Looking for Advice on Kindergartner's Tantrums

As the mother of 2 boys and a girl, ages 15, 13, and 10, it has been my experience that usually tantrums are a way to get a certain kind of attention. He knows that you respond when he throws a tantrum. My youngest is the "queen of negative attention". Meaning she doesn't feel I give her enough positive, so she uses negative behavior just to get me to pay extra attention to her. I have always found it worked best to ignore her. I would tell her that I would not listen at all until she calmed down, and then I walked away. That wasn't always the easiest thing to do, because she could throw some major fits. If she was really disturbing the others, I would put her in her room until she could calm down and talk to me. She never responded when I took away priveleges, etc. Hope this helps! Good luck and remember, they do grow up and through most behaviors.

I have kids that are roughly the same ages as yours and my husband and I deal with the same thing. I don't know that i have any great advice other than to let you know that you are not alone! We try very hard for one of us to give each of the kids a little one on one time each week. That is tough when you are both working and the younger ones need a lot more attention. It seems that the nights we give a little extra love to our oldest he seems much more reasonable and happy. We try to get him involved in things that we are doing such as putting the detergent in the washer, push the laundry basket across the floor to be folded, help daddy carry in some firewood, help set the table, etc. Good luck!

My 6 year old went thru a similar time when he threw tantrums like that, he still does occasionally. It seemed like being tired made it worse, so we moved up bedtime. We start our routine of bathing at 7, teeth brushing at 7:30, and then bed at 8. The whole time I remind him of how much time he has to finish what he is doing and how much time til bed. When he does have a fit, I give it no attention at all! If he hyperventilates, he will pass out and breathe on his own, he has never gotten that far, but he realized that after about 4 nights of fits with no attention for them, that he had no power over me. Offer nothing, tell him when he calms down on his own, he can come get his goodnight kiss. Hope this helps!

My 5-year-old daughter does this when she is extremely tired. Not the hyperventilating, but does a major fit/tantrum over every single thing. We just moved bedtime up 30 minutes to thrwart all fits.

good luck,
J.

Hi B.! My impression is that if he is having tantrums from not getting his way and hasn't really done this before, than he probably didn't get his way too much before school started in his life. So that now he is being good in school but it is taking all he has left. Then when he gets home and wants a little control back, a little freedom, he doesn't get it. Whatever it is he isn't getting his way about I would go ahead and give him. Otherwise he may get even more out of balance which could cause problems in school. School can be very stressful for kids these days, be extra nice to him at home. More love is always the answer. And whatever it is he wants his way about can't be that bad , can it? What else is family for, let him be happy.

I think I am going to go with Mary on this. and just act as though have seen nothing and let his scream yell or whatever he likes to do.. I would just walk away. don't give him the control to keep you from working with your other kids. It will only worse for the 1st few days then after a few days he see it is taking to much out of him and will stop.
Best of luck and god bless

Your son's tantrums are a combo of being tired and wanting attention. So the advice would be two-fold.

Number one, I would move the bedtime up a bit. School can really take it out of a kid, so he's probably more tired than before he started. This would justify an earlier bedtime. Especially if you're waking him up in the morning so he can get ready for school. If he's waking up on his own, because that's what he's used to, then maybe bedtime is ok. But, if you have to wake him up, that could be a sign he's not getting enough sleep.

Number two, when he throws a fit, ignore him. Or shut him up in his room so that the rest of the family doesn't have to deal with it either. Fits are a sure sign that a child is craving attention. When you give it to him, you reward him for throwing a fit - whether it's positive attention (hugging, etc.) or negative attention (punishment). Either way, you're giving him what he wants - attention. This teaches him that throwing a fit gives him what he wants. You need to ignore him when he throws a fit; this is the only way to withhold what he wants from him that is causing the fit. It will take several times of listening to the fit in the next room, but in the end it will pay off...