Looking for Support - Oregon City,OR

I am so sorry that you are going through this.

I had a miscarriage in 2005 at 11w, but my body didn't acknowledge it. They went in and did a D&C that night. It all happened so fast. I was sleep at the time and didn't get to see my baby. I regret that. I don't know what it would've looked like, but I wish I had at least seen it and held it. I also don't know if it was a boy or girl. I REALLY regret that too. It's been 3 1/2 years and I still grieve for that baby, even though I went on to become pregnant again a few months later, and delivered a healthy baby girl.

M.

About two years ago I went through a very similar situation. We named the baby and had him cremated so he can be in our house with us everyday. It was an absolutely heartbreaking day. The only regret I have is not taking pictures. It seemed so morbid at the time but now I wish I had taken pictures. The hospital did take pictures for us but the picture quality was very poor. His footprints were done on his crib card and they gave us the blanket he was wrapped in when they did the pictures. Spend as much time with her after the delivery as you need.

As far as the delivery went, I was induced with pitocin. I was offered pain meds and or an epidural if the pain got too severe. I fortunately did not need either. There was alot of cramping but it was tolerable. The nurse did get an order for Ativan and it helped tremendously and knocked me out. I woke up to deliver. It took about twelve hours after the pitocin was started for me to deliver and then had to stay at the hospital for another couple of hours. Going into this I had no idea what to expect and definitely didn't expect it to take so long. They administered the pitocin at such a high dose that they ran it for 3 hours and then shut it off for 1 hour and on again for 3 hours and off again for 1 hour. Hopefully everything goes well for you considering the circumstances. My nurses were amazing and very helpful. They warned me that the labor would be long but the actual delivery would be all of the sudden and it was, and the doctor would most likely not make it for the delivery and he didn't. He did come in after the delivery to deliver the placenta and check me out. If you have any other questions please feel free to email me at ____@____.com. I hope I helped answer some of your questions. I hope everything goes well for you. It is such a difficult thing to go through but it does get easier as time goes on although I still think about it EVERY day.

I am so sorry that this has happened. This happened to a good friend of mine and we talk about it often (she lost hers at 37 weeks and was induced). One thing she told me is that the nurse urged her to take pictures of her son. She was reluctant at the time but she says now that she is so glad she did so she has a way to remember him. She is also seeing a grief counselor right now (even though her son was lost 10 years ago) because she didn't allow herself to grieve fully when it happened. She said she wishes she had seen the counselor back then .. and she said getting away for the weekend with her husband after it was all over helped too. I know this is such a hard thing, and I wish I could take away all the pain ... I believe your little girl is in heaven waiting for you ...D.

K., I'm so sorry for you. I have never had to endure a miscarriage, but I try to prepare myself (as much as I can, anyway) for that possibility each time I'm pregnant. I believe that life begins at conception, and what Psalm 119 says, that God knew us in the womb, knit us together, and had our days planned out beforehand. Our sin-tainted bodies don't always work right, and bad things happen to even unborn bodies. But you can find comfort knowing that God loves each life and your sweet baby girl won't have any of the pain and sorrows of earth.

I read an article once by a woman who miscarried and she said that for a few weeks friends and family were kind and supportive, but then they moved on and seemed to forget the whole thing, because the baby was never really "real" to them. Be sure to take the advice the others gave and find women who have gone through this and know that the loss of a child is felt forever, not just a couple weeks.

"Cast all your cares upon Him, for He cares for you."

I have had miscarriages, but none as late as yours. Even so, it is very sad, and this goodbye is not something you will be able to do in a day - it will probably take a lifetime. I know of an organization called "Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep" that has (I believe) voluteer photographers who will come to the hospital and take pictures for you of your baby and family together (if that's what you want) at any time night or day. I don't know if they are here in spokane, but you should look up their web site and see, the testimonials make me think it's worth it.

A friend of mine went through this. The most surprising part about the procedure was its length: the staff told her it could take up to five days. For her, this was not the case, but knowing beforehand is helpful. I'm so, so sorry for your loss. Even though I don't know you, I'll be thinking about you in the coming weeks and sending you healing thoughts.

I just wanted to offer you virtual hugs and prayers. I haven't been through this but three of my friends have.

One thing that was very helpful to them long term was having some photos to remember thier children. This (http://www.nowilaymedowntosleep.org/) organization was very helpful to them.

I've heard the three of my friends speak together about thier losses. One who chose not to have photos greatly regrets that now. Each must do what they feel is right for them.

I am so very sorry you are going through this.

All I can offer is my sympathy and prayers. When you are ready, my girlfriend makes life like "babies" and it has helped others. http://www.weebundles.com/index.html I hope you find the support you need during this difficult time.

