Looking for Support from Moms with "Surprise" Pregnancies

I am 24 weeks pregnant my self. I did not find out that I was pregnant till I was 17 weeks. I did not even suspect that I was because I had had my tubes tied 3 years ago! I have been having problems with my periods since I gave birth to my youngest over 4 years ago....so did not think anything of it when I did not have one for a while. There are many reasons why I had my tubes tied. I am 37 years old, two of my children have dissabilities, and my last two pregnancies where very hard on my body.

I think I would have known I was pregnant if I had gotten sick. I was very very sick with all 3 of my other babies. So far this pregnancy has been the easiest one for me :-) I have had 2 ultrasounds and an ECO just in the last 6 weeks so make sure everything is ok.

I cried when I first found out that I was pregnant. I am very happy about it now. I know that God wanted me to have another. I pray every day that this baby will be a healthy one and am looking forward to the day I can hold him.

I can relate to you!!! I got pregnant on our honeymoon. Then surprize, when my daughter was seven months old I found out we were pregnant again, all on birth control. (My husband has had surgery!) I had horrible pregnancies(all day sickness for 9 months), and the only thing the got me through was the Lord and watching my daughter when she was a baby when I could. Keep doing what you are doing by reaching out to other mothers, it helps so much!! My daughter's are sixteen months apart and both born on a 16. It makes for a great story 4 years later. THe joy of pregnancy to me is after 9 and a half months when you look over the bassinet and see that little bundle and can not believe it took only nine and half months. You can do it, you are a mom and moms can do anything!:)

I am a married mother of 4 and our last one was a huge surprise! we had been through custody battles over my husband's son from a previous relationship. We had went through two miscarriages and several other intense family issues. The youngest was 8 months old when I realized I was pregnant. I was devastated. I cried and cried. I never particularly had bad pregnancies. I was fortunate to not experience the morning sickness. Our older 3 kids are all boys. Once I sucked it up and decided that there must be a reason that this one was coming, everything went smoothly. The happiest moment came when we found out she was to be a girl. It meant that this one really could be the last. It took a while to see that the pregnancy could be enjoyed. My hubby had to change jobs to make more money, but by the time she was born she was already royalty. Her brothers (all of them) loved her and fought over doing the yuckiest jobs for her. The age difference being only 17 months between the youngest has been trying, but fun. She has just turned 3 and the next one is still 4. I love every minute of it. Hope this all helps you to see that it can work out.

Hey M.,

I felt like I had to respond to your dilemma because I have such a similar situation (in some ways, at least). Except I think I'm a bit older than you with a few more kids than you have.

I got pregnant when I was 40. Needless to say, it was a surprise. I, too, was charting (do you do NFP?), but I guess my body's changing as I get older. At the time, we already had four wonderful children, with the youngest being 8 years old. I thought God was finished sending us children so, while my husband was away on a weekend retreat, I thought I would surprise him by cleaning out the attic and giving away all the baby and toddler clothes and equipment that I had been storing. THE NEXT WEEK I GOT PREGNANT! God certainly has a sense of humor :)

Well, after we got over the initial shock, we decided we were thrilled. We would have a baby in the house again, and the older kids would have a chance to help raise and nurture a younger sibling. By the way, we also homeschool (just finishing our 12th year), so the kids are home to help me all the time. I should insert here that I have a house full of boys, ages 18, 15, 12 and now 3. My only daughter is 21 and a junior in college. She helped raise all the boys until she moved out.

Anyway, our baby (now toddler) has been such a joy and a blessing to the whole family. Altho I'm older and stiffer and more tired, God gives me the grace every day to do what I need to do to care for and love all of my children. And the kids really do help me and each other. It's a pleasure to watch them interact with and teach each other. Not that it's always paradise, but the joys certainly outnumber the trials. It also helps that I'm married to the most wonderful man in the world, who supports me in home schooling, mothering, NFP, and basically everything I do.

The other similarity in our situations is that I've got a little one in heaven, too. Six months after this surprise baby was born, I got pregnant again. But I lost him half-way through the pregnancy. Our three-year-old would have been 18 months older than this baby. I really wish he were with us, but I know he's praying for us from heaven. I even ask for his help occasionally, and I know he has God's ear.

