Mean Comments from 3 Year Olds

My girlfriends daughter also had a speech delay made worse by some minor hearing loss and she told me that it sometimes makes it harder for her daughter to make friends because they don't understand her and think she's being snotty because when they ask her a question she doesn't hear them so she doesn't answer them. She has told me that what made things a little easier for her daughter (who will be 5 soon) was that the teacher at her preschool explained to the class (in basic terms) so of the problems Alyvia was having so that they might understand her situation better. Now granted, these were older kids, but the teasing and stand offish behaviors of the other kids did die down after than.

I am a kindergarten teacher and I definitely urge you to speak to the teacher. Also, have you checked into ECI? If her speech delay is severe enough ECI will work with her, at your house, for free.

We haven't had an issue like this with our 3 year old in day care, but if I were in that situation, I would speak with the teachers or the director immediately so it doesn't cause her to be self-conscious in any way.

If I were the parent of one of the other children, I would be absolutely mortified. We found that, by having a really good relationship with the teachers, we've been able to find out more information about the happenings at school. We just go in and talk to them as friends, and they share with us more openly than they do with some of the other parents. That way, when we have had issues we need to correct with our son, we can do it immediately.

We, personally, address it at school and at home. We have a good kid, too, but at three they begin to exert their independence, and it's our job to set the limitations.

Good luck. If my child was being one of the bullies, I would want to know immediately so we could put an end to it.

My daughter has experienced 'mean girls' since 2nd grade. The older these girls get, the more subtle their meanness becomes. Teachers always want to make sure that all children are comfortable in their classroom. Don't hesitate to talk with her. Perhaps you could also suggest that the teacher/school start adding some simple bullying awareness to their curriculum. I'm sure there are loads of resources they could draw material from.

One of my sons has a speech impediment and spent several years participating in speech therapy classes at school. He has had kids make fun of his speech, and he sometimes asks if i think people would treat him differently if he didn't have a speech issue.

I encourage you to enroll your child in speech therapy classes asap. The earlier the better, in fact. In our state, Mass., speech is offered in the public elementary schools to qualified children when they turn three years old. Prior to their third birthday, they would receive services from Early Childhood Intervention. These are all low cost services delivered by qualified professionals.

After a few years our Special Education Teacher in the public school determined that my son no longer qualified for services. (His speech problem didn't go away but his grades were too good...i.e., his speech wasn't affecting his grades, therefore he didn't qualify anymore.) I eventually learned that there were other service providers in private practices and through local hospitals or outpatient/rehab centers, esp. pediatric ones. (Your doctor, the hospital and the school system's special education director could point you in the right direction if you choose to go the private route which i would recommend.)

I preferred the private lessons over those at school because they were focused only on him and his unique problem with specific sounds. Our insurance plan covered these appointments and we just paid the co-pay each week. He met one-on-one with the same woman for one full hour every week. At school, he participated in one 30-40 minute class with 1-2 other children each week. They would play games, perhaps a board game and when it was his turn he had to say a word that had the sound he was having trouble with. (There were other things they did that were more intense but I think that was when he was younger.) Clearly, these services were inferior to the ones at the pediatric rehab center. In fact, the spec. ed. teacher said it's frustrating that they couldn't do more with the kids but there were lots of kids who needed services coupled with budgetary constraints.

So there you have it...way more of a story than you probably expected. Best wishes.

Please speak to your daughter's teacher, and if she is unresponsive take it to the director. What your daughter is experiencing is bullying and should be dealt with at daycare.
I know that a lot of people will tell you that kids are cruel and you daughter just has to learn how to deal with it - but that is not true! It is our responsibility to teach kids compassion and acceptable behavior.
Many studies show the earlier daycares, pre-schools and schools address bullying behavior the better are the outcomes, both for the victims and the bullies. It is important to remember that bullying not only hurts the victims, but also stunt's the bully's social and emotional development.
If your daycare is not willing or able to address this, look for a different place.

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I used to teach preschool and you should ABSOLUTLY request a meeting with her teacher. If necessary include the director but I would first approach the teacher. The last thing you want is for your daughter not feel welcome in her classroom. Approaching this problem early on will only prevent other issues later on. Best wishes!!

Yes! I had almost exactly the same experience ten years ago with my daughter. We had recently moved to the state and this was a new daycare for her. A friend gave me some great advice. He suggested finding a way to make my daughter the "cool kid". We decided to get to day care just a little early each morning. My daughter was then allowed to pick out a book and come to a "special spot" (a bean bag chair in the corner) to read the book with me. If she wanted, she could choose to bring a friend, but she didn't have to do so. We did this each morning while the other kids looked on. After a while, everyone wanted to be chosen to be included so they were all sure to be nice and include my daughter each day so that they'd be chosen the next morning. My daughter truly became the "cool" kid and she knew that I loved her and wanted to spend time with her (we both looked forward to this time) and so did her classmates (even if their initial motivation was selfish). Once they included her they realized how much fun she was. In fact, ten years later (all of these kids are now 13) my daughter is still in a dance studio with one of the (formerly) meanest of the group. It's funny how she still hugs me when she sees me. I won't say she's my daughter's best friend, but she is not mean to her anymore! Try it - it works!

ghr

Something similar happened with my son when he was 3. We walked into the drop off room one morning, and I heard some boys say that about my son. I looked at the boys, and in front of the teacher I told them. 'Oh, well good, becuase C (my son) was just telling me that he didn't want to play with you boys either. I'm so glad that's settled.' The main boy just looked at me with wide eyes. 'Why doesn't he want to play with me?'...my response was 'because you keep saying that you don't want to play with him'.

My son gave me the biggest bye hug that day. It was great!

I also have a 3 y/o boy that is getting help with speech weekly. It is hard because they don't understand why others dont understand them. He has a little neighborhood boy that is always mean to him. Says mean things to him and says he hates him as well, I have decided to just not let the 2 play together because his Mother is never outside when they do and I just dont like that these words are being used towards him. At this age I think it is so sad that they say these things but I just choose to move him from it for now. In school, he is doing ok and not having issues that I am aware of, maybe talk to the teacher and let her do her part for you and maybe she can get through to the other girls. It makes me so sad that this happens at such an early age. If you have not looked into help with speech, do it now and get her the help early. I wished I had started speech a little earlier. Call your public school system and see what they say. I just try and teach mine that it is just not nice to say mean things to people. You just do what you need to do for her. Good luck!! It will be OK.

I wouldn't be so much worried about those little snots, but with what kind of daycare is letting this happen.

I haven't had any experience with anything like that, but I like your idea of a conference with her teacher. It would probably be a good idea to get to sit down with her teacher and talk more about how your daughter and the other kids interact and get along. Explain to her the things you have noticed, and see if she has notice anything more. Perhaps she hasn't noticed but could then pay more attention and provide you with more information.

You might even ask your daughter (alone) about her days at school. Just ask simple questions about what she does at school, what toys she plays with, and if she can name some friends that she likes to play with, etc. If you know any of those four girls' names, you might say, "Do you play with Sally?" etc to see if she has any thoughts on those girls.