You have recieved lots of wonderful and tender advice. I cannot offer advice, but just know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. PLease take good care of yourself thru this....

I'm not sure what they found with your baby girl, but several years ago I found out through ultrasounds that my baby boy was not going to live past birth. I chose not to be induced, but to carry him the whole pregnancy anyway (I don't know what your circumstance is-- this may not be right for you) but I really treasured every moment of that pregnancy. I was grateful to know beforehand so that we didn't have great expectations for a healthy baby only to find out afterwards. That being said, it was still incredibly difficult. Start talking to people and you will be amazed at who has had similar experiences, and they will be your best source of strength. I also suggest that you name your baby girl, and plan a simple service after her birth if they will allow it (where I was living, 20 weeks was the cut-off between "disposing a fetus" and burying a baby (Harsh, I know!)
Please know that you are not alone, and your baby is precious even if gone too soon. Best wishes and prayers for you.

I had a friend years ago that lost a baby at 38 weeks. She had a professional photographer come and take some amazig pictures of the baby with family members. It was very special to her and helped tremendously with her healing. I thought there was a company that does it for free, but I don't remember what they were called.

I am very sorry for this saddness for your family. I've never been in this position, but one night when I couldn't sleep I stumbled on several websites for parents who lost chilren during pregnancy but still needed to deliver them. I think they call those babies "born sleeping". The parents memorials to their children were very touching and had some wonderful ideas on how to honor the memories of their precious little ones. Many included pictures of their babies after being born (it initially sounds morbid, but as one mom put it, they are still precious little gifts from God and you should take pictures as you would had they survived). My heart goes out to you and may you find some comfort in connecting with parents such as yourselves on these kinds of sites.

I'm so sorry for you. I've miscarried two babies and they were both much earlier.

My neighbor lost her baby around 20 weeks though. One of the things they did was keep some of the hospital things like the hat, cord clamp etc. They named their son (of course) and talk about him rather freely. They now have two healthy children and are on the other side of it. It sucks for sure, but you will get through it. Lean on people and let them help. Greive your loss. It's a loss nobody should ever have to endure.

I had a miscarriage when I just entered the second trimester. The advice I'd give to anyone in any type of situation where a parent has to say goodbye is to pray. Pray, pray and then pray again. The most comfort I have ever found is in knowing I am not alone, and that heavenly father loves me. He loves you and he loves your baby. Also, talk about it. I went to a counselor to vent and grieve. My mom (and entire family) were an amazing support system. Don't be afraid to cry, scream, and feel angry. They're all stages of the grieving process and if you hold yourself back you will just hinder your own emotional growth. I'm so sorry, but please know your baby is in heavenly fathers hands.
Love A Sincere Soul

I am sorry to hear of your loss. Here is a website with a whole bunch of different Baby loss sites. I wasn't sure which one fit your situation better but figured you could decide that for yourself.
http://www.babylosscomfort.com/grief-resources/
this one has some other options for baby loss http://www.babylosscomfort.com/index.php
I also strongly urge you to do a google search for the particular issue of yours and see if there is a support group for it. you would be amazed at how many are out there created by the people who have been through it.

S.

I just wanted to say that my thoughts are with you, and I'm sending you support from here. I haven't been through this but wanted you to know that there are yet more people out here sending you healing thoughts. I wish you and your family the best and am sorry you are having to go through this sad experience.

K., my heart goes out to you.
We had a late miscarriage/stillbirth in our close circle of friends and after the initial shock was over my friend had two main regrets: she did not hold her baby (emergency c section under general, she was too tired/sad) and they did not have pictures. Those are two things I would advise you keep in mind.
One more thing, if your doctor hasn't already prepared you, you might have your milk come in after the birth. This is often the most cruel and heartbreaking reminder of what just happened, you can talk to your physician about meds or other things you can do to minimize this.
My condolences to you and your family.

I don't have any advice, but my heart is with you.

My husband and I lost a baby 5 years ago at 19 weeks, when we didn't hear a heartbeat at our ultrasound. I found great comfort in attending Brief Encounters support groups after we lost the baby and during my subsequent pregnancy. My thoughts are with you and your husband.

A.

I dont have any advise but my heart and thoughts are with you.

I just wanted to say that I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I have lost three babies, but too early to have to deliver them. However, I also didn't know whether they were boys or girls, and never got to see or hold them. But I did name them all. And I believe they are in heaven waiting for me and my husband and our other children. As hard as it will be for you to go through delivering this baby, hopefully you will be able to hold him/her and even take pictures, etc., which will help give you some closure. I will be praying for you. I know how hard it is to let them go.