So, my advice to you would be: PRAY! If God has decided to bless you with another child, know that He will give your family the grace to raise and love this child.

--Look forward with joy to the friendship this new baby will share with your next to youngest child as they grow older together. And think what an opportunity this will be for your five-year-old to feel grown up as she helps you during your pregnancy and with the babies. (As I said, my daughter helped me raise all her brothers. I had each of the four children about 3 years apart from each other.)

--Communicate with your husband. Affirm his role as provider for the family and caretaker, and as your perfect partner. Encourage him to take the kids out for some "bonding time" when you need a nap or a break. Remind him often what a good husband and father he is.

--Know that you're not alone. In our Catholic homeschool group, there are lots of families with 8-10 kids, most of them two years apart or less. They seem to be doing just fine. If they can do it, so can you.

--Know that I'll be praying for you. And pray for yourself and your family. Ask your child in heaven to pray, too. She probably already is.

God bless you :)

My children are grown with their own litlle ones. I had six in ten years and it was tough but somehow all of us survived.
My last two were really surprises and I knew that I would go crasy. I didn't, they are wonderful and I count my lucky stars for each and every one.
We just had Easter at our house with our big egg hunt. I don't know which one that I could do without. They are my biggest pleasure.
When they would leave the house, I asked God to guide and direct them to make the right choices, most of the time they did. They are always in my prayers.....it works!
Don't forget to take care of Mommie, too. Nap even if the house isn't ready for inspection. When Daddie comes home, have the area near the door that he comes in picked up and.....for heavens sake, smile and act like you are glad to see him, even if you have had a rough day. He probably had a rough day too. You might be the first smile he has seen that day. Remember, the kids can sense if their parents are happy. Good luck and just put one foot in front of the other, even if it isn't pedicured!

Hey I kind of know what you are talking about. I found out that I was pregnant (while on BCP) and my daughter at the time was only 9 months old. I remember taking that pregnancy test and finding out I was pregnant I was scared, excited, and confused all at once. I wasn't really sure what to do. When Triton (now 9 1/2 months) was born my daughter was 18 months old. It has been very trying but in the long run it will be good and it won't be too bad. But right now having a 2 yr old and a 9 1/2 year old it is stressful.

Ah... the "oh" pregnancy.... I had one too -I nursed my first born for 8 months and then finally weaned her... I kept waiting for that first period, and waiting, and waiting.... When she was 11 months old I had that feeling at dinner one night with my husband. I just felt it- so we immediately went to the store and got a pregancy test.. and yep...so here were were with an 11 month old and one on the way. I felt so guiltly for not feeling ready and being so stressed about all the first time mom things- I really felt that I couldn't handle another pregnancy. Sadly, we found out at 11 weeks (our first appointment) that our baby girl had cystic hygroma and would probably not survive. From that point on all feelings of "how can I do this" all went out the window... I wanted to cherish the time I had with my baby. She stayed with me for 20 weeks. It really woke me up to the fact that she wasn't a burden or a suprise, but a gift. She wouldn't have come if I couldn't have handled it. It brought me and my husband closer together and we even "decided" to try again after my body healed.. I now have a 3 1/2 year old and an 18 month old.. we are looking to try again soon. It was the "suprise" pregnacncy and all those feelings of being scared that made me realize that this is what I was meant to do on this earth- to be a mom. I cherish my time with my children so much more now- and part of that stems from those first feelings of "oh no". It is important to build a good support system and except as much help as they are willing to offer! Best of Luck!

Hang in there. I have not had this situation, but have a close friend who was in this situation. They have done wonderfully. The kids are close and they have a very special family. It hasn't been easy, but she has done great with it as I'm sure you will too. You must be a strong person to have gone through everything you have and you will make it through this too. Look at it as a wonderful blessing that God has sent to you and good luck!

You have to constantly remind yourself that God doesn't give you more than you can handle. You have to constantly remind yourself that God will meet your needs.

