Makeing Friends After Having a Family...

I love my family. but it has been really hard to find friends after having my son. I work with a lot of younger people who are in to going out to the bar, ect. So no friend there. We have also moved to Washington state with no close family. I don't beleive in religion. I would like to meet some other moms but have no idea how or where. I guess thats why I am here.

Hello! I had a lot of the same issues and through myspace, I was able to connect with other moms and have found a couple really good friends that have babies the same age as my daughter. It takes a little guts because you have to randomly pick out people from their profile and then contact them. But it was worth it to me!!

S.,

I seem to have the same problem. I don't have very many friends who have kids. The ones who do have kids I just got back in touch with so I haven't been able to get together with them. I understand what you say about how people aren't like you. I'm the same way. I'm also a Christian and I like to have an occassional drink. I don't smoke but my husband does occassionally. He's a carpenter for Walker Construction and right now he works 5-10's so he's usually pretty tired after work. We both work full-time while my grandparents watch our daughter. So life can be pretty difficult at times and I find myself looking for someone I can trust to talk to besides my husband and family. So, I hope that this helps you out a litle bit. I'd like to get to know you more, if you'd like. My email is ____@____.com if you'd like to talk. I hope to hear from you.

C.

Hi my name is L. and Im 25 also. I am married and have 2 little boys and I feel the same way. I just wanted to start going to church but I feel like I will be judged for the same things that you listed. My husband is in the Marine Corps and is gone alot. But when hes home we like to go do things with people but we are always afraid that our kids will act out, so we usually just end up sitting at home doing nothing by our selves. I have gone to school for Child Development but I never got to finish either. My kids are Gabriel 3yrs and Kaden 21 months. I live in Oceanside so if you wanna talk my email is ____@____.com.

Hey there,
I can totally relate to your situation. My husband and I are Christians too. I'm 26 and he's 27 yrs old. Let me just break it down for you honey... First of all, you want people in your life that are going to influence you for the better, that will guide you, motivate, support, and inspire you. Looks like that's what you want so good for you. Second of all, not all single people want to party. In fact, there's some that love kids and eventually want to have their own. They want to learn from you and be around your family. That's the kind of people who don't have kids you want to be around you. The rest will only bring you down and make you frusterated. Third of all, I'm sorry if other Christians have judged you. Yes as Christians we do have a testimony to maintain and certain things in our lives should set us apart from the rest of the world, we have a relationship with God and the closer we grow to know Him the more HE changes us, the more HE opens our eyes to the sin that lies within and it's no one elses responsibility to change us if there's something they don't like about us. They can certainly in a loving way suggest we pray about our habits or certain things we do-but it is very important that we love one another and sometimes love means coming to grips with the truth about ourselves and our lives. Don't lower your standards for anyone b/c if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything. We have friends that are not Christians, but they are our dearest friends. We love them and pray for their Salvation. We hang out like every week and they love being around our little girl. They don't like to get wasted or party hard. They never put us in a situation were we feel pressured to compromise what we believe in. They know we're Christians and they respect that. Then we have Christian friends who are not so balanced and every now and then take certain things to the extreme. Like drinking and how it's all bad...well the bible says to not get drunk..everything in moderation. The bible also says to not make a brother or sister in Christ stumble...meaning that if you're around Christians who are strongly against drinking then just don't do it in front of them b/c it's oviously something they struggle to understand completely and in their mind it's a bad thing. Well, my advice to you is if some of your Christians friends are sensitive to the drinking and smoking and cuss words, don't take it personal (remember you got to love people where their at) just love them and respect them and don't do it around them. I'm not saying be a hypocrite. I'm just saying lay it down at the cross for the time being. If it's not edifying to the body of Christ (people at church) then lay it down. Pray for them that they don't judge you and that you both would love one another through your short comings. Pray for your friends that just want to get wasted that God would save them. Pray that God would bring the right kind of people into your life and believe He will. Sometimes hanging out with nobody is better than hanging out with the wrong people. I also saw that you are into herbal remedies...girl, you will love the products I represent! I have a home based business with a company called Arbonne International. They are a 26 year old company, over 300 herbal and botanically based products anywhere from baby to anti-aging. We also have botanically based color cosmetics, aromatherapy and nutrition. You will love it! Anyways, check out the website at www.arbonne.com. My email address is ____@____.com, either way I would like to be here for you if you ever need anyone to talk to. Stay in touch, A.

