Make up for 12 Yo

I'm going to be in the minority here.
I don't think kids should be into the makeup until they are older - like high school older.
I don't care if 'all the kids are doing it'.
That's no excuse to look like a raccoon clown from outer space.
Lip gloss is fine.
Save the rest for 16 yrs old.
It's an expensive habit.
Their skin is changing and breaking out - and makeup can make that worse.
She should be old enough to have a part time job to earn the money for her makeup.
She'll appreciate it more and potentially choose more wisely if the cash is coming out of her own pocket.

It is a personal choice. I recall when my daughter decided to try make up while we were on a class trip. Instead of blowing up about it, I decided to go the route of how to wear the make up and the colors that went with her skin tone. She still wears very little make up at her age but has the knowledge of how to apply it for dramatic looks.

Do get her a consult with the Clinique group or MK so that she has knowledge of how to keep her skin clean.

Welcome to teen years on the way to the adult.

the other S.

PS Daughter will be 39 next month.

When my SD started getting into make up and it looked terrible - which was at this age - I scheduled a Mary Kay party for her 13th birthday. She had a couple of girlfriends and their moms come over, a MK consultant brought all of her tools and goodies and did a skin care and makeup class geared towards the girls. She had her own brochures that have a teen line and also brought along current teen fashion magazines to show some current looks and that led some credibility to the idea that she knew what she was talking about. The girls really loved it, picked out what she recommended (pretty, flattering, soft colors) and I paid for her makeup and cleansing products as a gift. I'm happy to say that 5 years later, she still take excellent care of her skin and wears beautiful, flattering, high-quality make up. Before this, she was following her biological mother's lead on harsh colors (lots of black and red), gaudy hair dye, etc. Her coloring is very different from her mother's so the consultant really emphasized what would look best on her fair skin and blonde hair.

I would take her to the Clinique counter or Sephora or something similar and treat her to an age-appropriate makeup lesson, hopefully from a younger consultant who can convince her that heavy liner, etc. really isn't cool or flattering.

Hopefully the heavy liner is more because she doesn't really know how to apply it correctly and not really a look she's going for, If she still leans towards a more "goth" kind of look, then put some rules around it - light, tasteful make up for school, family, church or any other settings where you think it's appropriate but maybe let her play with heavier colors at home or when hanging out with friends. If you're lucky, it will be a passing phase (it was for me and my sisters), especially if you don't make a big deal over it and give her a lot of negative attention over it. The whole Goth thing is kind of labor intensive. I got tired of having to wear so much makeup to pull off the look and was tired of pretending to be miserable all the time LOL. For me, the change came when I saw myself dressed in a pink sweater and light makeup for a play and realized that I looked so much prettier that way and everyone I saw said the same thing. The power of compliments is pretty strong!

It could be her personal style and not a mistake. I wouldn't make a huge deal over it if you are otherwise ok with the makeup. My own daughter (14, almost 15) wore zero makeup until she was in 8th grade (13) and still wears very little most of the time. But she decided she likes black eyeliner and she likes to make "wings" with it sometimes. She has very long blonde hair, blue eyes, and a pale complexion.
It isn't my thing. I don't usually even wear mascara... I wear makeup so "natural" that anything else feels weird to me.

But, she's a top notch student, has a good core group of friends who are like-minded in their interests (excelling in school/band and focused on what type of career path--ER physician, neurosurgeon, etc), not too boy crazy, well-spoken and assertive, and kind.
So, I don't care about a little eye-liner. Several of her friends wear virtually no make-up at all (their own choice) and one or two wear a little, like my daughter (mostly eyeliner and mascara, not much in the way of foundation or lip color).

I figure it's a stage that will pass.

If you haven't taken her to a Clinique counter (or similar) and let them do a "make over" on her, with you setting the parameters, then I would do that. Just to show her how to properly apply the different elements, and also to show her another way to wear it, achieving a different look. It may not change a bit what she does...now. But it can't hurt, and will help her down the road, even if she chooses to ignore it right now.

There are no right or wrong answers. It's a question of what you and she agree on.

Let her have a little fun with it. But, insist that she take good care of her skin by washing off the makeup every night before bed. Buy her those moist towelettes intended for removing makeup, or a good basic cleanser like Neutrogena.

Our dd's dermatologist (not for aesthetics, but because she has skin issues as part of her medical problems) said that he wasn't concerned about some eyeliner and mascara, but when they're fairly young, with fresh skin and a nice complexion, girls shouldn't wear actual makeup like foundation or powder on their face. Leave that for acne coverup, or for when those lines start appearing later in life.

One way to slightly curb the makeup trend is to teach your dd about the benefits of using good quality cosmetics (not questionable junk from the dollar store), and about not sharing anyone else's makeup for health and hygiene reasons, and then make sure you're not providing the makeup carte blanche. Take her to the store and show her how much the good, reliable, name-brand stuff costs, and make sure she contributes, either by paying some of her allowance or earning some extra $. When they realize that a small tube of eyeliner can cost $10, they use less, especially if they had to chip in to buy it.

I think there are very few grown women who don't look back on their young teen makeup choices and wince, or groan, or laugh! It is a part of growing up.

Is this her style or a mistake?