I have 5 children (8, 5, 3, & 10 month old twins). I've been sick every time and each one was some sort of surprise, and very welcomed. I would have to remind myself how fast time flies. I would think back to childhood or adolescence and think can you believe I was 16, 15 years ago. I remember it like yesterday. Or I would think back to the most recent pregnancy and see how fast it went by and how fast the child has grown.

Find someone who is an encourager and will support you when get down.

I just wanted to let ya know, that you are not alone...I had my oldest one, and got pregnant fairly quickly with her..With my second one, i waited 4 years before I got pregnant..thinking that since it was so hard for us to get pregnant, we didn't take any birth control...One time, one month, when my second one was 6 months, we found out we were pregnant again...she came early os they are 13 months apart...My husband didn't know if he should be glad or cried...Because i just cried..I didn't want to be pregnant for 9 months again, and I don't handle pregnancies well...It was really hard on me...But I made it through..And I wouldn't trade my little kris for anything...She was a special gift. I just didn't know it....It will be hard, but it will all be worth it...just know that you are not alone, and that this was just a little unexepected gift, that you will treasure....

B.

Hello M., I am so sorry about your loss, But it seem's God is still giving you much more Blessing's, I pray I never have to loose one of my children, I am a Mother of 4 all grown now & married, 3 Grandchildren, That must have been a terrible time for you and Hubby, What may I ask was wrong with the little one that passed away?? My heart hurts for you.. I had one Suprise Pragnancy, the last of my Children, And I must say all of my children were very precious, But the one that came last was my little baby she was so cute!!! And very special... Hope you have a safe and easy delievery this time around,and love her or him, Good luck.. Joy...

M.: Surprises are just little miracles from God. I know your probably saying "lady this not a miracle"! I too had a surprise. My two boys are 18 mo. apart! When I found out, my husband had just had back surgery and was bed-ridden for 6 mos.,plus I had my other son and a full time job! Yes, your hands are going to be full, and you will feel overwhelmed at times, just remember, your daughter in heaven is with you thru-out this and maybe wants you to have the joy back of bringing another brother or sister home to a loving family. God will never give us more than we can handle, so try to look at this pregnancy as a BLESSING, not a surprise. Keep open communication with your husband about your feelings everyday, call a very close friend or network of friends for moral support and always let your doctor know if you are having any up and down springs mentally! The experience of a child on each hip will not only make you a better person and a better mother,, one day as your loading all three out the door, you will say to yourself,""what a lucky person I am to have such three beautiful children, I am truly blessed!" You can even contact me, I always have time to talk with someone who is now facing what I have already been through, because the end result is a beautiful child that will have your heart overflowing with love!
M. H.

Count your blessings....ladies, all that posted that you have been thru the same thing....count your blessings...my daughter has been trying for 6 1/2 years to get pregnant..she has had two miscarriages, 5- IUI's and 1 invetro procedure that failed....she is completely devastated...the invetro procedure was just a little over two weeks ago...we pray constantly for her to be able to get pregnant and have a healthy baby...and for her to have a healthy pregnancy...so...if you are blessed with children, then just praise God for the blessings...

I have two wonderful little boys who are 17 months apart. I was the same way as you I was in "TOTAL SHOCK". When I told my husband I started crying my eyes out. I was very bitter to begin with because my first was just 8 months old. I couldn't fathom how I was going to take care of my first and my second. I didn't know how I was going to diaper two children nor take care of them. I too went through post partum with my first but you know what it worked out wonderfully. I just wish I had enjoyed my pregnancy more. It went by extremely fast because I stayed so busy with my first one. Trust me look at it as a blessing because it truly is. My two little boys fight sometimes but they are so close and my oldest one mothers the youngest. It is so sweet. Just take things easy and be happy. All things will work out in the end. Congratulations!! and Enjoy.

Let's look on the bright side . . . losing weight once, definately better than losing it twice.

Remember those difficult toddler years . . when it is hard to shop, eat out, etc... They may be twice as difficult, but they will be over much sooner. Those of us who space our kids 2 - 3 years apart, spend like 10 years always having a tantruming toddler. Your toddlers will be happy preschoolers before you know it.

