Looking for Advice to Get My Child to Eat

You set a time limit. If he's going to be pokey about it, take it away. You decide if it's straight to bed, or whatever he would do before bedtime. Be careful not to reward him for inappropriate behavior. But absolutely no snacks, in any case. He has to understand that you gave him food, he took way too long to eat it and it got cold. Try 15 minutes after you're done eating and clearing up. Maybe he'll get hungry too often and finish in a reasonable time frame. No snacking. Or offer him what he left; cold or warmed up. With a time limit again. Or just wait until the next meal and see if he starts making some changes. Tell him beforehand that if he wants to watch TV after breakfast, for instance, that he's got to finish his food within the time frame set. Otherwise no dice.

Toddlers are famous for not eating and being picky about what they do eat. You might tell him that when he is done he can be excused, but if he doesn't eat the required amount of bites, he gets no snacks before the next meal. Try not to make it a power struggle. He will eat when he is hungry and at the same time learn that he had better eat when it's available. I also used to set the timer...no consequences attached, just that they (I had 3 in 4 1/2 years)needed to finish by the time it went off. It actually got to be prety funny! No worries, all toddlers do this. He will not starve.

Our daughter did that also at the same age. We have a timer. If she starts taking too long, we set the timer for whatever time we think appropriate depending on how long she has already been eating and how much is left on her plate (but not longer than 1/2 hour). When the time is up, dinner is over, and she gets no more later that night either.

If she simply does not want to eat, she must sit at the table with her food in front of her until my husband and I are finished eating.

If she doesn't finish breakfast, she gets no gum in the morning (she loves gum). If she doesn't finish lunch, she gets no dessert and no snack later, and the same with dinner. Also, if she doesn't finish dinner, she gets no mid-afternoon snack the next day (the theory being that the snack is ruining her appetite for dinner).

Remember, if they are hungry they will eat. They will not starve themselves. Sometimes she cleans her plate every meal of the day and other times it seems like she eats nothing all day. Oh, and she is quite healthy and growing just fine.

And one more thing, she doesn't eat special kid-friendly meals (like smiley potatoes chicken dinosaurs) but I also do not make her eat foods I know for a fact she dislikes. She also frequently gets to pick what she eats for lunch and breakfast (I give her several choices to pick from).

Good luck. Wait til they're teenagers. Then they won't stop eating!

you are setting this child up to have food issues.. either obesity.. or anorexia or just being a horrible eater and having you and he battle at every meal.

I have a 2 and 3 year old I give them their meal and by the time I am done they are done. If they sit there longer they are just fooling around and not eating.

Give him a meal.. give him a reasonalbe amount of time to eat. then take it away.. no comments.. no attention. you can have years of food battles..

we almost went down that road with my daughter. my husband kept encouraging her to eat cause she is thin. the more attention you give a kids eating the more they fool arond and do not eat just for more attention.

a chiild meal should be 20 minutes long at the most.. they cann not sit that long.. if they are still sitting there after that they are not hungry.

Hi M.
I have a picky eater too. Only she has a sensitive gag reflex, and an issue with texture. Some kids get real bad,and need therapy for processing disorders. We were spending 1-2 hours pre meal. No one was having fun, and we were all grouchy after, and then it was almost time to eat again! I said this is not working for us. Were only going to create emotional issues around food for her. So I only gave her the healthiest foods, nothing with HFCS, very little treats, a bit of dark chocolate for eating enough. My husband joked and called me the food police I was so whole food. And I only aimed to get enough food in to keep her blood sugar level (I biased that off her mood). I made smoothies to fill in the gaps, there were a lot of them. We talk about eating a rainbow every day, she helps me plant and care for a garden, and picks veggies out. I figure one day she'll eat them, I did. Anyway the smoothies get more raw veg in them than a lot like to eat, so thats an other plus. The 3 of us would have them w/dinner and I'd know I got more veg in my husband too.

Purple Smoothies
1/2 lb washed organic spinach or 3 leaves of kale (its best to switch your greens up)
1 c water
blend smooth
add 12 frozen organic strawberries, blend smooth
add 1/2-1 c frozen blue berries organic or pesticide free is best
1/2 banana
adding more water as needed

Options; yogurt makes it very creamy, scoop of ground chia seeds for omega 3's protein calcium lots of good stuff, brown rice protein powder. If you have a high power blender like vita mix you can add a handful of baby carrots, a cored apple, almost anything.

Best of luck! A. H

It sounds like your little guy would rather be playing! I've been there done that! I have 4 kids and they all went through this phase. By the 3rd and 4th I had decided to pick my battles and let them eat when they want. I still, however, required that they sit at the table with the family during meal time even if they were not willing to eat. Just keep in mind that in order to teach healthy eating habits he still needs to eat the food you serve at meal time and not head for snacks between scheduled meal times. So just stick his plate in the fridge and when he says he's hungry get it back out. I never required my kids to eat every bite but they had to try everything and they usually ended up eating it up. I know it can be very frustrating but he should grow out of it. Good luck!

Offer food for a half an hour. After that put it away. I'd strongly encourage you to quit making it a battle. Just have it available, but don't force the issue. He won't starve. Just have nutritious foods available to eat when he's hungry. It'll make mealtime more pleasant for everyone.

My daughter went through this phase, too- it's normal. I read Love & Logic & learned this lesson- when you sit down to eat, say "Johnny, we're eating Oatmeal for breakfast. But when the big hand is on the 6/ the clock says ___ (20 minutes after you start or whatever you feel adequate) I will take the bowl away and we won't have anything else to eat until snack/lunch. Once I take the bowl away, we will go play."

