Looking for Constructive Ways to Help Overweight Child...

I think it is great how you are trying to help him so much. I think by helping him find a physical activity that he enjoys & can have some great interaction with other kids his age would really help. Also- he may be missing home & eating to replace feelings of missing his family- just a thought but maybe try to focus on good things for him & providing great family meals without the extra bad fat- just good healthy choices can really help out. Best wishes.

Hi,
I have a book called "Body Mind and Sport" by John Douillard(you could borrow it). He studied with Depok Chopra.
The concept is to first understand that each person is designed differently and that based on how they are build will determine what activities/sports they will enjoy the most. It
has a survey based on Arevedic priciples.
We did the survey with each of my children and my husband and I. Two of my kids were "fire" dominant so the book explains how to best keep them in balance for example Fire dominant kids often do better in single non-team sports as they tend to be very hot headed and competitive. Kapha dominant kids( which is likely your new son) tend to develop their skills later, they often are "expected" to participated in sports that they just won't be good at like rope climbing, relay raceing, pull ups etc. So what happens early on is that they associate sports with pain, embarrassment, and losing.
The book gives suggestions as to how to redirect to activites/ sports they will succeed at and ultimately they will develop a love for activity not pain.
Another thing on the food front is to eliminate all junky food from the house. If you and the rest of the family are only eating nourishing foods then he will start making the same choices. I found that is I cut and served grapefruit/ peaches/ carrots anything my family would eat it. S.

I would definetly encourage more active family outings. If parks are in your neighborhood I would see if a family walk every evening has time to play into the schedule. If he relies on TV as his form of exercise I would attempt to limit household TV watching and start introducing football / soccer or indoor basketball with nerf equipment or some other activity to take the place. ( I hate to be a proponet for video games, but there are a lot of game that integrate activity that might help to pass some winter evenings.) He is most likely aware how he is using his weight, so maybe you can attempt to discuss the issue after an incident where he has used it as an excuse - as a concerned caregiver who cares about him and his future. On a another note maybe a mentor ,slightly older high school or college aged male might be helpful, to get him more involved in activities. Finally encourage healthy eating at all meals and with every trip to the grocery store. If his only options, at leat at home, are to maintain healty eating habits maybe that will allow him to shed some lbs without knowing it and free up some energy for him.

Good Luck!

You are so great to take this boy into your home not to mention step up the extra notch and care enough about his health and well being!! Good for you!
I don't know if you can rent them or you have to buy one, but have you considered Wii? Sometimes places like Game Stop have them used or you can rent one over the weekend. We don't personally have one but I have considered it.

I know it sounds odd, but this system is a game system to peek the interest of boys just his age, but you have to be physically active in the game. There is no sitting idle with this video game! :)
Kids get so caught up in playing it that they never realize they are working out! They have a great deal of choices even for mommies (an aerobic pad) and all sorts of things the whole family can do together. Even your 2 1/2 year old!!!
Park further away when going to the grocery store, explain it as you don't want to get your doors banged up.

Find out what he is good at, art, drawing, computers, photography? He doesn't have to like sports but find out what he is truly good at, call the local YMCA and see if there are classes he can attend and excel.

Food choices are all about you and what you have on hand. If there is no junk then there is nothing to worry about.
Have fresh fruit, veggies chopped up in the fridge with different flavor dips, get sugar free koolaid or sugar free popsicles for treats. I cut out trans fat, cut back on sodium here and stuff and there are so many great yummy snacks we have on hand without the extra calories and nobody here even noticed. We have apples on hand always, there are baked cheesy crackers my kids love, yogurt (gogurts) my kids love and stuff like that. So if that is all there is, he will eventually just get used to that.

Don't deprive him, don't even put it on him but let him read articles about what foods are good to eat and why.
Tell him all of you will do this together so you all can live long healthy lives. Ask for his input on what he wants for himself. Good luck and God Bless.

I used to live in Seoul, South Korea when I was a teenager(I'm an Army Brat) and I was a litte overweight. The Korean people I knew were usually very rude and mean and would tease and say things about how BIG I was (size 12) and how I would be a big fat woman when I grew up. I hated it so much, I did not realize unitl years later that it was their way of trying to motivate me to lose weight, at the time I just thought they were being mean for no reason. So you must realize that this poor boy has almost certainly been picked on and humiliated all of his life. It is really hard to feel good about yourself and try to improve your weight and health when you feel worthless. I would suggest finding things about this boy that are special and worthy of praise, praise him for every good things that he does and tell him what a wonderful person he is and how he is growing up to be a smart and succsessful man. Take your family on many fun activities that require exercise like hikes and mini golf, etc. But do not make him feel badly if he is slower then everyone else and do not lecture him about how he needs to get more exercise and lose weight. And keep your houe junk food free, provide healthy snacks and treats for EVERYONE in the family. Weight watchers publishes cookbooks with some really yummy recipes for low fat and low cal meals and desserts, you don't even have to be on a diet to really like a lot of the low fat foods. You can also have him help you cook and bake, often times learing more about food and it's preparation leads to a desire to eat healthier, it did for me. Good luck,a dn remember that it takes time to truly change your life, an overweight person can go on a crash diet and lose a huge amount of weight, but they will gain it bakc because they did not really make a long term change in the way that they think and act and live for the rest of their lives, you need to be in it for the long haul to become a healthier person.