S.,
My name is L. and I am a christian mom of two girls, I attend Green Valley Baptist Chruch and we just had our first MOPS meting of the month. It was great fun and I go because when I got married and had my girls I lost a lot of my friends as well. I am unfortunatly in the middle of a divorce but I would love to have coffee with you sometime and my friend stephanie and I are planing on doing it one saturday evening soon so if you would like to e-mail me directly it is ____@____.com I hope to hear from you soon.

L.

Hi S.. My husband and I went thru the same thing were 32 now but much hasnt changed its just the freinds that dont have kids we go out with them with out the kids dinner (what ever). The freinds who do have kids we have became much more closer with over the years. As for Im a Christian but Im not perfect same here. I have recommited but not completely I havent stoped smoking. Like you we smoke in the garage or outside. I encourage you to stay in prayer and keep your eyes on the lord. God is good all the time and he knows our needs.

Looks like we have similar problems... I'm 22, and I have a 2.5 year old daughter, and another on the way. I've been married straight out of high school, so the only friends I knew were from my high school. We basically went our separate ways once I had my daughter, because we just didn't mesh well. We just had nothing to talk about anymore, everything was different.
I also like to have a drink occasionally, and I must admit, I cuss like a sailor when I'm angry. And last year my husband and I moved down here, to Salem, Oregon, and you can only imagine how hard it is to find friends when your'e a stay at home mom. I haven't met anyone that I can actually have a conversation with out here yet, and it's been over a year... So yes, it is frustrating to try to find people that you click with. So where do you reside?

*BTW- I am a Christian, I don't study the faith like I used to, but I do pray. My husband on the other hand is not.

I have the same problem. I've just come to thr realization that the people I thought were my "friends" really are no more than aquainences. I have a three year old little girl. (Cynthia)I don't want to party anymore or be in a bar. I want to start going back to church and I find that none of them want to respect that. So i find myself alone and it sucks!! Do you guys live in Havasu? If so I would love to meet you! You sound like fun people that could respect a famliy situation. Reply back PLEASE!!

hello, S.! my name is A. and i am a stay at home mom myself. i have 3 beautiful daughters: Jaydah 9yrs., Joslynn 3 yrs. and Julissa 6 months old. and i have a fiance and we are all living together in our 3 bedroom apartment. i understand what its like about friends you hung out with back in the day and try to hang out with them now. this is my advice. as we get older, we start to see things in a whole different perspective, well most of us. some of the things we use to do like party and get drunk that was just as i say a moment in our lives. we were single or like for me i was a single mom with Jaydah, but i was young and wild still. i have been a mother for almost 10 years now, and i know that i have matured i'm trying to get on the right track with the Lord. i attend church, pray, read and listen to very insprirational people like Joyce Meyer, Creflo Dollar, T.D. Jakes, Paula White, etc. but my lifestyle i'm not married. my fiance and i plan to get married this year. but anyway what i trying to say to you is this. you and your honey be yourself. there will be people that are not on your level anymore. it's hard to let your friends go, but they're not on the same page as you and your husband. i have only one good friend now that i can call on. my best friend we keep in touch on a monthly basis, but me and her are on differ levels. it was hard for me to accept that but i did. try to find people on your level: people that have kids that are doing the things that you and your husband like to do. one day have a family day where your family and theirs get together then have a double date day. just think of things to do! but like i said you probably need to hook up with people family orientated. i hope i gave you some good advice. and as i said I UNDERSTAND :) i'm letting my fiance know the same thing because he is slowly but surely being around people that are family oriented. well, you take care S. and feel free to contact me for advice.

sincerely, A.

A. Cotton
Four Point Moms Group
"Working at Home and Lovin' It!!!"
www.wellnessbyapricot.fourpointmoms.com

A few suggestions (though I'm not sure where you're located):
Look for play groups for your kids, get them to take local classes, open play sessions and then talk to the moms there. Try to be open to conversations. Suggest activities, instigate things.

Then find a babysitter, and take up something with your husband--dance classes or groups, volunteering, reading group, whatever will get you out and meeting other people.

And look for a church group that matches your values and lifestyle. A non-judgemental congregation seems key.