They are also likely to be great friends. You won't need to buy toys for different stages. They may be able to share clothes when they are a little older. When you plan family outings they will be close in age and enjoy similar type things. You may even be able to sign them up for some of the same activities when they are older - less running around for you.

Regardless of all the pluses, those early months will be tough, get some support ready. Homeschooling is great, but a break for you would be wonderful . . . babysitting co-op? half day enrichment programs for homeschooled kids? A church based mother's day out program one day a week? or a retired neighbor that you could pay to keep the older two one morning a week? Think creative!

I too can relate. My kids are 11 months and 3 days apart. Well after we experienced 3 miscarriages I finally got pregnant with my daughter. I was very excited although it was not fun I was sick all the time, I was also high risk, etc... About 2.5 months and 1 period after my daughter came into this world "Surprise" I found out I was pregnant. It was definitely a shock to say the least, we were trying to wait until my daughter was 6 months old before starting to try to have another baby, but I soon realized there had to be a reason why this one was coming so soon. As to our delight we had a boy, he is the only boy on my husbands side, there are four girls 2 of them being my husbands. I was also high risk again and sick again through out this pregnancy.
I think once you get past the initial shock of this pregnancy you'll be ok, and maybe start to embrace it. I know it's difficult with such a young baby to take care of, I wish you the best.

I just had a baby a few weeks ago and my girls are 12 1/2 months apart. My husband and I planned it that way (we were older when we got married...I was 32 and 33 almost 33 and 34 when we had our girls. We knew we wanted to have 3 children and thought that hitting the ground running was the only safe way. I was not able to lose the weight after Colleen, and I can tell you the second pregnancy was a bit harder 20 pounds heavier. Now that both girls are here our lives are totally about them, and they do consume all of our time, however just think how close they will be growing up! Our "Irish Twins" will be able to entertain each other and play well together due to the closeness in age. I see it as a wonderful blessing and I am sure you will to. God has given you this miracle for a reason. We too did NFP and used it both times to successfully get pregnant. You clearly did not have a starting point because you did not have that first period to begin the charting process. After your baby is born, I suggest using ovulation test strips to avoid getting pregnant until your cycle returns to normal. Couples use them to get pregnant and therefore they are a good tool to avoid pregnancy as well. These strips are like a pregnancy test and they indicate when you will ovulate in the next 24 hours. You will then know to rent a movie and invite all of the children to have a sleep over in your room. No way you can get pregnant then...right! Relax and enjoy your miracle.

S.

I can completely relate to your surprise pregnancy. My first son was 3 1/2 months old when I found out I was pregnant again. My children are 12 1/2 months apart. I cried when I found out and I cried for some time after. It took me 3 months before I told our families and the only reason I did then was cause my hubby made me and I cried when we told them. Soon enough I came to realize that this is what God had planned for me and I do not need to question it. I believe he will not give you more than you can handle. It is hard having two children that young in age but it is not impossible to deal with. You just have to look at the baby as a gift from God and there is no greater gift.

M., My first two are 16 months apart, so I feel your anxiety. When they were younger it was great because they always had someone to play with. Now (they are 10 & 8 /12) it seems all they do is fight. All I can say is start them off right and DEMAND they respect each other and live by the golden rule, something we musta started to late. If you had postpartum depression with the last one, I would ask about meds while you are pregnant that you can continue after you have the baby. My OB gave me something after I had the 2nd and all I wanted to do was sleep, so I threw them out. Kinda hard to care for a toddler and new born and sleep all day!! Good luck and Congrats!
K.