I am surprised about this boy's behavior (I myself being part Korean). It sounds like he has been spoiled on food for sometime now and he is used to getting his way. Then again, the Korean culture tends to spoil the boys more than the girls.

It might be better to be up front with this boy. Not to give him a huge lecture, because let's face it the attention span of any child is short. It may help to be blunt. Tell him that what he is used to at home is not going to happen here. That his attitude needs to be looked at and that he will need to attempt to improve his health. Don't give him room to weasel his way out. Then make it interesting for him. Go to the mountains, park, one of the reservoirs, sports. Even taking him to places like Monkey Business, or to play laser tag. These are places that have games that require movement.

Then there's his eating habits. The main Korean diet consists of rice and vegetables. Somewhere he has deviated from this more healthy style of eating. Why and how did this happen? He needs to understand that food is fuel for him, not a crutch. Koreans don't normally talk openly about their problems and feelings. It may be difficult to get him to open up. But hang in there. A lot of people would ignore his health and behavior issues because he is not their son. You have really stepped up and shown a lot of compassion for him. Hopefully you are the catalyst that will start a healthy change for him. Good luck!

I taught English in Korea about ten years ago, and I was struck by how thin everyone there was. At that time, I was a size 4, and they told me I was fat! Their culture is very different about weight than we are, so I can guess that your exchange student has probably been ridiculed and treated differently back home because of his weight, and therefore probably has a pretty big complex about it. Maybe he thought coming to America would be an escape because so many Americans are heavy. Hopefully, you can encourage him to be more physical--like you said, plan family activities around things like hikes, bike rides, etc. And stock the fridge and pantry with healthy choices; if there isn't junk around, he can't eat it.

C.,
Instead of altering your family activities to assist him to lose weight, how about simply deciding what is best for any family to experience and going forward with that.
This feels like the most honest way to build your son.

http://intermountainlive.org/facts.xml

Realize that it is a challenge to move around when he is carrying the extra weight non-stop. Imagine what it feels like to have a 30lb weight around your waist that you know to don't appreciate but are burdened with it anyway. When you can really walk a mile in his shoes you will have your answers to the best way to assist him.
With my whole heart,
C.

Hi C.,

I received some excellent advice when I was concerned about my daughter's weight: Make sure she knows that you love her no matter what, and don't "inform" her that she's overweight (people who are overweight are VERY aware of this!).

The most important thing for this young man to hear from you is that you love him and accept him as he is. If you start bringing up the subject of his weight, it can send the message that he is only lovable if he is thin. Obviously this is not a rational belief but that doesn't stop us from taking on such beliefs about ourselves. It can also breed resentment.

Model healthy habits, invite him to join in, provide healthy food choices, make sure he knows that you are available at any time to help him.

My daughter finally came to me one day a few weeks ago and said, "I'm tired of being fatter than everyone else. How can I lose weight?" Because it was her choice, she is motivated and willing to do things that she never would have done if it had been my idea.

Good luck!
B. in CO

I also host children from other countries, so i really sympathize with you. I have one idea. One of the pastors at our church (I attend Bethany Evangelical Free Church, and we also have a spanish church that meets at our church, and Francisco is the pastor of that church) is starting a ping pong club. He is a champion ping pong player, and he is having an open house on Saturday, October 11th.Francisco will be putting people together according to age, and they will meet for classes. It is for all ages, so it might be something that the whole family could take part in. Ping Pong might be a non-threatening "sport" that would give him some activity and inprove his self esteem. The church is at 6240 S. Broadway, and I think that the open house is at 11. Church phone# ###-###-####

I know that you are very well meaning and truly want to help. . . but this isn't your child. This is an exchange student, if I read your post correctly. It isn't your job to help him with his weight. He's old enough to help himself should he want to do so. I would suggest letting go of your desire to change him and spend time showing him American life and culture. He can do the rest if and when he should want to.

I agree to change it as a family, starting out small so he doesn't feel singled out. I had 2 very overweight kids, and this was something I struggled with also, I to am overweight, so I felt like I couldn't really "say" anything, my DD has know lost 60 pounds and looks good, my son is working on it, he is encouraged by his sisters weight loss. Of 7 kids only 2 were over weight, they ate less then the others, but are just programmed that way and have to work harder at it. I didn't limit "junk" food in the classical sence, I bought only so much and divided it up, and that was all they got until I went grocery shopping again. It really worked, they spaced it out and payed attention to what they were eating, and then og course to fill in the blank spots I made sure that there is/was always fresh fruit available, It did take a little extra work for me but once my DD started to see some pounds disappear she became motivated. I don't know if that helped any, but good luck, I could never really come out and say anything for fear of hurting their feelings, so I got creative.

