Making Friends as an Adult

I have the same problem, but I'm a shy person around people I don't know, so that makes it harder for me. I've got a few friends from my sons playing baseball, not close friends, but a few ladies that we go out to dinner once every few months. I think all the already mentioned ideas are great. What part of Fort Worth are you in?

Take up a hobby or a class that you are interested in.

The real estate agent was nice to help you but the selling of the house is all you have in common.

See if the school needs help and volunteer.

Try to find a job. I know in this economy but you never know. Volunteer at a shelter or something to get out of the house.

Look in the newspapers to see if someone is offering a class on x,y,z and go. Learn to sew or knit. That will give you a way to meet people.
Check out Meetup in the area. There is a lot to do in teh Fort Worth area you just have to put your best foot forward and go.

Good luck to you.

the other S.

I feel so blessed in this department. I find instant friends where ever I move to. We belong to a world wide church..so wherever we go we have people to connect with. These people are there to help us move in the minute we get into town, meals show up, ladies reach out to get our kids involved with their kids etc. I get invited to the social functions instantly. It is a wonderful network of amazing people. But..it takes me a couple years to form these casual friendships into meaningful,deep,emotional friendships....it takes time.

From there I get into scripture study groups, find walking partners/friends to exercise with...and relationships build. I will tell ya..my walking/running buddies always turn into my most treasured relationships.

You have a son in school...bam...instant connections with your kids' friends. Reach out to those parents. They may not become instant friends..but it is a good way to network and meet their friends. Get involved in the PTA. It opens up your circle of influence and you can find one or two ladies you may click with.(but don't go looking to be in a "clique"...PTA cliques can be bad news)

Our ZUMBA class has a "Meet and Eat" once a month. We all bring a healthy snack to eat after class and chat with each other. It is a great mingler. You could maybe talk to the instructor and bring it up...or have the instructor say all who are interested talk to P. G. She would like everyone to meet at JAMBA Juice on X street once a month after class and visit for abit.

You would be surprised how many ladies feel exactly as you do....women need women...women need friends...women need to chat and laugh often. Talking raises our endorphines...seriously..we get a "high" off of connecting with someone and talking.

Don't go feeling bad about the realtor ignoring you. A realtor's success depends on relationships, not to be misinterpreted as friendship. She has a relationship with you, she liked you as a client, she wants you to be happy in your home and thinks you are a nice person. But...they know sooooo many people in their line of business and talk to soooo many people daily that she is probably looking for a break from sociality. She probably has a couple really close friends and that is good for her. Don't let it hurt your feelings...she isn't meaning to.

Do you like to read?? Go to your local library..they have book clubs. You might not find a best friend there(hey..could happen) but you will find people to mingle with over a cup of joe and a good book.

I wish you the best!! You have a really nice future friend out there in your new town...now you just have to find each other.(maybe she is looking for you too!)

I, too, wonder how one makes friends when one is an adult.

We moved to where we currently live 15 years ago. My daughter is now in the 7th grade. People told me we'd meet lots of parents while she's in school and would be able to form friendships. Hasn't happened. Not for any trying on my part. It just seems they already have their friends and don't need any more.

We live in a little rural sub division. When we moved in, all of our neighbors had old children while we had a baby. Now that our daughter is 13, the neighbors are either childless (children grown and gone) or new families have moved in with very young children. Both neighbors on either side of us are alcoholics. There is no getting together and having morning coffee klatches. The neighborhood just isn't a very friendly one.

We belong to a church, but I've never felt comfortable with spending all of my time at church just to make "friends." I have some parents through my daughter's Confirmation class whom I like and have a great time visiting with, but not to the point where we do anything outside of church.

I am also in the unusual position in that I work at home as a freelancer and can make/keep my own hours. So I am open to doing something during the day or catch lunch with a friend. Except for those who work, they usually run errands during their lunch hour and aren't interested in getting together for lunch. Most of the people/friends I have to get together with during the work day are friends of mine who are retired. Seriously. Don't laugh. They love to be able to get together and do something. While I love them and their friendship, I would also like to be able to get together with others my own age once in a while.

I've tried joining different groups that I'm interested in, but unless I'm 100% invested and continuously am always volunteering or doing something, any and all "friends" sort of drop away over time, even though I make an effort to remain in contact and try to maintain a relationship.

