Looking for Advice on Disciplining My Almost 6 Year Old Son

Hi, I have a 6 year old boy. I find that being consistent and being the example of how I want my son to act is helpful. Children tend to test their parents and see how far they can get. If you need to, ignore him when he is acting up, don't reward him in any way. Good luck!!!

Hi A.,
I have a 7 1/2 year old boy and he acts just like that! He started missbehaving around Kindergarten. It even got so bad, that he would ignore my husband and not follow the rules. I found out it works to take away privileges, time outs in his room and just talking about how he makes you feel, when he ignores you.
Hope that helps.

UUUMMMM A. you just said he is an angel in school & on the bus Etc.

He is testing you! You have to lay down the law. Make a list of his favorite things to do. 1 being the most favorite. Try and make it a good sized list, like 1-20. Show him or read the list to him and see if you have it in the correct order. Make him think it is some type of game so he will want to give you the most honest answers.

THEN, the next time he doesn't listen you take the list out and tell him that if he doesn't listen the thing on the bottom of the list is GOING to be taken away. He will more then likely have a huge fit. Tell you you are mean and he hates you, etc. But you have to stick to your guns. Tell him you are sorry that he feels that way, but that is how it is going to be. Work your way up the list as you need to.Make sure that you are reminding him how the list is getting shorter everytime he is not nice. Remind him that he really doesn't want to let that list get to #1 or he will not have anything fun to do.

Put it on the Frig. or some other place where he can see it, but not reach it. Have your other half or family members notice the list and comment as needed. Warning him that he is loosing a lot of things or how he is behaving better and his most favoriate things are going to be safe.

It will not be easy on anyone, but you have to be tough and get this under controal before it becomes a huge life issue. Take it form someone with grown children, who by the way never speak back to anyone! I am truly blessed with my boys!! UUUMMM young men wwaaahhhhhhh I'm getting old! No babies!

A.,

Just send him to bed,

I have a rule,

They don't have to be happy about their punishment as long as he listens

what that means is , he can scream and carry on and throw himself to the ground, for as long and hard as he likes,

As long as he goes to his room
to think about it, and stays there til the drama is over, we can talk and work it all out when everthing is calm

M

I have a 6 yr old daughter who is in Kindergarten and some "attitude" problems after she was in school a few months.

I have ideas for specific behavioral problmes. She had a habit of slamming her bendroom door shut over and over again when she was throwing a tantrum. We warned her we would take the door off if it continued - well - she kept it up and the door came off - - worked like a charm - we only left it off for one day - but she HATED it! She no longer slams her door.

I find simple punishments can be very effective. Things like no computer, tv or video games. I also take away some of her favorite toys and put them in sight but where she can't reach them. (If you hide them - they forget about them.) It works better if they can see what they are missing out on.

Also rewarding her for things she does that go above and beyond what I expect. One morning I got up and she was already up, dressed and ready for school so I rewarded her for it.

Hope any of this helps.

My almost 8 year old does the same with me, though since seeing a behavior modification therapist ONE TIME, he has sig-nificantly improved. I should say, WE have significantly im-
proved, since it is really a function of how we as Moms have been relating with our little princes. It is really a question of setting limits, establishing what are the rules and sticking to them. That includes ZERO tolerance of any kind of rudeness, with very clear immediate consequences.

There are books which outline this sort of thing. I forgot the name of one but it starts with "1,2, 3, ______." I think it basically says that you must first establish that the child has to listen immediately and you will give him to the count of 5 to comply. When you see behavior that is unacceptable(and you have to be able to recognize consciously that the behavior is unacceptable! That includes verbal sass)you must state that it must stop immediately and start counting to 5 out loud. If he doesn't comply by 5, he has a time out. If you have unsuccessfully instituted time out with your son as I had, you must establish that mode and make it clear that he MUST comply with the time out. To do so, you have to send him to his time out location either verbally or if that doesn't work, physically take him there and hold him there. Tell him you will stop holding him there when he shows you that he will stay without your holding him.
Since he is 6, he must stay 6 minutes.
It is really a question of showing him that he cannot treat you (and probably his future wife) like a meatball. If he is well-behaved elsewhere, as was my son, clearly you have been a loving nurturing Mom. The problem is, part of loving a child is giving him the tools to cope with life and setting limits. I was too busy being diplomatic and 'discussing' things with him. Kids want rules and direction, not options. It's too confusing. My son HATED the session so much that he is now listening quickly I think in part because he doesn't want to see this therapist again!
Clear consequences, given the message that you know he can behave properly and you expect him to do so--you will see a new kid.