No not all kids this age are doing this. Some do not like make-up at all.

sigh.
i guess you can go all hardassed mom and make her wash it off if you don't like it, yes. many would.
i myself find it pretty mincy that you are fine with make up, fine with mascara, fine with eye shadow, but now are butthurt that she's using another product and it's not your style.
even though 'all the kids' are doing everything across the board, from scrubbed and shiny plain faces to full-on mardi gras sugar skull makeup to go to the mall.
i think i'd find something more important to go all ruley about than some eye liner.
or conversely i'd just say 'no makeup' and be done with it.
this is the equivalent of the nuns getting out the ruler to make sure the skirt hem is no higher than 2 inches above the knee.
ETA if the eyeliner is too goth for you, i suggest you disregard the mary kay suggestions. every single mary kay party i've ever been to had everyone looking like cleopatra by the end.
i love the suggestions to go to a makeup counter and work with a professional. i would sweeten the pot by offering to buy her good quality makeup if she's willing to follow the pro's advice and keep the makeup fresh and minimal (which a good professional WILL suggest to a 12 year old.)
khairete
S.

It really is a personal choice on her and your part. Some kids that age do and some don't. Chances are if it really looks terrible, her peers will let her know and you don't have to be the bad guy. In our house, we actually had a "no eyeliner" policy until the girls were 16 (weird, but true). You could also take her to get one of those "free makeovers" that they offer at like Macy's or wherever - perhaps if a professional tells her it is "too much," she will listen.

Good luck!

Maybe it's her technique. If she's looking goth, maybe suggest a lighter liner, and have her apply short strokes along her lash line instead of drawing on a continual thick dark line.
She could also try smudging it a bit to make it softer.
Up to you about washing it off.

I do not allow my 13 year old GD to wear eye liner. Right now she can wear mascara, light lip gloss and sometimes light eye shadow. I also specifically told her that she would not ever be allowed to have the "goth" look.

have a mary kay party and she will be shown the proper way to apply liner. the makeup counters at department stores will do make up but i don't think they will 'teach' how to apply it, they will likely just pick the right colors and do the application for her.

Don't tell her no. Help her pick better colors - brown instead of black, or a light purple (might sound odd, but I have a lovely lilac-ish color that you can barely see, but brings out my green eyes). Something like that.

It's your call momma! My oldest is 10. So, we aren't there just yet. I'm not exactly comfortable with the idea of heavy make up. But, I think a little make up will help with the curiosity. I remember a time when I was young being so excited to shave my legs, now it's a chore!

My mom took my sister and I to a modeling class thing for the whole day on a Saturday. While we were there we learned how to do make up in a way that was attractive, not too much, and beautiful. I can honestly say that neither one of us ever wore more than we needed or should have, and we don't have any of "those" pictures from high school. Jr. high, before that class on the other hand....blue and pink all the way baby!

Updated

My mom took my sister and I to a modeling class thing for the whole day on a Saturday. While we were there we learned how to do make up in a way that was attractive, not too much, and beautiful. I can honestly say that neither one of us ever wore more than we needed or should have, and we don't have any of "those" pictures from high school. Jr. high, before that class on the other hand....blue and pink all the way baby!

Be the mom. Lay down the law. Tell her she is allowed to wear base, lip gloss, and mascara. That's it. If she's caught wearing more she loses all permission to wear make up.

That doesn't mean she'll listen but it does mean you've set boundaries.

I have seen so many girls choose the wrong base too. That orange stripe around their jaw and chin is soooo unbecoming. It's so obvious it's wrong.

I let my girl wear CG loose powder. I use a mineral powder that is expensive but the CG didn't cost that much. It's also more translucent and not so heavy on her skin. She has that bumpy skin and the base/powder issue is one I'd like to rule on and say no. But it's not effecting the bumpy skin much.

She puts on a small amount of eye shadow. She wears a LOT of makeup in dance and plays so she is very familiar with how the effects can make her look different. I love doing her performance make up. I feel like I've taught her how to emphasize her attributes.

She's only worn eyeliner for one costume, well, two. She did a Shania Twain look for a jazz number where she had a hat at an angle and they were in a dressy looking suit. So the look was similar to her costume for "Man, You Make Me Feel Like A Woman".

That's the darkest and most makeup she's ever worn. So I've been completely comfortable with the amount of make up our girl is trying out on her own.

She doesn't get up hours early to take a shower and do her hair and make up before school yet. She's happy with a minimal look. She's 12 and in 6th grade.

So

Teach her how to use make up in a good way that emphasizes how she wants her face to look. Help her pick the best colors for her skin and eyes.

Make sure you help her find the best cleansing products that will get all the makeup off every night and that will not leave residue.

I don't have girls. That said, I think lip and cheek color with a little mascara is more than enough. My boys are 14 and 15 and their female friends never wear more than that.

im not there just yet on a daily basis, but i have had the same issue through dace recital eye liner. it really made my mother in law mad to see me taking off the thick black eyeliner just after she had taken my daughter to the bathroom and put it on. i have to admit, it did give me a bit of satisfaction since i made a point to do it right in front of her. what i did was to show them all, and my daughter how to apply it properly to excentuate her eye shape and give her just enough outline to shape her eyes and make her eyes pop. after all, that is the point of it isnt it, to pull focus to your eyes? i also got a brown black liner, its just a hair lighter, but just enough to soften the eyes a bit. there is a fun aspect to this, take selfies. if its too dark for you have her do it as dark as she wants, then mirror that on your own face. take a selfie together and edit with clownfaces. then clean up and give her a beautiful makeover in a 'less is more' fasion. edit with princess crowns or something, and hope she makes the right choice when she sees them.

Most of the kids in my middle school are not wearing much makeup. Some do. I think if you allow it, it should be pretty minimal. Usually they don't start getting into makeup until about 8th grade. Before that seems a little young. I think you should pick an age that feels right to you, and tell her that when you are X age, or in X grade, you can wear X.

I think if you give her the date when she can wear it, it's easier to say no now.
There's nothing wrong with waiting for things we want. It's a good exercise in delayed gratification.