Major Toddler Going to Bed Issues!!!

I have to say I agree with Tina. As hard as it might be, don't encourage the behavior by rewarding her with your attention.

I know you said you already have a routine. But here are some that work for us:

Prepare her in advance that bedtime is coming soon - we'll read these two books and then bedtime, okay, just one more book and then bedtime... Just keep talking about what she is going to do next until she goes to bed, to give her time to wrap her mind around the fact that bedtime is coming soon.

OR we do something we call TALK ABOUT DAY. When our son is in his bed, we talk about the day - who woke up first him or his brother, what did he eat for breakfast, did he have a friend over or go out somewhere, what did he have for lunch, did he color any pictures, did he get to play with Daddy before dinner, etc. I guess it started so my husband could hear what the boys did that day and just became part of our routine. But, it is something that our son looks forward to doing every night.

Does she have a special lovey? My son sleeps with his Pooh Bear(and puppy, elmo, lyon and sometimes barney - but mostly Pooh). Maybe take her to a Build A Bear workshop and make up a special bedtime friend with her. Let her know that this is HER SPECIAL FRIEND to sleep with her at night. I think they even have matching clothes, perhaps they have matching PJ's for her and the bear? If you make a big deal out of it, maybe she will want to sleep with her new friend?

The only other thing that my Dr. told me was that there are only two things a toddler can control - eating and sleeping. She said that he will eat and sleep eventually and I just needed to have more patience than my son and I will win the 'battle' in the end. He goes through his periods of trying to control his sleeping - either at night or naps. I just keep reinforcing that he needs his sleep - which he absolutly does!! and within days he is back to his schedule.

Good Luck J.

My son was always a good sleeper but he went through a phase when he was scared. I think he was a little older though. But I think you are right that she is doing it because she knows she is getting her way when she does. Unfortunately, I think you have to just put her to bed as soon as she is cleaned up. If you want the behavior to stop that's probably the only way. I saw on a show once that when they do something for attention you should not give them any attention, I know that is tough when she has made herself sick but if you think about it she is really doing it on purpose to get attention and it's not good for her. Vomitting like that can really mess up her insides.

You should use the same techniques that you would use for getting her to sleep on her own initially. Give her no attention when she gets sick, clean her up and put her right back into bed. I'm sure it will be very difficult but you know she's not really sick and what she is doing could potentially hurt her. Talk to your doctor about it. My nephew used to hold his breath until he passed out when he was upset. We thought the doctor was crazy when he told us he did it on purpose. But he never got hurt, as long as we were there to catch him, and he grew out of it soon after we started ignoring the behavior. Good luck, I know it won't be easy. If it makes you feel better get her a little night-lite to help her be less afraid. Talk to her about what she is afraid of and let her know that you understand her fears. It's probably just a phase but if you let it go on it could become a permanent sleep problem. I hope everything works out soon for you.

J.,
The ladies that have responded have given great advice. It definitely sounds like she is responding to your actions. She gets sick, mommy lets her sleep longer, or goes to her, she therefore repeats the action.
I have studied applied behavioral analysis, and most tests have shown that extinction is the only way.
Put her to sleep, kiss goodnight, etc, and leave. Don't come back for at least an hour.

I have twins who for 9 months woke up all night long.

I finally had a friend who gave me the book, "Healthy sleep Habits, Happy Child."

All I can say is that in 3 days, they were sleeping through the night.

They would cry at first. I would not let them cry for more than an hour. (sounds cruel, but it isn't)

The next night they only cried for 10 min.

The key is to get them in bed between 6:30 and 8 pm. No later. They will fall asleep, be consistent. Not only did they sleep through the night, but slept longer.

But if you have not read it already, I highly suggest that you read it. My friend still refers back to it now and then as her 5 year old goes through different sleep patterns.
It is now officially renamed between our friends, "The sleep Bible."

Hey,
Every 2 or 3 months my daughter (almost 3) goes thru this phase not wanting to go to be she doesn't get sick but nothing is right for bedtime (pajamas, hungry ect) luckily it only last a little while and we keep that in mind as we are going thru this frustrating time! One thing my husband came up with is the night night bird, and that seems to work when she hears it its time for bed, although weve been doing that for awhile and just the other day she said no thats the night night birds friend. So they keep us on our toes, don't they! Just stick with your routine, your the mommy but adjust it as needed, maybe something is scaring her or add something new to her routine, with our daughter no matter what we do, we have to read 2 books a night (even if we go out to dinner and its late). Try talking to her throughout the day explaining nighttime routine, I don't know, big hug to you during nighttime! It will change soon! M.

I think there's a middle ground between having her sleep with you, and lying in her bed so that she can sleep. What about if you sit on the floor in the room with her in the dark room. Don't talk to her at all or respond to her. But your presence will probably calm her. YOu can gradually inch toward the door (a little more each night), then finally she'll be able to go to sleep without you there.
I think if you're touching her while she's going to sleep that is giving her more control. But if you're in the room for a while and not speaking to her, then you're in control but still showing concern.
Good luck!

I am going through something similar with my daughter who will be 3 this month. She says she is scared of her bed and she throws a major temper tantrum when I put her in it. No vomiting, but my girl can scream her head off,lol. Anyway, we've been doing better, I make sure she goes to bed at the same time every night after following our normal routine, and then I have to sit on the floor next to her bedroom door until she falls asleep( I sit next to her night light and read a book). The first couple of nights I had to sit there for like 45 minutes, but gradually over a week or so that time has diminished. Right now I can put her in her bed, leave the room, leaving the door like halfway open, and just linger in the hallway. After about a minute she screams "Mommy!" and I just say something to let her know I'm close by and that's good enough. She'll call out again after about 5 minutes and if I'm not there she freaks out and we're back to square one. But I think we're making progress. I have twin boys who are four yrs. old and I did the exact same thing with them when they were about 3 years old, and they go to bed great now. Just make sure you don't talk to her, don't let her sing or play. I tell my daughter to close her eyes and hush, and she listens, as long as I'm there with her. Just try to maintain control, if you can, that's the hardest, and most important part. Good luck to us both!

I know the experts say you have to choose your battles....I once watched super nanny and that was the issue and on that show they just kept putting the child back to bed and did not engage in conversation when they would return him to bed. Our daughter is 20 months old and she has done well with her bed time routine every one and a while we have a rough patch. I have found going for a long walk outside before her bath helps to tire her out. I always do a snack before bed...then a bath...then brush her teeth and I try to stay very consistent. Even with the times.I am a firm believer that adults need quality down time. www.livegreeneasy.com