It's as if all friendships these days are situational friendships. No one wants to or is interested in commiting to a long-time friendship. It appears to me as if everyone is so busy running around that no one slows down long enough to do something as simple as creating a friendship. AND you have to have time when the other person has time (lots of people have dumped me because I couldn't fit my life into their schedule) AND lots of money so that you can go out shopping or eating or to some other "thing" where you hang out together. When did it become uncool to go to each others house and hang out and visit? Since I only bring in a little income and we live off my husband's, I don't have oodles and oodles of money to spend. So that gets me checked off the "call list."

We live in a big-10 college town, and I've noticed that it's harder to get to know people because people are always moving in and out. I'm slowly meeting people who are from the area, but again, making friends is a slow-moving process.

I'm 45 years old and have pondered the friendship question until I'm blue in the face. I am an extrovert working an introvert job. I guess over the years I've just gotten used to the fact that I either spend my time alone or with my husband or my daughter.

I might be PMSing at the moment too. Sorry my post wasn't more happy and enlightening, but I can feel your pain because it's my own as well. I also have a hard time finding people who share my thoughts and ideas and beliefs, so that makes it doubly hard. Although lately I've been finding groups of people who do share my thoughts, ideas, and beliefs, so I'm hestiantly excited that I will find a friend or two out of these new ventures.

Just keep doing those things you like to do and continue being you. You will attract others who like you and your beliefs and, most of all, who you are. After all, what you really want is an authentic friendship. Those take a lot longer to find and nurture.

Do you know how difficult it is to be in real estate in this economy? Very.

The class is a good way to start-why not join the local Lion's Club chapter in your area-it is nice to meet people who give of their time-they're pretty special.

Good luck-I have lived in my old hometown since 2001-and really have no friends-anywhere right now-so I know how you feel!

Organize play dates with kids in your son's class - invite the mom and son over -

Join the PTA

Join a church

Yes, it's hard to do anything when you're sad. But you can gather some ideas to use when you can. Don't worry about the real estate agent. There are other people around.

The old saying, of course, is, "The way to have a friend is to be one." So your plan needs to be not to worry about whether people will accept you or not; just be friendly to them. (If they're not friendly back, it isn't your fault. They're just not the right people, and they're missing out on something good.)

When you go to Zumba, say hello to everyone and smile at them. If anyone responds to you, you could ask her general questions, such as how long she has been going to the classes. Say hello and smile at the people at the front desk, too.

When you see any neighbors, say hello. If they seem to be friendly, introduce yourself. Think of some general questions you could ask them: "We've lived here five months, but I haven't yet found a nearby place to get my hair cut. Do you know...?" or something like that.

See if you can be involved somehow in at your son's school. His teacher would be the person to ask about that.

Are you a church-going person? You could ask your neighbors about the local churches, and do the same thing there.

Be aware that you won't immediately find a friend to whom you can be joined at the hip. But you may get some friendly responses, and you'll be lifting your own spirits. Remember that *really* close friends take lots of time to make; what you want now is acquaintances. That's the place to start.

If your son is 5/6 start getting him in activities and get involved in his school. You'll connect with parents there. Any kids in the neighborhood? Set up playdates and invite mom to lunch while they play. My best friend here I met 5 years ago when our sons connected at daycare. My other best friend lives a block away and has kids close to my kids age who play together all the time. It takes a while but it will happen. I think having kids can make it easier because you know off the bat you have something in common!

I hear you loud and clear on this one. We moved to our current city 7 years ago. Took us forever to make any friends. Like years. We don't belong to a church, so that really hurt our chances of making friends. Most people we know who have moved make friends with people at church first. (We actually considered joining one just for this reason, but wouldn't be able to live with being such a hypocrite.)

I'd say it took about 4 years for us to start building a group of small friends. It seemed to happen for me when my daughter got involved in middle school extra-curricular activities. I would meet the same moms over and over again, and finally one day 2 of them asked me to go out with them. We've gone out 1x a month ever since. We talk and chat in the meantime, if we see each other, but we are all sooooo busy that it's hard. And I've found that's the key - making and keeping friends is hard work. If you are going to wait for people to come to you, be prepared to wait 4-5 years like I did. Be prepared to face some rejection.

