i am at a loss on trying to discipline my 22 mos old. when she misbehaves we put her in time out but she will not stay still. i try to hold her but she just flails around and screams. she also laughs at us when we try to be stern with her. i really need to find a way for her know when she has done something wrong. what does everyone else do with their toddlers for discipline besides spanking.
Hello M.
My daughter is 19mths and I got this idea from a friend. Her daughter wouldn't sit in time-out either. They put a baby gate on her door and every time she acted up she was put in her room for the time of time-out. It worked.
Good luck to you!!
I have 4 children and my 3rd was the terror train! None of the methods I used on my older 2 worked. I had to come up with a new game plan for him.
- look at the cause of the behavior. What led up to it? Are they tired? hungry? Have to go potty? My daughter was notorious for being ornery when she had to poop! She'd act up and I'd tell her "GO POTTY!"
- Redirect unwanted behavior. (ex. I bought bean bags and foam blocks for when he started throwing more dangerous things and we would turn it into a game. Screaming? Start singing a favorite song and get them to join in. Tantrum - ask them to make different faces "Oh that's a good mad face. Can you do a silly face?")
- Copy what they are doing. It sounds strange but sometimes it throws them off enough that they forget the "bad" thing they were doing.(ex. again screaming - I would fake scream in a silly way.
- Do the EXACT opposite of what I want to do and what they expect me to do. Again it throws them off enough to stop the behavior. My older son was being a real rat one day when it was just he and I at home ... I think he was home sick from pre-school. I started to lose my temper. Instead of freaking out I said "We are both in a bad mood. Let's go to the mall and window shop!" We had a great time.
- All else fails - 2 minutes in the penalty box. I could not get my 3rd to stay in time out. While watching a hockey game I had an epiphany! The unused pack and play! It was really too small for him to play in but could keep him contained while I calmed down, cleaned up the carnage, soothed a wounded party, etc. I had it in a corner of the living room away from all the toys. Worked like a charm!
Just remember - 22 months is still kind of young to "get it" when it comes to discipline. I think parents have to be pro-active when it comes to behavior. Set the tone for good behavior by making sure they are fed, dry and rested and then set them up to succeed - not fail.
AN example I give to people ... as I said I have 4 children and I have actually had strangers approach me to tell me how well behaved my children are. I thank them but I know it is easy when I do not set them up to fail! I take them out to restaurants but I know the best ones for them - no waiting / no crowds / familiar food. No one likes waiting an hour for a table then another 20 minutes for food but I know alot of parents who put their children through this. (I love Outback Steakhouse food but I hate going to the restaurant. Get it to go and you get it quicker!)
Good luck and remember it is just a phase and won't last forever!
Hi: Congrats on not spanking. Spanking is definetely not the way to go, although it doesn't always feel that way. My boys are now 6 and 7 and have never been spanked. I recall exactly what you're describing. We used to sit the boys in our lap for time outs facing AWAY from us and holding arms if need be. The timer did not start until they calmed themselves. It's tough work and time consuming, but I believe it's the best way to go. I remember also using the highchair as a time-out spot. I'd put them in it and turn it away from me (not in a corner!) The timer started when they calmed down. Spanking is quicker; a scared dog will respond, but do you really want to go that route? Just be patient and consistent. Good luck! :)
Your really have some good advice here.
For my son he has favorite things, stuffed animals and TV programs. When he would bit at daycare he would not be able to get his favorite stuffed animal, at that time it was a build a bear kitty. I would not take it away the first time he would bit someone but when he didn't it the second day in a row I would show him that I was taking it away from him by putting it up high. He loved to sleep with it so that really hurt him. The next day if he didn't bite he would get it back. The next step was I would take away kitty and not let him watch his Wiggles, he would watch them all day if he could, so this hurt him too. It did break him from bitting his friends in daycare so I don't have to punish him like that as much now.
Take care.
Hi, M..... My youngest is 24 months and I know what you mean. I find it more effective to make the discipline short and simple. I have never used "time out"... not that I don't "believe in it", I'm sure it works for some people, I just haven't used it. No particular reason, I guess. I also have an 8 yr son, a 7 yr daughter, and run a successful home daycare. I currently have 5 kids in care... all 2 yrs and under.
