Making Home a Peaceful Place to Be

I have not totally mastered it yet... but I found these things to definitely help me get closer to peacefulness: clutter-free, organize, and have areas of your home arranged in a logical, useful way. I am also a big fan of music. we've always got something playing...

Then comes the most important part, family. A place where each member can relax together OR separately. Have something to DO... boredom causes some issues in our family as well as the need for personal space and solitude sometimes. Also, a consistent schedule can help.

As a mother, I've found that "equal" one-on-one attention with my four daughters (yes, 4 daughters... stuff gets dramatic and stressful here at the drop of a feather!) really helps even things out. Also, HUGS can help. loving, listening to each other- helping each other out.

Take a deep breath and calm down right before you "bark" orders or as you are frustrated. slow things down in your mind, and try not to be impulsive. It's hard to do that, but remember that everyone gets their cues from you and easily mimics your behavior, you've gotta be the first person to change. good luck!

I too have not mastered this and not wanting to sound that I have all the answers . But the key for my family is schedule and organization and just making sure everyone is on task all the time. I raised my children to have a list in the morning and they get it all done prior to school and the routine goes on and on. It has helped with all the hassle and bussle in the morning. They have been trained well to get it all done and I do nothing and say nothing. We are out the door and they have done everything needed...nothing is left behind and rooms are tidy. We strive on dinner together, eat together every night........... they are involved in making the table look nice while we make dinner and then all clean up. It is a lot of expectations, but it does not create kaus in our home. They have tons of fun, lots of outings, make messes and can be kids........but as long as they thrive on a routine and the expectations, we all get along really well and it is very peaceful. Not sure if this helps at all. Good luck.

I do not have this mastered, but I find if my house is trashed, I tend to be more tense about things. Once I tidy up and get things in order, I find myself to be more relaxed... and I don't mean full-on cleaning like dusting and mopping and having everything perfectly in place, just things like have the coats and backpacks put away and the dishes done.

I also make lists. Many lists. It helps to unclutter my head and once I see what needs to be done, I know which item to tackle first and it gives me perspective about my priorities and how to plan my time either getting jobs done or blowing them off to spend time with my kids.

Then I light a candle, pour a glass of wine and sit down with my Kindle... aaahhh, peace...

Try whispering for a day! I tried it in a failed expirement to get my almost 4 year old to use his indoor voice. Don't tell anybody-- just do it, if nothing else it's fun to watch their faces while they try to figure out why your whispering.

Another thing to try is to do a What I DID Today list-- it helps ease the frustration when you realize you DID get a lot done, it's just not what you had PLANNED on doing!

We have a very peaceful home. Here's why. Although we don't own the home, and it isn't one I would buy (too small, no carpet, etc) I have it set up for us to be comfortable. I have taken a lot of time to downsize the knick-knacks and get rid of things we don't really need, although we are heavily furnished. I'm still working on our bedroom and garage. I like our furniture and decorations. Its just stuff we like. I don't stress about having a "theme" or making sure everything matches, I just buy what I like. And people compliment it when they come over. The kids each have their own rooms. I think one thing that has helped with the "peace" is that we only have 2 tvs in the house. One in the living room and one in the family room. And we only have one game station, a wii, on the tv in the living room where the kids hang out. Each of the kids have a DS but there is no electronics for a 1/2 hour before they go to bed. That helps them calm down so they sleep faster. My kids are 15 (spec needs), 12 and 9. The 15 yo is only here every other weekend. But the kids start their showers at 7:15 and are all done by 8pm. That is when they go in their rooms. They don't have to immediately go to bed but they have to stay in their rooms. This allows hubby and I to have some quiet time as well. We also try not to allow stress or attitude in the home. We tell the kids that this is where we live and love and there is no room for anything else. We try to remind them of this when they are having a bad day. They can talk about it and get it out and then its over. They have gotten pretty good about this. Each night we eat dinner at the diningroom table and each share our "rose and thorn" the good and bad of the day. It gives us a chance to talk to them about stuff that is going on with them. Our kids are retarded, ADD and ADHD so its important that we stick to a schedule. We literally do the same things at the same times during the week. That way everyone knows what to expect and when to expect it. It really has made the school week much easier. And even in summer when I was home with them full time, we tried to stick to the same schedule. And I have a LOT of "me time". I'm blessed with a hubby that does WAY more than most men at home and also works full time. And I'm not crazy about cleaning. I mean, I dont have this burning desire to dust every day...so I dont! Between all of us, we keep up pretty good with the house and the kids now have a chore chart and get paid .50 for each chore they do. That way hubby and I don't have to do everything and they are saving $ to buy what they want. After overdoing it for christmas, I told them I'm not buying them ANYTHING unless its a holiday or their bday. Otherwise, no presents! So now they are saving to buy their own and I think they will appreciate it more. I guess that's it, I can't really think of anything else. But hubby and I are very good at working together, we know each others strengths and weaknesses and help with that. We also talk alot and try to keep each other posted about things that are going on and are always looking for ways to make things better. Maybe chat with your hubby after getting some ideas from here and see if you can work together to make a better household for everyone. Good luck!!!

Not mastered in my home either, but a couple suggestions. Walk over to the other family members to make requests instead of yelling them across the house. Prepare things the night before so you're not rushing all stressed out the door in the morning. Same goes for dinner time-- have a plan before you need to start cooking. Implement quiet hour every afternoon. I'm Christian and I try to make Sunday a special and restful day by playing worship music, reading, having church clothes ironed the night before, and we have a drawer of religious kids DVD's and VHS that they can choose from only on Sundays. That one day being more restful than the others gives me a boost for the rest of the week.

Try looking into "Love and Logic". They have great parenting tools that I find are quite effective for any age. You could look into doing a seminar or just order some CDs. For you, what are you doing for yourself? Are you working out? Doing yoga? Anything that is time for you to rejuvenate, get away from the kids, de-stress, and get some perspective on life. It sounds like you have some habits that are left over from your parenting model- your parents. Since you are aware of it and want to stop the cycle, look into how to do that. Any books or seminars you can find would be helpful. It takes some effort to let go of those past ways of doing things and learn new, more peaceful ways. I acknowledge you for even wanting to change the situation!

HI--
It might sound cliche, but meditation. When you start yelling there is a voice in the back of your head saying, "What are you doing?" You have to have the willpower to listen to that voice. Get the movie "What the Bleep Do We Know"--it talks about emotional addiction and how to stop it. Basically, you have to create a new neural pathway in your brain to disrupt the current one--the only way to do that is to be mindful. It really is that simple--and that hard :-) My husband and I help each other by pointing out when it's clear we are letting the emotions control us. My kids now even have learned to take a deep breath and use their words.
Good luck!
J.