Looking for Some Advise to Help Me with a Older Child.......

A screwdriver will help with the door locking. Quit washing hwer clothes, cooking her meals etc... Also charge rent in other words show her the real worle

I remember 18, it wasnt that long ago, as I am 23 now. A LOT has changed since then. Teenage girls are hard to handle. Hormones, curiosity, etc. They need space, but also a feeling of comfort at home. If she thinks she will get in trouble for what she is doing, she will hide it, and you will see it in her attitude.

I can't believe that I am saying this, but take the lock of the door...it's your house. You have every right to ensure the safety of your other children. Also, make her pay rent if she won't do things around the house. Unfortunately she is at the age where she can basically do what she wants, but being under your roof, she is like a tenant. It will get better!

Been there done that got the tee shirt for it. My daughter started being like that at 15 those misrable years. i coudnt sleep at night cause she would sneak out the rotten friends she had . the one thing i did let her know was i loved her but i would not put up with any more of her behavoir you can go to the drug store they do have home drug tests all you need is some of her hair. and being 18 now for your daughter its tougher cause now you really are not resposible for her yes you want her safe as we all want for our children. my own daughter is turning 20 in feb fianlly got her high school diploma and she is joining the Airforce i am proud of her she finally realaized that most of her friends were loosers and getting into trouble or arested or have gotten pregnant and she didnt want to go down that road but yea take lock off door and do drug test if its positive do an intervention and get her the help she needs
good luck to you

D.,

I am also a step mother of 2. Joe is 17 and Kate is 15 1/2. I have a daughter that turned 3 in July, a daughter that turned 2 in June and am pregnant. I can understand your concerns about your daughter. Fortunetely Joe and Kate are pretty good kids that have a good head on their shoulders. I don't think they would ever get involved in drugs or drinking. Possibly because of the problems it caused their birth mother. Their father has full custody so they live with us. One problem is that I feel they don't do enough around the house to help. Not that I want to slave them but I feel they need to learn to be responsible. It really drives me crazy how little they do. I worry about Joe because he spends so much time in his room on the computer. It's his last year of highschool and he doesn't seem to have any interest or desires to do anything. About the door locking, it sounds like a typical teenage thing to do, but I would stay alert to "the smell". One thing I always try to do is keep the comunication open. I told Kate that if she ever got into a bad situation that she could always call me. I would rather that then get in the car with a drunk driver. I feel it's important to have your children feel comfortable to talk to you. I know that's not aways possible and they will probably always have secrets from you. You could try talking to your daughter and be straight up about your concern that she is doing drugs. Maybe if she feels confortable she will confide in you. You can also go to the extreme and buy a drug test kit and make her take it. How old are your other children? What does your husband think? Well, I hope that I could be of some help. If you ever want to chat you can email me at ____@____.com Hope everything works out. Hey, it's not easy being a mother!! Smile.

My son Had the same Problem, what i did i submit to the Lord , I pray all the time and what i also .This my sound crazy but u need to let go.Then be open when she come to you and learn to listen.There is something bothering her but u cannot pry it out u have to let she caome to u. I also try to ignore him, this is going to be very hard at first , but with God u can do all things. I also let him konw that if i am to respect him he has to reciprocate

First thing you need to remember is THIS IS YOUR HOUSE. She is 18 yrs old, so she can "legally" do whatever she wants. Is she still in school? Is she planning on college? Is she planning on you paying for college?

You have a responsibility as a parent to know what is going on in your child's life, especially if they are living under your roof. Until she has given you sufficient reason to trust her again, I would take the lock off her door.

You cannot control who she sees when she is out of your site, so coming down on her friends will do no good.

Does she have a car? Is it in your name? You DO have a right to know where that car goes and who is in it. If anything should happen YOU would be responsible for her actions. If you suspect that she is involved with drugs, then you would be best off not allowing her use of the car if she might be under the influence.

If she doesn't like it, then she is old enough to get her own place, get a job and pay her own bills.

Our jobs as parents is not to raise children, but raise adults. And she needs to know that with adult decisions come adult responsibilities and adult consequences.

Good luck!!

D.,

I wish I had experience with a child that age, but I don't. I can offer you advise from my experiences as a teenager though. LOL>... I never really was rebellious, but I do remember being resistant to my father and Grandmother's advice. I remember doing things that they wouldn't approve of and thinking I had all the answers. I think that is a lot of what your daughter is going through.
Is she working a job? Is she paying you "rent"? Is she doing her own chores like laundry? If not, she should start to do some of those things to foster a sense of responsibility. That helped with me.
Also, if you have any stories you could tell her about your teen years where you didn't listen to your parents and it ended up that you should have, tell them to her. Make it fun, don't lecture her, it won't work. Just take her to lunch one day and start to tell stories.

Good LUCK!!!

Everyones's advice is pretty good. You don't have alot of weight legally because she is 18. Actually at 16 in NJ kids seem to have more rights than parents. I have a 16yr old and 21yr old(girls) and they are just a handful in general. Talk to her first, a serious intervention. Tell her things have to change, and let her know how worried you are. Explain that at 18 she has some responsibilities, but make your choices reasonable. If you are paying for the car have her start paying something towards it, or at the least let her cover her part of the insurance. If she can't, no car. Same with cell ect. Respect her privacy but tell her the locked door and all the secrecy is very disturbing. Ask her what she would think of the situation if she were in your shoes. Wouldn't she be suspicious? My daughters' friend is 20, going nowhere, never kept a job, ran up the phone bills and put alot of miles on her mother's leased car. Mom and stepfather put their foot down and started charging $75.00 mo. rent for her room and $100.00 mo for car insurance. She had to put enough gas in the car each time she used it to bring it back to its original level when she took it out that day. If gas was short, she didn't get the car for a week. If she did not agree to the terms they told her she had one month to get out. When their daughter looked at the expense of trying to live on her own, with no car ect., she changed her tune and now abides by all the house rules. It may not work for everyone, but tough love may be the only answer with a child that age. Good luck and God Bless.

D., My name is C. and I am the mother of an 18 year old, the only advice that I can give to you is to use tough love, you cannot live their lives for them no matter how much we might want to protect them we can't. The only thing that I can tell you is never turn your back on them. At this age they think that they know every thing and we know nothing because we were never their age. When reality sets in she is going to come right back to you so be there for her and never ever say I told you so. I hope this helps a little.

Treat her like she's six. With that said, the rest will come naturally.