DH had a similar experience - he kept meeting the same guys over and over again at a club he joined. One finally started to ask him to do things. He also met one through work, and another one from a family that we got to know through scouts.

Do we wish we had closer friends that we hung out with every week? Sometimes, yes. But we both know that neither of us have the time right now to commit to that kind of relationship.

So, check out Scouting, 4H, Hobby Clubs (hunting dog club was good for us), and be proactive! If you've had a cople nice chats with a mom from the school, ask her if she wants to have lunch sometime. If I had known how easy it was, I'd had approached these ladies a long time ago and invited them for shopping or lunch or a movie.

I'm convinced of one thing - there are a lot more of us moms looking for friends than there are with too many friends! If only there were a Match.com for us! (hmmmmm.... that's not a bad idea!)

Check out meetup.com and join some groups that interest you.

It's hard, and you might not make any "real" friends for some time, but at least you'll have some people to hang out with!

meetup.com you can search by area for a hobby or playgroups

Does your neighborhood have an HOA and website?

Our neighborhood has a website as well as being on FB where you can meet up, etc. We have 2 bunco groups and there is another group that plays some game as well once a month.

Our neighbors are usually out and about, pretty active group, especially when it is nice outside.

Your Zumba group and Y might be good as well.

Do you have any opportunity to volunteer at your son's school? I've met a lot of friends through my daughter.

That's just a few thoughts... if you were still in Richardson, I'd go have coffee and/or lunch with you!

Good luck.. it is hard breaking in to new friends.

Zumba is a good place to start. All those endorphins from exercising help get a conversation going.

Other ideas I've used to meet people:

volunteer. In your son's kindergarten class, the school office, Habitat for Humanity, the library, the YMCA.

Take a class at the community college or adult ed. Or a quilting class at the fabric store, craft class at the art store...

Go to church, sign up for a women's Bible study or activity.

Take a walk, is there a local park with walking trails that are busy certain times of day?

Work in your yard so you can wave at your neighbors as they drive by or chat with them as they walk their dogs.

We moved to NM from Alaska 3 years ago and this is how I made friends. I joined the YMCA and started going 3-4 days a week to classes. My husband and I said yes to almost every social. I joined a MOMS group. I joined my son's PTO at school and helped on the book fair committee. I started taking my youngest one to baby/toddler classes...everything I could make it to. Library story time, music time, baby gymnastics, toddler time at the nature center, baby swimming classes. A lot of these classes are in the evening about 5:30 so if you could work you can still do something once a week. I chatted with the other moms there and asked them about themselves. I invited other moms of little ones over for coffee and playdate time. I eventually started a mom's hiking group where we would take the kids out hiking once a week (there are a lot of trails here), I volunteer at my son's school AND at my daughter's preschool. Mostly it was talking and being super friendly to other women that seemed nice and then inviting them to do something with me...dog walk, meet for coffee, kid playdate, meet at pool, take turns running and watching each other's kids, hiking, etc. I still do this. You have to never stop really to keep adult friends in your life...everyone is so busy. We now have like minded friends who we see at our local ski hill every weekend, are members of a beer brewing group that has a dinner/potluck once a month, and invite friends over (or are invited over) for dinner. I try to do something social on a regular basis...or at least try to set something up. Right now I'm trying to get a friend to go with me to a Bird Watching talk at the environmental center. By the way, I volunteer once every 2 weeks at that local environmental center and I have met the nicest people there. Two years ago I signed up for a women's fitness retreat in Taos...I see these women around town and get together with some of them still. I knew no one when I went which was a little scary! I sign up for an art class once a year at the local art center and I've met some nice people at these classes. Last year I asked every woman I know to climb the highest peak in NM with me (Wheeler Peak) and two days before I wanted to do it I found two women who were friends of friends that would come do it with me. I did not know either of them and now I'm very good friends with both of them! That was really fun. I am 42..so we are similar in age. It's harder for you bc you are at work all day. Any nice women at work who will go out for lunch or coffee with you? Any nice families that your husband works with that you can invite over for dinner? Our older son's activities (cub scouts, soccer, etc) have helped us to meet a lot of nice people. Just try to join groups and activities and talk to people...if you hit it off with someone try to schedule a meet for coffee kind of thing. I think it is harder in a big city (like where you live) but if you go to the same activities/events over and over you should start seeing the same people each time.