Well, first of all, it sounds like you are being so hard on yourself. Please be kind to yourself right now. The best way for you to get to being pleased about this pregnancy is to be gentle with yourself. Our bodies are not an exact science so even if you did nothing wrong in charting you can still get pregnant. You have been through so much having just had a child and having lost another (which I know well is not something you ever "get over" just something you learn to live with) and now being pregnant again and all that entails plus everything else you described (and I'm sure that is just some of what you are dealing with.) Anyone would be overwhelmed and concerned. In fact, if you weren't THAT might not be normal. So cut yourself some slack. It is ok to feel exactly the way you are feeling. It doesn't mean you are a bad mom or that you won't love this one just as much as the others. All it means is that you have been through alot and are concerned about going through more. Allow yourself some time to be right where you are. When you stop trying to push this part away and allow yourself to truly feel it you free yourself up to let it pass. I think on the practical stuff you have gotten some great ideas already. Eating less sugar and non-processed foods will help with some of the morning sickness and fatigue and generally help you feel better as well as with any weight concerns (although cut yourself some slack there too.) We don't place enough emphasis on eating properly in todays society and it makes all the difference in the world as does getting enough sleep. The pre-natal yoga is an excellent idea as well. I cannot tell you how much you will learn about how to come through a difficult time like this by going to a yoga or meditation group/class. On so many levels it helps. I would try one that focuses on the mind/body/spirit connection and not just the physical aspect of yoga. If you let me know where you are I can probably help you find one if you don't know where one is (you can contact me privately if you want more info) But even if you decide yoga isn't for you, just be kind to yourself. Tell your husband you need 20 minutes a day to do something nice just for you. Go buy a pair of shoes or get a massage or even just take a bath or a walk or read a book in your room. There is a reason things have happened the way they have. Life is an incredible journey of ups and downs. You are just down at the moment. But the incredible thing about life is that just as sure as difficulty will come so will the joy and peace. Hang in there Mamma some incredible blessings are headed your way.

Hi, I have been, actually in almost the exact same situation. I had a 3 1/2 yr old daughter and a 6 month old son and then....surprise, I found out I was pregnant. I cried and cried because I was just adjusting to two and my husband was going to start residency in just under a year (which meant moving...). I wasn't terribly sick, but just that yucky feeling and didn't want to eat anything, tired, etc. A good thing, though is that my son was not mobile yet, so I could set him in the swing or the bouncy seat and sit on the couch and rest if I wasn't feeling well. He was 15 months old when my daughter was born. The first few months were a pretty big adjustment, just dealing with 2 that little, but after just a few months, I was so glad they were so close in age. My son really didn't have many "jealous" moments because he was so young when she was born, it's like she's always been here. Now, they are 6, 3,and 2 and they play together pretty well and my oldest daughter is a great help. Honestly, I was in denial through about the 7th or 8th month of pregnancy....I just couldn't believe I was really going to have another one so soon, but now looking back, I wish I had been more excited, because now, it doesn't seem like that big of a deal. So, I know it's a huge deal right now, but just try to think on down the road and know that shortly, it will be fine and they'll be playing together great and you'll be glad they are so close in age. Just rest whenever you can and use your older daughter to help out a lot. I hope this helps a little bit.
A. (stay at home mom of 3)

I am getting ready to deliver my 7th "surprise" baby so I can certainly relate. They are such a joy when you look at them individually you can't imagine your life with out this one or that one. It is normal to be in shock but just trust this is the plan for you and your family. Preganancy is not easy. For my 3rd I did pre-natal yoga and it made me feel great and really excited about the new baby coming. Now when I do Yoga not pregnant it seems boring. I really recommend doing pre-natal Yoga to keep your self happy. Regarding morning sickness, my new theory is that too much refined sugar in your diet makes you more sick. Eat lots of protein and switch to whole grain pasta and rice. My doctor suspected I may have gestational diabetes so she suggested the diet change and I feel great. Best of Luck to you. It won't be easy but it will be great. Some of the best things in life are unplanned.

Hello M.,

Well look at is like this, you will have them back to back. They will be great friends as well as siblings because of their age and you will not have to decide when a good time to have another one is, the decision has already been made! I am about to deliver my second son and my last one is almost 12 years old. It will be like having another only child. At least you are a stay-at-home mom so you can relax and enjoy the little ones without the pressure of work and the worries of maternity leave. You have alot to be excited about! Best wishes and good luck!