If my son (or any other child) is climbing the treadmill, in and out of pack n plays & cribs, climbing onto counter tops, up the file cabinets, etc... I simply tell him/them to "go down, that's a boo-boo" and don't make a big production of it... that's what they WANT you to do.
If they throw food, tell them "we put food in our mouths, sweetie". Second "offense" gets the food taken away until child is really ready to eat.
In my early childhood classes, we are told to use positive discipline... meaning say "food is for eating" INSTEAD OF using the negative like "Don't throw your food!"
Keep your voice & tone calm and collected. If you get too frustrated, give mommy a "time out" by telling your child "mommy is upset and needs 5 minutes time out. When I come back, we will try this again" ... or whatever fits your lifestyle / situation.
Remember, although this is not DESIRED behavior from a 2 yr old, it IS EXPECTED behavior. We cannot expect a 2 yr old to behave nicely like we might expect from a 10 yr old. Two yr olds do this... we just have to learn how to deal with it calmly and to not give the child more attention than this deserves.
Good Morning M.,
You just described my youngest daughter who is now 5, I still use this method. It took some creative thinking, does your little one have a special blanket, pacifier or toy that she just loves? This is what I had to do, when she misbehaved I had to take her into her room, find her special blanket and tell her that until she decided to listen her blanket is in time out! It was amazing how fast she decided to listen.
My daughter would laugh at us when we tried to discipline her, so I had to think of something that would get her attention.
Good Luck,
J. W
I just read something recently that for some reason really made sense to me. Especially for two to three year olds this time in their lives is about developing emotions and therefore exercising their right to display them. Every time my son gets upset about something and "misbehaves" I can either get angry/upset too or think about it as an opportunity to help him deal with the emotion. I think the key to this reading that made me get it was the fact that if they are not displaying these emotions at this age then something could be abnormal in their development. So - each time that he hears "No" and has a total fit that he can not do something or have something that he wants, instead of disciplining him in a way that chides him for his behavior I try to empathize and redirect. I can't believe how well it works sometimes. I become a broken record "I know you want candy but you can't have candy right now, do you want ... instead?" Over and over again until he gets bored with asking, gathers himself off the floor and moves on. It is easier to do it at home then in a grocery store but all the same it does seem to work and the more consistent I am the shorter the temper tantrum. So if time out is not working (which does work for us especially for hitting the cat, not letting mom change the diaper, throwing something he knows he is not supposed to, so on) try thinking about the behavior in a more developmental way and find ways to help your child cope. You feel like your helping them instead of fighting against them and at least it makes it a little more bearable.
if time out is not working, try standing her in the corner. it's kind of like time out - only she has to face the corner. again time is age appropriate (2 mins for a 2 year old) then talk with her abou why she was punished - make sure she understands what she did wrong or else punishment is useless - she won't know what to do right the next time.
i have a niece that time out did not work on - but when my mother changed it around to facing the corner - her behavior came around.
as for the laughing - i have a son who does that. it's a nervous reaction when he knows he's in trouble. may be the same with your little one.
Your daughter is probably too young to disipline. My daughter didn't really understand what time out means until she was about 2 and half years old. So, I would just ignore her behavior, and at the same time don't give her any positive or negative reinforcement when she misbehaves. Try re-directing her, with another activity when she misbehaves.
Good luck :-)
Sometimes a good spanking works real well. Good Luck!
I've read time out doesn't necessarily help anything. I try to distract or redirect the behavior and not give it over emphasis or extreme reactions unless it is a dangerous situation (hot stove, electric socket, glass, etc.). Too much attention on the "bad" behavior begets negative attention and power conflicts. As a rule, they're just looking for attention. Laugh at her games and silly gestures so she'll seek more positive attention.
What works for us, and my son is 2 years and 2 months, is to tell him 2-3 times what not to do and then say "do you want a spanking?". That usually works. If he is in a very bad mood and crying and acting really bad and won't listen, we take him to his room and leave. He calms down in minutes.