Hi C.,
I am really late in returning to these old e-mails - but I found that by reading up on these, I can understand why I can't find clothes to fit any more - if size 4 is fat - well then size 16 is truly obese!
But, I will say this, and that is there wasn't one that mentioned Karate, TyKwondo, or a personal trainer, all that you son would be grateful for. Yes it is time and commitment - but no greater tool to building self esteem, Mind over Matter, and a wonderful human being.
Cheers for all the encouragement here!
sky

Make changes good for your whole family. Limit the amount of sweets & fats in your house (we only have 1 kind of sweet treat available - cookies, or cake occasionally - and usually we don't have chips available at all). Especially watch the drinks as soda and koolade (sp?) have lots of sugar but so do fruit juices (almost as much even if it is 'natural' fruit sugar, get the nutrients from whole fruit!). Even diet sodas can cause problems. So teach everyone to drink mostly water! Serve healthy meals with TONS of veggies, either raw or steamed (frozen is good too if you don't drown it in water when you cook it). You'll be helping this young man re-create good eating habits.

Get everyone active. Turn off the t.v. and go to the park. Take a frizbee or football, or a basketball, and play. If he wants to join, great, if not don't push, but have fun! Go on family walks and expect him to join (go slow!!) I also like a few games on the wii that get you moving (can't remember the name, but it is golf, tennis, and boxing).

Can you have him checked by a doctor to rule out medical issues. Maybe he has mild asthma or something that makes it hard to be active, beyond the weight issue.

But I totally agree that your love and caring should have nothing to do with his weight. Let him know how much you care frequently. At random times. Without brining up weight/food/exercise. :)

Hi C.,
I agree mostly with the other Moms. The best way to go here is to make sure everyone in the house is eating well. Fresh everything when possible, lots of fruits and vegetables, limit or eliminate prepackaged foods. Just take this opportunity to improve the health of everyone and he will benefit as well. Encourage him to at least try every activity that you are all involved in. Sometimes children, whether heavy or not, need an extra push to get going. Go for walks together and just easy fun things to get you all moving and, since he is along for the ride he will benefit. Otherwise I would not point out that any of this is for him or that you think he needs to change.
Take care,
B.

I hope you are well. I'm reviewing old e-mails and found this discussion about your boy's health.

I'm sure that you received lots of advice. The immediate thing that comes to mind is (a) get all the junk food out of the house and (b) make a big effort to serve fruit/vegs at every meal.

I understand that the teens may be grabbing their own lunch and breakfast in the kitchen. Still, put out appealing fruit/vegs, and they will eat them. My children always eat more of these when I make this effort. They know where the fruit bowl is, but if I put the fruit directly in front of their face, it gets eaten.

Plan family activities -- walks down trails, etc. -- and bring along fruits/vegs. These foods will become a habit, and that will be the beginning of his weight loss.

my idea is to have a family council and talk about how you feel with your body image. let them know that you need help in being healthier and happier. let everyone make suggestions. write them down. tell them that you'll pray about it, or at least think about it. i think prayer would be stronger word usage, especially if you do it. You'll have revelation from God, and you might get a little bit more respect in reguards of what you choose to do. The next day, tell them your plans, which will hopefully involve everyone helping, like eating better and being more active. Also, you could just ignore the kid's complaints and take everything he says about weight lightheartedly.

Celeste,
I hear your concern loud and clear. Middle school years are difficult for most children, regardless. I do not feel qualified to comment on the psychological component of this issue. I Know it is a big part of the whole here. I wish you and this boy luck as you communicate about his.
Other thoughts I had are:
Does not the school have a health class that teaches nutrition? Our elementary school taught the kids about the energy in - energy out idea and that food is fuel for the body. Would you put the wrong kid of fuel in a super sports car? NO! so, why do would you choose to put the 'wrong' kind of fuel in your body? (Or if you do - 'cause it tastes so good, what may happen?)
That analogy went a long way in third grade. The kids brought up what would happen to the engine if you did -long term health effects, etc.

Also, our local rec center offers a wise lifestyle class. It is targeted to elementary kids, but a teen center near you may offer the same. Does the Airforce offer any support for your family to exercise more or will they help you connect to other families who desire to be more active?

Just looking on line at the usda site about the food pyramid or health stats for complications connected to being overweight may help this boy begin to see what his choices today can possibly bring him in the future. Also, and more importantly, that he has a responsibility to himself. He can make a difference in his own life, when he begins to choose to change his mindset about himself and his exercise habits.

Big ideas and thoughts to 'push' on an 8th grader! I hope you and your family can find a way to be supportive and gentle.
-A.