Hi, I understand the surprise, angst, and unexpectedness of these sort of pregnancies. For years we were on fertility treatments ( I have PCOS), we had 3 miscarriages (including twins, so 4 babies). My husband is in the Air Force so he was scheduled to go overseas, so we stopped the treatments and only focussed on the debilitating migraines with high dose daily meds . . . well as soon as he got back we got pregnant while on meds that are entirely too dangerous for pregnancy . . . I was shocked and scared I had damaged the baby. We had our first child Sept 2003, and around December/January my milk was drying up and we couldn't feed our daughter enough . . . mind you, I don't tend to have cycles due to the PCOS. So we called the nurse and she asked if we could be pregnant . . . I laughed and took a test for giggles . . . we WERE! So far all three pregnancies I have almost lost the babies in the second trimester and had to be put on bedrest (honestly, other than that . . . I love being pregnant), however, getting pregnant unscheduled is frightening . . . especially when you have difficult pregnancies or a complicated history. The doctors always did multiple ultrasounds to be sure of the due date as well as the health of the babies which reassured me. My husband also helped alot (when in country lol), but overall you have to try to choose to celebrate the new life and pregnancy that is NOW here and set aside as many fears and stress as you can. Stress only adds to difficult pregnancies. With my last pregnancy (son born Oct. 2007) we found out he was going to be born with health issues at his 20 wk checkup . . . I had to make a choice to celebrate and embrace the new life we were given no matter how scared I was . . . just try to go through baby things, look at pictures of your little ones when they were newborn, and start planning for this one . . . it really does help. I hope you can celebrate this new baby soon, it sounds like you need a little miracle baby.

PS - our first two children are 2 days less than a year apart, lol. Birthdays are crazy. But remember these two will probably be best of friends! Good luck!

Hey M.... My best friend, my sister was 13 months younger that I and we had the best friendship two people could imagine. My mother said as children we were the best playmates and as we grew older we experienced most of our first together. She died 15 years ago and GOD gave me twin boys 8 years ago after man said I could not carry a full term pregnancy (I had three miscarriages before they were born. Now I watch the two of them entertain themselves and I get to be included if they want me. So enjoy what God has given you because it is a reason he chose you to carry this child. Good Luck... L.

Hi! My brother and I are 14 months apart, and we grew up being friends. Still, it was hard on our mom. Here's what I learned from her experience:

She became a nutritionist several years later and found out that, because I followed my brother so closely, she really needed to pump up the volume on her nutrients, because pregnancy can leave a woman a bit depleted. That would have been better for me, as well (the "runt of the litter," as Mom calls me). So you might want to look into that. Be especially sure to eat very nutrient-dense foods, and be as healthy as possible.

I know that's hard with nausea going on! Sniffing or eating lemons helps, and so does eating watermelon (not just old wives' tales) and of course a protein snack before bed, plus crackers by your bedside before you wake up. Try to get some exercise, too. It helps flush out some of the excess hormones that can cause nausea.

About having two kids in diapers. Not necessary! If you're using disposables, invest in some cloth diapers to save a lot of money - you'll be able to use them for both babies. And look into elimination communication, so you can teach your 7-month old son to go diaperless (or at least mostly, if not all the way) by the time the baby arrives. Very doable.

Good luck!
L.

My last daughter was a surprise, too. I feel for you. I'd just like to offer that a good all-natural prenatal vitamin (I recommend Rainbow Light Once Daily) can do WONDERS for curbing "all day sickness". If you can feel better during the pregnancy, you will feel better about the baby. Hire a doula to help you prenatally and through labor, too - that will make things easier for you as well. Best of luck to you!

Well long story, short! Almost 6 years ago I had a lttle girl. And 1 hour after her 1st birthday, I had a set of twins!!! SURPRISE!!! Huge surprise!! We were so scared when we found out! But everything happens for a reason and we dont remember much from the beginning of bringing everyone home, sleep deprived! But we made, still happily married:)lol. And we have enjoyed it so much, that in about 4 weeks we are having another baby!! So it can happen and you will be successful! Just keep in mind.. this shall soon pass. And before you know they will be doing their own thing and you will be able to breathe again!!! Good Luck!!
M