Also look for things you can do by yourself, and that your husband can do by himself with friends. Then bring those friends home for other events.

We are in the same boat here. All of my friends that I had when my husband and I were just dating are long gone. My husband did not have many friends when we were dating.We do not have any friends with kids except for our "bachlor friend who is always busy" The friends that we do have, yea right. One is engaged and cannot do anything because he has to confirm with his fiance first and she rarely lets him out.And thats it. We have a 7 months old son but my mom will come over and watch him on any night for us to go out, but it is really fustrating to me. We do not go to church or practice any religion. We smoke(outside and not around my son like you), We have a drink now and then. Are you and I twins separated at birth? lol We are not the "party" type. With the free time we do have we end up going to one of the local card rooms to play poker because we have no one to call to start a home game with or just go to dinner with or have a drink with. But I am gald to know that the feelings of "I'm the only one with this problem" are gone. I work 3-4 days a week only because my husband just got a new job and has only 2 days a week off. So I have been getting alot of cleaning done. So yea if you would like to go to the local starbucks for some coffee or would like to just be e-mail pen pals my e-mail is ____@____.com
C.

I hear you!! My problem is after breaking up with my daughters father, I lost all of my friends because they were all his friends girlfriends!! It is really hard to find down to earth people who can even make time to come hang out let alone understand that you have kids.

I say we all get together!!

S.,

I know how you feel about making new friends, I always say seasons always change. You know when you are single with no kids you had a certain type of friends. When you got married you probably had different friends. I think that there are different seasons for different types of friends, and this just maybe a season of change that you are going through. My best advice for you is to pray for that couple or friends God wants you to have in your life. I went through the same thing that you went through with being married and having kids. And prayer and really putting myself out there really helped me. I joined MOPS which was great! I started getting babysitters so I could get out of the house with my husband and meet people...
I will keep you in prayer, and if you just need a friend to talk to you can email me at ____@____.com

Hi S.,

I have the same issue, I am 26 and my husband is 27 years old. I am a stay at home mom as well.I have 3 kids, 2 boys and 1 girl all under the age of 6 and it's hard to have friends because none of my friends have any kids and when they do come over I feel like if they are bored because we can't go out. I also have only been in Oregon for 5 years, I moved from Seattle so I have friends over there that have kids but that's kind of a long drive. I would like to meet people here in my area.

I have the same issue as well. I am 28 and have two kids ages 12 and 6 so I have been a parent for almost have of my life already. As you can imagine it has been very hard in recent year to make friends. To top it off I just moved to the area a little over a year ago so things have been really slim in the friendship department.

I have found that my greatest source of solace has been online communities. I have found a couple of great sites for networking and have met some wonderful people both in real life and on line that I treasure greatly. I second www.meetup.com. I have found a few of my friends through that site.

I still don't have the tight friendships that I used to have and I don't have anyone who resembles a "best" friend but I can finally say that I have friends again. It didn't come easy and I have had to put forth quite a bit of effort into it. Gone are the days of elementary school when you could walk up to someone and ask if they want to be your best friend and instantly they were. Finding friends has become somewhat like dating to me. Finding a personality that works well with yours become much more complex and difficult as you get older.

Best of luck to you!

I have had the same issue as you. I am 23 and my husband is 24 and we have 2 kids. My husband is in law enforcement and we are friends with a few couples that are coworkers but they are all in their mid 30's with kids 6 and over or are young batchelors I am deemed the young wife lol but I have made alot of really great friends in playgroups I have found in my area and in turn once i get to know the ladies we introduce husbands and they get along so its getting better but since my husband has such an odd work schedule we rarely get to hang out with friends as couples it usually just me hanging out with the girls and their kids... try www.matchingmoms.org I found some groups on there as well as some yahoo searches for groups in my area also www.meetup.com has all kinda of meet ups in different areas! Goos luck

I too am in the same boat. I am a stay at home mom and am also 25 and my husband is 28. I have two girls, Kaylynn and Hayley who are almost 4 (she will be 4 next month) and hayley is 16 months old. I understand where you are coming from on the whole friend thing. I lost a lot of my friends when i became a mom and a wife. I also smoke outside and I drink only once in a great while. Its hard to find friends for me cause all the people I meet have no kids and just like to party too. So I have no advice lol but if you want to talk to someone you can email me at ____@____.com!