Also, when he doesn't listen when we tell him let's change your diaper, get dressed and things like that in his room, we say "I'll be back when your ready to change your diaper, etc.". That usually works and he will do what we say without leaving the room. If it doesn't, we leave and come back in a few minutes and then he's ready.
I have tried many different tactics. I find for time outs a play pen is great. I can put my 2 yearold in and she can't get out. She might have a fit, but when her time is up I tell her again why she should do what she is supposed to do, give her a hug and she is back up playing.
Hello M.,
I have 3 children and my youngest one is 23 and 1/2 months old. He has just started to express how up set he is when i say NO to things that he can not do or get.
As a parent of 3 i know that TIME OUT for a child in not going to work at this age for him. Right now all i can do is tell him NO with a nice but firm voice and make sure that he learns how to handle his anger after he hears the word NO.
Just try to talk to your child right now. She is too young to completely understand what she needs to do in time out and what it means. Time out right now will only be (SCREEMING AND KICKING AND FIGHTING).
Make sure that you show her lots of LOVE. NOT ANGER.
I have a poem that a friend sent to me and i want to share it with you.
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TO MY CHILD
Just for this morning, I am going to smile when I see your face and laugh when I feel like crying.
Just for this morning, I will let you choose what you want to wear, and smile and say how perfect it is.
Just for this morning, I am going to step over the laundry, and pick you up and take you to the park to play.
Just for this morning, I will leave the dishes in the sink, and let you teach me how to put that puzzle of yours together.
Just for this afternoon, I will unplug the telephone and keep the computer off, and sit with you in the backyard and blow bubbles..
Just for this afternoon, I will not yell once, not even a tiny grumble when you scream and whine for the ice cream truck, and I will buy you one if he comes by.
Just for this afternoon, I won't worry about what you are going to be when you grow up, or second guess every decision I have made where you are concerned.
Just for this afternoon, I will let you help me bake cookies, and I won't stand over you trying to fix them.
Just for this afternoon, I will take us to McDonald's and buy us both a Happy Meal so you can have both toys.. !
Just for this evening, I will hold you in my arms and tell you a story about how you were born and how much I love you.
Just for this evening, I will let you splash in the tub and not get angry.
Just for this evening, I will let you stay up late while we sit on the porch and count all the stars.
Just for this evening, I will snuggle beside you for hours, and miss my favorite TV shows.
Just for this evening when I run my fingers through your hair as you pray, I will simply be grateful that God has given me the greatest gift ever given.
I will think about the mothers and fathers who are searching for their missing children, the mothers and fathers who are visiting their children's graves instead of their bedrooms, and mothers and fathers who are in hospital rooms watching their children suffer senselessly, and screaming inside that they can't handle it anymore.
And when I kiss you good night I will hold you a little tighter, a little longer. It is then, that I will thank God for you, and ask him for nothing, except one more day......... .....
Hi. I am a 29 year old father. Me and my wife have had a wonderful life together. God blessed us with a child too. Our daughter's name is Rachel, and she is 10 years old. Not long ago did the doctors detect brain cancer in her little body.
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God Bless your little one and take care and Have a Wonderful Christmas.
LOVE ONE ANOTHER ALWAYS.
From one mother to another.
The last writer is absolutely correct when she says that you have to remain very calm and use a regular tone of voice, even when disciplining. Kids are looking for ANY attention, whether it's positive or negative and if negative is all they can get, they'll take it. I'd recommend reading anything by John Rosemond, he's totally awesome and as Dr. Phil says, you have to find her "currency." Until you get completely calm, consistent and take away something that means the most to her, she won't get the message. Also, threatening two or three times does not work. If you truly want to "teach" your child (which is what discipline is), then you do so the first time every time. Otherwise, your child will continue to "test" you to find out how many times it will take this time to get the discipline. You have to be a role model at this time most of all, b/c kids need effective ways to learn to manage their emotions, not screaming yelling, threatening or worst of all, corporal punishment. Good luck and just find something you can repeat to yourself when things get tough that brings you back to your goal.
Happy Thanksgiving!
K.
