got ill and went into a hospital. My mom passed on in the hospital. My dad was ill, recooperated at a rehab/nursing home, got ill and passed away in the hospital.
Don't put that extra pressure on yourself to have to care for them in a way that may be too much for you. Yes, you are the only child and its your turn to take care of them, but take care of them with what they have available to them. Perhaps living in the same home is a possibility. If not, whatever the government provides can be an option. Its hard enough to have aging parents, trying to pay for insurance out of your pocket only makes things more difficult for you, your relationship with your husband and everything else. Good luck.
You cannot afford longterm care for them. They are too old now for you to be able to do this. Have you looked at how much a month that will cost? You'll never be able to eat again...
What will happen is that they will need to use all their assets to pay for care, and then Medicaid will kick in after 100 days in a nursing home. Your husband is right. You are NOT responsible.
Let go of this. You can always go visit them and be of help to them that way. But they will have a roof and a bed and food and people to help them with toileting and taking their medications. You can provide needed company. Stop feeling like you will have to take care of them financially because you just can't.
Really and truly, S., this is how it has to be.
Dawn
Here is the thing, anything that is covered under a long term care policy is also covered under Medicaid. I hate saying this but I would do nothing and let the government care for them. If she has always worked she has paid into anyway.
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Oh my goodness, you can get a Medicaid bed in any nursing home, not just state run. Heck I didn't think there were anymore state run anyway.
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What??!! The one a mile from us has hot tubs in all the rooms and a golf course out back!! I want to live there now!
Definitely get more information. Our senior center often has free elder care attorneys do presentations on the pro's and con's of long term care insurance and what medicare and medicaid will pay for. It is entirely possible that you will find that long term care insurance is not a good fit for your parents, as it is typically better suited for those who have assests to protect.
You and your husband are to be credited with having these adult conversations, which many avoid. You are a team. With more information about your options, I believe you will be able to be more at peace with your options. All my best.
First, I think it is so sweet of you to even consider getting long term care insurance for your parents. I do not however think you should do this until you have funded your own retirement including your future medical needs and have substantial college saving for your children. First things first:)
I also encourage you to make sure your parents have living wills so you know what their wishes are in the event they are not able to make their own decisions.
Do your parents own real estate? If so this could help provide for their own care. If they have no assets and need long term care there are state run facilities. Granted they are horrible but in my opinion even the nice one $10,000+ per month are pretty bad. As a society, I think it is sad we are often kinder to our animals than our loved ones.
I think it would be wise to meet with an elder care attorney or estate planner. The rules around finances and long term care options are very complex. I won't pretend that I know anything about this - I do know that when one of my bachelor uncles passed a way a few years ago, he had a substantial pension that paid out a death benefit to his heirs, his three siblings. My aunt is a widow with no children and a meager income and she is on a wait list for public elderly housing. Receiving her share of the assets from this would have set back her eligibility for a long time so my mother and their other brother had to make sure that her distribution from the estate fell under the maximum amount allowed (it wasn't a life-changing amount, but a few thousand would have made a big difference in her housing eligibility for many years). So it's good to know how different sources of income or insurance will affect their big picture.
I would hope that there is logic with LT care insurance and retirement planning but you never know, so I would check with someone to see what your options are. Even if you ultimately decide that it's not prudent to go down this road, at least you know what their options will be in the future.
If they truely have nothing then they can get medical assistance to cover nursing home care. Medicare does NOT cover nursing homes. If they own a home or have any money in the bank that money will go, then a reverse mortgage is done on the house until all aasets are gone then medical assistance takes over. The nursing home will own their home and it is sold to recover any debt.
You can contact insurance companies to see how much the premium would be but I know for my Mom, who refused to get the coverage, it would have been $5000/yr.
You can also call medicare and ask questions.
I made mine buy it after I explained I will never have the money to pay $6000 a month for a nursing home. It has paid out $300,000 and counting. The cadillac plan cost him $374 per month, but after 90 days in the home, premiums are no longer due.