My daughter made it into a game to beat the clock. Not that I wanted her wolfing her food down, but it made it much better to not be sitting and also to be on time for school!

Be sure to stick it out & not give any snacks in between. He may truly be hungry, but to wait an hour to learn what you say is true will not hurt him and he will get better at eating at meal time! Good luck!

Hi M.---I have the honor of working with Dr. Bill and Jim (ABC-The Doctors) Sears. They have written a number of books, one of which, I'm sure, touches on the subject of toddler eating habits.

You can also go to www.askDrSears.com and look for and ask questions on the website.

If you are concerned for his nutrition, contact me and I can help with ways to get some in him while he works through his new self-control adventure. Good luck, be patient. This is a temporary thing as he is becoming more aware of his ability to control things in his life.

In health, D.

We have this problem at our house at times - even when I consider both of my boys "good eaters". We set the kitchen timer for X number of minutes (the time varies - on how long we've all been at the table together, if they're not eating b/c they want something else, etc) and tell them they have that amount of time to eat. If they don't eat what's given to them (not necessarily clear their plate, either, just until they're full) then we explain to them that they don't get anything until the next meal offered.
They quickly figure out that they're hungry, and eat.

Good luck!

Hi M.,

I have learned over the years with my kids, that their eating habbits change all the time. As before your son might have been going through a growth spurt and was eating, eating, eating, as to know he might not be so he isn't as eating as much. But then in another 2 months you may not be able to stop him from shoving food in his mouth the whole day. I have a 2 year old that would eat all the time and was a very good eater up until the past month, she has slowed down and doesn't eat as much. My 3 year old twins were like that as well, they had slowed down eating and gone back to eating all the time, they are now slowing back down. Just depends on your child and their growth. As long as he is eating and isn't loosing weight at a rapped speed, he'll be fine.
Happy Holidays!

Well, I admit this scenario does sound familiar ( I don't feed him as he is 9). My father recommended (and subjected to) eat when everyone eats and clear the table at the same time. If he is not done (because of dawdling), clear his plate and he won't be able to eat again til the next meal. That being said, adults do eat quicker and don't force him to shovel food in, as you are the best judge of when an appropriate time is. Good luck.

I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but making him sit at a table for anything more than a few minutes is totally counterproductive and emotionally dangerous. Explain to him that he'll have a few minutes to eat then mealtime is over. You can give a nutritious snack a couple of hours later but if he's hungry, he'll begin to eat when the food is there. Many preschoolers are poor eaters. This kind of power struggle needs to stop. If he's hungry, he'll eat. Be gentle and sweet and supportive. He wants to be in charge of this and apparently has a strong enough will to drive you nuts. Drop it! Back out of this argument. You can't win this way. I'd casually comment if he doesn't eat, like "looks like you're not hungry right now. I bet you'll enjoy your dinner later."
With all the obesity in the US, no child should be made to sit until they clean their plate. This is a tactic out of the early part of the 1900's and doesn't square at all with what we know now about child development and psychology.

M.; yeah i understand your frustration, is he eating at all in that time? are you eating with him? ask him are you done? if he says yes take him down and let him play, if he is not done, let him sit there, its ok, he may enjoy your company more than play, at play maybe you are not with him? if you are not with him at play then surely he wants to be with you , maybe you can say finish up and mommy can play candly land with you ? or something cool, also make sure he is not snacking between meals, if he is not eating good foods, it seems he has your full attention while sitting there in his high chair, maybe time to give him a big boy chair? so he can get down at his leisure, not sure, just keep doing what you are doing sounds like you are doing fine, and he may enjoy eating and experimenting with food, is also play, but ask him if he is done, eat with him and help set the standard of how long to eat, if you see he has been eating then go ahead and say its time to get down after the meal is over, my oldest refused to eat for 2 days, until he puked it was a long two days, but he stubbornly refused and i knew he would eat eventually, so set a pattern of eating and let him enjoy a meal with you and family and he will get the routine down, keep up the good work, D. s

Kids go through different stages of eating and testing us as parents. It sounds like you are going through both. Instead of butting heads, compromise a little. Let him eat something that he likes for example like mac & cheese but put cauliflower in it without him knowing. Steam it and puree it and keep frozen, when you throw it in the mac and cheese he will never know. Your getting him to eat his healthy foods and he gets to eat what he likes. There is a book called Deceptionly Delicious (written by Seinfield's wife) that will help with more ideas, brownies with spinach it in is really very good too, even though it sounds disgusting.
Just go with the flow of the stage and know that as long as he is being offered the food his body will know what he needs when he needs it. Make sure he knows the rules in advance. If he doesn't finish he doesn't get any food until next meal, no snacking etc.. as an example and stick to the rules. Kids needs rules and consistency.

Make sure the TV is off for the rest of the day as well. And focus on getting him to be active as soon as he finishes eating. This will make his appetite stronger for the next meal.

Consider if there are any other things going on in his life that he might be reacting to. My daughter did the same thing when her younger sister was born. It took a few months but now she's back to eating really well again.

Lastly, don't give in to giving him only his favorite foods. If he likes rewards try that. One thing we did with our daughter was a small bite of something she liked when she took a BIG bite of something she didn't want to eat. It was a good motivator. Not all kids respond to that, but its worth a try. But no matter what, he needs to be able to feed himself and eat what's put on the table.

Best wishes, I know this is hard, but he'll get through it!