Hi M., I was in the same position My daughters are only 11 months apart. I didn't really have alot of sickness mostly indigestion. My first child was only 11 months old and not walking when I had me second child emergency c-section due to polyhydramnios which she has medical condition now. She had open heart surgery at 9 months old, just after her surgery I found out I was pregnant again with my third daughter. They are ages 3 years, 2 years and 9 months old. I wouldn't give them up for the world. I also have a home daycare all throughout this time. So my hands were pretty full. My biggest advice I can give is be patient, try to eliminate things that cause uneasy feelings, I had a supportive husband and family to help. So don't hesitate to ask for help or delegate chores. Congtatulation and everything will work out perfectly in time. Establish a schedule would also help. I'm a happily married young woman and mother with 3 precious daughters.

I know this is going to sound cliche but my motto is "Everything happens for a Reason". My son was a surprise pregnancy, I was 18. I just took it in stride and figured God knew what he was doing when he made me a mom 3 months before my 18th birthday. I'm sorry that is probably not the kind of advice that you were looking for but that's all I have, lol. Good luck and I'm sure you will find a happy balance to deal with your "surprise". --B.

Hi, I just wantd to it can be done! After I had my first son I got pregnant with my 2nd son while still breastfeeding. My oldest was only 9 months old. At the time, I was really apprehensive about how close they were going to be in age. I had two babies at the same time. I had to make sure I took time for oldest child when my 2nd was an infant so he wouldn't get jealous. If you make it an exciting thing for your oldest and include them it makes it a lot easier. (Especially your oldest child) I wasn't afraid to let him touch the baby but I did make sure he had limits...such as being gentle and not overtouching etc. Just a tip... I used to have "diaper parties". I'd get them at the same time change one while the other one was closeby then change the other one. It made it easier then trying to change diapers constantly. Anyway, a lot of patience and a lot of love go a long way. They are great kids and I wouldn't want it any other way now. They are very close and play together constantly. I think of it as a blessing from God. Actually, it seems like it was a smoother transition with my 3rd son because the other two would play together while I took care of the baby. Just remember, when they're little is just temporary but when they get older they will be great playmates! Pam A

Sorry I can't help you directly, but I can offer a couple of suggestions. Maybe your ob/gyn can get you in touch with a counselor of somesort. I'm not saying you have mental issues, but if you get into right away, then maybe it can help you with your emotions during your pregnancy, and hopefully afterward where it won't be such a tough postpartum time. I am fixing to be a first time single mom, and my son is a surprise. But I couldn't imagine how your hormones are going right now, so I offer you my sympathy!! I would definitly look into the counseling thing, or maybe s/he can get you in touch with a local support group. This website is wonderful, but sometimes talking to someone or a group of someones hits the spot better than chatting online.
I would also like to extend my sympathy to your family for your Daughter in Heaven. It takes a brave person to start rebuilding after a loss, and to have another child despite the circumstances is admirable. I congratulate your family on your good fortunes, and I hope you are able to "get yourself on track"-- I have confidence that you will!!!

I'm so glad you labeled your pregnancy a "surprise" and not an "accident." As you know with the tragic loss of your middle child (I'm so, so sorry!), we are not guaranteed anything, ever. The morning sickness and labor, etc, is a very short time in comparison to the little life that will bless you so greatly. I had 2 surprise pregnancies after my 3rd child was born. The fourth is standing beside me, but the 5th sadly died between 14 and 18 weeks gestation. I now am in the middle of a completely intentional and exciting 6th pregnancy: sick, tired, and full of anticipation. Please make a decision to let go of the reservations you have and know the wonderful gift that you're giving to your other children and the joy you'll have in the future. Also, this child's life has a purpose and he/she is extremly important to God, as are you and your other three! CONGRATULATIONS!

Been there! I've had 7 children. Twin boys age 11, 9 yr old boy, 6 yr old girl, 4 yr old boy, and 16 month old girl. Our other daughter would be 2 1/2 yrs old. She died at 6 weeks. I was pregnant with Nicole about 2 months after Victoria died. I ovulated 2x that month. God sometimes has plans that we don't!

Yes, your pregnancy can be a joy. I'd love to get with you. You can contact me directly if you'd like.