I have in the past said, "in our house we don't..." when there are behaviors that I think have come from school or other children's houses. It seems to work.

Good luck. I have one boy who definitely tests the limits and is more challenging than the other, but he does understand.

Hi, my daughter is almost 6 too and I have been having the same problems. Mostly at mealtime. She is skinny as a rail and does not like to eat anything beyond three or four bites. Standing in the corner or sitting on the steps with the timer set on the stove is starting to help. I have been told its a phaze and she will outgrow it. I personally cannot wait. Good luck.

My favorite book on this is the Discipline Book by Dr. Sears, check it out! He presents this information in a very accessible way.

Also note that kids tend to hold it together in school and then sort of let their walls down when they come home....where it's safe. I've seen this pattern for years with my daughters.

Most importantly, don't forget to BREATHE!! The more grounded you are, the better. Kids are like little energy magnets!

I find that taking away fun activities, such as video games, not buying them toys that they ask for whenever shopping, even taking away a favorite toy(s) and telling them they will not get it back until they start behaving and listening works great whenever one of my kids gets in that kind of mood.
In addition, you can also tell them that if they behave for the week, they will be rewarded at the end of the week with something of their choice, such as a trip to McDonald's, a toy, ice cream, etc. This also works with my kids. So much so that they it's been happening less and less.
Another thing is to withhold treats from them, such as cookies, candy, especially if you have dessert after dinner.
They will see others enjoying their treats and realize what they are missing and should realize its not worth misbehaving.
They'll also miss their favorite toy(s) and video games-even fun on the computer and should really start behaving.
Good Luck!

Laura~

Can you give some examples of him not listening? It will help because then we can take a look at what is happening. For example, is it a power struggle? Then you can figure out how to remove yourself from the struggle.

I like the book 1-2-3 Magic. I have found that it really works if you are consistent. Best advice it gives, in my opinion, is to limit words when there is a behavior issue, stick with the rules, and then discuss it further later when you are both calm. It's an easy book to find and covers all the bases. I do a parenting program for the local Navy base and have seen it used effectively by a lot of my parents.

We have a reward system in our house known as "milkshake points". A plain jar houses tokens that haven't been given and a fancy jar houses those already rewarded. Our five-year-old son knows that certain things will earn points--following the morning breakfast/dressing/teeth brushing routine without sass or fuss, putting dirty clothes in the hamper, etc. He knows certain behaviors lose him points--yelling, dilly dally/procrastinating. IN addition, when he does something very responsible or some very desirable behavior on his own, he also earns points to show him value in choosing good/responsible actions. When he gets a pre-determined amount (currently 25 for him) he can order a milkshake at the local burger joint. This works really well for us. The biggest thing is that my husband and I have to be consistent about the rewarding/taking away of the points. As long as we are consistent, it's great.

Good luck!

I found that taking away a favor toy or activity works if you are consistent and let him know ahead the consequences for inappropiate actions. You do have to be clear what your expections of him are and what will happen should he not following them. Hope this helps. Usually after the 1st instance of my taking away something the behavior gets under control. At least thats been my experience.

Hi A., I am Mary, mother of 5 and grandmother of 3. Many children about 6-7 go through another period in which they want to exercise their independence (like the terrible 2's) unless you think there may be something that is happening at home to make him rebel. Raising children is not easy, so continue to discipline him. You are the mother. If you back down you're sunk. Also, is anything happening in school? Just a few things to think about. Good luck!

A. , my son was like that when he was 6 yrs old and just turn 7 on 3/3/08. He still dose it a little but not as much as when he was 6, what I did was put him on time out and also, took away the thinks he likes best like playing with his favorite toy or games, or if I had promise to take him somewhere like the movies etc, I let him know that if he continues to misbehave he will not be going and it has work tremendously and I'm still keeping it that way. So try what I did and see if it works.

Good luck.

R. M.

I found a good book called 'Smart Discipline' by Larry Koenig at the local libraray. This really worked for my kids at that age.

Its based upon setting rules and taking away privildges if they break them, but giving them some strikes before the privilidge is gone. It takes away the "bad guy" blame and puts it on the actions of the child.

After a few weeks all I had to say is you have a strike then mark the board and that was it. If I asked for something to be done and they didnt, I didnt harp, just said you have a strike. I would always write on the board why they got the strike so they would know. Losing privilidges got less and less and behavior became better.

Its never easy when fighting the will of a child trying to learn independance and test their limits. Be consistant is the best advice I can give you. Dont say things that are totally outragous (If you dont -----, then we are leaving you here) because if you cant follow through, they will not believe in the punishment and continue on.

Its always hard to keep sanity during times like this, so make sure you give yourself a 'time out' if you need a break so you come back calm in the face of their anger.

Best of luck.

When my girls (now almost 11 and 9) were 4 and 5 we started a reward chart. It worked GREAT! It was alot of work for me but was worth it. I outlined on a chart the behaviors that made me proud and the behaviors I wanted to deter (trying to have more good than bad). Then throughout the day (or it can be done at night as a reflection on the day) we would give or take points away. Then they would be able to trade in X amount of points for things. Since we were pretty broke at the time it was not material stuff, it was stuff like being able to pick the Game we played as a family on Friday nights or pick the movie we watch as a family on Saturday nights. A big one in my house was being able to pick whatever cereal they wanted to buy at the store, since I don't like to buy sugary cereals and they like these, this was a high point value that they loved to save for - teaching them the value of saving and delaying rewards. This sounds hokey, but it works.
When we fall into a rut now, I get the reward chart back out and it still works. Now on top of this, there were a few things that had definate consequences outside the chart, but I try to keep these for real serious offenses. If points were in the negatives, things would get take away, like Gameboy (my kids watch almost no TV and have very little computer/Gameboy time, so this is big to them).
You must be doing a good job if he is an angel other places, kids do need to have a chance to act out, sometimes it's a new way of expressing themselves. At these times I try to start asking more questions at dinner to make sure stuff isn't bothering them. Good Luck!

If most of the problem started when he started kindergarten he may be acting out from not getting to spend the time he use to with you. Even negative attention is attention. Maybe have a mommy/son night where only the two of you do something. Maybe more cuddle time before he goes to bed. Good luck!

Hi A.,
I had the same situation with my daughter,when she was five.I was at my wit's end.She, like your son was well behaved out of the house, but would never listen to me.She was fresh and would have temper tantrums. Her kindergarten teacher gave me this advice that worked like a charm. I used it on all three of my children now 22,19 and 15 and I also run a home daycare and I use it with my little people. Their parents are amazed at how well their children listen to me,and love to be at my home. They always want to know my trick. So I thought you might want to hear it. Here goes....You never tell a child to do something once because they usually never listen once.So you wait and you tell them a second time and at this point proceed to tell them if they still do not listen, that by the third time you have to tell them ,they will be punished.(I would take away something they liked most)favorite VCR Tape,T.V. Show, go to bed 1/2 hr earlier.No dessert.Etc.(With my daycare I use a sad chair for time out in a corner of a room separated from the rest of the children, time varies with age.) Now here is the very hard part. You have to be very strong. So what ever the punishment is that you give, you have to STICK TO IT!. Never give in no matter what. If you are not a strong willed person then don't give any punishment that you can't stick to.My problem was that I was a softy and would always threaten, but never followed through.This was very hard for me, but the best adviced I have ever received in all my years of being a mom.Once I started to stick to what I said, they finally new I ment business, and because they new I ment what I said they would usually listen by the second time around. Try it, but remember the trick....... NEVER GIVE IN NO MATTER WHAT!Believe it or not your kids will grow up to love and respect you. Kids want to be disciplined, praised and loved.This shows them you care.
Hope this helps you like it did me.
Good luck
R.

hi my name is H. and im a mother of 2 and i had that problem with my son and daughter i think its because of the change in his life that everything is different and hes not sure how to handle it so he is acting out let me ask you a question are you married does your husband or you take him to school if possible try switching it up see if your husband can take him he may be resenting you

Hi A.,

Like everyone else has said, you have to find your child's currency. All kids will work (behave) for something. You can do time-outs, naughty chairs, but also have a reward system. Make him "work" for what he wants. That's his payment! Set up the rules for him (he is so young, just focus on a couple at a time...the most important ones). Post them somewhere everyone can see and make sure you sit down with him and discuss the rule/s, rewards and consequences. Then follow through consistently. It's hard all the time, but if you follow through, it will work!

Plus, you should feel good...kids sometimes behave all day, and then feel like they can misbehave at home because they know you love them unconditionally. They let go of their good behavior because they can! He knows you love him!

Good luck to you----- C. :)